desperate

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@DLovingBrother Thank you for your response. I did have health problems before asking Jesus to be my salvation. I just want to do whatever I have to do to go to a better place when I die. The main point of my post is really that I want a system to work within that will comfort me with the promise of a better place. I want to believe that this world does not matter, that as long as I accept Jesus everything will be OK even if I am a "failure" in this life.
 
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desperate

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Sometimes a journey is required in order for a person to come to an understanding. And for some insight, it is not about us, it is about Him. Focus on what you can do for your God rather than what your God can do for you. Receive His Holy Spirit and be in His Body.
Blessings

Thank you for your response. I have no idea what I can do for God. I have tried to receive the Holy Spirit. I have no energy left and basically feel dead inside.
 
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desperate

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It's not as you imagine. Were not called to asceticism. We are called to eat from the right table. There are two tables set before us, a table set by God, and a table set by the world. The table set by the world will nourish our bodies desires, but they will not nourish their health, nor save our souls from death. The table set by the Lord will nourish our spirit with life, and our bodies. It is in these difficult moments that the two tables become so evidently clear, because we are placed in a situation where we are no longer nourished in body. We are left with the choice to eat from the Lords table during those times, solely for the desire of His table and His kingdom, rather than for the earthly blessing they provide. This was the test of Job, he ate from the Lords table, and his possessions were increased, but did he eat because he loved the Lords table, or the earthly blessing that came as a result. In that he was put to the test, as we all are. Jesus was led into the wilderness by the Holy Spirit to test His heart, and we, in various ways and depths will also be led into the wilderness to be tested. To see whether we eat for the sake of His kingdom, or our place on earth. We are called to believe, and to regularly position ourselves for the Holy Spirit to transform us. It is for that reason that in James 1:2 he calls us to rejoice in our trials, because if we allow the Spirit into our trial, He will work out a transformation in us. This life is our childhood, and we are growing into adulthood, being transformed by the Holy Spirit.


Thank you for your response. The bottom line is I want to know that things will get better after this life is over. If I know that this place is just a shadow and a nightmare, I will be able to remain calm. It's not a choice of which table, for me, it's that I have run out of energy to fight the health problems, and I just feel empty and dead. I need to know one day I will feel alive again.
 
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desperate

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Shalom @desperate,



I'm not entirely sure what you mean. Are you under the impression that you have to abandon everything and live in darkness for God? Or rather is it the "why"?



Absolutely and amen. I'm not sure who told you about living in a dark room or whatever.



Well, I would say if you are looking to go anywhere opposite from the Messiah, please PM me first! I am more than happy to discuss this matter with you, as it's a big subject, and my door is always open. Only don't walk away from Him OR stay with Him with a heart of reluctance.

It seems you have an initial with God creating evil, which many believers run into as a hurdle. But trust me, once you understand this correctly, it will bring you great peace and wisdom.

For now, let me leave you with analogy...

An axe, in itself, is evil in a way. It's only designed for splitting, cutting and tearing apart. It cannot heal or fix or bring comfort, but it is purely designed to cut and divide. To a tree, the axe could be seen as evil and enemy, if you will.

However, in the hands of a master craftsman, the axe can be used on the tree to create a beautiful sculpture, as he chips and cuts away what is not needed. The craftsman's intentions and motives are good, yet he must use what is in essence "evil" to establish and bring forth the beautiful vision he has for that tree.

Anyway - the offer stands. It is a big subject and you don't have to tackle it alone. I've been there and asked all the questions you have. But whether you speak with me, or many others, don't stop asking questions and seeking!! As the answers are out there.

Remember to pray to the Most High each day for Wisdom and Understanding, in the name of the Messiah, and He will reward you.

Love & Shalom

Thank you for your response. The bottom line is that I do not foresee having any incentive for living except to know that if I persevere and do not commit suicide that I will go to Heaven. I really don't even care if God created evil. I just want to know there's something to look forward to.
 
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desperate

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Lord have mercy (which is a prayer, not a comment).

Welcome to CF. I hope you can find the help you need here.

There is much that needs to be said, but I think the most important is that yes, you have a very wrong idea of WHO God is. He did not create evil, He did not deliberately plant it. But He allowed the dignity of free will to us (because we are made in His image and He is free) and to His angels (some of which chose to oppose Him, and that is the beginning of evil).

God is love. He is not angry and looking to punish people. Many times Christians view the Bible as the Jews did without understanding really what Christ Himself taught and have various misconceptions about God. To be honest, I think these wrong ideas do great danger to many people and push them away. The only consolation is that the "god" they reject is not the real God anyway, so they may find His mercy in the end after all.

Sin and death ARE like a cancer or virus that have entered creation (which God's creation was "very good" and THAT is His desire - and at the end of this age He will make it so again).

Death wasn't a punishment, it was a consequence. Like if you shut yourself into a cabinet you can't see the light anymore. Adam and Eve cut themselves from communion with God, who is the source of life, so they began to die.

And sin, death, sickness, evil, poverty, hatred, and all the rest have happened as a result.

It is God's loving desire to draw all people back to Himself, to heal them, and to restore all.

I'm not sure where you got the idea that you should be happy just living and having only God, not food, health, and so on. There are some who practice acesticism (denying the flesh) who progress to such a point, but that's not something a person should just undertake and expect to happen. It is a high spiritual state and requires a LOT of foundation, can be done wrongly (in many ways), and just isn't something to even discuss or consider for new Christians.

We will all suffer in life to varying degrees. The good news is that we might turn to God in our suffering and be comforted and so draw closer to Him. But we might miss that opportunity too. God doesn't will us to suffer. It's just a mercy that He CAN use it if we cooperate.

It might be necessary for a person who, for example, has no compassion and so no love for others, and by suffering that person might learn compassion and love. But most suffering is just because the world is fallen.

I know I'm telling you a lot. But it is CRUCIAL that we understand Who God really is. Too much of Christianity paints a warped picture, and they DO make God into some kind of monster that non-believers are right to reject, to be honest.

I've been through many denominations myself in my life, so I know what many teach. And it can confuse. I'm thankful to have been pointed back to the writings of the earliest Christians. It's like the veil for me was drawn back and I could finally see that God truly IS love, and why evil happens, and finally it all made sense.

That doesn't mean it's all warm-fuzzy feelings all the time. Life is about growth and becoming like Christ, through turning away from sin, caring for others, and so on. But that process leads to seeing God in creation and focusing on what is good, and comfort in all situations.

I pray you will find help and begin to see clearly and put away the wrong ideas about God. I know that's a miserable place to be.

God be with you and have mercy on you.


Thank you for your response. I just want to know there is a Heaven.
 
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desperate

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Many times we get caught up in seeking a physical feeling of God's presence and proof that he heals the faithful.

It says in the Bible that God is sovereign. That means he heals who he chooses. We should always have faith in his plan but he has reasons for allowing sickness and sin to live in the world.

For me, I feel God's presence most when I am serving others. The feeling of having helped someone in secret without being asked is like when I feel closest to God. When you do for others, you are doing God's positive work in the world. You are actually bringing God into the world in a literal way. Searching my soul for gratitude though near impossible sometimes when I am in the pit of depression and anxiety. allows me some reassurance that God deas love me and he does many good things for me.

Above all else, remember that God is love and I mean that is where he is present in a place we can see and feel him.


Thank you for your response. I cannot do much to help others at this point. I have no money, no energy, and generally feel unwell. I am trying to start a home business but my heart just is not in it. I feel so disappointed in this life. I just want to look forward to a better place. I want to believe in Jesus because i want to believe I'll have another life in a better place someday. If I had that to look forward to, I could manage.
 
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desperate

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God did not create evil. God is 100% good. God did not create man evil. The evil in the world is a result of man's disobedience to a very simple instruction.

Satan is entirely evil. When man disobeyed God, he became, if you will, the portal for evil into the world. The system we live in is Satan's. It is not of God. That is why we need the Kingdom of God and why God needs the cooperation of men to evict Satan.

That is why the "Lord's Prayer" includes "do not lead us into hard testing but deliver us from evil". I was suffering a great deal, not as bad as you, but hard enough. I was in an impossible situation when I recalled that line, I believe prompted by the Holy Spirit. I asked just that, "Deliver me from evil". Within moments help arrived. The people who helped me were complete strangers who "just happened" to be Christians.

Somehow you seem to have picked up a wrong concept of what it means to be a Christian. God asks us to hand over our lives completely to Him. That means to accept the Lordship of Christ absolutely. That seems to be harsh. I used to fear God's will so I balked at the idea for a long time. Then I found that 99% of my troubles were self-inflicted. The day I gave the responsibility of my Christian life to Jesus was the day life began to turn around.

There is the enemy of our souls prowling around, trying to get us off track. Satan is your enemy. God is your friend.

I came to the place of decision. Go on or go back to the world? My heart agrees with Peter - "Where else can we go? You have the words of eternal life". I went on. I am divorced, I did not see my kids for 15 years, I had problems financially, arguments with God, I got deceived and my life seemed to be a stumble from one disaster to another. But God was always there. He never leaves us or forsakes us.

One time I was suicidal. I'd decided enough was enough. Even in that state, God broke through my depression and got me back on track.

One of the many lessons I learned was that the Christian life is not automatic. The Bible tells us to resist the devil for a reason. If we do not, we become his prisoner. Being Satan's whipping boy is no fun.

How much time do you spend studying God's word? Have you got to know Jesus as a real person or just a historical figure? I heard about an amazing place called the Grand Canyon. People said you can't imagine how wonderful it is. I went there 3 years ago. It is breathtaking. So now I know by experience, not just from a travel guide. The Bible is like that travel guide. Our time in fellowship with Jesus is getting to know Him in experience.

I suggest that you read two books, "The Normal Christian Life" by Watchman Nee and "War on the Saints" by Jesse Penn-Lewis. The first book is the positive about the real Christian life. The second is an expose of Satan's tricks to hinder Christians, and how to get free.

"Many are the afflictions of the righteous but the Lord delivers him out of them all". Freedom awaits you. It won't be easy, but you have God on your side. Stay the course and you will win through.

Thank you for your response. I may be on the wrong track, in that I really just want to know there is a better place after this life is over. I need to know I'll have another chance. I need to know this life is just a nightmare, nothing to take seriously, and that worldly "failure" is nothing to feel bad about. I wish the Bible spoke to me. I wish I could feel Jesus.
 
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desperate

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Do not wait to feel that you are made whole, but say, “I believe it; it is so, not because I feel it, but because God has promised.” SC 51.2

I warmly recommend you to read that chapter or whole book. Steps to Christ

Thank you for your response. I will try that.
 
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desperate

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You’re not alone. Christianity tries to solve problems it can’t and ends up making everything worse. The Bible has no logical answers to suffering. It tries, but the fact remains that an all powerful god who allows evil is himself responsible for it (directly or by extension) I used to be a Christian until I went on a journey similar to yours. In my opinion, the peace and comfort you seek begins with dropping religion. You don’t have to fear hell. You don’t have to feel like somethings wrong with you when you can’t feel the Holy Spirit. You don’t have to stress over unanswered prayers. You can be free from the guilt, free from the fear, and free from the impossible expectations. It’s a long hard journey, I haven’t completed it myself, but there is a light at the end of the tunnel; there is hope for a future outside Christianity. I would recommend you post a similar thread on ex-christian.net. There’s wisdom in exploring different perspectives even if you’re skeptical.

I’m sincerely trying to offer help from my perspective... so anyone who doesn’t appreciate this post, please respect my intentions.

Thank you for your response. I turned to Christianity a few years ago because I had no where else to turn. Sometimes I wish that I could go back to my old "New Age" type belief system... But I can't, because of what I have witnessed. I don't want that stuff to ever come into my life again. I am looking for the door that lets me out, and it seems like Jesus could be that door. Thanks for your reply however... it's comforting to know that other people have struggled with this situation.
 
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desperate

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I ap
For years i struggled like you with understanding God but i found Him in love. To love Him, self and neighbour was God's design from the start. He loved everything to be good thus He Created it like that. God does not will evil. He suffers it, all the time and hates it with a pure hatred. He loves good to rule our hearts and minds.

You build on the sifting sands of our understanding, not understanding that new life in Christ means we become loving people. Now in love you can always communicate with God, for God is love. He knows that language the best that is why He wrote us the word to teach us how to identify good and evil and how to be saved from evil when we are overcome by it.

Try loving Jesus for dying for your bad life to preserve your good life. Honest loving Him for loving us sinners is such a great door through which we can enter Heaven and have a talk with our Heavenly Father. Communication restored.

Try giving Him your bad life e.g; your doubt, unbelief, hopelessness, despair, bitterness, anger, desolation, loneliness and letting Him cultivate His good life, eg; love, long suffering, gentleness, joy, kindness, humbleness, and fearlessness back into your heart through the bond of love. The more i gave Him my bad life and left it with Him the more my life improved and good life came to battle my battles for me. The more i loved Jesus, the more good life came my way and so on. Without a doubt Jesus is an awesome Saviour and He wants to rescue you too.

Pour out your heart to Him and keep doing that until all your bad life is in His hands and you begin to receive His good life in its stead. Love Him for saving you from evil, the very evil that is making your life so sour now, and you will soon look back at this time from a completely different perspective. Life in His love is best ever for then we can fight even severe set backs and overcome the negativity attacking. His love brings us true Rest.

Be of good courage.

Thank you for your response. I have no idea how to put your suggestions to use, but I appreciate your kind words nonetheless.
 
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desperate

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I must confess, I don't understand what you mean by it 'not working out'. Either you've been justified, forgiven, given the Spirit, and adopted into His family, or you have not.

That said, we aren't promised a life of warm fuzzy feelings, health and wealth. Although, I do understand there are those lying to us, saying such things. Like anyone else, we have troubles, persecution, sorrows, death. We also have times of joy, happiness, laughter, friendship, etc.

What I can tell you is this, my life has had a lot of good times and a lot of bad, but what I can see with great clarity is the way my life has been maneuvered by him. Where I've lived, occupations I've held, people I've met. Sometimes it's been more overt. Last year I had an expense which was almost $4k, which is a lot for me. That same week, I received a letter from the treasury office of a state I moved from 4 years before, stating they had unclaimed money for me and to contact them. The amount was about $85 less than what I just had to pay. Later, on a whim, I checked to see if my wife had any money coming back. She did. It was around $85. I've also learned that when I find myself in a position where I have a surplus of money, it's preceding generally some expense with a cost right in that range. Many times He's chosen to provide beforehand as well.

Long story short, He provides and He answers prayers, but not every answer is yes, and there is no promise that we will not face hardships along the way, even extremely severe ones. Many, even today, end up being tortured and killed, but our hope is in knowing without a doubt that He will never leave or forsake us in this world or the next.

Thank you for your response. Basically, I have reached a breaking point where I "cannot take it anymore"... I have never felt like this and have no way to deal with it. I really just want to know there is a Heaven. If I had that to look forward to, I would be able to function much better.
 
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Aussie Pete

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Thank you for your response. I may be on the wrong track, in that I really just want to know there is a better place after this life is over. I need to know I'll have another chance. I need to know this life is just a nightmare, nothing to take seriously, and that worldly "failure" is nothing to feel bad about. I wish the Bible spoke to me. I wish I could feel Jesus.
The most wonderful thing about being born again is that this life can be wonderful also. I have had troubles of all kinds. The Bible assures us that it is normal. "Failure" is simply our efforts to do the right thing gone wrong. And that is also normal. One day, we wake up and see that our ways are not God's ways. Then we choose His instead.

You do not need to "feel" Jesus. Do you ask yourself if you "feel" that your parents are real? Do you "feel" like the taxi driver is real? No, you see him and you know that he is real. You need spiritual eyesight, aka faith. You need God to remove the spiritual blindness that closes the Bible to you. Ask Him to give you the Spirit of wisdom and revelation.

Just a friendly word of advice. If and when you receive the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, you do well to obey what you read. The more we know, the more accountable we are. Having said that, it is the only way to live.

In November last year, I had a heart problem. I was in emergency and the thought crossed my mind that it could be my last day on earth. I was not afraid at all and I had the deep assurance that the next life is better than this. But I have unfinished business here, so I don't get to go home just yet.

Throw yourself on God's mercy, cast all the cares this life on Him and ask Him to deliver you. He loves you. He has helped everyone who asked Him ever. He will help you. Oh, and be willing to swallow whatever medicine He prescribes. It may not taste nice but it will do the job.
 
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Nancy Hale

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Hello. I am wondering where to post this question.

I have tried to embrace Christianity. Jesus seems to be the truth. I have good reason to believe He did in fact heal people and came back to life after being crucified. But I cannot understand how "God's gifts" and "God" are not the same. I do not understand why I am supposed to be stripped of everything, my health, my friends, all hope, so I can "focus on God". There is so much talk of "learning to rely entirely on God" and "needing nothing but God" ... what does that even mean? Am I supposed to be happy in a dark empty room with no food and no escape, happy just thinking about "God"? What is God without His handiwork? Isn't God to be found in every bit of Creation, including food, shelter, a healthy body, friends, art, music?

I was OK as long as I believed evil was a mistake, some kind of virus in the system that needs to be worked out carefully before Creation can be renewed. But the more I read the Bible the more it seems that evil was created on purpose, that everything was planned before the world was begun... which makes it hard to understand how God could feel anger about anything that happened (ie "righteous wrath"), being that HE HIMSELF planned it. Once I started seeing evil as God's work, "God" became the senseless deity that He was to me before I sought refuge in Christianity. So I am back at square one, but worse.

So now I am scared that if I empower myself or try to improve my life, I will be sent to hell. Being tormented is not making me "more spiritual", whatever that means. I feel like Christianity has turned me into a mental patient.

I am also disappointed. At first, as health problems cropped up after becoming Christian, I thought, "AHA! This is satan trying to stop me!" But now, a few years later...the health problems keep coming, and I'm just tired of what seems like a mind game. I thought there would be revelations. I thought that there would be "peace, joy, and comfort". I tried to comfort myself by saying, "I will die soon, then I will escape this and go to my REAL life! Life will finally begin once I die!" But I don't even believe it anymore.

I have witnessed what I felt was pure evil. I have not recovered. That's what pushed me to Jesus. If Jesus does not work out for me, I am alone with that evil, again, forever in my memory and darkening my soul. I can't turn back... where can I go?

I would appreciate any kind of insight. Thank you.
Here's how I understand it, and I hope it makes some sense.
Some things actually aren't things in and of themselves, but merely the absence of something that really IS.
Light is real. Dark is just the absence of light.
Love is real. Apathy is just the absence of love.
God is real. Evil is the absence of God.
Life is Real! Death is the absence of life.
Jesus is the Way, the Truth and the Life!
It's not that God created evil, it's that evil --- sorry, I have a hard time explaining it, it's not that God isn't everywhere, because He is. But, God can't be corrupted, He can't not be God. He can't not be perfect and holy and just. So, evil and sin can not exist with God, it's not possible; just like you can't turn a floodlight on and still be in a dark room.
Today just happens to be my granddaughters 4th birthday. I made a cake to celebrate. I've never met her in person. I love her so much. She looks a lot like me; my eyes, my curly hair, my dimples. There is not one thing she could do to make me stop loving her! I bet she doesn't even know I'm celebrating her today. She lives in a different state, hours away. I have health issues and that state makes them so much worse, I just can't go there.
What if I could only write it in a book and hope she believed me?
Those are about the best I can do. Satan is evil and God did create Satan. But, Satan is evil because he is completely devoid of God. I heard once that the reason he hates us so much is because we are made in God's image, and torturing us is as close as he can come to torturing God. I don't know if it's true, but it was my next question after figuring out evil.
 
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Nancy Hale

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Thank you for your response. Basically, I have reached a breaking point where I "cannot take it anymore"... I have never felt like this and have no way to deal with it. I really just want to know there is a Heaven. If I had that to look forward to, I would be able to function much better.
I haven't read all your responses, but have you told this to God? Talked to Him?
Are you really going to believe any of us? And, are you really sure that's what you need? I'm serious, talk to God. Tell Him everything. Everything. Don't leave anything out. Then be patient. Just trust.
I'm speaking from experience. I'm not going in to detail because I think it would... steal something from you. God really is glorious! So, so glorious!
One thing I do want to share is that I do know what it is like to hurt so bad all the time for years on end that I have been jealous of people who die. I've wondered why they get to and not me, it doesn't seem fair. Long story short, what helped me was deciding God gets to pick when I die. Because, it's really the only thing I can give Him. Or, not take from Him; however. Just the one thing.
 
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SeventyOne

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Thank you for your response. Basically, I have reached a breaking point where I "cannot take it anymore"... I have never felt like this and have no way to deal with it. I really just want to know there is a Heaven. If I had that to look forward to, I would be able to function much better.

Sometimes God needs to bring people low so they will look towards Him and be saved. Unfortunately, it's a very effective way to grab our attention. You really should be talking to Him, as a child to their parent. Christ died for our sins, paying our penalty for us, then rose again, conquering death. Now that work is available for us for the forgiveness of our own sins. If you go to Him, relying on that alone, you will have the assurance you need.
 
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Thank you for your response. The bottom line is that I do not foresee having any incentive for living except to know that if I persevere and do not commit suicide that I will go to Heaven. I really don't even care if God created evil. I just want to know there's something to look forward t

Shalom friend,
It aeems like you haven't actually met with God yet. It seems you have probably prayed the "sinners prayer" and thought to stay good to get to heaven and are now seeing this life as a glorified waiting room.

There is much to look forward to in every way. But not only in the future but today as well. Each day is a pleasure to spend with Yahweh through the Holy Spirit. It's not about trying to survive to get eternal life. Eternal life is now - it springs forth from within you the moment the Holy Spirit is within.

Would you mind telling me, how did you come to be a believer and why?

Love & Shalom
 
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desperate

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Shalom friend,
It aeems like you haven't actually met with God yet. It seems you have probably prayed the "sinners prayer" and thought to stay good to get to heaven and are now seeing this life as a glorified waiting room.

There is much to look forward to in every way. But not only in the future but today as well. Each day is a pleasure to spend with Yahweh through the Holy Spirit. It's not about trying to survive to get eternal life. Eternal life is now - it springs forth from within you the moment the Holy Spirit is within.

Would you mind telling me, how did you come to be a believer and why?

Love & Shalom

Thank you for your response.

I always knew Jesus was a Master. It's a long story about how i got to the point I am at now. Basically, I am worn out with evil, and I want to be protected from it so I can focus on being productive. So many things let me down, it's really absurd, not even realistic...I want life, not daily death. I want to be on the winning team. I admire Christians who actually follow Jesus. Mostly, I like winning. Jesus obviously won. I like the way he threw curveballs. He really called a spade a spade. He went about doing good. He rose from the dead... That is winning. I want to win, too.
 
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rturner76

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Thank you for your response. I cannot do much to help others at this point. I have no money, no energy, and generally feel unwell. I am trying to start a home business but my heart just is not in it. I feel so disappointed in this life. I just want to look forward to a better place. I want to believe in Jesus because i want to believe I'll have another life in a better place someday. If I had that to look forward to, I could manage.

I completely understand. I have very severe depression. I take medication and all that and I rarely leave the house or even my favorite chair. They are always changing and adjusting my meds but I never really feel any different so I know how it is when you just don't have anything to give.

In my personal situation, to medicate the depression, I used chemicals to change how I felt. I developed an addiction over time and tried everything to quit. It wasn't until I completely gave my life and my will to my higher power that I found some relief. When God stepped in and removed the desire to use, I gained so much gratitude that when I am down in the pit of despair, I am able to look at my life and say "I'm not exactly where I want to be in life but I got a second (third and fourth) chance. I am relatively healthy, my mom is still living, and I have all the food clothes and shelter anybody could want."

So something else to consider, when I don't have the energy to be active in the church or aren't living the way you want to and feel shame and low. I try to think of at least 5 things I am grateful for and I get some relief for my bad feelings.

I wouldn't presume to tell you what you should do, I just wanted to share about what has helped me.
 
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TzephanYahu

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Shalom friend,

Basically, I am worn out with evil, and I want to be protected from it so I can focus on being productive. So many things let me down, it's really absurd, not even realistic...I want life, not daily death.

It sounds like you have a lot weighing you down. But I feel the same heaviness from you as I would expect to find in an unbeliever OR someone on the verge of a breakthrough!

Noe, consider this important point: When the Messiah walked on earth, He had disciples and followers. The disciples applied themselves to the Messiah's teachings as students whereas the followers on the outskirts mainly followed Him for signs, wonders, miracles, healing and food. The disciples sought what they could learn from Him, the followers sought after what they could get from Him.

This is how it is today as well with many Christians being followers rather than disciples. Despite what they might say, their actions speak louder than words and they are easy enough to recognise.

Be careful not to fall into the category of follower! I know you want to "win" but what if Yahweh told you that you would have to lose in order to truly win? Think upon this deeply.

I also get the impression that Christianity has been mis-sold to you. You may have been told the Gospel and that if you believe you'll go to Heaven and then left alone to figure the rest out - is that near to the truth? If so, don't worry, it's definitely not too late to become a disciple.

But why become a disciple? What's the point? Isn't it just hard work? It can be at first. But trust me, it is a life with clarity, joy, peace, love and life and devoid of confusion, depression, fear and darkness. However, in order to get there you need to push through the crowd of followers and join the disciples, close to the Messiah to hear and do what He says. Therein lies eternal life.

Have you read much of the Bible? Did you get stuck or confused over anything in particular?

If you would prefer to answer privately, feel free to PM me.

Love & Shalom
 
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desperate

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Shalom friend,



It sounds like you have a lot weighing you down. But I feel the same heaviness from you as I would expect to find in an unbeliever OR someone on the verge of a breakthrough!

Noe, consider this important point: When the Messiah walked on earth, He had disciples and followers. The disciples applied themselves to the Messiah's teachings as students whereas the followers on the outskirts mainly followed Him for signs, wonders, miracles, healing and food. The disciples sought what they could learn from Him, the followers sought after what they could get from Him.

This is how it is today as well with many Christians being followers rather than disciples. Despite what they might say, their actions speak louder than words and they are easy enough to recognise.

Be careful not to fall into the category of follower! I know you want to "win" but what if Yahweh told you that you would have to lose in order to truly win? Think upon this deeply.

I also get the impression that Christianity has been mis-sold to you. You may have been told the Gospel and that if you believe you'll go to Heaven and then left alone to figure the rest out - is that near to the truth? If so, don't worry, it's definitely not too late to become a disciple.

But why become a disciple? What's the point? Isn't it just hard work? It can be at first. But trust me, it is a life with clarity, joy, peace, love and life and devoid of confusion, depression, fear and darkness. However, in order to get there you need to push through the crowd of followers and join the disciples, close to the Messiah to hear and do what He says. Therein lies eternal life.

Have you read much of the Bible? Did you get stuck or confused over anything in particular?

If you would prefer to answer privately, feel free to PM me.

Love & Shalom


Thank you for your response. I will tell you my main issue: I have health issues that are making it nearly impossible for me to work. I used to be a high-achieving person. Over time I have been reduced to extreme fatigue, insomnia, breathing problems, etc. I want to be able to be my best self, not be this dysfunctional thing. I want to be able to use my God-given talents. It seems like a total waste. I struggle to do something every day, but it is no where near what I could do if I were in decent condition. I am having a hard time applying Jesus' teachings to my situation. I want to earn money and then use it for charitable works, not "learn how to suffer". I have wondered if God is trying to show me that he does not need my good works. I have wondered if God is "putting me in my place", humiliating and degrading me for some kind of ...purpose? I am continuing to try to heal myself with any protocol that makes sense, but I do not have a "system" for staying mentally OK about this. It's been twenty years like this. There are other issues but this is the main problem. I want to believe God wants me to be my best self, using my abilities, participating in life. I do not want to believe God wants me to be in this condition. I have tried to accept it, but I just can't. I have tried to "praise and worship" in spite of this misery but it is not working. God knows I'm unhappy. I don't even know what praising and worshipping entails. I asked Jesus to comfort me and help me to accept my condition, but so far, I am not feeling any comfort. I tried to tell myself this life is just evil garbage and I was put here to be punished, but it will get better once I die. I have tried telling myself that suffering makes me like Jesus, but it really does not...as far as I know, He had a healthy, busy life until He was taken to be crucified, and then His suffering on the Cross had MEANING! Laying in bed all day because I will black out if I try to stand up is MEANINGLESS. I was born with compassion. I did not need to be tortured into caring about people beside myself. I already did. If anything, this meaningless disease is making me hard-hearted and cold. I do not like what is happening. It's just been too long, too many opportunities were lost because of this. ...I know someone might say, this forces me to rely solely on God...but what do i have a body and a brain for if not to USE them? If I just lay down and say, "I give up, God can take over", I will end up in a gutter! Proverbs warns against not working! Sleep will clothe a man in rags! Etc!!!

I appreciate any insight.
 
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