Is it okay to date another Christian whose been divorced?

[Brian Mcnamee]

Hi I have seen this debate many times and lived through the same dilemma. If you look around you will find opinions from very legalistic to very freeing and those will be given by various pastors. I know that God is full of grace and say a women left her husband and openly committed adultery divorced and remarried another man and has some kids. The day she repents her sin though as crimson is as white as snow and God would have her and her whole household come to him and His will would be from then on that they would love and serve the Lord. David committed adultery and murder with Basheba and the law had no provision but stoning to death for those offenses. God accepted Davids repentance and called him a man after his own heart. David did sffer consequences of losing a child and no action is consequence free. Divorce is a serious issue and as God states in Malachi He hates divorce, because he desires Godly offspring. Divorce affects more than the two involved and adultery is one of the most painful experiences of betrayal one can experience.
God also says he who finds a wife finds a good thing and it is not good for man to be alone. There are a good many good women that have been divorced and especially the older you get. I would suggest that the 1st order is to have your own walk together. I mean if you are longing and lonely you are setting yourself up to potentially be co-dependent. If you come into a relationship already full of peace and purpose you bring that to the table with you and are not really seeking someone to make you feel better but sharing a full life you already possess. This is the environment we thrive best in.

 

[Kenny'sID]

The only case where I see unfaithfulness (cheating, adultery) as a part of the Biblical grounds for divorce is in Hosea. Hosea married a wife of a people idolatry (Note: God did not tell Hosea did not marry a prostitute; Such a notion is ridiculous). Anyways, in Hosea 2 we learn that he says to Gomer's relatives that he is not her wife anymore. This suggests that Hosea may have had legal grounds according to Scripture to divorce his wife. Marital unfaithfulness. He found an uncleanness in her. So I am holding out the possibility that the word "fornication" used by Jesus could also potentially refer to "adultery" (i.e. marital unfaithfulness after one has been married). In any event, I will continue to pray on this some more.

You aren't alone on those exact same thoughts. It does state fornication as in your wife wasn't a virgin before you married her. Then there is the husband, how is the wife to know he wasn't a virgin, but I digress.

Thanks for that bit of scripture that might have a lot of bearing on this.

 

[Bible Highlighter]

You aren't alone on those exact same thoughts. It does state fornication as in your wife wasn't a virgin before you married her. Then there is the husband, how is the wife to know he wasn't a virgin, but I digress.

Thanks for that bit of scripture that might have a lot of bearing on this.

Your welcome. While I am sure it was difficult for a husband to find out whether or not his new wife was not being faithful prior to marriage (i.e. he found an uncleanness in her), there is a test according to Old Covenant Law (that is no longer valid under the New Covenant) that was able to help the Israelite to resolve the matter. For it is written,

11 "And the Lord spake unto Moses, saying,

12 Speak unto the children of Israel, and say unto them, If any man's wife go aside, and commit a trespass against him,

13 And a man lie with her carnally, and it be hid from the eyes of her husband, and be kept close, and she be defiled, and there be no witness against her, neither she be taken with the manner;

14 And the spirit of jealousy come upon him, and he be jealous of his wife, and she be defiled: or if the spirit of jealousy come upon him, and he be jealous of his wife, and she be not defiled:

15 Then shall the man bring his wife unto the priest, and he shall bring her offering for her, the tenth part of an ephah of barley meal; he shall pour no oil upon it, nor put frankincense thereon; for it is an offering of jealousy, an offering of memorial, bringing iniquity to remembrance.

16 And the priest shall bring her near, and set her before the Lord:

17 And the priest shall take holy water in an earthen vessel; and of the dust that is in the floor of the tabernacle the priest shall take, and put it into the water:

18 And the priest shall set the woman before the Lord, and uncover the woman's head, and put the offering of memorial in her hands, which is the jealousy offering: and the priest shall have in his hand the bitter water that causeth the curse:

19 And the priest shall charge her by an oath, and say unto the woman, If no man have lain with thee, and if thou hast not gone aside to uncleanness with another instead of thy husband, be thou free from this bitter water that causeth the curse:

20 But if thou hast gone aside to another instead of thy husband, and if thou be defiled, and some man have lain with thee beside thine husband:

21 Then the priest shall charge the woman with an oath of cursing, and the priest shall say unto the woman, The Lord make thee a curse and an oath among thy people, when the Lord doth make thy thigh to rot, and thy belly to swell;

22 And this water that causeth the curse shall go into thy bowels, to make thy belly to swell, and thy thigh to rot: And the woman shall say, Amen, amen.

23 And the priest shall write these curses in a book, and he shall blot them out with the bitter water:

24 And he shall cause the woman to drink the bitter water that causeth the curse: and the water that causeth the curse shall enter into her, and become bitter.

25 Then the priest shall take the jealousy offering out of the woman's hand, and shall wave the offering before the Lord, and offer it upon the altar:

26 And the priest shall take an handful of the offering, even the memorial thereof, and burn it upon the altar, and afterward shall cause the woman to drink the water.

27 And when he hath made her to drink the water, then it shall come to pass, that, if she be defiled, and have done trespass against her husband, that the water that causeth the curse shall enter into her, and become bitter, and her belly shall swell, and her thigh shall rot: and the woman shall be a curse among her people.

28 And if the woman be not defiled, but be clean; then she shall be free, and shall conceive seed.

29 This is the law of jealousies, when a wife goeth aside to another instead of her husband, and is defiled;

30 Or when the spirit of jealousy cometh upon him, and he be jealous over his wife, and shall set the woman before the Lord, and the priest shall execute upon her all this law.

31 Then shall the man be guiltless from iniquity, and this woman shall bear her iniquity.

(Numbers 5:11-31).


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[Bible Highlighter]

Also, we see the word "fornication" can mean "adultery" or "sexual immorality" in general, as well. So I am starting to lean heavily in favor with the idea that Jesus was talking about cheating while after being married is grounds for a divorce (in addition to lying about one's virginity), as well. In Ezekiel 16:26, we see God tell his people that they committed "fornication." In verse 8 (Ezekiel 16:8), we see God tell Israel that he entered into a covenant with them and He covered their nakedness, and they became His possession. In other words, the word "fornication" is used in reference to sexual unfaithfulness after one is already married.


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[Kenny'sID]

Hi I have seen this debate many times and lived through the same dilemma. If you look around you will find opinions from very legalistic to very freeing and those will be given by various pastors. I know that God is full of grace and say a women left her husband and openly committed adultery divorced and remarried another man and has some kids. The day she repents her sin though as crimson is as white as snow and God would have her and her whole household come to him and His will would be from then on that they would love and serve the Lord. David committed adultery and murder with Basheba and the law had no provision but stoning to death for those offenses. God accepted Davids repentance and called him a man after his own heart. David did sffer consequences of losing a child and no action is consequence free. Divorce is a serious issue and as God states in Malachi He hates divorce, because he desires Godly offspring. Divorce affects more than the two involved and adultery is one of the most painful experiences of betrayal one can experience.
God also says he who finds a wife finds a good thing and it is not good for man to be alone. There are a good many good women that have been divorced and especially the older you get. I would suggest that the 1st order is to have your own walk together. I mean if you are longing and lonely you are setting yourself up to potentially be co-dependent. If you come into a relationship already full of peace and purpose you bring that to the table with you and are not really seeking someone to make you feel better but sharing a full life you already possess. This is the environment we thrive best in.

David repented and didn't live in perpetual adultery.

Blaming this on hard nosed preachers, or even worse calling thm hard nosed becase they preach exactly what the bible says, is just not realistic.

Both the David thing and the blame game you offer is just another way of shoving the truth aside, as it changes nothing from Christs words or the Bible. I doubt this will be the last time I quote this verse because some insist on deceiving them selves and others, but on top of Jesus said what he sad on the subject, the following shows the penalty...simple as that:

1 Corinthians 6:9
"Or do you not know that wrongdoers will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor men who have sex with men"

 

[Kenny'sID]

Your welcome. While I am sure it was difficult for a husband to find out whether or not his new wife was not being faithful prior to marriage (i.e. he found an uncleanness in her), there is a test according to Old Covenant Law (that is no longer valid under the New Covenant) that was able to help the Israelite to resolve the matter. For it is written,

11 "And the Lord spake unto Moses, saying,

12 Speak unto the children of Israel, and say unto them, If any man's wife go aside, and commit a trespass against him,

13 And a man lie with her carnally, and it be hid from the eyes of her husband, and be kept close, and she be defiled, and there be no witness against her, neither she be taken with the manner;

14 And the spirit of jealousy come upon him, and he be jealous of his wife, and she be defiled: or if the spirit of jealousy come upon him, and he be jealous of his wife, and she be not defiled:

15 Then shall the man bring his wife unto the priest, and he shall bring her offering for her, the tenth part of an ephah of barley meal; he shall pour no oil upon it, nor put frankincense thereon; for it is an offering of jealousy, an offering of memorial, bringing iniquity to remembrance.

16 And the priest shall bring her near, and set her before the Lord:

17 And the priest shall take holy water in an earthen vessel; and of the dust that is in the floor of the tabernacle the priest shall take, and put it into the water:

18 And the priest shall set the woman before the Lord, and uncover the woman's head, and put the offering of memorial in her hands, which is the jealousy offering: and the priest shall have in his hand the bitter water that causeth the curse:

19 And the priest shall charge her by an oath, and say unto the woman, If no man have lain with thee, and if thou hast not gone aside to uncleanness with another instead of thy husband, be thou free from this bitter water that causeth the curse:

20 But if thou hast gone aside to another instead of thy husband, and if thou be defiled, and some man have lain with thee beside thine husband:

21 Then the priest shall charge the woman with an oath of cursing, and the priest shall say unto the woman, The Lord make thee a curse and an oath among thy people, when the Lord doth make thy thigh to rot, and thy belly to swell;

22 And this water that causeth the curse shall go into thy bowels, to make thy belly to swell, and thy thigh to rot: And the woman shall say, Amen, amen.

23 And the priest shall write these curses in a book, and he shall blot them out with the bitter water:

24 And he shall cause the woman to drink the bitter water that causeth the curse: and the water that causeth the curse shall enter into her, and become bitter.

25 Then the priest shall take the jealousy offering out of the woman's hand, and shall wave the offering before the Lord, and offer it upon the altar:

26 And the priest shall take an handful of the offering, even the memorial thereof, and burn it upon the altar, and afterward shall cause the woman to drink the water.

27 And when he hath made her to drink the water, then it shall come to pass, that, if she be defiled, and have done trespass against her husband, that the water that causeth the curse shall enter into her, and become bitter, and her belly shall swell, and her thigh shall rot: and the woman shall be a curse among her people.

28 And if the woman be not defiled, but be clean; then she shall be free, and shall conceive seed.

29 This is the law of jealousies, when a wife goeth aside to another instead of her husband, and is defiled;

30 Or when the spirit of jealousy cometh upon him, and he be jealous over his wife, and shall set the woman before the Lord, and the priest shall execute upon her all this law.

31 Then shall the man be guiltless from iniquity, and this woman shall bear her iniquity.

(Numbers 5:11-31).


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How bout that, goes to show it's all in there somewhere.

 

[98cwitr]

Why did Moses permit divorce? Because people's hearts were hard. Why did Israel cry out for an earthly king? Because they did not consider God to be their king. Why do we seek to gratify the flesh? Because we are sinful.

So why remarry knowing these things? Why not be content with Christ as our companion? Is not remarriage a pursuit of flesh-desire?

I don't feel that just because we live in a covenant of mercy and grace that we simply have a free license to sin again both man and God without consequence.

 

[Kenny'sID]

Also, we see the word "fornication" can mean "adultery" or "sexual immorality" in general, as well. So I am starting to lean heavily in favor with the idea that Jesus was talking about cheating while after being married is grounds for a divorce.

Aside from that, it just seems fair. And I wish we could just go with "seems fair" but we have to have such as you have brought up to verify it as fact in any case like this, else people start seeing anything they want/question as "seeming fair".

Pretty convincing, and it is something that is taught by others so...all that combined, it may well be viable and make things a little easier for some.

 

[Bible Highlighter]

Aside from that, it just seems fair. And I wish we could just go with "seems fair" but we have to have such as you have brought up to verify it as fact in any case like this, else people start seeing anything they want/question as "seeming fair".

Pretty convincing, and it is something that is taught by others so...all that combined, it may well be viable and make things a little easier for some.

Yeah, it is just that the guilty party (i.e. the one who cheated after marriage or who is the transgressor or who lied about their virginity) is not allowed to remarry. Only the innocent party (in a situation of marital unfaithfulness) can remarry. They are the exception to the rule that Jesus mentions. Any other reason for divorce and remarriage is condemned.


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[Kenny'sID]

So why remarry knowing these things? Why not be content with Christ as our companion? Is not remarriage a pursuit of flesh-desire?

I'm not trying to sound gross here, and not sure if anyone remembers Jim Dandy, but I think his term/reason is Horniness, and a huge part of the "why" you mention. Or to put it in more biblical terms but they mean the same "to burn". We just have that inbred process in our mind/bodies designed to make sure the earth was replenished, and it's very powerful, and possible to ignore but not at all easy for some.

We are told to marry if we can't get past that, and with the rule being discussed, it makes it tough on some who find it nearly impossible (for good reason) to be content with just Christs companionship..

 

[Kenny'sID]

Yeah, it is just that the guilty party (i.e. the one who cheated after marriage or who is the transgressor or who lied about their virginity) is not allowed to remarry. Only the innocent party (in a situation of marital unfaithfulness) can remarry. They are the exception to the rule that Jesus mentions. Any other reason for divorce and remarriage is condemned....

I'll have to think about that one....you may be right.

 

[Brian Mcnamee]

David repented and didn't live in perpetual adultery.

Blaming this on hard nosed preachers, or even worse calling thm hard nosed becase they preach exactly what the bible says, is just not realistic.

Both the David thing and the blame game you offer is just another way of shoving the truth aside, as it changes nothing from Christs words or the Bible. I doubt this will be the last time I quote this verse because some insist on deceiving them selves and others, but on top of Jesus said what he sad on the subject, the following shows the penalty...simple as that:

1 Corinthians 6:9
"Or do you not know that wrongdoers will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor men who have sex with men"

I see you are the legalistic mindset which is ok; my point is there are many opinions on this issue. If you repented of your sin and remarried and have kids would not the Lord want you to love and raise those kids in the faith? Would you then be required to leave your new spouse to be back in Gods graces?

 

[garysibio]

I know the bible says that if a man divorces his wife and marries another, then he and that new woman are adulterers. But in this day and age, it is extremely hard not to meet someone who is divorced. Especially when you are older. Are there any exceptions? I don't want to commit adultery!

Scripture only allows for divorce in the case of spousal infidelity but, even in those cases, remarriage is not allowed.

Dating does not necessarily mean adultery but it assumes you are interested in pursuing a relationship with the person which might lead to marriage. Since that person is not free to marry you, what's the point?

Gary

 

[Bible Highlighter]

I'll have to think about that one....you may be right.

"But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery." (Matthew 5:32).

In the first part, it says whosever shall put away his wife shall cause her to commit adultery. Now, lets think about that. When a husband divorces his wife on improper grounds, he causes her to go to other men and commit adultery. The husband is pushing (causing) his wife to commit adultery with other men if he wrongfully divorces her. But if it be that she was unfaithful (i.e. saving for the cause of fornication), then the marriage contract or covenant is dissolved for the husband and he is free to remarry because she broke the contract between them by her sin of unfaithfulness.

As for the second part: It is talking about the guilty party, i.e. the wife and not the husband. Whether she was divorced by the husband by Biblical means or by some other means, she is the one who is divorced; and therefore, anyone who marries her in this case is guilty of adultery.


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[98cwitr]

I'm not trying to sound gross here, and not sure if anyone remembers Jim Dandy, but I think his term/reason is Horniness, and a huge part of the "why" you mention. Or to put it in more biblical terms but they mean the same "to burn". We just have that inbred process in our mind/bodies designed to make sure the earth was replenished, and it's very powerful, and possible to ignore but not at all easy for some.

We are told to marry if we can't get past that, and with the rule being discussed, it makes it tough on some who find it nearly impossible (for good reason) to be content with just Christs companionship..

One of the fruits of the Spirit is self control though.

 

[Kenny'sID]

One of the fruits of the Spirit is self control though.

Yet the bosses of the day knew people just couldn't cut the mustard with self control in that area, and they understood to the point, they said one should get married if that was problem. IOW, it happens, and though the fruits of the Spirit are as you say, in general and with some more than others, still we aren't perfect.

Thank God for Christ/repentance and forgiveness.

 

[98cwitr]

Yet the bosses of the day knew people just couldn't cut the mustard with self control in that area, and they understood to the point, they said one should get married if that was problem. IOW, it happens, and though the fruits of the Spirit are as you say, in general and with some more than others, still we aren't perfect.

Thank God for Christ/repentance and forgiveness.

Do you think that's in the context of a virgin marrying their first spouse?

 

[Kenny'sID]

I see you are the legalistic mindset which is ok; my point is there are many opinions on this issue.

As I've alluded to, y'all don't get to blame it on legalistic, hardnosedness, my age, one of the 2 out of 20 or whatever, all that stuff doesn't directly address the issue, it just suggests dicredidation with no viable grounds, whether that is the intention or not.. See what I mean?

If you repented of your sin and remarried and have kids would not the Lord want you to love and raise those kids in the faith? Would you then be required to leave your new spouse to be back in Gods graces?

Of course. It would all be up to the person who messed it all up to do the best they can with what they got themselves into/with the resulting few choices they brought on themselves. Messed things up myself more than once, so not condemning, it happens, but still, only so many choices remain when we get ourselves in a fix.

 

[Kenny'sID]

Do you think that's in the context of a virgin marrying their first spouse?

Do you mean that they should marry other than burn? I'm not quite clear on what you're asking?

I think whatever the Bible thinks..regarless, but please let me know if I understand correctly before I answer.

 

[Bible Highlighter]

Matthew 5:32 tells us that a husband who wrongfully divorces his wife causes or pushes his wife to commit adultery because the marriage contract has not been Biblically dissolved. The exception clause is if she committed fornication thereby breaking the marriage contract.

If the husband Biblically divorces his wife (Which is by her unfaithfulness), the husband is not causing her to commit adultery (after their marriage with other men) because they are no longer married.

Matthew 19:9 makes it even more clear that a husband can divorce and remarry if she was unfaithful (i.e. for the cause of fornication).

It says,

"And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery..." (Matthew 19:9).

It says whosever puts away (divorces) his wife and marries another commits adultery; Except it be for the cause of fornication. In other words, just because the sentence "except it be for fornication" is in the middle does not change the meaning of the sentence. If you move that sentence to the beginning or the end of the sentence, the meaning still remains the same.

As for the second part in Matthew 19:9 that says, "and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery.": Well, this is again (like the second part of Matthew 5:32) whereby it refers to the guilty party and not the innocent party (Who divorced properly on Biblical grounds).


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