Freedom from OCD!

[aangel]

Yeah, I think I'm going to have to make an appointment to see the doctor soon. I'm not coping well anymore (if I ever was with all the theme switching I went through last year). I know the thoughts aren't me. The thoughts—especially the ones that are completely spirit crushing and abhorrent—are not things I believe or would ever do but man if I don't feel miserable. I just feel really sensitive lately. Even listening to sermons lately has been triggering. I mean just this week I was listening to a pastor talk about who we are in Christ and he said something about how in of ourselves a person can go crazy or commit murder and OCD had a field day cue the intrusive thoughts. I've never talked about my intrusive thoughts with anyone and there are just some thoughts I feel physically unable to talk about. So hopefully telling him that I've been having obsessive thoughts will be enough. But yeah I've been ruminating a lot. My motivation is dropping. I can barely focus long enough to read the bible or meditate. The last thing I want to do is get more and more depressed.

 

[sonofedward]

Hi all! I just wanna share my testimony about my struggles with OCD (this is a super simplified version, it was a lot more complex than this, but I hope you will get the idea!)

I suffered from all sorts of OCD for about a year. I'm currently a sophomore in college, but all of last year I suffered from so many different types of OCD - I was obsessed with wondering if I was really saved, if I blasphemed the Holy Spirit (I was struggling with blasphemous thoughts constantly) , and I struggled with doubting thoughts, sexual thoughts, etc that I really hated and didn't want. I felt tormented day and night, and struggled with insomnia for about 4 months as well. It was probably the worst time of my life - I was also dealing with other forms of anxiety and fear (I was constantly worried about the future, my appearance, what people thought of me, etc). Last winter, I was hospitalized for anxiety-related complications - I had trouble breathing and I had a terrible case of gastritis for about 2 weeks.

During the school year, I got in touch with one of the pastors of my church that I attend while here. I didn't know where else to turn. I was turning to the school psychologists (they did absolutely nothing for me, all they did was say, "just take some anti-depressants"). I didn't end up doing it because I just felt like there had to be some other way out of this mess. My pastor knows a lot about anxiety and fear, so he counseled me. When he prayed for me, he told me that he had a vision of me being held in chains, but with a chain breaking loose. I was literally in bondage. He told me that God wanted to say to me that He loves me, that I don't have to fear. And my favorite part was when he told me: "He's setting you free."

So then we worked on something called a "Truth Book," where I wrote down all the lies and fears like:
- I'm worthless, I'm afraid that I'm not really saved, I'm ugly, I'm stupid, I'm afraid for the future, afraid of my life, what if I blasphemed, etc (the list goes on and on).

Next to each of these, I wrote down the biblical TRUTH. For example:
- I'm fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 193:14)
- There's nothing that can separate me from the love of God, including my thoughts (Romans 8:31-39).
- I have been chosen by God and adopted as his child (Ephesians 1:3-8).
- Etc, etc. (I can look up more truths for all of you if you're interested)

Essentially, I had to tell myself that: I AM A CHILD OF GOD. A precious, precious child of God. And so are you. It was really hard for me though because my brain was still all over the place and I kept wanting to "make sure," and I kept asking, "But what if..."

Lemme tell all of you something: God's love for you is BIGGER than you could ever imagine. There's is NOTHING that can change God's love for you, not even your craziest thoughts. HE LOVES YOU. Radically. And it has nothing to do with who you are or what you've done, He has called you because of His love.

Some practical steps for those who struggle with similar types of OCD:
1. No more obsessively googling "OCD"! Get off of this forum if you're using it as a way to obsess over your OCD (let this be the last OCD post you read, haha). I actually used to OBSESS over the OCD forums on this site. But hours of reading posts makes it worse. I made an account just because I felt moved to come back after these few months of freedom and write a little testimony.

2. Don't focus on the problem, as difficult as it is. Keep your eyes on Jesus. If you must do research, do some research on who GOD says you are. Chew on this, and embrace this identity. The truth will set you free (John 8:32).

3. EXERCISE. This seriously helps with sleep. Try for 3-4 sessions of aerobic exercise every week... anything that gets your heart rate up (at least for 20 minutes per session!).

4. Minimize stress in your life if you can, and eat healthy, drink lots of water, don't drink too much caffeine, etc. If you're a student, try not to procrastinate, haha~

5. Be patient with yourself. Freedom took me a LONG time. I doubted God's word of freedom over me because it took so long. God wants freedom for you too, more than even YOU want it!

6. Mediate on God's word for you, a little bit each day. Let Him break every chain, one by one. You are God's child. So when another one of those nasty thoughts pop in your mind (for those with the obsessive thoughts), realize that it's okay, realize that you are not your thoughts. Just let them chill there, even though they can be disturbing/scary thoughts - no need to fight against them because you know that God loves you no matter what pops up in your mind.


Sometimes I get tempted to fall back into insecurity, fear, shame, etc. We're in a spiritual battle. But we've already won the battle, because Christ lives in us. So don't be afraid! Stay strong!

GOD LOVES YOU<3

Here are some freedom songs for you to check out. Also, feel free to ask any questions I really wanna be of help to you guys.

Thank you for the post. You are awesome ! You really have helped me more then you know.
God bless you my sister

 

[fauna]

Yeah, I think I'm going to have to make an appointment to see the doctor soon. I'm not coping well anymore (if I ever was with all the theme switching I went through last year). I know the thoughts aren't me. The thoughts—especially the ones that are completely spirit crushing and abhorrent—are not things I believe or would ever do but man if I don't feel miserable. I just feel really sensitive lately. Even listening to sermons lately has been triggering. I mean just this week I was listening to a pastor talk about who we are in Christ and he said something about how in of ourselves a person can go crazy or commit murder and OCD had a field day cue the intrusive thoughts. I've never talked about my intrusive thoughts with anyone and there are just some thoughts I feel physically unable to talk about. So hopefully telling him that I've been having obsessive thoughts will be enough. But yeah I've been ruminating a lot. My motivation is dropping. I can barely focus long enough to read the bible or meditate. The last thing I want to do is get more and more depressed.

Aww, Angel --
I completely understand this. There have been times for me when even reading the Bible itself was a trigger (my thoughts were that out of control, it was torture.) It's really awful. I'm not sure if this is the wisest advice, but what I ended up doing was taking a break from the traditional ways of studying the word for a day or two. So for a day I just wouldn't try reading the Bible or listening to a sermon or doing other triggering things - instead, I just looked for a different way of being with God that wasn't as triggering, in smaller doses.

So maybe you could just try worshipping and connecting to God through song for a day, maybe a small devotional. Sometimes that can be enough to make your brain "forget" that you get triggered by a sermon/bible. It would be a mental break to get your thoughts to calm down a bit. Songs can really minister over you! Try dancing to a worship song!

I would also say to be aware of how many sermons you're watching at once -- an OCD habit that developed for me was that there were times when I would obsessively watch sermons for crazy amounts of time or attempt to read large chunks of the Bible because I was just fearful and obsessive over who-knows-what. There's so much info out there and it can be difficult to just SIMPLIFY life and to not make our relationship with God so complicated. Just wanted to warn you of this before this habit snatches you! (Maybe you're not in danger of this but I just wanted to let you know juuuust in case)

Also, keep praying. I know this is really basic but I feel like we get so caught up in seeking advice or listening to sermons that we forget to simply sit and talk to God about our problems. Again, I'm not sure what your habits are, but always remember that God is listening and is soooo soooo present even when we can't feel Him.

And I hope that talking to the doctor helps!! There's a kind of relief in telling someone about this sort of thing.

You're making small steps Angel -- sometimes things might get a little worse before they get better. I just love that you're FIGHTING this battle. Man, I'm so hopeful for you!!!! I feel confident that maybe in a year, maybe more (or maybe less), you'll see so much victory. Just HANG ON. Hang in there. You're doing great. Keep thinking about your daily habits, take small steps in the way you eat/sleep/exercise/manage stress. Keep declaring God's truth over you.

God's cheering you on!<3

 

[fauna]

Thank you for the post. You are awesome ! You really have helped me more then you know.
God bless you my sister

Awww! Yaaay, I'm so encouraged!!! It's not easy to tell if anyone's finding this useful unless they respond directly to this post, so this was so helpful! Thanks so much sonofedward!!!!

By the way, God loves you SsooOOOoO much, you have no ideaaa~

 

[sonofedward]

Awww! Yaaay, I'm so encouraged!!! It's not easy to tell if anyone's finding this useful unless they respond directly to this post, so this was so helpful! Thanks so much sonofedward!!!!

By the way, God loves you SsooOOOoO much, you have no ideaaa~

Thanks again, you have no idea how much I needed to hear that
I hope you enjoy your weekend and God bless you

 

[aangel]

Thanks Fauna,

There was a point where I was listening to up four sermons a day. The length varied from an hour to over that. Now I just listen to one sermon; it's the same sermon everyday but eventually I'm going to switch it up with another and just alternate. Also during the weekdays I watch this show on tbn where full sermons are split into parts that play over the whole week. I'm going to simplify. I think I have way too many bible plans—I mean they're small usually a scripture or two sometimes four between them all. But I guess sticking to maybe 1 or 2 coupled with a daily devotional would be better. It would be better than not reading the bible at all because I've doing that a lot lately. I'm going to take your advice. Singing some worship songs might do me some good. Still trying to ignore the thoughts but seriously the amount of internet new articles I've managed to stumble upon with even trying to. I've been reminding myself that regardless of what terrible awful things people do that it has nothing to do with me nor will ever. I try to do that whenever I hear about accidents or someone catching this disease or that too. I remind myself that God loves me no matter what but for some thoughts it doesn't work. And I ask God if he understands that. With those thoughts I'm more inclined to say that it's not me or that will never happened. I don't know if this is a compulsion or not sometimes I can be really adamant about it because I get those OCD warning feelings. Even when I'm not having intrusive thoughts sometimes, I'll feel anxious and that in itself is confusing. It's a process. Baby steps, I guess.

Thank you again, God bless you.

 

[godsgurl25]

Thank you for this encouraging post! I was going to write something similar because of what I experienced this past year. I never had obsessive thoughts before and I found the more I googled it looking for reassurance, the more disturbed I became (although the only good thing I found was that people with OCD are usually the most caring and compassionate people). But the more I stood on God's word and His truth, the less anxious I began to feel. I still battle outrageous thoughts (more of the violent nature) but I know it's not my thoughts, just my flesh. And our flesh is enmity against God.

I too was in school and did not sleep for months, I worked with children and found myself having horrible thoughts about them. The enemy likes to attack our mind because it is such a ripe battlefield and we know as a man thinks, so is he. What better way to ruin someone's life then by attacking their mind? Through Christ's sacrifice though, we are His heirs and He lives in us. And since He lives in us, we are no longer under the curse (Galatians 3:13). Just to know that we having Jesus living in us gives us so much hope and freedom for the future!

 

[Zoleee]

Thank you for the amazing testimony. It just came the BEST time for me. I am having so bad thoughts and it was just amazing. Thank you. <3 Can I PM you?

 

[lindsey35atl]

Hi all! I just wanna share my testimony about my struggles with OCD (this is a super simplified version, it was a lot more complex than this, but I hope you will get the idea!)

I suffered from all sorts of OCD for about a year. I'm currently a sophomore in college, but all of last year I suffered from so many different types of OCD - I was obsessed with wondering if I was really saved, if I blasphemed the Holy Spirit (I was struggling with blasphemous thoughts constantly) , and I struggled with doubting thoughts, sexual thoughts, etc that I really hated and didn't want. I felt tormented day and night, and struggled with insomnia for about 4 months as well. It was probably the worst time of my life - I was also dealing with other forms of anxiety and fear (I was constantly worried about the future, my appearance, what people thought of me, etc). Last winter, I was hospitalized for anxiety-related complications - I had trouble breathing and I had a terrible case of gastritis for about 2 weeks.

During the school year, I got in touch with one of the pastors of my church that I attend while here. I didn't know where else to turn. I was turning to the school psychologists (they did absolutely nothing for me, all they did was say, "just take some anti-depressants"). I didn't end up doing it because I just felt like there had to be some other way out of this mess. My pastor knows a lot about anxiety and fear, so he counseled me. When he prayed for me, he told me that he had a vision of me being held in chains, but with a chain breaking loose. I was literally in bondage. He told me that God wanted to say to me that He loves me, that I don't have to fear. And my favorite part was when he told me: "He's setting you free."

So then we worked on something called a "Truth Book," where I wrote down all the lies and fears like:
- I'm worthless, I'm afraid that I'm not really saved, I'm ugly, I'm stupid, I'm afraid for the future, afraid of my life, what if I blasphemed, etc (the list goes on and on).

Next to each of these, I wrote down the biblical TRUTH. For example:
- I'm fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 193:14)
- There's nothing that can separate me from the love of God, including my thoughts (Romans 8:31-39).
- I have been chosen by God and adopted as his child (Ephesians 1:3-8).
- Etc, etc. (I can look up more truths for all of you if you're interested)

Essentially, I had to tell myself that: I AM A CHILD OF GOD. A precious, precious child of God. And so are you. It was really hard for me though because my brain was still all over the place and I kept wanting to "make sure," and I kept asking, "But what if..."

Lemme tell all of you something: God's love for you is BIGGER than you could ever imagine. There's is NOTHING that can change God's love for you, not even your craziest thoughts. HE LOVES YOU. Radically. And it has nothing to do with who you are or what you've done, He has called you because of His love.

Some practical steps for those who struggle with similar types of OCD:
1. No more obsessively googling "OCD"! Get off of this forum if you're using it as a way to obsess over your OCD (let this be the last OCD post you read, haha). I actually used to OBSESS over the OCD forums on this site. But hours of reading posts makes it worse. I made an account just because I felt moved to come back after these few months of freedom and write a little testimony.

2. Don't focus on the problem, as difficult as it is. Keep your eyes on Jesus. If you must do research, do some research on who GOD says you are. Chew on this, and embrace this identity. The truth will set you free (John 8:32).

3. EXERCISE. This seriously helps with sleep. Try for 3-4 sessions of aerobic exercise every week... anything that gets your heart rate up (at least for 20 minutes per session!).

4. Minimize stress in your life if you can, and eat healthy, drink lots of water, don't drink too much caffeine, etc. If you're a student, try not to procrastinate, haha~

5. Be patient with yourself. Freedom took me a LONG time. I doubted God's word of freedom over me because it took so long. God wants freedom for you too, more than even YOU want it!

6. Mediate on God's word for you, a little bit each day. Let Him break every chain, one by one. You are God's child. So when another one of those nasty thoughts pop in your mind (for those with the obsessive thoughts), realize that it's okay, realize that you are not your thoughts. Just let them chill there, even though they can be disturbing/scary thoughts - no need to fight against them because you know that God loves you no matter what pops up in your mind.


Sometimes I get tempted to fall back into insecurity, fear, shame, etc. We're in a spiritual battle. But we've already won the battle, because Christ lives in us. So don't be afraid! Stay strong!

GOD LOVES YOU<3

Here are some freedom songs for you to check out. Also, feel free to ask any questions I really wanna be of help to you guys.

 

[lindsey35atl]

I can never imagine being free of these thoughts. It's like I have no control over my mind. I have gained 20 lbs because I don't want to do anything but eat, the intrusive thoughts have destroyed my life these thoughts are beyond disturbing, it's insane, id'e rather die than live like this. Was your healing gradual or instant?

 

[fauna]

Lindsey! I 100% get the feeling of having no control over my mind. My thoughts were also horrific and I honestly didn't believe that I could ever be free from this. My heart really aches for you because I was in the midst of that and it just really STINKS. It's awful, but in Christ, there is no chain that can't be broken.

My healing was gradual. The pastor who counseled me prophesied over me and said that Jesus was "setting me free," but made the point that there were certain habits that I needed to change/add/get rid of in my life to make room for this to happen, in all the realms of my life, not just spiritual. I needed to daily come to the Lord and focus on building my relationship with Him, I needed to grow confident in who He says I am, while I also needed to deal with my stress - I had to stop overworking, and begin trusting in His love and provision for me. I needed to trust in His perfect, loving nature, and that I am literally his CHILD, whom He loves so dearly and truly. You can try the "replacement" method -- next time you feel like you just want to eat (and you're not feeling hungry), go outside and take a walk instead, or chat with a friend, or anything else that you find joyful.

I would sometimes wonder why God didn't just heal me in an instant. Sometimes I'll wonder, "Why didn't God fully heal me at that college retreat? Why didn't he heal me instantly when my pastor prayed for me? Why the wait?! I thought He wanted me to get well!" But looking back I see that God's objective wasn't simply for me to be "Free from OCD/Anxiety/Depression." No, God always goes above and beyond, and is saying, "More than anything, I want you to see how good I am and how much you are loved by me," and the gradual healing has made me see more and more how wonderful He is and how wonderfully He thinks of me. Knowing God's heart towards me through daily devotion and habit changes not only set me free, but in replacement there is JOY. So I'm basically saying this: don't just expect God to bring you freedom - He is planning on bringing you so much more light that comes with being one of His own.

Another practical thing: Try not to obsess or "control" your thoughts. Be secure in knowing that no matter how crazy or disturbing your thoughts are, the love that God has for you surpasses even those. There is nothing that can make God stop loving you, and that is TRUTH. So let the thoughts come, know that you are not your thoughts, and they'll begin to disappear. He loves and adores you.<3

 

[redblue22]

I'm not really up for replacing one obsession and compulsion with another. I take the drugs, and they work.

 

[W2L]

I wonder if overthinking OCD can actually trigger it. Maybe its good to not think about it too much, I dunno. I know my mind is a battleground at times. I have never been diagnosed, but this OCD thing sure sounds familiar. Anyway, may the Lord be we us.

 

[lindsey35atl]

Lindsey! I 100% get the feeling of having no control over my mind. My thoughts were also horrific and I honestly didn't believe that I could ever be free from this. My heart really aches for you because I was in the midst of that and it just really STINKS. It's awful, but in Christ, there is no chain that can't be broken.

My healing was gradual. The pastor who counseled me prophesied over me and said that Jesus was "setting me free," but made the point that there were certain habits that I needed to change/add/get rid of in my life to make room for this to happen, in all the realms of my life, not just spiritual. I needed to daily come to the Lord and focus on building my relationship with Him, I needed to grow confident in who He says I am, while I also needed to deal with my stress - I had to stop overworking, and begin trusting in His love and provision for me. I needed to trust in His perfect, loving nature, and that I am literally his CHILD, whom He loves so dearly and truly. You can try the "replacement" method -- next time you feel like you just want to eat (and you're not feeling hungry), go outside and take a walk instead, or chat with a friend, or anything else that you find joyful.

I would sometimes wonder why God didn't just heal me in an instant. Sometimes I'll wonder, "Why didn't God fully heal me at that college retreat? Why didn't he heal me instantly when my pastor prayed for me? Why the wait?! I thought He wanted me to get well!" But looking back I see that God's objective wasn't simply for me to be "Free from OCD/Anxiety/Depression." No, God always goes above and beyond, and is saying, "More than anything, I want you to see how good I am and how much you are loved by me," and the gradual healing has made me see more and more how wonderful He is and how wonderfully He thinks of me. Knowing God's heart towards me through daily devotion and habit changes not only set me free, but in replacement there is JOY. So I'm basically saying this: don't just expect God to bring you freedom - He is planning on bringing you so much more light that comes with being one of His own.

Another practical thing: Try not to obsess or "control" your thoughts. Be secure in knowing that no matter how crazy or disturbing your thoughts are, the love that God has for you surpasses even those. There is nothing that can make God stop loving you, and that is TRUTH. So let the thoughts come, know that you are not your thoughts, and they'll begin to disappear. He loves and adores you.<3

 

[lindsey35atl]

Thanks for responding! My thoughts started because I was involved in the occult, I had a bad experience using some tarot cards my cousin got me, and I went to go see a psychic. After that I had what you could call a evil paranormal experience. I have been delivered from some stuff but the thoughts still remain, it's the one lingering problem that won't seem to go away! Thanks for the encouraging words!

 

[lindsey35atl]

I'm not really up for replacing one obsession and compulsion with another. I take the drugs, and they work.

 

[lindsey35atl]

which drugs? maybe I'll try them

 

[fauna]

I completely understand this. There have been times for me when even reading the Bible itself was a trigger (my thoughts were that out of control, it was torture.) It's really awful. I'm not sure if this is the wisest advice, but what I ended up doing was taking a break from the traditional ways of studying the word for a day or two. So for a day I just wouldn't try reading the Bible or listening to a sermon or doing other triggering things - instead, I just looked for a different way of being with God that wasn't as triggering, in smaller doses.

- Hey red!
Aghhh no please don't get me wrong, I'm not suggesting that we start obsessing over daily devotions/church/etc, that's an awful way to go - I mentioned in an earlier post that when my OCD was taking over, I'd sometimes have to take a "break" from anything that was triggering, which did calm some of the thoughts. That did require me to not read the Bible for a little bit, and for others, it might be church, etc. Thankfully, He's the most understanding Father out there and His love and approval for us doesn't depend on whether or not we've stuck to our daily devotions.

And I'm definitely not against taking drugs, either. There was a memorable pastor at a retreat I went to who was also involved in Deliverance ministries - I remember him saying that drugs were sometimes needed for the people he counseled to help calm them mentally/physically to get them to a place where they can get back on track and get true freedom and healing in Jesus. I personally didn't want to take meds when I had the chance mostly because I just wasn't really into the commitment. The school psychiatrist that I talked to told me, "People have been on it for 30 years and they're totally fine." But I was like, BUT I DON'T WANT TO TAKE THAT PILL EVERYDAY FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE. I figured there had to be true, permanent freedom, and that was found in Jesus. (Antidepressants definitely do the job of helping with the physical and chemical things, but of course, not the spiritual).

- W2L: I think you're right! OCD in itself can be something to obsess over... yeah, overthinking it is seriously not a good idea. In my very first post I wrote, "No more obsessively googling OCD! " because I've overthought OCD way too many times before and that seriously, seriously does get you into a rabbit hole.

- Yaayyy Lindsay, I'm so glad that things have been getting better for you and that so many chains have already been broken! YEEEEEE!!! I was kindof being a creep and stalked your blog post about your testimony earlier today (lol)~ I prayed for you after reading it, specifically for 1. Freedom of course, and 2. that our loving Father would not just free you but also to reveal more of Himself and His love to you in wonderful ways. Really hoping that He answers!<33

 

[HighRyzr]

Glad to see there is light at the end of the tunnel. I had a very intense time of these thoughts that almost drove me insane. They have slowly became less in intensity but I still have longer looming thoughts. The most concerning part for me is that I had a strong desire for God before and during these thoughts that has seemed to have decreased during this perhaps from the anxiety. I hope that comes back.
I finally had to get on an antidepressant and something for sleep. I have moments I feel everything is okay with God then the next moment I don't. I think it's a trust issue since I don't know what's going on. Before all of these started I prayed for God to help get my life together but since then it's seems to have fallen apart. I hope it all works out in the end and I can see He was rebuilding it.

 

[lindsey35atl]

This experience has changed my relationship with God as well, I feel far away and abandoned by him. I can relate to everything you said. One of the worst parts is having your relationship with God affected or even destroyed. It's something I was'nt prepared for! You are not alone. I wish there were support groups for people who suffer from this. I have been doing a lot of research on line and the term for it is pure o or ocd. Hope this helps! Hang in there, I know how hard it is trust me!!