Need Prayer & Advice: Anxiety or Conviction

[Koakku]

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[Rachel20]

You only feel that anxiety/stress as a Christian, but not when you're in the world? Maybe you're putting a perfectionist standard on yourself. I think one thing that helps me is knowing the condition I was in when the Lord saved me. If he loved me while I was yet in my sin, and he is never-changing (the same yesterday, today, and forever), then he will always love me, even when I'm not perfect. Same thing for you. As for the lonely part, the way can be a lonely one since we're no longer of this world. I hope you can find some Christians to fellowship with.

 

[tturt]

It seems that the redirect to Paul Washers' message about being saved and the gospel would explain the situation. Glad you followed through once you realized the content wasn't Christ like. Praying for you as requested.

 

[Koakku]

You only feel that anxiety/stress as a Christian, but not when you're in the world? Maybe you're putting a perfectionist standard on yourself. I think one thing that helps me is knowing the condition I was in when the Lord saved me. If he loved me while I was yet in my sin, and he is never-changing (the same yesterday, today, and forever), then he will always love me, even when I'm not perfect. Same thing for you. As for the lonely part, the way can be a lonely one since we're no longer of this world. I hope you can find some Christians to fellowship with.

I did put a perfectionist standard on myself when I was in the world when it came to my work and other things. So this may be a possibility and I've been unaware of it all this time. I'll try to keep this in mind and not have it anymore. I appreciate the advice.

 

[SweetHeart1]

Dear Koakku

I have prayed for you my friend. I have struggled long with shyness And overthinking social situations.

And found what helps is to trust in God. And Realize God has given all we have and He can take it all away.
He is our Best Friend.

Feel free to email me if you would like someone to chat with.

 

[William J]

I pray that God would take away the stress and anxiety and give you a sense of how to handle the situation.

 

[musicalpilgrim]

I pray that the Lord will fill you with his peace as you put your trust in him,

 

[Mayflower1]

This will be a long post so I'm sorry in advance. I also am unsure whether to post this on the prayer wall or in Christian Advice since I need both prayer and advice.

I was a backsliding Christian for years living in sin. At times I'd pray to God that he'd save me from my ways and help me come back to him. Back In 2019 while I was still a backsliding Christian, I made a youtube channel. The channel was a gaming channel focused on one game. I am not a very talkative person and shy in general (keep this in mind) so there was no commentary in the videos just gameplay and music. I devoted a lot of time and worked on it up until recently. It did quite well and that channel was one of my sources of income. Recently I got a strong conviction to come back to God and I repented of my sins and turned my life back to the Lord.

Now I had a feeling that I couldn't continue with this gaming channel because of the content of the game. Characters having magical powers and things that don't align with Christianity. So I battled with myself with what I'm supposed to do with it. Do I keep on making videos about the game and add a bible verse at the end of the videos & tell people to repent? or do I just quit that channel all together? I prayed about it and I eventually decided to private all of my videos and quit the channel. Which presented another problem that I have had to battle with. I can't just quit this channel without telling everyone why or it would cause unnecessary worry and like I said earlier I am not a very talkative person and shy in general.

I felt great anxiety and had conflicting thoughts about this. Because I've been listening to the gospel of Matthew these past couple of days and things like "being fishers of men" "the parable about sowing seeds and being fruitful", "the parable about the master giving his servant coins" "those who deny me before men I will deny them before my father in heaven" etc. So I felt obligated and decided to make a community post (a message sent out to all of my supporters) saying that I quit the game and quit making content on the game and made a playlist directing people to a video which is Paul Washers shocking message about being saved and the gospel.

I was comforted and relieved after I made the post believing that I did the right thing and that the situation was over with. The thing is I did it in a cowardly way.. I scheduled the community post to post hours later so I wouldn't have to read any of the comments/feedback I'd receive from it (I still haven't). Before all of this I left a different online community I was apart of (had to do with the same game I was playing and making videos on) so I'm pretty sure I have a ton of messages there asking me whats going on (I still haven't checked). So in by making that community post I hoped to clear that up as well as I'm sure they would see or hear about the post and also be directed to the shocking message gospel video in my playlist.

Anyways after a while I began to feel anxious again. This time thinking that I'm a coward afraid of confrontation for what I've done even though I did what I felt as though it was all I could. It still took some courage and a leap of faith. I don't feel guilty from this but it has me conflicted wondering is this a feeling of anxiety or conviction from the holy spirit for me being a coward? I believed that God wouldn't allow someone to go through something more than they can bare and that there are Christians weaker in the faith than others taking time to grow before doing radical things. All this to say.. haven't I done enough or what more am I supposed to do? Am I really to read all these comments (which could most likely be insulting) and go back to the community and read those messages and respond to them when I don't know how to respond or what to say. I've already let them know that I've quit and directed them to the gospel. Though it was in my own weak and cowardly way haven't I done enough? I'd like to check those messages when I'm ready to check.

One side I feel as though I had to leave those worldly groups I was apart of and at the very least direct them to the gospel by someone who is fit to tell them about it, pray for them, let them know that I'm leaving (indirectly). On the other side stay in the worldly groups while I'm still a very weak Christian growing in faith and stay and be with them to see if they'll come to Christ.

I know I'm supposed to be comforted through the Holy Spirit and walk in peace and love so why do I not feel peace and love constantly instead of only sometimes and the other times anxiety. I struggled with stress and anxiety for majority of my Christian Walk. Which is why it gets really hard being a Christian for me at times, constant feelings of stress, loneliness, anxiety, sometimes not knowing what to do, etc. This is most likely because I don't have / never had Christian friends irl or was apart of a church. So please pray that I may find a church & Christian friends to help uplift me. Please pray that I may know what to do in this situation and that I may walk in peace and love and not stress and anxiety.

Thank you for sharing your story.

Father, thank You for these convictions Koakku has and his courageous step to stop the YouTube channel for this game. Please comfort him that what he did is the right decision despite if he ever reads the comments or responds to what people have to say. It isn't their opinions that matter, Father, but Yours do, and You look on Koakku with eyes of love and as a proud Father. Help Koakku with his shyness and give him a spirit of boldness for your kingdom as this was a bold step for Your kingdom. Meek is not weak. Praise Your Name. In Jesus Name, Amen.