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- Author omnicell
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Doing whats right does not mean, whats right in the world, it means honoring God. I owner God by having a relationship with him. I talk to him everyday, He makes all my decisions for me, because I talk to him about all things. I have the choice. I don't have to listen to him. However, I...
part of my social network is gone. It wasn't much but it kept me alive in the lean years. Now its gone..
A women led me on for months and months, then turned on me and went out with someone else, with no regard or conscious... complete malice. Cut throat like.. And she is fine with...
My father died today in the early morning...
He never wanted me... He didn't even care.. He had no conscious...
Its not really his fault. He was a farm kid and expected to work and drive truck at 5 years old. And he was destroyed by his older brothers on the farm... No one stood...
I keep fallowing God, asking Gods direction.
When I expect people to treat me a certain way, and they cant. I get mad. I get horribly mad if they don't act the way I want them to.. I hate being manipulated...
Some how Im right with God I think. Im not right with the world.
Then...
I keep calling God. And calling upon God. ALl the way to the end.
Ive been getting more and more into exercise, and that is cool...
My heart is hurting, and I am learning.
It does nothing to fall in love with the wrong people; if God does not sanction it!.
I have to pray...
Im one of the lucky ones I guess. Im still alive, looks like I will make it. Meaning, I wont be checking out early, most of my mental stuff is under control. It should get better. Well, its not all under control, its my view of it. Im still ruptured... the real me is coming into play...
Trusting God and going forward... Becoming myself...
Where the 2 halves meet to make a whole.
Im lucky or just getting old.
My face changed within 2 months....
Im slowly developing. I wish all those that didn't make it could be here.
I have a lot of work to do, to...
I will be facing loneliness.. Or I will be facing loneliness again... The key I think is not to have a past.. To work on letting go of the past. that is the key... that is what Im going to work on, and learn to move forward. I don't forget about the past, I have methods of purging...
recently I have been screaming about the loss of relationships..
It hurts.. I beat myself up, all I can do is blame the other person. Im a fumbling idiot. I don't look as good on paper as the other people. Im not good enough... or Im to good for others.
Its a combination of...
What would it be like to be with God all day long.
It may have to be like that for me. I may have to let go of this life completely. This life is becoming so dangerous to live in. Spiritually, mentally, emotionally, psychologically, economically. Its getting beyond my ability to understand...
I am slowly growing. I am remembering... I have values that have been hidden, as I have been hidden. God is allowing me to surface. Now what!, I hope I don't get buried again, that last round was to much, for to long.
A foundation is being created. the concrete has been poured...
I don't know how to write about the girl at the meetings. I think deep down she likes me, I don't know. , I think she is not honest. And that is the whole of it.
No matter what direction I go. I end up hurt. So I do not go near.
I will never get the truth from her. Its a shame. If...
Who did God create me to be. Am I acting like God created me, or am I acting out, period!
Am I really being myself, or tempting others to accept me as someone else. Isn't it nice to think one can be like James Bond instead of the quit shy person they really are.
I am a quit shy...
Ive been experimenting, and it helps. However, Im nothing of the image that I am showing the people. I am an introvert, shy and unassuming. Im simply willing to take a few chances to see what happens. I have far exceeded my interests. Im afraid Im not the person I pretend to be and cannot...
My behavior has not changes in years. I sabotage that I may view the other persons behavior to see how they handle the sabotage. I want to see there character, see if there heart is true. This happens automatically, subconsciously.
I have a feeling for things; are they using me or on...
THe only place left I have to live is online. No one in the real world seems to have a conscious... I have no one calling me. I have very little friendships.
Most people I feel have hate or hidden contempt. I give them no interest to keep there hate fires burning, therefore, I am not...
I have to remember, my worth is not set upon by the measurement of this world or its people. I have to remember that I belong to God. I have to keep God with me through the temptations of this world. When Im tempted, I rarely win.. I get destroyed by the carnival Ive given myself to.
Im not...
Good bye girl at the meeting, God tried to tell me and I would not listen. Your heart was never with me, and it never will be. He knew this, I did not know this. You don't trust me because you never trusted honest people, you would not know how, and you are not interested in learning...
When I think of dating. I think of how nice it would be to hook up with that person that I obviously have something in common with; there personality and mine match...
Do I want to be friends with them. Do I want to spend time with them! I do want to spend time with them.
I have...
I know this sounds like a strange topic.. However, I will explain.
Im in recovery for many things. At one point in my early recovery work. God brought me bicycles.
And bikes have been a very good thing..
A few years ago, I expanded my awareness of bicycling.. I went from Mountain...