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1000 percent this! It is a HUGE mistake to value one more than the other.
The phrases used (depending on which translation you read, of course) include:
It's not about being content that you're single, it's about being content while you're single. If you're completely unhappy about your life, getting married is not the answer as you'd be taking that unhappiness into the marriage.
You formulate it in a wrong way. If you still "want to date and get married", then of course, you are not content with being single.
What does surrender mean? Especially for a man. How can a man surrender it
The best I can do is keep myself distracted with other commitments like I was
It means checking your motives constantly. Acknowledging your wants and desires and immediately saying to God "Guide me, protect me, lead me, give me wisdom to discern Your will for me". It means not chasing after "a woman", any woman, every woman who seems remotely attractive or potentially interesting, out of sheer loneliness or desperation for companionship. It means befriending women in appropriate ways and settings, with no ulterior motives, to allow for natural connections and relationships to form, and from there, waiting patiently to see what may blossom or not blossom. And not being bitter and falling apart with disappointment if you end up not getting what you hoped for. It means that no matter how earnestly you yearn and long for a companion, if you DON'T get one, you're still okay, on your feet, not bitter and jaded and cynical, not having emotional breakdowns, not crying that all is a loss and a waste. "The man does the initiating" doesn't mean you walk up to every cute girl and ask her out because you just can't bear being a man without a woman on his arm. It means you live your life, meeting people in ordinary ways, and one day you meet one of the female persuasion, and you slowly get to know her, without obsessively waiting for the moment to try and date her, but simply enjoying the process of getting acquainted with who she is as a human being. You may gain interest in her, you may lose interest. If your interest grows, pray about it. Listen to your spirit, not your emotions, and not your hormones. If you feel at ease to ask her out, THEN you "initiate" and ask her out. So, the surrender happens wayyyyy before you get to the "initiating" phase, and it lasts all the way through. It should be a state that you're consistently in. It doesn't mean you lay on the ground and never DO anything for the rest of your life. We don't fret and wring our hands and pull at our hair when it comes to "surrendering" to God in our other relationships, our jobs, our hobbies. Yet when it comes to men approaching women, it's sometimes like there's this total breakdown of reason and sense, and they act like they have no idea how to think or behave, lol. You know how to pray and listen to God and "surrender" for other big life decisions... this isn't that different!
That's not being surrendered then. That's hiding from yourself.
Okay, I need to work on that.
I don't.
That's what I try, yes. I expect it to happen naturally. That's why it's frustrating. It's not happening naturally.
People are allowed a bad day or a short funk. But yes, got to erase any bitterness,
Yes! That is what I'm trying & waiting & want to happen! I do not try to force it, believe me. Makes 100% perfect chance it happens that way, at least for a marriage! I want to develop a friendship over
What shall we call the phase before the initiating phase?
Good perspective. Other issues I KNEW were going to work out. So it was easy to have confidence. This one's a total unknown!!! I don't know!!!
Expectant Contentment? Come up with any name you like, lol. I try to live in a spiritual space where I never lose hope, but I do not grasp for things that aren't coming to me. I am a very hard worker, I have ambition, and I pursue my goals. I don't wait for life to fall into my lap. But *relationships* are unique, in that I cannot work any amount to MAKE one happen. I can improve my chances of making myself a good friend and potential romantic partner by working on myself as a whole person, but I'm never going to "arrive". I'm never going to be perfect. Neither is anyone else. There's no imaginary reality where people are "perfect 10's" and they walk around matching up with other perfect people. It doesn't happen and it never will. People connect with those they find things in common with, those they admire, respect, and trust.
Distraction means you aren't facing, contending with, and dealing with, whatever it is that you're distracted from.
