Hi all! I just wanna share my testimony about my struggles with OCD (this is a super simplified version, it was a lot more complex than this, but I hope you will get the idea!)
I suffered from all sorts of OCD for about a year. I'm currently a sophomore in college, but all of last year I suffered from so many different types of OCD - I was obsessed with wondering if I was
really saved, if I blasphemed the Holy Spirit (I was struggling with blasphemous thoughts
constantly) , and I struggled with doubting thoughts, sexual thoughts, etc that I really hated and didn't want. I felt tormented day and night, and struggled with insomnia for about 4 months as well. It was probably the worst time of my life - I was also dealing with other forms of anxiety and fear (I was constantly worried about the future, my appearance, what people thought of me, etc). Last winter, I was hospitalized for anxiety-related complications - I had trouble breathing and I had a terrible case of gastritis for about 2 weeks.
During the school year, I got in touch with one of the pastors of my church that I attend while here. I didn't know where else to turn. I was turning to the school psychologists (they did absolutely nothing for me, all they did was say, "just take some anti-depressants"). I didn't end up doing it because I just felt like there had to be some other way out of this mess. My pastor knows a lot about anxiety and fear, so he counseled me. When he prayed for me, he told me that he had a vision of me being held in chains, but with a chain breaking loose. I was
literally in bondage. He told me that God wanted to say to me that He loves me, that I don't have to fear. And my favorite part was when he told me: "He's setting you free."
So then we worked on something called a "Truth Book," where I wrote down all the lies and fears like:
- I'm worthless, I'm afraid that I'm not really saved, I'm ugly, I'm stupid, I'm afraid for the future, afraid of my life, what if I blasphemed, etc (the list goes on and on).
Next to each of these, I wrote down the biblical TRUTH. For example:
- I'm fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 193:14)
- There's nothing that can separate me from the love of God, including my thoughts (Romans 8:31-39).
- I have been chosen by God and adopted as his child (Ephesians 1:3-8).
- Etc, etc. (I can look up more truths for all of you if you're interested)
Essentially, I had to tell myself that: I AM A CHILD OF GOD. A precious, precious child of God. And so are you. It was really hard for me though because my brain was still all over the place and I kept wanting to "make sure," and I kept asking, "But what if..."
Lemme tell all of you something: God's love for you is BIGGER than you could ever imagine. There's is NOTHING that can change God's love for you, not even your craziest thoughts. HE LOVES YOU. Radically. And it has nothing to do with who you are or what you've done, He has called you because of His love.
Some practical steps for those who struggle with similar types of OCD:
1. No more obsessively googling "OCD"! Get off of this forum if you're using it as a way to obsess over your OCD (let this be the last OCD post you read, haha). I actually used to OBSESS over the OCD forums on this site. But hours of reading posts makes it worse. I made an account just because I felt moved to come back after these few months of freedom and write a little testimony.
2. Don't focus on the problem, as difficult as it is. Keep your eyes on Jesus. If you must do research, do some research on who GOD says you are. Chew on this, and embrace this identity. The truth will set you free (John 8:32).
3. EXERCISE. This seriously helps with sleep. Try for 3-4 sessions of aerobic exercise every week... anything that gets your heart rate up (at least for 20 minutes per session!).
4. Minimize stress in your life if you can, and eat healthy, drink lots of water, don't drink too much caffeine, etc. If you're a student, try not to procrastinate, haha~
5. Be patient with yourself. Freedom took me a LONG time. I doubted God's word of freedom over me because it took so long. God wants freedom for you too, more than even YOU want it!
6. Mediate on God's word for you, a little bit each day. Let Him break every chain, one by one. You are God's child. So when another one of those nasty thoughts pop in your mind (for those with the obsessive thoughts), realize that it's okay, realize that you are not your thoughts. Just let them chill there, even though they can be disturbing/scary thoughts - no need to fight against them because you know that God loves you no matter what pops up in your mind.
Sometimes I get tempted to fall back into insecurity, fear, shame, etc. We're in a spiritual battle. But we've already won the battle, because Christ lives in us. So don't be afraid! Stay strong!
GOD LOVES YOU<3
Here are some freedom songs for you to check out. Also, feel free to ask any questions
I really wanna be of help to you guys.
