- Jun 2, 2019
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Salvation comes through faith in Jesus' sacrifice and resurrection for our sins, not works. Works (aka spiritual fruit) flow from a saved life and are evidence of saving faith. I believe I have faith, and I believe I have spiritual fruit. I know there are so many ways I'm still falling short, and I know that everyone is the same way. I pray for more love for God, for stronger faith and trust in Him, and for guidance to do His will. I know that I will never be perfect, but that I should seek to grow in Christ through His strength.
I love this C. S. Lewis quote:
But I worry that I'm still not trying enough to obey Him. Putting forth effort in obedience isn't legalism. I don't want to obey out of fear, but out of love. I want to embrace grace and truth. But I worry that, in my love of His grace, in my acceptance that sanctification takes time and that I shouldn't stress so much, that I'm not disciplined enough.
I'm terrified of the idea of my judgement. I just can't imagine Him saying, "Well done, good and faithful servant" to me. Like I'm the disobedient one in every parable, or the one who came close to getting it but was ultimately cast out. That's the scariest thing in the world to me. I don't want Him to be mad at me.
But at the same time, what is He calling me to do? I don't know what, exactly, He'd want me to be doing. There's just this feeling that I'm bad. That He won't be pleased with my life. No direction for how to change it. I'm just an anxious wreck who's scared of falling into dependence on my performance to prove I've made it. How do I find that balance? How do I trust in Christ, rely on Christ, but not be lazy in my faith?
Or am I just overthinking?
I love this C. S. Lewis quote:
To have Faith in Christ means, of course, trying to do all that He says. There would be no sense in saying you trusted a person if you would not take his advice. Thus if you have really handed yourself over to Him, it must follow that you are trying to obey Him. But trying in a new way, a less worried way. Not doing these things in order to be saved, but because He has begun to save you already. Not hoping to get to Heaven as a reward for your actions, but inevitably wanting to act in a certain way because a first faint gleam of Heaven is already inside you.
But I worry that I'm still not trying enough to obey Him. Putting forth effort in obedience isn't legalism. I don't want to obey out of fear, but out of love. I want to embrace grace and truth. But I worry that, in my love of His grace, in my acceptance that sanctification takes time and that I shouldn't stress so much, that I'm not disciplined enough.
I'm terrified of the idea of my judgement. I just can't imagine Him saying, "Well done, good and faithful servant" to me. Like I'm the disobedient one in every parable, or the one who came close to getting it but was ultimately cast out. That's the scariest thing in the world to me. I don't want Him to be mad at me.
But at the same time, what is He calling me to do? I don't know what, exactly, He'd want me to be doing. There's just this feeling that I'm bad. That He won't be pleased with my life. No direction for how to change it. I'm just an anxious wreck who's scared of falling into dependence on my performance to prove I've made it. How do I find that balance? How do I trust in Christ, rely on Christ, but not be lazy in my faith?
Or am I just overthinking?