Marriage Readiness

[Jonaitis]

Is there a point when you realized your readiness for marriage? Was it an internal alarm, sense of peace, craving, or something else?

How did you know its time?

I'm still waiting for my Ruth to come and work in my fields, when that happens then I'll know.

 

[Sabertooth]

I'm still waiting for my Ruth to come and work in my fields, when that happens then I'll know.

You sound ruthless...!

 

[mama2one]

How did you know its time?

we were in our 20s
went out for two months & then he asked me to marry him
I said yes & we married four months later

we spent our first years of marriage getting to know each other & we're still learning about each other

much harder to us both was becoming parents
that felt like jumping off a cliff!

I was very nervous for our honeymoon to end & start being a wife; didn't know how to cook much & we ate spaghetti a lot as that was one thing knew how to cook, lol

we're both introverts, quiet, & our personalities just clicked

 

[bèlla]

I'm still waiting for my Ruth to come and work in my fields, when that happens then I'll know.

LOL. You are too funny. ;-)

Do you want someone serious or more laid back?

 

[bèlla]

we were in our 20s
went out for two months & then he asked me to marry him
I said yes & we married four months later

Wow, that always surprises me. The courage and trust you have in each.

we spent our first years of marriage getting to know each other & we're still learning about each other

Yes, that will always be the case.

I was very nervous for our honeymoon to end & start being a wife
didn't know how to cook much & we ate spaghetti a lot as that was one thing knew how to cook, lol

LOL. My grandmother was the same way. We had no idea until my grandfather recounted their early days. All she knew how to make was pasta from a jar. She learned to cook in time. ;-)

we're both introverts, quiet, & our personalities just clicked

Beautiful. I love happy endings!

 

[mama2one]

The courage and trust

^ doubt we had it when we married since we were young


were we ready? probably not but we did the premarriage counselling and had faith marriage would work

not to say marriage is always easy as there's ups & downs

 

[bèlla]

doubt we had it when we married since we were young ^

Age is not always a factor in readiness when the Lord is directing our steps.

what is strange is he's very careful in making decisions now & researches whereas I have a terrible time making decisions

In that time and space you acted as you were led to do so.

were we ready? probably not but we did the premarriage counselling and had faith marriage would work

not to say marriage is always easy as there's ups & downs

Your faith was readiness personified. I’m glad you mentioned that. It is a timely reminder for me.

And maybe it’s time I rest in His preparation and see its nearing as an opportunity for greater faith and trust.

Thank you.

 

[com7fy8]

I think a wife in another Net place said she and her husband kept turning up at the same ministerial activities. So, they decided they should save money by having just one car and place to stay.

 

[bèlla]

I think a wife in another Net place said she and her husband kept turning up at the same ministerial activities. So, they decided they should save money by having just one car and place to stay.

I don’t drive. But I like their perspective! ~lol

 

[com7fy8]

While I was younger, I wanted to become a priest; so I decided I would not get married. Then I got saved, and one of the first things I thought was, "Now I can get married." I would start to share with a Christian lady and I would want to marry her. This happened maybe thirty times or more. I think it was for their own good, that they were not interested in me. But each one was good for me, at each part of my Christian development along the way. So, it was like I had thirty-lady wife, of sorts, each one being just right for me, at each point.

Then I got to considering that I should . . . pray . . . about if God wanted me to get married. I had never done that. I did understand that the LORD is interested in guiding us in every thing, even every moment as much as we have matured and become submissive so we can so share with the LORD. So, I was interested in becoming obedient like this, and see if His guiding brought me together with a lady for marriage or close companionship > celibate covenant.

Then along came my lady friend to my church . . . after I had become committed to caring for and loving any and all people in my church, and not playing favorites. I understood that if God trusted me with a real Jesus lady, she would be all-loving and not only for me. This lady went to our group; so we had chances to talk with each other in the presence of the others, for a year, I think. And I was secretly interested in her, enough so I did not care how much we shared, got married or not, simply that I would be content with however God pleased to bless.

And we got to sharing on the phone, about the word and I think we prayed. Then came a winter storm which shut off power so she would not be able to recharge her phone. And I was very concerned not to call her so I did not use up her charge which she might need for her family, an emergency, or whoever she was caring about and helping. But I had to know how she was; so I called and said immediately that I just wanted to see if she was all right and I would hang up so I did not use up her charge for sharing with anyone else she needed to talk to.

"Oh, that's all right," she said. And I was like . . . oh-h-h, she's willing to use her cell phone charge to talk with me. May be, then, I do have something going with her. My hopes were way up. Then she said, "You can call me, tomorrow." Ooh . . . I appreciated that! But I kept it quiet and in prayer.

Then things added up, more and more quickly.

Christian celibate covenant consenting compassionate correctional custody companionship is what I call it

 

[Sabertooth]

Christian celibate covenant consenting compassionate correctional custody companionship is what I call it

...or C⁸...? (inquiring minds)

 

[timewerx]

Felt I was ready a couple times in my life and met terrific women. I used to have financial stability, and used to only have petty problems at most.

But got hit by huge problems everytime. Somehow God doesn't seem to want me to get married or under a curse I'm not aware of.

Although these great difficulties have helped refine my character a bit. I used to be horrible and now I'm just a bit less horrible!

 

[bèlla]

While I was younger, I wanted to become a priest; so I decided I would not get married.

I had a strong desire to serve God. As a child, I assumed that meant being a nun. But my grandmother disagreed. She was Roman Catholic and committed to her faith.

She told me there were many ways to serve God and did not feel that was the path for me. She had intimate dealings with priests and nuns and understood the challenges I couldn’t grasp. She was correct.

So, I was interested in becoming obedient like this, and see if His guiding brought me together with a lady for marriage or close companionship > celibate covenant.

I have taken my time and followed His instructions. Today we broached the topic of flesh versus spirit in my quiet time. And the importance of remaining in the spirit on this subject. I didn’t grasp the fullness of that statement until I answered a question.

I don’t have experiences to draw from with Christian men. I’ve never expressed myself in that manner. But once I said it I understood what it meant for me personally. And I thought of this verse:

And your ears shall hear a word behind you, saying, “This is the way, walk in it,” when you turn to the right or when you turn to the left. —Isaiah 30:21

That is my roadmap and how I’m meant to navigate my connection. A God centered, God focused approach. A flood of ideas followed on what that means and how it can be attained.

Keeping Him as our central focus and allowing the connection to develop in light of our faith with a continuum of support, sharing, and encouragement is my intention.

The delineation between a spouse and companion was the turning point. A bond where prayer and godliness are the standard is less likely to result in hurt feelings, impropriety, or wrong intentions.

I feel confident that if we proceed in this fashion and allow the connection to grow naturally; we’ll find the answer. If it doesn’t commence in marriage we have honored the other with our presence and grown spiritually in the process.

All that remains is the appropriate suitor. I trust the Lord is attending to that. ;-)

 

[bèlla]

Although these great difficulties have helped refine my character a bit. I used to be horrible and now I'm just a bit less horrible!

I don’t think it is a lifelong sentence. Especially since you’ve referenced growth. The return of your prosperity would be met with a different heart and spirit. Adversity has its purpose and the Lord knows your end. Trust the process.

 

[timewerx]

I don’t think it is a lifelong sentence. Especially since you’ve referenced growth. The return of your prosperity would be met with a different heart and spirit. Adversity has its purpose and the Lord knows your end. Trust the process.

Thanks for the encouragment! It's not just financial stability but other things that has changed as well. Things are a bit more complex now. In our culture, these situations are tolerable enough but our culture is rapidly becoming more Westernized and less women could tolerate these little inconveniences.

 

[NothingIsImpossible]

My late 20s. Though way before then I wanted to marry of course. Though one is never fully ready for it as there are things you will face for the first time.

 

[bèlla]

Thanks for the encouragment! It's not just financial stability but other things that has changed as well. Things are a bit more complex now. In our culture, these situations are tolerable enough but our culture is rapidly becoming more Westernized and less women could tolerate these little inconveniences.

You’re welcome.

God is bigger than your culture and its challenges. The most important question to consider is what He’s working in and out of you for His purposes.

If you view it from that perspective you’ll see He’s doing the same with others around the world. Surrendering to the lesson is key: not my will but Thy will be done. That has the greatest impact on your tenure.

Everything you’re facing will serve you well in your work and future union. For a time all seems bleak. You can’t see the ram in the bush up ahead.

You only need one agreeable soul. He can manage that and more. ;-)

 

[bèlla]

My late 20s. Though way before then I wanted to marry of course. Though one is never fully ready for it as there are things you will face for the first time.

That’s one of the things that compelled my question. Sometimes the topic is mystified and many are seeking signs or uncertain how to proceed.

But your answer mirrors others. And the bottom line is faith, trust, and a willingness to learn as you go.

 

[mama2one]

I don’t have experiences to draw from with Christian men

went out with other Christian men before husband
one was teaching a Bible study class at college & wouldn't be surprised if he ended up as a Pastor
he was looking for the right person & I wasn't it


Christian men look for the right woman, also

 

[com7fy8]

these great difficulties have helped refine my character a bit.

You mention character. Below, my comment for LaBèlla is also for you

Today we broached the topic of flesh versus spirit in my quiet time. And the importance of remaining in the spirit on this subject.

Our character has a lot to do with how we can do in a close relationship.

Ones say you can't get ready for marriage. I can see how maybe one might mean marriage is going to have things we can not see ahead of time. And before we get married as Christians, our character has not yet developed as well as needed for marriage. And right during marriage or other very close relating, we will keep needing correction so we can handle things better. We can not become perfectly like Jesus, first, before we get married; but we will be in correctional custody, while also deeply enjoying all the good. We will need deep correction, just so we are capable of enjoying and benefiting from marriage the really right way; and this will not all come beforehand.

And there are practical items we won't know about, ahead of time, so we can prepare for them. One thing I discovered with my lady friend is she has ways I did not know about. And I can be supposing I am so caring and generous and practical, that surely she would welcome however I told her to change how she does certain things. But > guess what? > how she does things is connected to her personality which is based in her real character. So, changing how she does things can mean changing her character, which no way can I do.

And then is when I could get frustrated and trying to talk her into changing certain things. But . . . uh-uh There are things she knows are not right; but she needs to grow in Jesus, in order to really do things right in a different way. And my opinion is I need to encourage her to make sure God really is changing her so she does things differently but in the right way. And the same goes for me; only God can change me to how He wants me, and then I can be submissive to what He has me doing, after we mature more.

But I would say there are things which are simply evil and cruel and nasty, and we can not accept them > unforgiveness, bitterness, trying to dominate and control and use another person.

"Husbands, love your wives and do not be bitter toward them." (Colossians 3:19)

So, from this, I see, never am I excused to get bitter and nasty against my lady friend. Plus, I see in this a general principle for how to relate with anyone > bitterness is never excused. So, as soon as I can tell I in myself that something starting to get me bitter, right away I need to stop and get God's correction.

Also . . . I did not mention arguing and complaining >

"Do all things without complaining and disputing," (in Philippians 2:13-16).

There is arguing and complaining which are anti-love; so they are never excused. And arguing can indeed be abuse. Abuse is never excused > raising my voice in order to force or scare someone into doing what I want, dictating how the person has to give me attention and go the way I want > it is written >

"nor as being lords over those entrusted to you, but being examples to the flock." (1 Peter 5:3)

Trust God to use good example.

This fits with how I got with my lady friend. Before I met her, in prayer I was going through these scriptures and already practicing these things, just in case God would have me get married or get into a close sharing relation with someone.

And this did not have me ready for her, but it helped. Always, we can keep discovering more than we are ready to handle well; because we need to keep growing in Jesus and how to love, so we can learn how to deal with different things.

One basic, I would say is my experience, is it helps to be able to be submissive to God in His peace > Colossians 3:15 > so I have His personal guiding in this peace and so I can understand things the way His peace has me understanding things, and do not trust any conclusions, decisions, ways of seeing things, or feelings which are not in this peace.

So, when I get into a problem with her or anything, I do well to pray until I am inspired, even, how to understand something, the way I understand in His peace, and not how I see things during lusts or paranoia or bitterness or frustration or anxiety. Worry is a pathological lier, by the way > nothing in worry can be trusted. And not only is paranoia a pathological lier, but in paranoia I am imagining the wrong way to handle the imagined problem > criticizing and trying to control people, instead of caring in prayer and blessing the person with hope for the person > love "hopes all things" (in 1 Corinthians 13:7).

Therefore, worry and my kind of paranoia are anti-love; this is all I need to know, and get how only God is able to correct us. And my sweetie can call me out on this; while she may still have certain problems, God uses her to help me be more feeling for others.

This is something > in our close relationships, we are in a research laboratory so we can make breakthrough discoveries of how to love. And because Jesus has gotten us adopted to be God's own family, God does use us to help one another; I now understand and trust that even though God alone is able to do all which we really need in ourselves . . . in our character, yes . . . He includes us in His process, and He will not, therefore, have us succeeding without learning how to love with our various Jesus brothers and sisters, especially whomever He has prepared and chosen to be close to us.

So, I dare say that our Father does expect us to obey how He guides our relating and whom we choose to share with. This is not only about getting whoever we can use for things we desire; but God prepares the ones He uses to help us to be conformed to the image of Jesus while we learn with one another how to relate with God and how to love as family . . . so now we can minister this to others who already are our family, plus to ones we help to get adopted.