My dad has problems again

[Michie]

Am I living in fantasy land or does it seem quite coincidental that my dad seemed to wait until I got to the hospital at my usual time, before passing?

I hear about people waiting to pass till a loved one is there.

 

[Susie~Q]

Am I living in fantasy land or does it seem quite coincidental that my dad seemed to wait until I got to the hospital at my usual time, before passing?

It is possible that he wanted to know you were there and that gave him comfort as he was leaving. Hugs

 

[RileyG]

Yes

Lord have mercy! May God grant him eternal rest and peace in his Kingdom!

 

[Lady Bug]

It pains me that the religious freedom that I wanted could probably only be achieved by my dad passing away, but my brother is going to pose problems with this. He is communicating with one of my dad's relatives named A, who, in and of himself is probably "OK" but at the same time, I worry that even if he knew of my being non-Muslim, he could tell the wrong person about this. This is where my brother told me something that made my heart sank. Since A offered to pay for my dad's funeral and gravestones, my brother is telling me to fake being Muslim in front of them so that my brother doesn't lose his relationship with A and hence the latter no longer helping us. My brother said "Sometimes you got to fake your beliefs in order to keep your friendships" and I could not agree with my brother on this at all. This poses literally a lifelong problem for me - I thought that maybe I could finally be an open Christian and no I can't do this, once again, because my brother won't like it if A stops talking to him. Before you say anything, no I will not agree to fake being Muslim, but my brother insists that I need to in order for A to keep relations with us. This is bad. As much as my dad was a problem about religion, I'm screaming inside for my dad to protect me from my brother, but my dad can't anymore.

It makes me wonder that, if my dad's relative stops talking to my brother, then would my brother stop helping me too? Scary.

 

[Susie~Q]

It pains me that the religious freedom that I wanted could probably only be achieved by my dad passing away, but my brother is going to pose problems with this. He is communicating with one of my dad's relatives named A, who, in and of himself is probably "OK" but at the same time, I worry that even if he knew of my being non-Muslim, he could tell the wrong person about this. This is where my brother told me something that made my heart sank. Since A offered to pay for my dad's funeral and gravestones, my brother is telling me to fake being Muslim in front of them so that my brother doesn't lose his relationship with A and hence the latter no longer helping us. My brother said "Sometimes you got to fake your beliefs in order to keep your friendships" and I could not agree with my brother on this at all. This poses literally a lifelong problem for me - I thought that maybe I could finally be an open Christian and no I can't do this, once again, because my brother won't like it if A stops talking to him. Before you say anything, no I will not agree to fake being Muslim, but my brother insists that I need to in order for A to keep relations with us. This is bad. As much as my dad was a problem about religion, I'm screaming inside for my dad to protect me from my brother, but my dad can't anymore.

It makes me wonder that, if my dad's relative stops talking to my brother, then would my brother stop helping me too? Scary.

Enough is enough. I don't want to sound harsh, but is all honesty, you are going to HAVE TO STOP worrying about those relatives and be more concerned about how the Lord feels. It was bad enough to have to deny your religion for your dad's sake, but I guess the Lord understood that part, but, NOT NOW. Your brother or his friends/relatives are NOT your responsibility. What it boils down to is you are going to have to decide who to make happy, your brother or the Lord. The Lord does NOT like people to deny Him or not act like a Christian, you are either a Christian or you're not. You most certainly should practice your faith now, you MUST be open with your faith. It is good that you are not going to pretend to be Musilim, but you need to be open about your faith now, the time has come. Your brother is wrong, people do NOT have to lie about their faith in order to keep friendships. I would NEVER be friends with some I had to deny my Christian beliefs from. Satan is loving this, you are being lured right into his web. I can see it already, the Enemy is using this relative named "A" to lure into his trap more, he likes that your brother is using him to get to you, DO NOT LET THIS HAPPEN You do NOT need his help. I am sure that your dad has left you with enough finances to pay for a funeral and such.

I know it is scary to wonder if your brother would not talk or help you, but again, this is where trusting in the Lord is crucial, as it stands you are trusting in your brother for everything and the Lord does not like that, He likes us to trust in Him for our needs even if we are afraid. Please, stop this, be the Christian you say you are proud to be, don't make satan anymore happier than you already have.

Again, I am sorry for sounding so harsh, but this is important. You are now starting with a clean slate to practice your religion, do NOT ruin it!!!!

 

[Michie]

Praying for all of you today LB.

 

[mourningdove~]

Deepest Condolences, @Lady Bug .


I'm sorry for your loss, Despite the challenges, you remained a faithful caregiver to your Dad till the very end of his life. Because of your sense of love and commitment, your Dad needed to spend only limited periods of time in the hospital and was blessed to live many years with caring family near to him. May God comfort, bless, and guide you now, in this time of great sadness.

 

[RileyG]

It pains me that the religious freedom that I wanted could probably only be achieved by my dad passing away, but my brother is going to pose problems with this. He is communicating with one of my dad's relatives named A, who, in and of himself is probably "OK" but at the same time, I worry that even if he knew of my being non-Muslim, he could tell the wrong person about this. This is where my brother told me something that made my heart sank. Since A offered to pay for my dad's funeral and gravestones, my brother is telling me to fake being Muslim in front of them so that my brother doesn't lose his relationship with A and hence the latter no longer helping us. My brother said "Sometimes you got to fake your beliefs in order to keep your friendships" and I could not agree with my brother on this at all. This poses literally a lifelong problem for me - I thought that maybe I could finally be an open Christian and no I can't do this, once again, because my brother won't like it if A stops talking to him. Before you say anything, no I will not agree to fake being Muslim, but my brother insists that I need to in order for A to keep relations with us. This is bad. As much as my dad was a problem about religion, I'm screaming inside for my dad to protect me from my brother, but my dad can't anymore.

It makes me wonder that, if my dad's relative stops talking to my brother, then would my brother stop helping me too? Scary.

God keep you in his love!

 

[Michie]

Praying that God brings peace and comfort to all of you today and soothes you in your grief. May He guide and protect you in the days to come.

 

[Lady Bug]

I am torn on something. On the one hand, I was able to receive some needed condolences from a few ladies at church yesterday. On the other hand, I'm not technically a member of this parish anymore, and even though that doesn't matter in the eyes of the Catholic community what parish we go to for Mass, the fact of the matter is:
- the parish is within walking distance of the hospital my dad was at
- depending on what window you were looking out of from the hospital (and my dad was in such a room), you could see the parish building from that window
- driving in the direction of that parish is almost exactly like driving in the direction of the hospital he was in, and I had been doing this for weeks (to the hospital), and even though I could take a slightly different road to the parish in order to not directly see the hospital as I'm on my way there, the path is too similar to me and it's putting salt in my wounds

The week before all this, I had gone to the parish closest to home because I didn't want to drive that far to the parish I was at yesterday. During periods of grief like this, I don't want to drive that far and it's unlikely that I want to drive that far to a parish anymore unless I have to. Yeah, it's only 20 minutes but you'd be surprised how long that feels when a couple of other parishes are either 5 minutes or 10 minutes away, respectively. The thing is, without someone to sit next to who I know, going to Mass is mentally debilitating during this time. It's a dilemma that is making me incredibly uncomfortable. It may be easy to say to me that I should force myself to drive farther in order to see people I know, and the people may be the only reason I may be barely able to drive down there, but I'm struggling very, very much with the fact that it's practically next to the hospital. It's twisting the knife.

Disclaimer: The Diocesan Cathedral (the one I'm a member at which is 10 minutes away) has a chance of me bumping into a couple of people, but I don't know if I'll be satisfied with that (however, I should keep an open mind on this one, this may be the only middle ground here). I'm not saying that I should only go to one place, but the better chance I see someone I know there would be at the 11 am Mass and I might have to work on improving my sleep so that I can do this, I don't know. It's not like I have the same obstacle that I did before, but anyway. I have always liked going on a Saturday so that my Saturdays don't feel more pressure-some at night in order to go to Mass in the morning, though. Too many decisions to make, I don't like it

 

[Michie]

I am torn on something. On the one hand, I was able to receive some needed condolences from a few ladies at church yesterday. On the other hand, I'm not technically a member of this parish anymore, and even though that doesn't matter in the eyes of the Catholic community what parish we go to for Mass, the fact of the matter is:
- the parish is within walking distance of the hospital my dad was at
- depending on what window you were looking out of from the hospital (and my dad was in such a room), you could see the parish building from that window
- driving in the direction of that parish is almost exactly like driving in the direction of the hospital he was in, and I had been doing this for weeks (to the hospital), and even though I could take a slightly different road to the parish in order to not directly see the hospital as I'm on my way there, the path is too similar to me and it's putting salt in my wounds

The week before all this, I had gone to the parish closest to home because I didn't want to drive that far to the parish I was at yesterday. During periods of grief like this, I don't want to drive that far and it's unlikely that I want to drive that far to a parish anymore unless I have to. Yeah, it's only 20 minutes but you'd be surprised how long that feels when a couple of other parishes are either 5 minutes or 10 minutes away, respectively. The thing is, without someone to sit next to who I know, going to Mass is mentally debilitating during this time. It's a dilemma that is making me incredibly uncomfortable. It may be easy to say to me that I should force myself to drive farther in order to see people I know, and the people may be the only reason I may be barely able to drive down there, but I'm struggling very, very much with the fact that it's practically next to the hospital. It's twisting the knife.

Disclaimer: The Diocesan Cathedral (the one I'm a member at which is 10 minutes away) has a chance of me bumping into a couple of people, but I don't know if I'll be satisfied with that (however, I should keep an open mind on this one, this may be the only middle ground here). I'm not saying that I should only go to one place, but the better chance I see someone I know there would be at the 11 am Mass and I might have to work on improving my sleep so that I can do this, I don't know. It's not like I have the same obstacle that I did before, but anyway. I have always liked going on a Saturday so that my Saturdays don't feel more pressure-some at night in order to go to Mass in the morning, though. Too many decisions to make, I don't like it

Give it time LB. The hospital will not always bring such fresh memories and feelings as they are now. Go to the Church you feel led to go to. As far as support, you can always ask one of the people you are acquainted with until you feel on more even footing.

 

[Lady Bug]

Go to the Church you feel led to go to.

Even though I am not in the mood for anyone to make decisions for me, I'm literally undecided. I do think that, on an individual level, the people I feel slightly more inclined to reach out to are from the parish closest to the hospital, although the Cathedral is not entirely throwaway for its own reasons.

 

[Lady Bug]

you can always ask one of the people you are acquainted with

Ask them what?

 

[Michie]

Ask them what?

If they would sit with you or if it would be okay to call every once in a while. Perhaps a group in the Church for those grieving. My Church has one.

 

[Lady Bug]

How do you respond to someone who tells you "Hope you are feeling better today"?

It's a little soon for me to be responding that I'm OK.

 

[Michie]

How do you respond to someone who tells you "Hope you are feeling better today"?

It's a little soon for me to be responding that I'm OK.

Just tell them it’s going to take some time. There is much to settle after someone’s death. It gives very little time to take care of yourself and feel better.

 

[Lady Bug]

Just tell them it’s going to take some time. There is much to settle after someone’s death. It gives very little time to take care of yourself and feel better.

I told her that I wasn't sure how to answer that right now. I wasn't impolite though.

 

[Michie]

Praying your meetings go well today and all your questions and concerns are resolved.

 

[Susie~Q]

You are in my thoughts and prayers for peace of mind and heart. May the Lord help you get all the concerning issues sorted out. Hugs. ❤️

 

[Lady Bug]

My brother is coming to the meeting, which means that the meeting might not go well. I wanted to express my concerns to the people at the meeting about the fact that I'm not Muslim and that I don't want to fake that if I go to the service, but with him there, it's harder for me to say that.