I Hate God And I Wish He Would Kill Me

I hate God! I hate him so so so much! I hate the way he made me and I hate that he made me at all. How dare He use his power to make a fallible creation! How dare he throw his creation to the wolves! Adam and Eve didn't do anything wrong to deserve the testing they were given. Eve would have never disobeyed had God not made her as He did. Human beings want knowledge, independence, and some semblance of control over our own lives. We are made to be that way! God created everything and as a Creator He is RESPONSIBLE for it! Anything bad that happens in creation, He is supposed to be responsible for!! He's a worse parent than my own earthly father because at least my father was upfront about not really caring for me and being a bad parent. When you create something, you are responsible for how it turns out. When someone creates a company where people are working for them, they are responsible for the company, the message it puts out, the quality of the product or service, etc... God is responsible for us and anything that happens to us. To say otherwise is crappy parenting and irresponsibility! Evil didn't just come out of nowhere.

And what is up with saying He loves us with an unconditional love and then saying that He only loves those who follow Jesus and does everything He loves and becomes more perfect day by day? THAT'S NOT UNCONDITIONAL LOVE! Unconditional love is loving someone with their flaws and imperfections and supporting them without requiring ANYTHING in return. My mother, as bad as she is, at least loves me and would never stop loving me just because I'm not the way she wants me to be.

And not getting so angry as to smite all of us where we stand is NOT LOVE. It's not mercy either. It's a fear tactic. Commanding a rape victim to marry her rapist is not love. It's cruelty. Rapists should be put to death, plain and simple! Ordering people to kill children is not love. It's brutality. Yes innocent children! Mere babies were also killed. Babies are not evil! Babies can't even hold their attention on something for more than a few seconds. They don't have the capacity to even sin yet.

I hate God so much, the idea of people trying to justify all the horrible things He's ordered to be done makes me sick! The idea of Him torturing me and those I love and probably thousands of innocent children in Hell for all eternity is disgusting!

I hate him for making me in the first place. My mother was 37! She could have easily been made to not have children because of her age. My existence is paying for her mistake of having sex with my father out of wedlock. My existence should never have been created.

The idea of telling us to focus on eternity because this life isn't important is also ridiculous. This life IS VERY IMPORTANT!! It it wasn't then we wouldn't have been given it.To say, oh well the focus on the next life I guess, is SO UNCARING. I have had human beings give me more care and concern than God has ever done in my entire life. Sure God helped people in the Bible but only because they were important tools to him. Do you think he would have helped David if David wasn't supposed to accomplish things for God? NOPE. David would have been left to rot.

And I'm sick and tired of being told that I am supposed to be lesser because I am a woman. That I'm supposed to bear the curse of Eve because she ate the fruit first. Women are powerful, smart, strong, and worth more than society and God say they are. Isn't it interesting how all the women in the Bible are given barely a chapter or even a book about all their accomplishments (except Esther and even then it's made to look like she barely did anything and that it was thanks to her uncle) and yet men get their praises sung to the skies. I'm tired of hearing women must submit and defer to men because men drop the ball and make terrible decisions all the time. It's very rare to find a man who values women, respects them, and doesn't commit some form of sexism and violence against them. If a woman has control over her husband, it's probably because her husband does a [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse] poor job of leading.

God is not a benevolent and kind person. He hates me and I hate Him. The mere thought of talking to him makes my blood boil because of how much I hate Him for what He has done to me and countless others. I don't care if you say the Devil is responsible for evil. Who created the Devil and the possibility of evil? God did. So He is at fault and He is responsible. He is responsible for every ounce of suffering I'm going through.

If God has any shred of decency and mercy, He would have killed me back in April in that car accident instead of that kind, old man who never did anything wrong.

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