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Tone

"Whenever Thou humblest me, Thou makest me great."
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My biggest stumbling block was fairness. Is fair to desire certain things. Is it fair to hold them to the standard others met. Is it fair to have the ‘best’ in light of your circumstances. Should you consider less.

For a time I thought I could. But I came to my senses. I’m bella. When you glimpse my good vibes thread you’re seeing me. Everyone isn’t interested in afternoon tea, pretty surroundings, or evenings spent by candlelight with classical music in the background.

They don’t need that. But I do. And that isn’t going to change. A multidimensional connection. Someone with a passion for books, food, travel, and so on who’s doing it now.

A man who understands my love of Austen and takes me to Bath to see the light in my eyes. Because she inspired me and he gets it. Someone who feeds the whole.

I want to talk about God and…

That's right sister...be Bella, be you, and be something entirely new, all in Him.

Amen.
 
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JustSomeBloke

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A man who understands my love of Austen and takes me to Bath to see the light in my eyes. Because she inspired me and he gets it. Someone who feeds the whole.
I went to Bath a few times years ago. The Roman baths are interesting, but admission is quite expensive. I went on a slightly cold autumnal day, and the water in the bath was gently steaming into the sky above. Around the outside of the bath is the location where the hot spring flows out of the ground, and into the main bath via a small open channel. You have to step across the channel during the tour, and there were signs saying not to put your hands in it. I had paid a lot of money to get in, so I ignored the signs, and put my hand in the small stream at my feet to feel the temperature. I'm still alive, so I obviously survived the experience of putting my hand in the hot spring.

Roman_Baths_in_Bath_Spa%2C_England_-_July_2006.jpg


Another time, a girlfriend wanted to visit the Fashion Museum, so we went there. You would love it, as they have many costumes going back hundreds of years.

Fashion Museum in Bath

Apart from the Roman baths and the fashion museum, there is also the Georgian architecture to admire.

Royal Crescent - Wikipedia

Royal_Crescent_in_Bath%2C_England_-_July_2006.jpg
 
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MehGuy

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I'm sorry to hear that. When did the depression begin? Might there be other explanations for your lack of creativity? For example, I think people in full time jobs sometimes find it difficult to be creative outside of work. If people have already worked a full day, it's often hard to find the energy for creativity. When I worked in another city it took me 90 minutes to get to work. I was spending 3 hours a day driving. Even though I liked the job, it was kind of depressing each day to think that I'd already spent 90 minutes just getting to work, and I hadn't even begun the day's work yet. Most days when I got home, I was too tired to do anything for myself that was interesting, useful, or creative.

No, it's depression. I have symptoms of very serious depression. Libido dead, everything is numb. Empathy is pretty much dead. Hard to have inspiration when everything is grey.

My depression really began when I lost my faith over 10 years ago.. but these last few years the numbness has really kicked in.
 
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bèlla

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You have to step across the channel during the tour, and there were signs saying not to put your hands in it. I had paid a lot of money to get in, so I ignored the signs, and put my hand in the small stream at my feet to feel the temperature. I'm still alive, so I obviously survived the experience of putting my hand in the hot spring.

So you broke the rules? :p

Bath is very popular amongst Janeites and the costuming community. Several events are held throughout the year. That's the upside of being in Europe. You can attend the balls, dance lessons, etc. We have some here but Regency events are plentiful across the pond.

Another time, a girlfriend wanted to visit the Fashion Museum, so we went there. You would love it, as they have many costumes going back hundreds of years.

Certainly. Historical reproduction is a big thing. Seeing the pieces up close inspires projects of ridiculous rigor which makes sense when you're overcome! Then you realize what you've taken on.

I purchased a slew of sewing books a couple of weeks ago. Including this gem. See what I mean? :D

american-duchess-guide-book-cover.jpeg


The dress pattern is ideal for everyday wear. It would be darling in linen or cotton.

simplicity-pattern-S8941-6.jpeg

simplicity-pattern-S8941-4.jpg

simplicity-pattern-S8941-5.jpg


Apart from the Roman baths and the fashion museum, there is also the Georgian architecture to admire.

I love Georgian architecture. The symmetry appeals. If I bought a home in the UK I'd choose that style.
 
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bèlla

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I like playing the music everybody secretly likes, but maybe is a little hesitant to bump publicly...

My musical tastes are changing. I don't listen to metal anymore or hard rock for that matter. It doesn't resonate. There's nothing wrong with it. But I like a softer mood. There's too much angst in the world and I don't want it in my home. My desire for calm is growing.

Nevertheless, diversity's important. Ministry is multi-layered. Every flock has its own vernacular and ethos. Reaching them is easier when you speak their language. The notion of fear is meaningless. Do people hide themselves? Of course. Does it matter in the grand scheme of things? Not at all.

What matters is ownership of your divine DNA. That's how connections are formed and hearts are set ablaze. You needn't be like the next. Trust the Potter's design.
 
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sampa

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I went to Bath a few times years ago. The Roman baths are interesting, but admission is quite expensive. I went on a slightly cold autumnal day, and the water in the bath was gently steaming into the sky above. Around the outside of the bath is the location where the hot spring flows out of the ground, and into the main bath via a small open channel. You have to step across the channel during the tour, and there were signs saying not to put your hands in it. I had paid a lot of money to get in, so I ignored the signs, and put my hand in the small stream at my feet to feel the temperature. I'm still alive, so I obviously survived the experience of putting my hand in the hot spring.

Roman_Baths_in_Bath_Spa%2C_England_-_July_2006.jpg


Another time, a girlfriend wanted to visit the Fashion Museum, so we went there. You would love it, as they have many costumes going back hundreds of years.

Fashion Museum in Bath

Apart from the Roman baths and the fashion museum, there is also the Georgian architecture to admire.

Royal Crescent - Wikipedia

Royal_Crescent_in_Bath%2C_England_-_July_2006.jpg
I've read about it before in a travel book. Sounds very interesting and maybe something I should do when I eventually go to Europe. That's my dream is to pay off my debts and save up for London and Europe I have a couple friends there too.
 
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JustSomeBloke

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No, it's depression. I have symptoms of very serious depression. Libido dead, everything is numb. Empathy is pretty much dead. Hard to have inspiration when everything is grey.

My depression really began when I lost my faith over 10 years ago.. but these last few years the numbness has really kicked in.
I'm sorry to hear that, MehGuy. Ten years is a long time to be living under a fog of depression. I hope that there is some improvement for you soon.
 
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MehGuy

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I'm sorry to hear that, MehGuy. Ten years is a long time to be living under a fog of depression. I hope that there is some improvement for you soon.

Only thing I can really hope is that the depression exhausts itself. Although I've also read that depression literally changes the brain structure. So yeah.. I'm probably in permanent trouble.
 
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SarahsKnight

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My musical tastes are changing. I don't listen to metal anymore or hard rock for that matter. It doesn't resonate. There's nothing wrong with it. But I like a softer mood. There's too much angst in the world and I don't want it in my home. My desire for calm is growing.

That's a nice, balanced way of seeing it, I think, Bella. :)




May I ask for everyone's prayers here. I have at least 36 hours over overtime to do over the next two weeks. It will be pretty exhausting by the time I am done. It'd be 48 if it wasn't for one guy from another lab section (who knows my area) stepping in and taking the fourth extra day for me. Also, there was an ... not totally-100%-certain decision I had to make earlier tonight. Please everyone pray that it will not be considered wrong in anyone's - especially the manager's, as he is known for being difficult - eyes and cause trouble. The Lord has been very gracious with me over the last several times in a row that a similar situation arose at work, to where I was not 100% confident that I did the right thing, in sparing me from getting into some kind of trouble on the off-chance that I had messed up instead. And I had but needed to merely ask that He spare me from trouble. Please pray with me that He will do the same gracious favor for me again when I return to work tonight (that I won't have any "bad emails" - as we laboratory drones call them - or any sort of reprimand waiting for me when I get there).
 
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Subject to God

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Hey @bèlla , you were in my dream last night!

I was surprised at how white you looked and I remember thinking, wow, she really is the way she is on here...irl, and she is from a totally different world than me.

Yeah, I know, strange...I've been having fun dreams of late!
Wow, such a nice event. Extemely happy to read your report about it.
Purity and holiness.
God is good. Above and beyond all measure.
Gloria in excelsis Deo!
 
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bèlla

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That's a nice, balanced way of seeing it, I think, Bella. :)

Thank you. Holding you in prayer during this difficult stretch and asking for an extra helping of competence and peace to rest upon you all. :yellowheart:
 
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Only thing I can really hope is that the depression exhausts itself. Although I've also read that depression literally changes the brain structure. So yeah.. I'm probably in permanent trouble.
For several years i prayed and begged God daily to end my life, the spiritual pain was excruciating and there was no hope of a better condition.
Then one day as I was walking in the street, out of nowhere, without any preceding prayer or anything giving a signal it was coming, i felt like I was clothed from top to toe in a bedsheet like cloth covering all my body, It was wet and clung to my body, then I could feel someone taking a hold on the cloth at the top of my head with a grip like the thumb and the index finger and slowly but surely pulling the wet cloth of of me.
And when it was off, my misery was over. I never asked for death again after that.
I have had more and stronger and more pervasive battles after this, but that wetcloth-condition who made me beg for death has never reurtned. I think of it as described in proverds 18:14 But a wounded spirit who can bear? KJV
I could not for sure.
Keep holding on in there. God is good.
There is hope, dont let go.
My sincerest and most heartful prayer i send up for you now.
God bless you in Jesu name.
 
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Tone

"Whenever Thou humblest me, Thou makest me great."
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I’m listening to Fitzgerald and this is over the top by my standards! A room laden with diamonds and a plate covered with two layers of diamonds. I had to replay it to be certain I heard him correctly. :flatt:


Hey, uh, Bella...

I don't know if you're aware of this...

...but...

...your poetry is showing...
 
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Tone

"Whenever Thou humblest me, Thou makest me great."
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:hrelax:

Yeah, I dunno, it's just what came to mind when I read your posts about music, as I sit here at Denny's...waking up over coffee...about to tear into two pancakes, two eggs, two turkey bacons, and hash browns...!
 
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Tone

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Soul hunger usually derails it. The want for love, depth, and acceptance squeezes the bud and chokes the life out of it. All that remains are fragments of what might have been.

Oh yeah, this post also....

Just seems like your words are more flowery of late, which you know I enjoy!
 
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