10 A wife of noble character who can find?
She is worth far more than rubies.
11 Her husband has full confidence in her
and lacks nothing of value.
12 She brings him good, not harm,
all the days of her life.
13 She selects wool and flax
and works with eager hands.
14 She is like the merchant ships,
bringing her food from afar.
15 She gets up while it is still night;
she provides food for her family
and portions for her female servants.
16 She considers a field and buys it;
out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.
17 She sets about her work vigorously;
her arms are strong for her tasks.
18 She sees that her trading is profitable,
and her lamp does not go out at night.
19 In her hand she holds the distaff
and grasps the spindle with her fingers.
20 She opens her arms to the poor
and extends her hands to the needy.
21 When it snows, she has no fear for her household;
for all of them are clothed in scarlet.
22 She makes coverings for her bed;
she is clothed in fine linen and purple.
23 Her husband is respected at the city gate,
where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.
24 She makes linen garments and sells them,
and supplies the merchants with sashes.
25 She is clothed with strength and dignity;
she can laugh at the days to come.
26 She speaks with wisdom,
and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
27 She watches over the affairs of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.
28 Her children arise and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:
29 Many women do noble things,
but you surpass them all.
30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.
31 Honor her for all that her hands have done,
and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.
When my husband and I married, we had discussions about this...I insisted that he be the head of the household. In our faith tradition, a the home is to be a mirror of the Church. Therefore, it makes no sense for the head of the house to be a woman, when the Head of the Church is Christ. Gender conflict there.
That said, when we look at Proverbs 31, we see that the Biblical ideal was not slavish dependency on the "whims" of a husband, but that a woman was expected to be a manager, a provider, an investor who dealt in real estate and decide how to turn the assets to profit. She does not do those things which cause ruin (spiritual or physical) to her household, nor is she subject to mistrust. Her husband values her, honours her, and trusts her implicitly.
All the fallacious statements about how one person is the head of the household and the other a slave miss the point entirely. In another circumstance, should two people start a company, one is named as president, one as vice-president. The two use their knowledge to make a success of their venture, each seeking the advice of the other in an area where that person is strongest. However, if they disagree about how something should be done, the one has the authority to make the final decision. Does this mean a president does not value a vice-president? Or that the vice-president is chattel or a non-person, or has sub-normal intelligence? Of course not! Does a president exist to be empty of all thought, and only to ratify what his vice-president says, thus putting all control and power into that person, and nullifying his own value and contributions? Never!
In marriage, the concept of submission does not mean a woman has no value, and a man is a tyrant. In a wholesome, Christ-centred marriage, we consult each other, with care and love for the thoughts and feelings of the other, and regard for the expertise of the other, but then it comes time to make a final decision. My husband has that power, and because he knows it's a power, it is never, ever abused. Does he change his mind after discussing things with me? Absolutely, as I can change my mind after discussing things with him. Being the head of the household does not mean that he wakes up, makes a decision, and carves it in stone.
For those who say that a man should not be head of the household merely because he is a man, because being born male is not a qualifier for anything, you are quite correct. Men are born male, and then should from that day be trained in what it means to be a CHRISTIAN MAN. From birth they should be taught to love Christ, and make Him the centre of all things in life...from business deals to friends to choosing a Godly wife. From birth they must be taught to use their strength wisely, to love and to care for their family as Christ loves and cares for all of us. If from birth men are told they must care for and honour their wives, provide for their families, not antagonize their children, and grow strong in the Lord, then they will grow to be men suitable to take their place as head of a household dedicated to the Lord. It's the same with everything...in the corporate world, people do not become CEO without learning and being groomed for the job for years. In politics, one serves at lower levels, learning the ropes before becoming Prime Minister. With men, they must be trained from boyhood to become MEN. Being a Christian man is not a function merely of age, but of training.
We live in a society that does not care to provide that training. A man is mocked or abused for opening a car door for a woman, or holding a door for her in a public place. Women ignore the courtesy or care with snarls of "I can do that for myself!" Well, of course they can. No one, including the man holding the door, doubted it for a moment. It's just courtesy, something which is lacking today in the world. Courtesy, the care of others, and the willingness to hear and to listen and to give and take advice before a decision is made which affects others are vanishing from our society, in both men and women, to be replaced with an incessant struggle for "my rights".
In no place in the Bible do I find Christ saying that everyone is equal, except in their equality in Him. Men, where will you be if Christ asks you to account for how you treated your wives and children and if you provided for them, or if you thought the latest toys, cars, and entertainment to be more important than nurturing and providing? Women, where will you be if Christ asks you to account for how you treated your husbands and children, and if you nurtured them, and loved them, and provided for your home, and kept it in good repair, and in peace, and trusted in Christ, or if you thought that to prove equality you needed to argue with your husband over everything, and to rule your children without seeing their needs or fears or hopes?
Of course I'm not saying that all men and women who do not view male head of the household as the correct thing to do are bad, evil, or not providers, or not loving or caring. I am saying, however, that a militant insistence on being the same indicates a certain lack of trust in Christ, and what He said is best. Being a Christian is not based on works alone, but on faith. We must have that faith that Christ knew what He was talking about.
I do actually think that if more people focused on who Jesus was, and how we were to love one another, there would probably be more happier marriage, than the focus on "who must be in charge"... A man (or woman) cannot be domineering, as Christ modelled a radical new way to live. He chose to become a servant, He washed his disciples' feet, he told them not to lord it over one another, and said that a child was the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. I do find it strange how people seem to fixate more on the verses to wives more than husbands sometimes. Clearly the men make sacrifices too 
My brother can be one of those types. He can be quite controlling and domineering at times, I think he'd be ready to make some comment if I didn't promise to "obey" my husband in a wedding ceremony. I wouldn't, just because of the negative associations with that word, I wouldn't want anyone to get the impression I was accepting and encouraging a master slave relationship. Who seriously wants to marry into that anyway, if they had the choice? Not that I'm planning to get married anyway, but yeah...But more laid back, passive personality types and more dominant personality types do exist amongst both genders.
