OK ladies; what's with the epidemic of choosing "bad boys"?

[CCHIPSS]

A misogynist means I am a woman-hater. I'm not a woman-hater. There are the women who find themselves in those relationships and situations, and then there are the women who have good heads on their shoulders who avoid them. I have more respect for the latter than for the former admittedly, but that doesn't make me a misogynist. Nor does calling a spade a spade do so.

I think it is important for the church to be compassionate toward these women.

I know an Asian lady who was quite smart. But then she started dating a bad boy. He would start verbally abusing her right in front of our face. He is so unashamed that he doesn't even try to hide it when others are nearby. Of course he would try to bush them off as jokes. But we saw right through it all.

We talked to her about it and we are glad that she broke it off with him. But it goes to show just how easily people are blinded by love or a need to have a relationship. It can happen to the best of us.

Another Asian lady (not Christian) was approached by 2 men at the same time that wanted to date her. She was reasonably beautiful.

One was an engineer who was slightly quiet but was very polite. He was well educated and his career path was on the right track. He was average size.

The other was a junior cop that was rude to her, right from the start. He wasn't all that educated. But he was big and strong thanks to his cop training.

She ends up dating and marrying that cop. His family never liked her and demanded the Sun from her. They divorced less than a year later when he cheated on her.

She has since remarried to a better man. Thanks God! But I often ponder what caused her to choose that cop over the engineerer. But reading some of the posts here I have some idea. Her father was a bad dad. And so she seeks a husband who is also terrible.

 

[CCHIPSS]

I will ask a woman out, but I don't ask "strangers". I have to know her for a time before I approach her. Ive gone on blind dates and the date was awful. Ive never been on a good blind date.

I believe I told this a long time ago. A woman began going to our church and after awhile, I got to know her. Actually became friends, not close friends, but enough to where she began to open up. Seems she had been a "party girl" most of her life. Now, at the time, she was in her 30's and had decided that she had had her fill of "bad boys" and one night stands. She said she has sewn her wild oats. She had decided to start going to church to see if she could catch herself a "nice guy", a "good Christian man".

Why on Earth she though a nice guy or a good Christian man would want her is beyond me. What man in his right mind would want an ex-bar fly with the morals of an alley cat?

Well some men might be forgiving and marry ladies with very bad pasts. This is a positive thing and goes to show that these men had learn the forgiveness from Jesus. Hosea was one of them.

What I cannot stand is when these women expect Christian men to treat their past as if it is not a big deal. And these women gets angry if the Christian men ever brings it up. That's when they generalize that Christian men are judgmental.

God commend us to forgive. But forgiveness might be a long process and takes a lot of time. And for these women with a very bad past, trust is minimal. Let's be real. He is just one of the 100s of guys she had in the past. Yeah yeah she can say he is special. So what? Where is the evidence? How does he know she won't just run off with another man now or after marriage?

She must work very very hard to show him that he is indeed special (within the law of God). That includes going out of her way to appreciate that dinner he made for her, instead of saying his meal wasn't as good as her EX #23 and #58. Prove that he is special to her, instead of getting angry when he feels a bit insecure and question her about it. Remember that he is a human. He is not Jesus, even if he wants to be similar to Jesus.

 

[Goodbook]

? why is the past even being brought up?
God forgives our sins and removes our transgressions as far as east is from west.

If you want to go fishing for all your past sins and fish in the sea who rejected you or you had thrown away cos they were bad or off then thats just illogical!!

 

[Goodbook]

We are new creatures in christ, with new wineskins.

If the past keep being brought up, maybe you are dragging weights and baggage around with you like a bad smell. Be delivered, be cleansed. One way to do this is to pray and fast.

 

[EazyMack]

A father who is not involved emotionally, or who is abusive, are probably the biggest contributing factors in a woman's view of what a man is.

 

[Swan7]

We are new creatures in christ, with new wineskins.

If the past keep being brought up, maybe you are dragging weights and baggage around with you like a bad smell. Be delivered, be cleansed. One way to do this is to pray and fast.

What a lot of people don't realize is that you have to accept your past as past, realize the wrongs and let them go, and getting right with God. For me, it was as simple as a question that I asked God, and it took me years to figure that out. I kept doing the same things over and over again, not knowing how to get out or what the right thing to do was, until He pointed it all out to me. Over time, and even now, my heart is changed and is still changing anew.

A father who is not involved emotionally, or who is abusive, are probably the biggest contributing factors in a woman's view of what a man is.

Yes, this is very much a factor. However, I had hope that I might meet someone without those things - and I still do, but in a much more healthy manner than before. I've stopped looking and left it to God, I trust Him more that He may have someone planned for me. If He doesn't, I'm ok with that. I never used to be fine single before and always thought it to be, I dunno, ... taboo?

 

[EazyMack]

I never used to be fine single before and always thought it to be, I dunno, ... taboo?

I've been single since Oct. 2014, and the thought of getting involved in a relationship again sounds like such a hassle.

 

[Deidre32]

With the right person, it's not.

 

[Swan7]

I've been single since Oct. 2014, and the thought of getting involved in a relationship again sounds like such a hassle.

Yeah I know~!
But then again, I actually am not ready for one. Not yet, anyway. I'm just not going out of my way or spending so much of my time looking for one as I once had.

 

[Sketcher]

I know an Asian lady who was quite smart. But then she started dating a bad boy. He would start verbally abusing her right in front of our face. He is so unashamed that he doesn't even try to hide it when others are nearby. Of course he would try to bush them off as jokes. But we saw right through it all.

We talked to her about it and we are glad that she broke it off with him. But it goes to show just how easily people are blinded by love or a need to have a relationship. It can happen to the best of us.

Good.

One was an engineer who was slightly quiet but was very polite. He was well educated and his career path was on the right track. He was average size.

The other was a junior cop that was rude to her, right from the start. He wasn't all that educated. But he was big and strong thanks to his cop training.

She ends up dating and marrying that cop. His family never liked her and demanded the Sun from her. They divorced less than a year later when he cheated on her.

She has since remarried to a better man. Thanks God! But I often ponder what caused her to choose that cop over the engineerer. But reading some of the posts here I have some idea. Her father was a bad dad. And so she seeks a husband who is also terrible.

But that's not something that we can fix, generally speaking. A competent counselor may guide her into fixing it, and of course God can work a miracle. But not the rest of us. Therefore, attempting it is not worth the stress and the effort. Nor is trying to date someone who consciously or subconsciously, seeks out terrible partners - when she finds that you're not terrible, she'll go for someone else who is. There is no reason at all to tolerate that in a dating prospect. Because of that, there is no reason to wonder and complain about why these kinds of women won't date "good guys." If you're a good guy, better to spend your time chasing the women that like guys like you rather than those that don't.

 

[William67]

Well some men might be forgiving and marry ladies with very bad pasts. This is a positive thing and goes to show that these men had learn the forgiveness from Jesus. Hosea was one of them.

What I cannot stand is when these women expect Christian men to treat their past as if it is not a big deal. And these women gets angry if the Christian men ever brings it up. That's when they generalize that Christian men are judgmental.

God commend us to forgive. But forgiveness might be a long process and takes a lot of time. And for these women with a very bad past, trust is minimal. Let's be real. He is just one of the 100s of guys she had in the past. Yeah yeah she can say he is special. So what? Where is the evidence? How does he know she won't just run off with another man now or after marriage?

She must work very very hard to show him that he is indeed special (within the law of God). That includes going out of her way to appreciate that dinner he made for her, instead of saying his meal wasn't as good as her EX #23 and #58. Prove that he is special to her, instead of getting angry when he feels a bit insecure and question her about it. Remember that he is a human. He is not Jesus, even if he wants to be similar to Jesus.

Hosea was told to marry Gomer by God. I'm not going to marry someone whose past was basically as a "free" prostitute just so I can say, "Look at me. Look how righteous and forgiving I am". According to the CDC, 1 in 4 women have been exposed to STD's, some of which have no cure, and some, while treatable, can cause birth defects in children.

Sorry about the rant, but the whole, "Well Hosea married a prostitute" diatribe wore thin with me a very, very long time ago. My typical response is, "Well, my name isn't Hosea or Van Gogh, so I wont be marrying a harlot or chopping off my ear to prove something". (One woman I knew thought the whole Van Gogh ear thing was "very romantic", but I think she was just nuts).

Also, you have to think of things from your future children's POV. How would you like to have a mother who had the morals of an alley cat?

 

[William67]

? why is the past even being brought up?
God forgives our sins and removes our transgressions as far as east is from west.

If you want to go fishing for all your past sins and fish in the sea who rejected you or you had thrown away cos they were bad or off then thats just illogical!!

Not if youre looking for a moral person, it isn't. And yes, even if you are forgiven, your past has an impact on your "present" and future. For example. I was dating a lady and we had gone out to eat. Now, I was taught manners and etiquette as a child. While we were eating, I used my napkin to wipe food from my mouth whenever I needed. About halfway through the meal, I begin to wipe my mouth and she says, without thinking, "Geez Mike, let the food..." and then she catches herself. Seems her ex was like me in that he wasn't a messy eater...and my name isn't Mike. Now, that was something simple and insignificant, and she couldn't even remember my name. But, I let it slide. I eventually broke up with her because I found out from her mother that she and Mike had actually lived together. That's not insignificant. And she "shacked up" with him after she was supposed to have become a Christian.

 

[Sketcher]

Not if youre looking for a moral person, it isn't. And yes, even if you are forgiven, your past has an impact on your "present" and future. For example. I was dating a lady and we had gone out to eat. Now, I was taught manners and etiquette as a child. While we were eating, I used my napkin to wipe food from my mouth whenever I needed. About halfway through the meal, I begin to wipe my mouth and she says, without thinking, "Geez Mike, let the food..." and then she catches herself. Seems her ex was like me in that he wasn't a messy eater...and my name isn't Mike. Now, that was something simple and insignificant, and she couldn't even remember my name. But, I let it slide. I eventually broke up with her because I found out from her mother that she and Mike had actually lived together. That's not insignificant. And she "shacked up" with him after she was supposed to have become a Christian.

Ah, the "past" that isn't past. But that's another topic.

 

[William67]

Ah, the "past" that isn't past. But that's another topic.

I believe I said that already. Her past is important, because it shows what kind of person she was and, most likely, is.

 

[blackribbon]

Hosea was told to marry Gomer by God. I'm not going to marry someone whose past was basically as a "free" prostitute just so I can say, "Look at me. Look how righteous and forgiving I am". According to the CDC, 1 in 4 women have been exposed to STD's, some of which have no cure, and some, while treatable, can cause birth defects in children.

Sorry about the rant, but the whole, "Well Hosea married a prostitute" diatribe wore thin with me a very, very long time ago. My typical response is, "Well, my name isn't Hosea or Van Gogh, so I wont be marrying a harlot or chopping off my ear to prove something". (One woman I knew thought the whole Van Gogh ear thing was "very romantic", but I think she was just nuts).

Also, you have to think of things from your future children's POV. How would you like to have a mother who had the morals of an alley cat?

And you once pooped in your pants and had temper tantrums. Just the person on current behaviors not their history. And as for STDs, you can test for them...a clean bill of health is a clean bill of health. You just keep looking for that perfect woman and I wish you luck since all the women I have ever met are just normal humans. In the meantime, you move into the age of life where your chances of fathering a child with a psychological disorder is increasing.

 

[William67]

And you once pooped in your pants and had temper tantrums. Just the person on current behaviors not their history. And as for STDs, you can test for them...a clean bill of health is a clean bill of health. You just keep looking for that perfect woman and I wish you luck since all the women I have ever met are just normal humans. In the meantime, you move into the age of life where your chances of fathering a child with a psychological disorder is increasing.

And a woman 30 or over had a much higher chance of producing a child with down's syndrome. Didn't stop most of my ancestors from producing healthy children well into their 60's, 70's, and even 80's.

And sorry, but I'm not going to allow someone who spent their teens, twenties, and even thirties being a morally bankrupt, diseased party girl. Then, when they had decided that their looks were shot and could no longer attract the "pretty boys" or "bad boys, they wanted a "good man" to take care of them. I refuse to accept the dregs.

 

[blackribbon]

And a woman 30 or over had a much higher chance of producing a child with down's syndrome. Didn't stop most of my ancestors from producing healthy children well into their 60's, 70's, and even 80's.

And sorry, but I'm not going to allow someone who spent their teens, twenties, and even thirties being a morally bankrupt, diseased party girl. Then, when they had decided that their looks were shot and could no longer attract the "pretty boys" or "bad boys, they wanted a "good man" to take care of them. I refuse to accept the dregs.

What if their story is that they found Jesus and were cleaned by his blood instead of just worn out and wanting to be taken care of?

Why are you still alone?

Most of the marriage minded "good girls" got married in their 20's like good girls tend to do.

 

[William67]

What if their story is that they found Jesus and were cleaned by his blood instead of just worn out and wanting to be taken care of?

Why are you still alone?

Most of the marriage minded "good girls" got married in their 20's like good girls tend to do.

To be brutally honest, there are only two reason I would get married. One, is to love someone and the other is for children. If I cant find a "good girl", then I will be just as happy alone. You see, I'm not desperate or feel I "have to" marry. The only thing I cant do, that a woman can, is give birth. I don't need a woman to take care of my house or cook for me or shop for me or clean my clothes. So, it is a good girl or nothing.

 

[redblue22]

interesting to hear how you view us alley cats.

 

[miss-a]

I've been single since Oct. 2014, and the thought of getting involved in a relationship again sounds like such a hassle.

I so hear you on this. I'm definitely taking a break from it.