I'm going to be honest, I've been struggling.
At first I thought it was just a short downturn of mood (well, more of a downturn than what is normal for me, dealing with depression and other things). But as I slowly started examining myself I've found that I have just been so unhappy. And I think part of that is due to the struggle I'm experiencing with my Walk.
I feel like, as a Christian, I am worn out tired of trying to do better. I know as Children of God we are held to a higher expectation and must always put forth the effort to please our Father. But sometimes, putting forth that effort day after day after day, even with the help of God, is exhausting. Constantly fighting against the flesh which is a part of me as much as the spirit is.
And most of the time, contemplating God doesn't bring me joy. Make no mistake, the fact that I am saved brings me relief but I don't know if I can call that joy. Relief because I know there is hope after this life which can seem so dreary. But joy? I just don't feel it.
Constantly focusing my thoughts on Him and constantly analyzing my actions and forcing myself to be better is so tiring. And I feel like I'm getting nowhere, though I know it isn't true.
I know, I know. Feelings have nothing to do with it and I should not lean on my own understanding.
Doesn't mean I don't struggle with it all. I just wish that being a Child of God brought me joy like it does for some other people instead of bringing me sadness and a hope that is more anxiety based than anything.
At first I thought it was just a short downturn of mood (well, more of a downturn than what is normal for me, dealing with depression and other things). But as I slowly started examining myself I've found that I have just been so unhappy. And I think part of that is due to the struggle I'm experiencing with my Walk.
I feel like, as a Christian, I am worn out tired of trying to do better. I know as Children of God we are held to a higher expectation and must always put forth the effort to please our Father. But sometimes, putting forth that effort day after day after day, even with the help of God, is exhausting. Constantly fighting against the flesh which is a part of me as much as the spirit is.
And most of the time, contemplating God doesn't bring me joy. Make no mistake, the fact that I am saved brings me relief but I don't know if I can call that joy. Relief because I know there is hope after this life which can seem so dreary. But joy? I just don't feel it.
Constantly focusing my thoughts on Him and constantly analyzing my actions and forcing myself to be better is so tiring. And I feel like I'm getting nowhere, though I know it isn't true.
I know, I know. Feelings have nothing to do with it and I should not lean on my own understanding.
Doesn't mean I don't struggle with it all. I just wish that being a Child of God brought me joy like it does for some other people instead of bringing me sadness and a hope that is more anxiety based than anything.
