My dad has problems again

[Lady Bug]

I pray that the Lord will give you the strength to deal with him in a Christian manner and also stand up for your beliefs and be firm in setting the needed boundaries.

I know, I hate to say this but I have yet to achieve a balance in this department.

 

[Michie]

Something happened that kind of shook me up. I think it's best to attribute this to the wind.

On the top of my fireplace there are 2 pictures. One of them is a picture of my mom and dad. Although the pictures are not hanging up on a wall, they have been sitting on the top of the fireplace forever without falling.

The family room that the fireplace is in is connected to the garage, so I open the door to take care of the trash. I anchor the screen door open. It's a very windy day. I was finishing putting the last of the trash bags in the bin, when suddenly the biggest gush of wind ensues. The garage door was closed, but the kitchen window in the adjacent room was open, but it's been this windy before, so I don't know - - I hear a big noise in the house. I go back in to check what it was, and it was the picture of my mom and dad that had fallen to the ground and the makeshift frame (someone else had done this for me) had broken. The other pictures were still intact. I don't get how this happened. Maybe it was too close to the edge of the top of the fireplace but this has never happened before. Could it have been the gush of wind? I hear about when someone dies and a picture of the deceased falls to the ground shortly afterwards and it weirds out the surviving loved ones. It could be just the wind but the wind from the kitchen can't reach that picture to the extent that it would cause a picture to fall.

My brother was here earlier today, maybe he touched it and it became "out of place" enough to fall later? Sigh I don't know.

From what you describe it sounds like the wind. Sort of what happens in a breezeway.

 

[FaithT]

If they would sit with you or if it would be okay to call every once in a while. Perhaps a group in the Church for those grieving. My Church has one.

Mine does too, but it’s for widows and widowers. We did have a group, classes really, for those who lost anyone but to my knowledge it’s no longer active.

 

[FaithT]

How do you respond to someone who tells you "Hope you are feeling better today"?

It's a little soon for me to be responding that I'm OK.

A simple thank you is fine.

 

[FaithT]

A simple thank you is fine.

If they ask again after you say “thank you” then just say “I’ve been better.”

 

[Michie]

Praying today is a better day!

 

[Lady Bug]

Praying today is a better day!

I don't know when I'll be able to say I'm OK. I am able to call places and tell them about my dad's death certificate without breaking down, at least. A week ago I could not do that kind of thing. I'm kind of afraid to tell anyone how deep my pain can get, though. My face does not show the extent of that pain.

 

[Michie]

I don't know when I'll be able to say I'm OK. I am able to call places and tell them about my dad's death certificate without breaking down, at least. A week ago I could not do that kind of thing. I'm kind of afraid to tell anyone how deep my pain can get, though. My face does not show the extent of that pain.

Believe it or not LB, what you are going through is pretty much what we all go through with grief. It’s not fun but little by little you’ll find yourself being able to do things without feeling raw. It takes about a year to get over the really hardcore grief.

 

[mourningdove~]

I don't know when I'll be able to say I'm OK. I am able to call places and tell them about my dad's death certificate without breaking down, at least. A week ago I could not do that kind of thing. I'm kind of afraid to tell anyone how deep my pain can get, though. My face does not show the extent of that pain.

I'm sorry to say, that you won't be 'ok' for awhile.
I don't know anyone experienced with grief who will expect you to be.

The general 'rule of thumb' is that the first year is the hardest.
From my experience, it is.

So try to think of it for now as taking 'one day at a time'.
And some days will be better, or worse, than others.

Just keep doing what you're doing ... one day at a time.
Don't worry about trying to put on a 'happy face' for others.
And crying is very okay. It's actually a very healthy part of the grieving process.
Again, no one who has suffered a significant loss will be expecting you to be 'ok'.
I sure don't.

Better days will come, just not for awhile.

"Hang in there"

 

[Lady Bug]

I'm sorry to say, that you won't be 'ok' for awhile.
I don't know anyone experienced with grief who will expect you to be.

The general 'rule of thumb' is that the first year is the hardest.
From my experience, it is.

So try to think of it for now as taking 'one day at a time'.
And some days will be better, or worse, than others.

Just keep doing what you're doing ... one day at a time.
Don't worry about trying to put on a 'happy face' for others.
And crying is very okay. It's actually a very healthy part of the grieving process.
Again, no one who has suffered a significant loss will be expecting you to be 'ok'.
I sure don't.

Better days will come, just not for awhile.

"Hang in there"

I don't think I'll ever actually be fully "OK." I'll only be "bearable." I don't want to get into money issues here but believe it or not my grieving could be ameliorated if I didn't have money issues. It's too much for me to type out.

However, even if my crying stabilizes or that heavy feeling in my abdomen area (not weight-related) lifts enough for me to tolerate existing, I don't think I'll ever be able to be fully honest if someone asks me if I'm OK regarding this loss. I did not expect to be even sadder than I was for Mama (or perhaps I'm starting to "forget" the pain about the latter? that's an odd thing to say), but here I am, unable to fully embrace reality.

Anyone to whom I used to say "I can't stand him," well I officially feel awkward talking to them for awhile. Except for the people in this thread. It's too awkward to go to the same people (almost all, but those who I'm acknowledging in this thread are not the targets) and tell them how this is the most devastating loss that I've ever felt and the world looks like a sadder, emptier place without him when before all this, I was saying some opposite things.

However, the dichotomy persists - there is a degree of freedom that I think I am (or have already?) attaining that I could not while he was alive. I wish to God that it did NOT have to entail this kind of situation for it to happen. I was hoping that my dad and I could reconcile this while he was still here. I had a feeling that wouldn't happen, but I was hoping. I mean, I went to Church on Saturday without worrying about telling my dad that I was going to Church (I could hardly control my crying urge though, while there). I didn't have to worry about anyone seeing me go to Church. As I said, if only this were the case while he was here, but unfortunately, that is not how it played out.

 

[Susie~Q]

I'm sorry to say, that you won't be 'ok' for awhile.
I don't know anyone experienced with grief who will expect you to be.

The general 'rule of thumb' is that the first year is the hardest.
From my experience, it is.

So try to think of it for now as taking 'one day at a time'.
And some days will be better, or worse, than others.

Just keep doing what you're doing ... one day at a time.
Don't worry about trying to put on a 'happy face' for others.
And crying is very okay. It's actually a very healthy part of the grieving process.
Again, no one who has suffered a significant loss will be expecting you to be 'ok'.
I sure don't.

Better days will come, just not for awhile.

"Hang in there"

I agree, that first year is the hardest, I didn't feel like myself at all when mom died and then Daddy died 8 years later. To be honest, I still have times when I cry over them, we were best friends, they were my cheerleadersand I helped them when they needed me no matter what. I wish they were still here, there's so much I would share with them.

LB, don't feel bad about grieving, it's normal, if you didn't feel this way then I would wonder what's wrong. I took the death of my daddy harder than I did mother's death, yet I loved them both dearly. I think maybe because dads and daughter have a special bond, plus, we (or I did and still do) now feel like orphans. We were with them literally from the day we were born, so a major part of us is missing now. True, time heals, but I don't think a person ever gets over the death of a parent(or any true loved one).

Hugs

 

[Michie]

I agree, that first year is the hardest, I didn't feel like myself at all when mom died and then Daddy died 8 years later. To be honest, I still have times when I cry over them, we were best friends, they were my cheerleadersand I helped them when they needed me no matter what. I wish they were still here, there's so much I would share with them.

LB, don't feel bad about grieving, it's normal, if you didn't feel this way then I would wonder what's wrong. I took the death of my daddy harder than I did mother's death, yet I loved them both dearly. I think maybe because dads and daughter have a special bond, plus, we (or I did and still do) now feel like orphans. We were with them literally from the day we were born, so a major part of us is missing now. True, time heals, but I don't think a person ever gets over the death of a parent(or any true loved one).

Hugs

Yep we always grieve and miss them. But it’s not the bombshell of emotions as it was in the beginning. We have to function even in grief. It just gets easier over time but it does not mean we do not still miss them. Eventually you’ll be laughing at a funny memory, etc.

 

[Michie]

Praying for you today LB.

 

[Michie]

Went to Church. I have your father, you, your brother in the prayer book and lit some candles as well.

 

[Lady Bug]

Went to Church have your father, you, your brother in the prayer book and lots some candles as well.


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Thanks so much Michie

 

[FaithT]

Went to Church I have your father, you, your brother in the prayer book and lit some candles as well.


View attachment 366281

Pretty church!

 

[Michie]

Pretty church!

Thank you! It’s a bit modern in some areas but it’s the only Catholic Church in town.

 

[FaithT]

My church at Christmastime. I tried to start another thread but was unsuccessful.

 

[mourningdove~]

View attachment 366288

Pretty! Looks like a nice blend of 'the old' and 'the new'.

So, what was the purpose for the placement of the 4 blue cushions on the floor?

 

[FaithT]

Pretty! Looks like a nice blend of 'the old' and 'the new'.

So, what was the purpose for the placement of the 4 blue cushions on the floor?

Thanks!
So the altar boys and girls can kneel and not hurt their knees.