Singles room

[DragonFox91]

No and thats not something you should feel like.

You don't want to date & get married so you wouldn't know. I don't think you understand emotion.

You are simply living in a place where there is not enough of single girls who are according to your preferences. Thats all. Its a simple demand and supply issue.

I would say I'm not at a place in life where there is enough single girls who are according to my preferences. Not where I live.

 

[trophy33]

You don't want to date & get married so you wouldn't know. I don't think you understand emotion.

I do not want to date and marry with today's common women and under current laws and rules. So, its actually very similar to your situation. I simply do not know any good woman according to my preferences.

But instead of complaining and swimming in useless emotions, use your time to find your own inner balance, peace and satisfaction. Build your personality, your fitness, your knowledge, your strength etc. Its useful for everything, both single and married life.

 

[DragonFox91]

I do not want to date and marry with today's common women and under current laws and rules. So, its actually very similar to your situation. I simply do not know any good woman according to my preferences.

But instead of complaining and swimming in useless emotions, use your time to find your own inner balance, peace and satisfaction. Build your personality, your fitness, your knowledge, your strength etc. Its useful for everything, both single and married life.

That's reasonable.

I don’t mean to pick on your being so logical. The logical part of my brain says it’s a numbers game I don’t have a prayer of winning.

 

[TheLastGeek]

I am unclear how a secular counselor would make a difference? I talked to the pastor tonight. I found & find him very helpful. That's why I talk to him. There's really not that much more I can be doing right now that I'm not. The secular counselor agreed. It's just a matter of being patient. It happens or it doesn't in season. Per you in the other thread.

Secular counselors (proper ones - there are plenty of awful ones out there) go through years of training and practice in how to deal with behavioral, mental, and personality disorders. Pastors do not. It sounds to me like you prefer being coddled, and remaining in the comfort of your unhappiness, where things feel familiar, and you feel in control. An occasional chat with a pastor who makes you feel warm and fuzzy will not help you overcome the thought patterns, behaviors, and habits, that are holding you back.

I won't respond anymore to posts complaining about how awful you feel, how everything is pointless, how you're having a breakdown, etc. If you want to get better, get help. Proper, professional help. If you don't want to get better, keep doing what you're doing.

I wish you the best.

 

[TheLastGeek]

If my funk continues into next week, I will. If it doesn't, I don't see the point if I'm not doing anything wrong & feeling healthy.

So you better hope my funk continues into next week, Last

This is like a cancer patient saying they're going to stop chemo because they feel okay.

Good mental health is not just something you worry about when you're having a mental breakdown. It needs to be proactive and preventative. Good luck.

 

[DragonFox91]

Secular counselors (proper ones - there are plenty of awful ones out there) go through years of training and practice in how to deal with behavioral, mental, and personality disorders. Pastors do not. It sounds to me like you prefer being coddled, and remaining in the comfort of your unhappiness, where things feel familiar, and you feel in control. An occasional chat with a pastor who makes you feel warm and fuzzy will not help you overcome the thought patterns, behaviors, and habits, that are holding you back.

I won't respond anymore to posts complaining about how awful you feel, how everything is pointless, how you're having a breakdown, etc. If you want to get better, get help. Proper, professional help. If you don't want to get better, keep doing what you're doing.

I wish you the best.

Wow, what a total misread of the situation. That's fine. Good bye. You're misreading my situation. As a social worker, it's your job to boost your profession's value. You think that because there's some letters after the name it automatically makes them qualified or there's some sort of secret knowledge they have that can't be learned elsewhere. There's really nothing they can't say that can't be learned from a book or online. I can tell that's your angle. You do it for a living & most of your job is trying to sell the product. You're selling it to me, but I'm not buying it. I'm 31, not a 10 year old kid who's misbehaving in class or something. I know how the world works & know how to respond to situations. You have no idea how far I've come it's absolutely laughable & insulting. I've done so much w/out a shrink. Maybe it'd have been helpful 20 years ago when I was struggling making friends in school, or building my career, but at this point I see little benefit in it.

No, the pastor doesn't make me feel warm & fuzzy or coddled. He gives hard words! I find what he says hard, but I find what he says is better for me in the long-term than any short-term benefit. I don't know if there's any short-term benefit TBH so I'm not sure where you pulled that from or what gave you that idea? I found it helpful last night just b/c it was nice talking to someone about it. This is something that can't be solved in an hour. If it just gave me short-term warm & fuzzies, I wouldn't do it, I'd find something else. Other things give you those same benefits. So clearly there's something that I find benefical in talking to a pastor. It's a build-up of changing thinking over time & the pastor provides that. Just like what a shrink would want to do & just as there are good & bad secular shrinks, there's good & bad pastors.

This is like a cancer patient saying they're going to stop chemo because they feel okay.

Good mental health is not just something you worry about when you're having a mental breakdown. It needs to be proactive and preventative. Good luck.

Nope. Everyone has a bad time or so. Honestly, you sound like the kind of mom who sends their kid for lots of psychological testing just because they're a bit off.

 

[DragonFox91]

This is like a cancer patient saying they're going to stop chemo because they feel okay.

Good mental health is not just something you worry about when you're having a mental breakdown. It needs to be proactive and preventative. Good luck.

Nope. Everyone has a bad time or so. People call it life. A couple bad days is no way near comparable to cancer. Honestly, you sound like the kind of mom who sends their kid for lots of psychological testing just because they're a bit off or aren't coloring in the lines.

I'm clearly doing things right, otherwise you would offer more than 'see a shrink.' But b/c you know I'm doing things right, you have nothing else to offer so that's your 'go-to'. I gave you a list of things I'm doing, you pretended not to see it. Did what I type fall to blind eyes?

I reccomend getting help yourself, whether it be a friend, a shrink, a pastor, I don't care, you jump to a lot of conclusions without talking to someone & pretend either not to hear or see what they said.

 

[LoveDivine]

That's reasonable.

I don’t mean to pick on your being so logical. The logical part of my brain says it’s a numbers game I don’t have a prayer of winning.

I think that is the problem with your mindset and what is conributing to your anxiety. It's actually not a numbers game ( not for a Christian who is seeking God's will for their life). Going on a hundred dates doesn't really help you. It just gives you the illusion of options. You should be focused on connecting with one decent person who God brings into your life. So, theoretically, you only need to meet one person. Meeting lots of single women is helpful in the sense that it hones your relationship and dating skills ( and that definitely has value), but it doesn't really get you any closer to your goal of marriage unless you plan to marry whoever shows an interest in you. Also, it is good to keep in mind that it takes longer to find a life partner if you have some standards and are a Christian. You aren't going to match with as many women and that is to be expected. I would keep trying to meet singles and not get so discouraged if it takes awhile to meet the right one

 

[DragonFox91]

I think that is the problem with your mindset and what is conributing to your anxiety. It's actually not a numbers game ( not for a Christian who is seeking God's will for their life). Going on a hundred dates doesn't really help you. It just gives you the illusion of options. You should be focused on connecting with one decent person who God brings into your life. So, theoretically, you only need to meet one person. Meeting lots of single women is helpful in the sense that it hones your relationship and dating skills ( and that definitely has value), but it doesn't really get you any closer to your goal of marriage unless you plan to marry whoever shows an interest in you. Also, it is good to keep in mind that it takes longer to find a life partner if you have some standards and are a Christian. You aren't going to match with as many women and that is to be expected. I would keep trying to meet singles and not get so discouraged if it takes awhile to meet the right one

Definitely. Everyone seems so secular, into drugs & heavy drinking & swearing

 

[DragonFox91]

I wonder if my spirit gets upset because it knows it’ll never happen, or that it knows it will happen & it’s just inpatient & tired of searching.

 

[DragonFox91]

What does ‘you might bump into her any time’ mean?


Why do people say it happens when you stop making it try to happen? I feel like that’s wrong advice to give a guy because it’s the guy that has to make it happen.

What does ‘you might bump into her any time’ mean?

Why do people say it happens when you stop making it try to happen? I feel like that’s wrong advice to give a guy because it’s the guy that has to make it happen.

What does being content single mean?

If you’re content, then why bother dating at all?

How do you show contentment?

How do you show a prospective girl you’re content but show her you’re interested both?

 

[DragonFox91]

I think being single so long may teach me how to be patient when dating and married. I’m supposed to be learning contentment & patience, leadership, &. I can definitely tell I wasn’t ready to date a long time ago. I’m better than what I was then. Maybe there’s more things I should be developing? Paul says I have learned how to be content in all situations.

What might I do when I disagree with a girl? Would I be able to compromise? Would I be able to guide her correctly? Will I be able to communicate my thoughts? Will I be willing to listen? Are there any ‘by the book’ type skills I can learn now? What are some areas she will expect me of I don’t have yet? Will I be able to tell her what I want & don’t want? Can I meet her needs even when I don’t want to? Is there anything Christ-focused I need to be doing? Can I be gentle? What if it gets stressful or I don’t feel like it? What if something upsets us as a couple, what’ll my reaction be? Can emotions be checked? How to apply the right amount of emotion? What if a bad day turns into bad weeks & months & years? Will I be able to have the right perspective? What will be communicated to our kids when they see us?

I’m talking all rhetorically. These came to me. Feel free to add more. Areas we as singles may be developing for dating + marriage. My questions have a clear objective in mind; I’m not talking from a ‘things you should be doing anyways’ perspective. We are developing for a reason. Will we (us singles) be ready for them (our life partners)?

 

[DragonFox91]

When I pray I see a sheep. The Good Shepherd cares for the sheep. The Good Shepherd provides for the sheep. The Good Shepherd meets all the sheep’s needs. The Sheep is happy. It is safe. It’s healthy. It eats well & drinks from the stream. There are other sheep too for the sheep. Sometimes the sheep can’t see the Shepherd but the Shepherd is there. The sheep says it is sorry because it has been well provided for, but it wants a girl sheep. The Shepherd says patience & the sheep has to wait. But one day the Shepherd leads the sheep & to a girl sheep. The 2 sheep are placed together & the Good Shepherd watches over both sheep just like had done before.

 

[trophy33]

Are you free of commitment? Do not look for a wife.
1 Cor 7:27

 

[DragonFox91]

That's not Colossians 2:7. Colossians 2:7 is:

Keep your roots deep in him and have your lives built on him. Be strong in the faith, just as you were taught, and always be thankful.

 

[DragonFox91]

Are you free of commitment? Do not look for a wife.
1 Cor 7:27

myst, what if he brings her? Paul says don't look but what if he brings her anyways?

 

[trophy33]

That's not Colossians 2:7. Colossians 2:7 is:

Keep your roots deep in him and have your lives built on him. Be strong in the faith, just as you were taught, and always be thankful.

Yes, you were quicker than my fix.

 

[DragonFox91]

Yes, you were quicker than my fix.

So I see. But how relevant is Colossians 2:7!

 

[trophy33]

myst, what if he brings her? Paul says don't look but what if he brings her anyways?

Why would He do that?

 

[DragonFox91]

Why would He do that?

Because he's good & tends to bring us stuff regardless if we want them