Perhaps this would help explain why I no longer attend church, at least not regularly:
Spring 2021: After years of putting up with a severe lack of real marital intimacy from my then-wife (and myriad excuses for said lack of intimacy), I told her that this was unacceptable and I would seek a divorce if this doesn't improve. I didn't really want a divorce, but absent any professional counseling, divorce would have been unavoidable. She did agree to (secular) professional counseling, so I withdrew my threat to divorce.
I didn't need some justification for divorce - I already had that - instead I wanted to do everything in my power to make divorce unnecessary. Of course that would be impossible without her cooperation. In my eyes, there is no such thing as a sexless marriage. That simply doesn't work for me.
I did inform the elders at my then-church assembly what was going on in my marriage (she was attending a separate church). I told them that I wanted to salvage the marriage, but if I couldn't do that, then I would divorce and I would remarry. I told them I would recognize no doctrine that claimed I am somehow obligated to put up with neglect, or be condemned to celibacy for the rest of my life. They assured me this would not be an issue if it came to that.
About two months in, I saw the writing on the wall. When I took it to the Good Lord for answers, His answer to me: "just let it go". Sure enough, a few days later she let me know wanted to dissolve the marriage. This time I was prepared for it. And I began the process of winding down the marriage.
When I informed the church leadership of this (nearly three months later when they asked), they placed me under "church discipline". It mattered not a bit to them that they were untruthful to me regarding their policies. Nor did it matter that I did everything in my power to make the marriage viable, but to no avail. They wanted me to continue in reconciliation talks - until when? Until I die of old age, I suppose.
I was nothing but transparent in my dealings. I have not dealt treacherously towards my then-wife. Despite my efforts to do what was right, I was still subjected to a treatment reserved for liars and thieves. The elders should have known that anything bearing the slightest resemblance to church discipline would have been grossly inappropriate in my situation. Their handling of my situation amounted to a huge slap in the face, one I have not forgotten. I would not have worked to dissolve my marriage if I had a reasonable alternative.
The other "Christians" that knew of this made disparaging remarks to me in this experience. They would say stuff like "maybe that's your cross to bear" or "nobody has ever died from a lack of sex". A few even accused me of making an idol out of sexuality - all because I refused to become a eunuch! (A side note: I've even heard of church assemblies not allowing divorce even in cases of horrific abuse.)
During this time, I had the good fortune of making some good trustworthy friends outside Church - in my Latin dance community. (Thank God I have some good dancing skill.) They were there to support me during this time when the people who should have been there for me had failed me.
I don't go to a place on Sunday mornings to be slandered and insulted simply because my then-wife no longer wanted to be married to me. I used to have a lot of respect for people in the Church, but that has been severely compromised because of how they handled this.
The Samaritans in the dance community have accepted me as a brother, while the priests and Levites in Church not only left me for dead, but insulted me as they did so. While I will never leave the Faith, the "Christians" have a ways to go if they are to earn back my trust.
