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- Author omnicell
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Its like a carnival. However, Im learning to stay out of the way of trouble people! Im attempting to wake up and learn who is safe and who is not safe! Its very hard to do right now!
Im very lucky! It might be possible to get a life out of this deal! Thats more then I had 25 years...
Many ego based people causing lots of damage and problems... Its crazy!
I have to learn how to negotiate these people! Or, run as fast in the opposite direction as possible, However, I need to be with them, its part of my learning! Im learning how to reintegrate into society, and...
I am not understood or accepted by others for who I am! Im looked at, at face value to be wanting! I am not enough for the general popular crowd! I do not fit in. Im real tho!; not popular!
OThers have attempted to push me into a corner, they respect nothing when its in front of there...
I have to trust God, I have gone as far as I can with the groups Im in.
Ive dealt with addiction problems; I was attempting to medicate the PTSD long term problems, and the full Dissociative Disorder!
I have gone as far as I can in these groups.
Tonight I began to talk about the...
The price in this case is; a real price; money!
I have such anxiety about making decisions.
I forget to trust God! Wait upon God! I need to wait upon God through these decisions.. or make him make the decision, and I stay out of it! Im having a real hard time letting go of control...
I have dissociative disorder , it is getting better, the symptoms are going down. However, it takes along time to work through this. This condition makes it impossible to get close to people, one dissociates from reality if they get close to people.
Ive been practicing with people...
I have to remember to stay true to God! I am slowly moving toward relationships with people again.
Im slowly moving in the direction of personal involvement with people! friends and other things for the first time! Its naive to believe that others love and care about me and my plans...
I hurt a girl last year in the meetings. She liked me, I flipped and ignored her out of my life.
She left the meetings, I left the meetings for awhile. Now I am back, she finally came back.
Ive prayed for her for 7 months.
I mean nothing to her now! she has written me off as...
I belong to many groups. I have social issues within these groups. Some of these groups are hardcore with hardcore people; People that do not have my core problems.
Hardcore people are like wolves. They have good hearts and hard lives. They try like everyone tries.
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Women...
Im staying to myself, Ive decided to let go of the women I had interest in. I do not care what they look like, Ive had enough of these games. Im refusing to engage this girl. I have no problems changing my view of her, reversing it; she is stranger, I suppose if God wants it differently...
Time to say good by to the players!
I was getting used or played. They are sick sick people. Im looking for the right word. Disgusting, or, with a scrupulous nature. Indecent, that would be a better word. Indecent in a way of attempting to destroy an honest person and have no...
90% of everything can be going oK. However, theres the users, and Ive gotten caught up with them.
I have people that act like they want to be my friend, they under-mind me. They do not want to be my friend, they want to play act a fantasy with any succor that is willing to be played...
I have to keep writing and working things through.
So, I have these girls that have been interested in me. They are all beautiful, meaning I lm attracted to them, they are attracted to me! so! I cant get near them.. Its a very slow process.
Im being controlled by the way they look...
Slowly I get better and able to do more things, However, I feel alone at times, I remember what I used to have and what has been taken from me. Now I am getting better, Yet, I am alone. I do not know what to think of it.
I am being forced to reach out and make friends. And it is...
Im getting better from what hurts me inside. Its getting different. Im at a different stage, or moving into a different stage. ITs all God. God is taking me to a different stage. Im remembering so much more now. My memories were shut off to me for years and years. Its very painful. I...
Im back in the harder 12 step groups. Its keeping me awake. Its hard. I have no social life, and this is a false social life. No one is really interested in me. Im in a group of people. They are not interested in hanging out with me.
Lots of people, lots of shallow talk and walk...
These are not the brethren. These are creepo's
These are the creatures that rip the church off by selling it a bill of goods that prophets there habits at the churches expense.
A strange thing happened months ago! A sociopath from the meetings. ( These are hardcore 12 step meetings)...
At church,. I performed another song! It was extreme and hard. I let my voice out a bit. It is so embarrassing. No one will ever know embarrassment until you must let your feelings out, singing in front of people. Its something else. Its fright at its height..
The minister has scared...
I grew up non-loved
THe people I had to associate with played sick games. That is all they did. My life was ruined.
Now, Im attempting to come back out into the real world, and all I get are more games.
Society is like a brick wall. Nothing is real or as it seems. I get no...
I forget that Im in the jungle with non caring, non Christian people. They don't have God.
I am alive because of God. I have to learn at this point to wait on God and trust only God. I will not trust the world. I will trust God. And like a child, look up and only trust him.
I am...