Freedom from OCD!

[fauna]

Hi all! I just wanna share my testimony about my struggles with OCD (this is a super simplified version, it was a lot more complex than this, but I hope you will get the idea!)

I suffered from all sorts of OCD for about a year. I'm currently a sophomore in college, but all of last year I suffered from so many different types of OCD - I was obsessed with wondering if I was really saved, if I blasphemed the Holy Spirit (I was struggling with blasphemous thoughts constantly) , and I struggled with doubting thoughts, sexual thoughts, etc that I really hated and didn't want. I felt tormented day and night, and struggled with insomnia for about 4 months as well. It was probably the worst time of my life - I was also dealing with other forms of anxiety and fear (I was constantly worried about the future, my appearance, what people thought of me, etc). Last winter, I was hospitalized for anxiety-related complications - I had trouble breathing and I had a terrible case of gastritis for about 2 weeks.

During the school year, I got in touch with one of the pastors of my church that I attend while here. I didn't know where else to turn. I was turning to the school psychologists (they did absolutely nothing for me, all they did was say, "just take some anti-depressants"). I didn't end up doing it because I just felt like there had to be some other way out of this mess. My pastor knows a lot about anxiety and fear, so he counseled me. When he prayed for me, he told me that he had a vision of me being held in chains, but with a chain breaking loose. I was literally in bondage. He told me that God wanted to say to me that He loves me, that I don't have to fear. And my favorite part was when he told me: "He's setting you free."

So then we worked on something called a "Truth Book," where I wrote down all the lies and fears like:
- I'm worthless, I'm afraid that I'm not really saved, I'm ugly, I'm stupid, I'm afraid for the future, afraid of my life, what if I blasphemed, etc (the list goes on and on).

Next to each of these, I wrote down the biblical TRUTH. For example:
- I'm fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 193:14)
- There's nothing that can separate me from the love of God, including my thoughts (Romans 8:31-39).
- I have been chosen by God and adopted as his child (Ephesians 1:3-8).
- Etc, etc. (I can look up more truths for all of you if you're interested)

Essentially, I had to tell myself that: I AM A CHILD OF GOD. A precious, precious child of God. And so are you. It was really hard for me though because my brain was still all over the place and I kept wanting to "make sure," and I kept asking, "But what if..."

Lemme tell all of you something: God's love for you is BIGGER than you could ever imagine. There's is NOTHING that can change God's love for you, not even your craziest thoughts. HE LOVES YOU. Radically. And it has nothing to do with who you are or what you've done, He has called you because of His love.

Some practical steps for those who struggle with similar types of OCD:
1. No more obsessively googling "OCD"! Get off of this forum if you're using it as a way to obsess over your OCD (let this be the last OCD post you read, haha). I actually used to OBSESS over the OCD forums on this site. But hours of reading posts makes it worse. I made an account just because I felt moved to come back after these few months of freedom and write a little testimony.

2. Don't focus on the problem, as difficult as it is. Keep your eyes on Jesus. If you must do research, do some research on who GOD says you are. Chew on this, and embrace this identity. The truth will set you free (John 8:32).

3. EXERCISE. This seriously helps with sleep. Try for 3-4 sessions of aerobic exercise every week... anything that gets your heart rate up (at least for 20 minutes per session!).

4. Minimize stress in your life if you can, and eat healthy, drink lots of water, don't drink too much caffeine, etc. If you're a student, try not to procrastinate, haha~

5. Be patient with yourself. Freedom took me a LONG time. I doubted God's word of freedom over me because it took so long. God wants freedom for you too, more than even YOU want it!

6. Mediate on God's word for you, a little bit each day. Let Him break every chain, one by one. You are God's child. So when another one of those nasty thoughts pop in your mind (for those with the obsessive thoughts), realize that it's okay, realize that you are not your thoughts. Just let them chill there, even though they can be disturbing/scary thoughts - no need to fight against them because you know that God loves you no matter what pops up in your mind.


Sometimes I get tempted to fall back into insecurity, fear, shame, etc. We're in a spiritual battle. But we've already won the battle, because Christ lives in us. So don't be afraid! Stay strong!

GOD LOVES YOU<3

Here are some freedom songs for you to check out. Also, feel free to ask any questions I really wanna be of help to you guys.

 

[heaLsEarch]

So then we worked on something called a "Truth Book," where I wrote down all the lies and fears like:
- I'm worthless, I'm afraid that I'm not really saved, I'm ugly, I'm stupid, I'm afraid for the future, afraid of my life, what if I blasphemed, etc (the list goes on and on).

Next to each of these, I wrote down the biblical TRUTH. For example:
- I'm fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 193:14)
- There's nothing that can separate me from the love of God, including my thoughts (Romans 8:31-39).
- I have been chosen by God and adopted as his child (Ephesians 1:3-8).
- Etc, etc. (I can look up more truths for all of you if you're interested)

Essentially, I had to tell myself that: I AM A CHILD OF GOD. A precious, precious child of God. And so are you. It was really hard for me though because my brain was still all over the place and I kept wanting to "make sure," and I kept asking, "But what if..."

Thank you for an encouraging testimony! Will you list more biblical truths you wrote down, please? I know I need to personalize messages, but I don't mind at all reading them!

Thanks!

 

[augustcomposure]

What an amazing testimony! I would also love to see more of the Biblical truths you wrote. I have been struggling with OCD for almost 16 years and I was in tears while reading your post. Praise be to God! I hope to have a testimony like yours some day - I have mainly been struggling with the "Am I really saved?" questions and intense scrupulosity over everything. I just have a really hard time distinguishing between convictions from the Holy Spirit, and OCD based over-reactions.

 

[fauna]

Hey guys!!! YESS! I'll definitely write down more truths!! I feel so encouraged by your comments August, I get that a lot -- I was also having a hard time with making the distinction between the Holy Spirit and OCD over-reactions... It's so hard though because with OCD you get so convinced that something's true when it's not D:

Okay, so I think I'm gonna write down basically everything my pastor told me. I might get off topic along the long but I'll get thereee!!!

MY TRUTH BOOK
1. Jesus is saying to you, "I am with you. I live in you." -- And since He lives in us through his Spirit, there is also life, hope, healing, truth and forgiveness.
Remember that Jesus has done the work that will set you free. He lives inside of you, His freedom is accessible to you. You just need to hold on to the truth that Jesus has for you.

2. "This is for my glory."
I was a little confused by this at first, but what I understood from this is that in the end, He will be glorified. He really deserves all glory, honor, and praise forever, for what he has done for us. My testimony points to Jesus, HE is the one who has set me free.

3. The evil one will try to stop this relationship and healing through lies and deception.
The enemy doesn't want you to be healed.

Okay, I'm gonna have to take a brief detour and talk a little bit about Spiritual Warfare!! You might already know what this is but my church had a workshop for college students about spiritual warfare like three weeks ago and I wanna share some really helpful things (I feel like this is gonna be a really long post... hehe). The workshop was called, "Combatting Spiritual Warfare through Prayer." Here are some of my notes:

- If you're a follower of Christ, you are CONSTANTLY in a spiritual battle. Like, it just goes on and on.
- We need to be CONFIDENT and SECURE in our identity as God's warriors (that's why we need to know the truth about our identity in Christ and as God's beloved children.)
- Wonderful news: WE ARE NOT HELPLESS. We don't need to just sit there and take the punches, these lies literally have nothing over us. POP QUIZ: Who lives in us??? THAT'S RIGHT! JESUS DOES. Swag swag swag! And you know what that means? The enemy's defeated, yeeee!! (1 John 4:4)
- The BATTLE GROUND happens mostly in our minds - Satan makes us question God's character and nature. Once we lose sight of our status as God's children and of how much He loves us, we become vulnerable to his lies.

Some of Satan's warfare tactics (He basically wants to steal, kill, and destroy):
1. He plants deceptive thoughts in our minds with lies and half-truths to cause us to question, doubt, and not believe.
2. He creates fear in us.
3. Tempts us to feel guilt, shame, discouragement, depression, and hopelessness, especially through his accusations and condemnations.
4. Tempts us to sin: Jealousy, pride, unbelief, unforgiveness, bitterness.

POP QUIZ #2: Who lives in us?? JESSSSUSSSSSSS!!! (If you didn't get it right the first time then hopefully you got it this time).

JESUS IS OUR DEFENSE. Ooo, that line just made me think of a song called, "Lord I need you," by Matt Maher. I'll stick it to the bottom of this post.

Now, here's the COMBAT STRATEGY for the CHILD OF GOD (Aka, you):
- RESIST. Act in opposition to Satan's scheme's/attacks of deception, fear, and discouragement.
For OCD specifically, here's an example of how it's played out in my mind---
Thought: Am I really a child of God..?
Me: -Slips into the temptation to accept the thought, starts panicking and worrying-
Thought: Are you reaaaallly? You don't feel like a child of God.
Me: -Starts to ignores the thought-
Thought: HEY. I'M TALKING TO YOU.
Me: I'm a child of God. (Galatians 4:1-7)
Thought: OH SNAP SHE'S USING THE TRUTH BULLETS, RUN FOR YA LIFEEEEE!!!!
Me: -Forces myself to stop panicking and goes about my normal business-

It's not always that easy, sometimes I have to resist, not just with my truth-breathed words/thoughts, but there are times when I have to physically get up, and do something else that keeps my mind off those false thoughts. Stress/Anxiety triggers these sometimes so resting and relaxing helps a lot.

You have fists, USE THEM! As soon as those thoughts pop up in your mind just knock 'em out.

OKAY BACK TO THE TRUTHS, SORRY FOR THE DETOUR!!

4. You need to release the qualities of Jesus in yourself, like love! Think of a water faucet. Something's blocking it - whether it's fear, pride, etc - and you needa start breaking out of that. The life-giving water in there, just TURN IT ON!

5. "I love you. I gave my son for you."

6. God's saying to you, "I've called you. Not because of who you are or what you've done, but just because of my love." So for those who struggle with the thoughts like, "Do I have enough faith? Do I believe enough? Do I really believe?" (I can't tell you how much I struggled with those thoughts, ughhhhhh), IT'S NOT ABOUT YOU. Guys, God is holding on to YOU. All you have to do is accept his invitation to have a relationship with you. This is what sustains us. Talk with him, become acquainted with His word, find a church - just remain in His love.

7. "YOU ARE NOT ALONE." God says, "I am with you." (Isaiah 41:10)

My pastor then told me to BE TRANSFORMED BY THE RENEWING OF YOUR MIND. (Romans 12:2)
This is really about HABITS. Don't underestimate this. Reset and renew the habits of your mind, reset the habits of your actions. So, for example, instead of taking these thoughts and accepting them when your mind's feeling whacky, ignore them, standing firm in the TRUTH about who you are. Trust in God's promises and change your behavior according to those promises. Think about stress-reducing habits too, like going out for exercise every few days and modifying your bedtime routine.

Now here's the chart I've written for myself. Mine might look slightly different from yours -- these are most of the lies that I came to believe led to my anxiety and fear, which ultimately led me to my crazzzyyy OCD and anxiety issues. Lol, wow, I'm just thinking about all the anxiety I had in the past and I was literally a MESS. I didn't mention this in my first post but I also remember being so afraid of getting sick ALL the time, and I remember going to hospitals just to get tested for diseases that I was deadly afraid of, even though the doctors REPEATEDLY were like, "You literally can't get this disease..." (I must have been a pain.)

I realize now that I don't have a column for that in my truth book, but being in a relationship with Jesus has set me free from that too. It's not the CHART that sets you free, it's JESUS and His truth. Once you become more and more acquainted with who He is and who He says you are, more fears you didn't realize you had really start melting away. No fear in death, weeeeeee!!!


When you write your Truth book, IDENTIFY SPECIFIC LIES. They can be general, but be sure to associate them with an event. Connect the EVENT with the EMOTION. In that, past events that have caused emotional hurts, or just any feeling or fear in general, is put up against the truth. The truth wins every timeeee!! This is where the inner healing comes in.

YAY JESUSSSSS!!!!!!!

Lie #1. I'm ashamed that I (X, Y, and Z) ~ (Some things I won't share here just because I don't wanna get too personal.)
TRUTH. "I created you. I love you (Ephesians 1). I adopted you (Romans 8:15). You are no longer a slave to fear, but have been given a spirit of adoption."

Lie #2. I'm a bother and annoyance to those around me (I felt that within my family ever since I was little)
TRUTH: Jesus loves you, you are not a bother. "Let the little children come to me (Matthew 19:14)"

Lie #3. I am worthless. I won't be able to do anything meaningful in my life.
TRUTH: "You are God's workmanship." (Ephesians 2:10) "I have plans for you." (Jeremiah 29:11)

Lie #4. I'm ugly, not beautiful, disgusting. (Main cause of my former social anxiety/obsessing over self-image)
TRUTH: "You are fearfully and wonderfully made" (Psalm 139:14). "Before I formed you in the womb I knew you" (Jeremiah 1:5).

Lie #5. By comparing myself to others, I have worth, identity, and safety.
TRUTH: My identity, worth, and safety is in Christ.

Lie #6. I need to fear (failure of not pleasing someone, being alone, rejected, etc).
TRUTH: Isaiah 41:10

Lie #7. You are rejected. I don't belong. No one loves me.
TRUTH: God LOVES and accepts me. More than you can ever imagine.

Here are some other TRUTHS to meditate on!!!
http://lastbattle.org/wp-content/up...-for-Security-Significance-and-Acceptance.pdf

Etc, etc.
I just wanna say that as you get to know God more and His heart towards you by reading the word and even jamming to some good Christian songs, you won't need a "Truth book" -- You'll begin to understand God's heart for you, it'll feel more natural to you.

Speaking of songs... (listen to 'em, they're so gooooood)

Oh my goodness, sorry for the crazy long post!! HealsEarch and Augustcomposer, I really hope this helps! And when it comes to meditating on truth, try your best to meditate and absorb the truths every day, like a prescription medicine. I really hope you guys will tell me more about yourselves and lemme know how things are goinggg!!<33

 

[augustcomposure]

Wow! Thank you so much for all this information and words of experience/wisdom. It is really great being able to talk to someone who has gone through almost the exact same experience as you (it can understandably be hard for people who do not suffer from OCD to understand what you are going through.) There is so many bits of uplifting advice and hope in your post - I barely know where to start. I (like you) also suffer from the medical based worry and fear - I am always looking up stuff online and convincing myself I have some disease - and it just causes me to stress more and feel worse. Like you said, the only place I get any relief from is when I am in God's presence - His love really is unfathomable and cannot be described in words. Sadly, I often struggle with giving God as much time daily as I should (which then causes more guilt.) I know it is no excuse, but I grew up in the church and have spent my life reading and learning from God's word - and when I sit down to spend time with Him now - I struggle to find anything new in passages I have read a million times (even though it is stupid for me to think I have nothing to learn because His word has so much more in it than I could ever comprehend in a lifetime.) I guess my question to you would be - how do you "study" or spend time in God's word? Do you just sit down and read? Or is there some type of Bible study you are working through? Thanks again for all you advice and encouragement! God Bless!

 

[fauna]

Hi August!!! Thanks for sharing!! The funny thing is, I didn't know/understand any of this a year ago... God has really changed me, praise God, hahaa!!

Yeah the medical based fear is awful... Googling medical conditions was like an addiction for me. But once you force yourself to stop and not give into the temptation, it really does pass. I haven't thought about Googling a disease in a really long time, and it's not even a temptation anymore. And anyway, even if you did have some deadly disease, we don't need to fear death anymore (although the thought of it can still be unpleasant)!

Giving God time daily was also a huge struggle for me. But then very recently I realized that we NEED to fight for spending time with Him. Like, we need to. Not out of obligation, but out of recognizing that his words are LIFE. We're not perfect, but God loves us anyway - so don't beat yourself up too badly over it. Think of it as food - could you survive a day without it? Ehhhh, maybe, but you'd probably be cranky, upset, restless, etc. When I don't spend time with God for a day, I fall into similar patterns -- It's easier for me to fall into temptation and to get fearful, anxious, irritated, etc.

I mean, think about Jesus. He frequently went to a solitary place to pray, especially after a lot of activity (See Mark 1:29-39). If Jesus spent a lot of time alone in prayer with the Father, don't you think we should too?!

So yeah, eat your Bible! It's super healthy. Think of John 6:35.

Also, I was at a retreat last summer and a pastor was talking about becoming jaded with the Bible and the Church and the feeling of being so familiar with everything (I still have the notes!!!) I'll share a bit of what he said:

He said that we treat prayer as though it's a mandatory thing to do, as if it's a negative thing. It's important to pray and read your Bible, but don't make it about performance or just about getting head knowledge. God wants a RELATIONSHIP with you. Even if you had the whole bible memorized, even if you know all the stories - you have no idea how great His plans are for you or for this world. God's out to restore lives and make all things new ~ God calls you, and us, to be a part of this amazing adventure that he has.

The pastor went on to say that we need vessels to carry God's presence. It's our connection to Christ that allows us to cast out demons, heal the sick, etc. The apostle's had God's power on them (Acts 5:12-16) that allowed them to do all these awesome things in Jesus' name! And plus, Jesus says, "Remain in me!" (see John 15).

August, God wants to transform you. My challenge for you, if you haven't done so already, is to openly talk to Him about this. Be honest with your feelings, lay it all down before him. And ASK Him to help you. ASK Him to take you beyond what you think you already know. GOD LISTENS, ASK!! Matthew 7:7-9. Ask him to take you on an adventure.

Hmmm, for me personally, I'm just starting to work through a book called "Spiritual Disciplines Companion: Bible Studies and Practices to Transform Your Soul," by Jan Johnson, it has tons of bible studies and practical advice about spending time with God. It's really great, highly recommend!!! I also just bought "Essential Truths of the Christian Faith" by RC Sproul - it's pretty basic, but SUPER important. I'm trying to be clear about theological truths, and not just truths about myself and God (which is of course very important too).

I'm reading the NIV "once a day" bible, so that I can read the bible in the year (although I fell behind at some point). There's an old testament, new testament, and psalm/proverb for me to look at each day. I just ask God to help me understand, and I ask Him to speak to me through the word.

I have weekly bible studies with my church group here, so that's been really nice!! A lot of them have been Christians for much longer than I am so I've been learning a lot from them. Are you part of a bible study group? It's really hard to follow Jesus alone!

I'm not sure if this answered all your questions but I hope they helped Feel free to ask me more questions anytimeeeee, I love sharing my experiences and I feel so encouraged by your questions ^__^ And seriously, thanks for sharing with me!!!!!

 

[augustcomposure]

Thanks! What you said about treating prayer as a mandatory thing we have to do is so true! I find myself falling into that so easily - I know in my head that its about a relationship, but my brain still acts as if its just something I have to do so God doesnt get mad at me. It's really hard to break that thought process on a consistant basis.

And yes, the mediacl based fear is something I really need to just leave in God's hands and walk away from - it just all comes back to not being able to tell the difference between a medical concern that I should actually see a doctor about - and something that my mind is blowing out of proportion because of something I red on the internet. Even as I am writing this, I am at work and a co-worker came in and said "You should stay away from me, I was throwing up this morning" and now its all I can think about - so I have been sanitizing everything and washing my hands like crazy. It ends up consuming my thoughts on every item I touch if it has germs on it or not - but I told God about it and I am trying to just leave it in His hands.

And thanks for the advice on the reading plans! I actually just finished a 365 day Bible Plan this January. It was really good to add that consistancy to my life and forced me to have time with God every day (it gets hard around Leviticus and Ezekiel though haha.) I havnt really found a good study plan this year yet though.

When it comes to Bible groups - Im not currently in one because my wife and I started going to a different church a few months ago and we are still getting to know everyone - its hard because we dont really have any Christian friends to hang out with that are our age - so hopefully we will meet some at the new church - I really want some Christian fellowship back in my life.

Thanks again for everything! God bless!

 

[peachy peach]

Thank you so much for sharing this! I am on the brink of tears right now. I have been struggling a lot lately with very similar things regarding OCD. This honestly gives me so much hope! I am honestly so happy and grateful I stumbled across these posts.

 

[fauna]

Peachyy!!!
I'm so glad this gave you a little hope!!! Yaaayyyy!! And yeah, OCD's a pain... it really takes over. And it's just annoying because it feels like you're in this annoying pit, or like you're trapped in some vicious thought cycle/pattern that you can't get out of. Stay hopeful!! God loves deliverance (check out Psalm 107), keep crying out to the Lord! Take care, Peachy Peach<3 He loves youuu!!

 

[peachy peach]

Peachyy!!!
I'm so glad this gave you a little hope!!! Yaaayyyy!! And yeah, OCD's a pain... it really takes over. And it's just annoying because it feels like you're in this annoying pit, or like you're trapped in some vicious thought cycle/pattern that you can't get out of. Stay hopeful!! God loves deliverance (check out Psalm 107), keep crying out to the Lord! Take care, Peachy Peach<3 He loves youuu!!

This is seriously so encouraging! I think I'm finally starting to break free of the thought pattern and it feels so good. One of the things that has helped me is, like you said, to stay off this part of the forum. It just left me dwelling on the problem for too long!

 

[aangel]

Thanks for this thread. I think I’ve cried almost every day this week. I’m so tired. All the thoughts you’ve had I’ve dealt with them. The salvation doubts—when I first got saved I simply confessed that Jesus is Lord but almost immediately after doubt came in. I asked for advice and from that came, ‘Did you repent? Did you tell God that you’re a sinner’, etc. It only made things worse because I was bombarded with thoughts about whether or not I asked for salvation the right way or if God truly knew I wanted to be saved. I can’t tell you how many times I prayed the sinner’s prayer after that. I blasphemous that thoughts would come out of nowhere. The doubts—sometimes I would be reading my bible and it felt I was accusing God of wrongdoing or trying to prove him wrong.

I come from a background of Jehovah's Witnesses (though thankfully I was never raised as one because my mother left that religion when she became an adult) my whole childhood I was told that was "the truth". After finding out the glaringly obvious issues and horrific inconsistencies with that religion (praise God). I recognized that religion doesn't save anybody Jesus does. But still I had thoughts about believing the wrong thing again even though Jesus said that he was the way and the truth and the life. It was awful. The thought 'Are you sure this is true? Are you sure' played like a mantra.

I also struggled health anxiety issues that the panic attacks I was having and other physical anxiety symptoms didn't help and that went on for months until the theme switched. I don't know how many theme switches I have had from last year until now but sometimes it feels like I'm all over the place. All OCD themes suck but sometimes when you switch another a part of you wishes to go back to one of the old ones even though you know deep down it's not going to make you feel better.

I'm just feeling alone right now. I tried explaining intrusive thoughts to my mother a little but I don't think I did very good job. I've never really talked or gone into actual detail about a lot the thoughts I've had. I tried to but I couldn't find the words. So I guess she thinks my thoughts are not that big of a deal. I mean this year alone I was asking her for reassurance about silly things especially when I cook. I make her check that nothing is spoiled even after I smelled it myself. I used to worry about silly things I a kid. Anyway even though deep down I know I would never do the vile horrific things that OCD tries to come up with it still hurts. The guilt and shame is crippling sometimes. I'm trying to be positive even in those crying moments. I try to remind myself that I'm the OCD or the intrusive thoughts—that it can't hurt me.

 

[fauna]

Oohhh my goodnesssss, Angel, you are literally not even close to being alone!! In fact, I relate to you in a few other ways (aside from the the fact that we understand what it's like to have OCD):

1. The TEARSSSS. There have been times when I had this deep deep DEEEEPPP sadness in me, like it turned into pure DEPRESSION. Like I was just *bleeping* SICK of it. I was sick of my B-12 vitamins (I was chugging those things down every day, because they did help me feel calm sometimes) and I was sick of INSOMNIA. I literally had nightmares and trouble sleeping for MONTHS. People always told me I looked tired. I was sick of googling OCD, sick of going to my weekly counseling sessions, sick of EVERYTHING. Sick of the THOUGHTS. It was so hard because I felt SOO SOOO alone. I literally thought that God had abandoned me, but He never does, He saw it all, and he sees everything you're going through, Angel!

I remember vividly one time when I was in my mom's car alone, this past summer actually, and I literally just SCREAMED. I cried louder than I ever had before because I was so frustrated, felt so bad, physically, mentally, emotionally, etc. I was also embarrassed for myself because I first tried telling a pastor who didn't understand anything about OCD, and you know what he said? This got me so upset. He was like, "Well, you might just be nuts." LIKE WHAT THE HECK?? REALLY?? And he's the sweetest pastor ever but that was incredibly unhelpful. But the church I go to near my college have pastors that have counseled many many people and the pastor there told me things that were actually helpful -- like writing a Truth Book and changing some of my day-to-day habits.

Also, I think in my first post I talked about how my testimony I wrote out was VERY simplified. There are a lot of other dark things related to OCD and anxiety/depression. There's SO much, I could write a short biography just on this topic. Like it was REALLY bad. My brain would literally feel like a swarm of bees, and there was a day when I was so depressed that I literally lost some of my sense of taste (I didn't know that was possible?!?). You know how I found out? I couldn't eat things like salad because I felt like they had no taste that day, but it wasn't the salad, it was literally me. Then I ordered buffalo wings because they were spicy and I thought, well these ALWAYS have a strong taste, but I literally couldn't taste anything. You know I'm depressed when I can't enjoy buffalo wings. Ugghh, and insomnia.

Things got BAAAAAAD. Like, really BAAAAADDDDD. The mini-testimony I gave on my first post was literally super short and super on the surface, there's so much more junk beneath that.

So yeah, the tears.... ughhhhh... UGHHH. My heart really goes out to you Angel because the pain is real D: But, praise God, Jesus is realer!!

2. I relate to you about having a background related to the Jehovah's Witnesses. I never was a JW, but I had a woman who got me to do a weekly bible study with her (she was a sweet family friend so I always felt bad about rejecting her). Even as a high schooler I felt a little bit iffy about their studies. I think the issue is that they weren't really portraying Jesus as the SAVIOR and REDEEMER that He is. Like, He's the one who sets the captives free!

3. And WOW, what you said about the theme-switching is SOOO TRUEEEEEEEE. THEY ALL STINK, whether it's sexual, blasphemy, intense doubting, assurance, etc, they're just all horrible. Think of a theme, and I bet that I've had it.

It's so good that you've held on to the fact that you are not your OCD! Just because you have those thoughts doesn't mean that's what you actually think, you know? I think the deepest thought behind it, if you dig in a little, is a thought about GOD that needs to be changed -- You might have a misunderstanding of God's love for you. I mean, no one can understand God's love, but I think with some OCD-themes is that the view of God's love is distorted.

Embracing God's LOVE is what changed me. All the truths written in my truth book all point to God's intense love for you and me. I remember having repeated thoughts of, "I hate God," (that tortured me, especially because I KNEW it wasn't true), but even if it were true, God doesn't stop loving you. There's nothing you could say/think that will make God stop loving you.

I'd say, especially with the "Are you sure it's true?" thoughts, to seriously ignore them. It's hard, but it gets easier. Trust that God's word for you is true. Trust in the BIBLE. The truth that God's word is the Ultimate TRUTH should be the truth-bullet that you use to shoot down the lies.

4. ANXIETYYYYY. WHYYY U GOTTA BE SO RUDEEEEEEE? I hate anxiety and it hates me back. In 10th grade I had so many anxiety-triggered muscle spasms that I thought I was about to have a seizure once and my mom drove me to the ER. I also dealt with heart palpitations, which would take a while to go away. In high school, the anxiety was mostly caused by stress but towards senior year/first few semesters of college the anxiety, I realized, became more and more about spiritual things like fear.

My first year my brain would be running OCD thoughts on auto-pilot. I didn't realize how much it's both SPIRITUAL, MENTAL, and PHYSICAL. You seriously gotta take care of all three areas. What helped when my brain was buzzing was drinking tea -- "Yogi" tea has a tea called "Relaxed Mind" and it REALLLYYYYYY helped me calm down my brain. I highly recommend it when things get out of control!! It calmed some of the physical effects so it made it easier to sleep or to simply get through the day. Although it won't solve the root problem, which is spiritual.

I thought I would need to drink this tea for the rest of my life because I couldn't imagine surviving a day without a B-12 supplement (I was using Nature Made's "B-Complex Vitamins") or Yogi's "Relaxed Mind" tea... I bought like a billion tea boxes. I'm amazed that I don't need either anymore (although I still try and be healthy!!).

4. "Tired of being Tired." That was literally me. I remember leaving class one day and I went back to my room, I prayed and I cried, saying "GOD, I'M JUST TIRED OF BEING TIREED" (I was dealing with insomnia so I was tired all the time too). I haven't felt that way in a loooong time. I've been sleeping so well since the end of August... In fact, a week ago I think, I remember saying, "God, I'm tired" after a long day. And then I was like, "WOW, I haven't prayed about being tired in a long time!!" Like it's crazy how much God had rescued me from.

So glad you're being positive!! Keep praying, keep asking God to help you, ask God to reveal more of His love for you, ask for the freedom that Christ brings. ASK ASK ASK. [Matthew 7:7-11] And examine your life - are you overstressing yourself? If so, see if you can get rid of some commitments and declare that God will still take care of you and provide, then you can get some rest. Are you not taking care of your physical health? Exercise, eat well, etc.

ALSO, A NOTE TO WHOEVER IS READING THIS:
If you find this thread helpful, then please follow through. MAKE A TRUTH BOOK. EXERCISE. TRY SPENDING TIME WITH GOD DAILY, MEDITATE ON HIS LOVE FOR YOU. LOWER STRESS. When the pastor who prophesied over me got in touch with me a couple of weeks later, I was disappointing him because I wasn't being consistent about reading over my truth book, and there was a while when I wasn't letting go of things that were stressing me out - I wasn't fully trusting in God. Get those chains off you! There IS freedom in Christ, but you have to make your move too!

Matthew 7:24-27 folks!

You seriously gotta put these things into practice. You can't be LAZY about this, this is serious and important. I know this is just a thread, but this thread has TRUTH in it. ACT on what you've read! Please!

Thanks for sharing!! HE LOVES YOU, ANGEL<33 And He has wonderful plans for you.


This reply was like 20x longer than I intended for it to be, ooops... hope this wasn't too much, lol!

 

[aangel]

I don't mind the length. Thanks your post has been very encouraging. I had that scream fitting this past summer when I at home alone. I was so frustrated. With OCD you know the thoughts are ridiculous and irrational but nonetheless sometimes its' hard to shake them. Anyway, I ended up kicking the screen door. Afterwards, I thanked God that I didn't hurt my foot. Now when I cry I try to speak to God saying, "Surely, something good is going to come from all of this and all the tears I've shed over this are not going to be in vain." I try to say stuff like that. Even in the moments when the pain is so crippling where I feel like I'm drowning and I think to myself this is definitely what a crushed spirit feels like. But God is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.

I've been trying to stay from other OCD forums I visited. In someways it has become a compulsive habit (and sometimes it's also triggering). So has googling intrusive thoughts. Your story of the pastor you first talked to reminds me of something I read just the other week I ended up stumbling on a twitter post (I don't have account myself but when you google sometimes you find things probably too much information) but anyway there was this person was asking this pastor/dr if intrusive thoughts were a sins. And the pastor asked what did they mean by intrusive thoughts and the person said unwanted thoughts. And he responded that it yes it was a sin and that the person needed to get control of the thoughts or it could become dangerous or some nonsense like that.

I was so upset when I read that to the point where my eyes were burning with tears even more so when I saw another person had responded sadly with an 'I knew it' comment. That's not something a person with OCD needs to hear they're anxious enough. People with OCD worry so much. Some days it's not stop ruminating. You worry about being crazy, losing control, and becoming the monster that OCD tries to depict you as. It's all I need to be certain. I need to 100% sure followed by more annoying chants of "Are you sure, really? Better keep checking lest the world ends. OCD plays on your worst fears. I still can't believe that someone that has doctor attached to their name would say some like that. Is it any wonder that so many people have a hard time confiding in others about OCD? I ended up praying that no more people would end up hurt by that comment.

2. Jehovah's Witnesses are probably some of the nicest people you meet until you start questioning their religion. When my mom told my quiet grandmother that I had found my own religion (which isn't accurate at all) she got really mad it was crazy. She went on the defense. Yeah their beliefs are definitely iffy. For them it's salvation by works. They don't believe Jesus is God but Michael. They have own their translation of the bible where it says the word was a God. They don't believe in going to heaven (only so many people get into heaven based on their doctrine) They believe that death is ceasing to exist. It just goes on. Independent thinking is discouraged and majority of bible studying is done from Watchtower magazines that take scriptures completely out of context. They barely mention Jesus at all. From what little I remember as a child it's all yes Jesus died for but we're not going to acknowledge that. He's been pushed aside and the organization deems itself the mediator. I've been treading carefully here with my family. They're not all Witnesses but some of still think the religion is "the truth". Debating with family members is unlikely to help anything. I recognize that God wants them saved more than I do so I've been praying continually about it.

I'm going to pray that I can commit to this truth book thing. So far I've been trying to listen to sermons everyday even if it's the same one. I don't know why but lately its take a long time for me start reading my bible. I have some small bible plans and I get emailed daily devotionals but most days I'll end up sitting for while before I read anything. I've been listening to scripture lullabies every day this week. Even when I fall asleep. It was comforting even when I was crying earlier this week. I'll link one of the songs. I guess the thing that gets me is I'll have a couple good days or good week or two where it finally feels the fog is finally lifting only to find myself back on that roller coaster of doubt, tears, and fears. In the moments when I'm distracted by happy moments or something silly that catches my attention it's like I don't even have OCD but then it comes back and then I realize oh it didn't leave and I go dear God please make it go away. Anway, I ended up rambling too. I have hope. I just have to keep reminding myself that.

 

[fauna]

I love these lullabies, so beautiful!! I'm definitely going to start listening to these!

Keep fighting, Angel!!! And feel free to post an occasional update I'd love to hear how you and everyone else is doing in the days/weeks/months/years(?) ahead!

 

[peachy peach]

I just feel numb and alone.

 

[fauna]

I just feel numb and alone.

Aww, peachy These feelings do come up sometimes, it's easy to feel alone, I totally get the feeling.

Remember that you're not alone, no matter how alone you feel (Isaiah 41:10). Keep holding on! Persevere, the fight's hard, but keep holding on. God wants you to have faith in Him, and trust that if you hold on to Him, He will deliver you. Keep fighting, peachy, there IS healing, there IS deliverance, there IS hope.

In the meantime, I hope that you're doing things that are making you feel good. I'm not sure if you're a student, or working, or unemployed, etc, but hopefully you're spending some time with some friends and people you love. God cares about your social life and your physical well-being! I hope you're getting some nice air and taking care of yourself too!

THIS REMINDS ME OF ANOTHER SERMON! Aha!! It was another seminar that I went to last year -- this is actually where I first met the pastor who counseled me. It was basically about what the bible says about happiness and conquering depression. He also provided some practical ways of fighting these feelings everyday. Here were my notes, I hope some of them will give you ideas to keep actively fighting! (I'm SO grateful that I took notes, mwahaha!)

1. GIVE. Acts 20:35, Matthew 10:7, Matthew 16:25
- Give our lives to God and Jesus. Give your love to those around you however you can! Focus in Jesus' mission for the world, and give words of encouragement/love/hope to others.

2. ACT. Matthew 7, wise builder parable.
Happy people are not lazy about happiness, they need to take initiative! You gotta conquer inactivity, get some structure in your life (which kind of happens naturally when you're a student or working) that keeps you moving.

3. Don't wait - happy people don't wait for someday!
Focus on the "now" moments. Savor two pleasurable experiences a day and write them down (there's proof of how doing this lowers anxiety levels and overall depression).

4. Pursue Goals
Find a project, learn a new craft, or switch careers!

5. Fully Engage
Do what you do with all your heart! Time flies, make the most of what you've been given.
Give Jesus your all! Matthew 22:37.

6. Connect!
Love comes from being connected to God and others.
- It's better to be with people! Ecclesiastes 4:9-12, Matthew 18:20, Genesis 2:18.

7. Don't compare
- Don't compare yourself with other people! Fix your eyes on Jesus, and take your gifts and use it for his kingdom!
It's like running a race - look ahead, not to the sides or you'll stumble.

8. Think Positively
- Renew your mind (Romans 12:2)
- Know the TRUTH! THE TRUTH WITH SET YOU FREE!!!

9. Practice Gratitude
- Rejoice! Be grateful!
- Give thanks to God, write down what you're grateful for! Worship Him for all that He's done!

10. Forgive
If you're still holding something against someone, forgive them. Let go of the need to get revenge.

11. Have a calling.
We all have a general calling: To worship him, love others, become more like Christ, Serve others, and sharing the good news! And be faithful to your current calling as a student/employee/mother/etc

12. Remain connected to Christ.
John 15:1-17

That's the end of my notes!

So I'll leave you with that. I hope these can help you you get out of the numbness, and the feeling of being alone. These notes were about happiness in general and not exactly about OCD, but they're still very much connected.

Take care, Peachy<3 Feel better. He understands you, He loves you, and He is pleased to call you His precious daughter.

Here's a song I related to when I was literally sick of EVERRYTHINGG~ I'm attaching it here, hope this is helpful to you

 

[heaLsEarch]

fauna
Thank you so much for your helpful posts. I have a hard time just catching up with great posts, but I am grateful for all the valuable information you shared with others here. ;p

I listed several lies that I'm carrying around and the one that I can share here is;

Lie #3. God will bring punishment on me if I forgot to pray in the morning.
TRUTH. Prayer is not a mandatory thing. God, being love never forces Himself on anyone. He keeps waiting till we are ready. He is just knocking the door and is waiting. He just misses me if I didn't talk to him as much as He would like me to. That's how love is.

What I'm finding interesting these days is to look up a verse every day at BibleGateway.com and if the verse of the day was of particular interest to me, I'll save it under the file name, "Worries", "When angry", "When feeling guilty", "Characters of God", "Parts I don't yet understand", etc. I'm counting on ending up with a personal scriptural directory after a while. I'm not even reading a chapter a day, but I believe God wouldn't mind me "feeling" a verse using a whole day. ;p

Thanks again for your great info!!

 

[heaLsEarch]

I just feel numb and alone.

peachy I'm so sorry you're feeling numb and alone. I hear OCD is not an easy thing to tackle, but any difficult task can be conquered step by step. Summon your endurance and hang in. Praying for you.

 

[peachy peach]

Aww, peachy These feelings do come up sometimes, it's easy to feel alone, I totally get the feeling.

Remember that you're not alone, no matter how alone you feel (Isaiah 41:10). Keep holding on! Persevere, the fight's hard, but keep holding on. God wants you to have faith in Him, and trust that if you hold on to Him, He will deliver you. Keep fighting, peachy, there IS healing, there IS deliverance, there IS hope.

In the meantime, I hope that you're doing things that are making you feel good. I'm not sure if you're a student, or working, or unemployed, etc, but hopefully you're spending some time with some friends and people you love. God cares about your social life and your physical well-being! I hope you're getting some nice air and taking care of yourself too!

THIS REMINDS ME OF ANOTHER SERMON! Aha!! It was another seminar that I went to last year -- this is actually where I first met the pastor who counseled me. It was basically about what the bible says about happiness and conquering depression. He also provided some practical ways of fighting these feelings everyday. Here were my notes, I hope some of them will give you ideas to keep actively fighting! (I'm SO grateful that I took notes, mwahaha!)

1. GIVE. Acts 20:35, Matthew 10:7, Matthew 16:25
- Give our lives to God and Jesus. Give your love to those around you however you can! Focus in Jesus' mission for the world, and give words of encouragement/love/hope to others.

2. ACT. Matthew 7, wise builder parable.
Happy people are not lazy about happiness, they need to take initiative! You gotta conquer inactivity, get some structure in your life (which kind of happens naturally when you're a student or working) that keeps you moving.

3. Don't wait - happy people don't wait for someday!
Focus on the "now" moments. Savor two pleasurable experiences a day and write them down (there's proof of how doing this lowers anxiety levels and overall depression).

4. Pursue Goals
Find a project, learn a new craft, or switch careers!

5. Fully Engage
Do what you do with all your heart! Time flies, make the most of what you've been given.
Give Jesus your all! Matthew 22:37.

6. Connect!
Love comes from being connected to God and others.
- It's better to be with people! Ecclesiastes 4:9-12, Matthew 18:20, Genesis 2:18.

7. Don't compare
- Don't compare yourself with other people! Fix your eyes on Jesus, and take your gifts and use it for his kingdom!
It's like running a race - look ahead, not to the sides or you'll stumble.

8. Think Positively
- Renew your mind (Romans 12:2)
- Know the TRUTH! THE TRUTH WITH SET YOU FREE!!!

9. Practice Gratitude
- Rejoice! Be grateful!
- Give thanks to God, write down what you're grateful for! Worship Him for all that He's done!

10. Forgive
If you're still holding something against someone, forgive them. Let go of the need to get revenge.

11. Have a calling.
We all have a general calling: To worship him, love others, become more like Christ, Serve others, and sharing the good news! And be faithful to your current calling as a student/employee/mother/etc

12. Remain connected to Christ.
John 15:1-17

That's the end of my notes!

So I'll leave you with that. I hope these can help you you get out of the numbness, and the feeling of being alone. These notes were about happiness in general and not exactly about OCD, but they're still very much connected.

Take care, Peachy<3 Feel better. He understands you, He loves you, and He is pleased to call you His precious daughter.

Here's a song I related to when I was literally sick of EVERRYTHINGG~ I'm attaching it here, hope this is helpful to you

Thank you so much, this is really encouraging. I'm in highschool and I'm trying to surround myself with true friends. I'm reading my Bible a lot more and that has been the biggest help. I also made a journal and wrote down the lies that have plagued me and truths from the Bible and I look back on that a lot. Thank you again for replying - all of your posts have been a huge help to me and I love the songs too! I made a Spotify playlist with calming music to listen to whenever I'm feeling overwhelmed and I included a lot of the songs you've linked. I'm doing a lot better.

peachy I'm so sorry you're feeling numb and alone. I hear OCD is not an easy thing to tackle, but any difficult task can be conquered step by step. Summon your endurance and hang in. Praying for you.

Thank you so much. I'm taking it day by day and focusing on God's Word.

 

[fauna]

Hey everyone! Just wanted to pass along a website that also helped me get through. It's a blog from a guy who had struggled from severe panic attacks for a lloooooonngg time, but God set him free. He has some practical advice and also talks about knowing the truth and about spiritual battle. Check it out!!

http://season.org/freedom-from-fear-the-foundation/