your thoughts on inter-racial relationships?

[babyblueyes517]

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hello...i am a young woman who isn't all that proud of the men i've dated in the past...about 2 years ago, i was 'thrown' into a situation and to make a long story short - ended up becoming the best of friends with a black man...we remained friends for almost a year, spending all kinds of time together (i dated other guys off and on while him and i were hanging out)...

the thing is - as we grew closer, i put up more of a 'guard' because i knew how my parents (and society in general) felt about inter-racial dating...since then, i've come to realize that he is the man for me...i feel a love for him that i've never felt for any man and we just compliment each other in every way...we've commited ourselves to each other and someday (soon!) are planning to get married...

my mother and father have been divorced and remarried to other people now for what seems like forever...my mom is getting 'used' to the idea, my stepdad mostly avoids the subject but my dad is having a really hard time with it...he pretty much stopped talking to me and i used to be 'daddy's little girl'...

is anyone else out there dealing with this kind of problem?...how do you handle it?...

i'm probably not going to be able to be online for much longer today (we're going away for the weekend cause my best friend is getting married) but i'd love to discuss this further...anyone who responds - i will definatley get back to you asap!...thanks!...

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[EmSchmem]

I'm not in the situation but I want you to know that I wholeheartedly support you being with him if he is a Christian man who loves you and wants to grow in the Lord and grow old with you. He could be the purple people eater for all I care if he has the other traits.

 

[jepvc4]

Trust me when I say it will be hard. My best friend throughout high school was black, with a white mom. His girlfriend is white. Remember that the Bible says that God doesn't make distinctions between people based on race or color, that is a construct made by people.

If you feel strongly about this, and, more important than any connection you two have, if you are committed to staying with each other, then let no person stop you from glorifying God with a relationship. You seem well aware of the challenges such a relationship will hold, and that's awesome. What it will probably come down to is the two of you choosing to be willing to face those specific challenges. They will come not only from white adults though, but be prepared to endure criticism from blacks as well (remember Save the Last Dance? That happens).

 

[babyblueyes517]

thank you so much!...i was raised in the church but it wasn't until recently that he found and accepted the Lord...that was a great day indeed!...i think the fact that we go to church on a regular basis and are trying to live for god makes it easier for my mother to accept him...although, being a christian herself, i don't always agree with her opinions and 'stereotypes'...

thank you again for the words of encouragement!...

God bless you!

 

[Lia]

First thing, I believe that being God's chosen people is more important than being any other race out there.

There will be challanges from the society or even family. But people can think the way they think. You can be secure when you know in your heart if God has already ordained you to be with this man. I knew a couple who were faced by similar issue before but their parents eventually can accept it after a long way.

Hope everything works out well for you!

 

[goat37]

There is nothing wrong with interracial relationships... So his skin color is darker than yours... tell your Dad to get over it.

My biggest pet peeve has to be racism... there is no room for it in society, and I feel sorry for those who can't look past the color of peoples skin to see what kind of person they are.

 

[pegatha]

If you both love the Lord, then race shouldn't be the determining factor. I'm sure it hurts to face your father's disapproval, but in the normal course of things, you will be with your husband for many years after your dad has gone on to his reward. If you gave up a good man whom you really love, would the memory of your father's approval be enough to sustain and comfort you for the rest of your life? I doubt it! You have to evaluate marriage in terms of the rest of your life, not the discomforts of the moment.

In line with that, you need to decide how you'll react if your dad never reconciles himself to the marriage. What if he decides he's willing to have a relationship with you, but not your husband? Will you be strong enough to say, "My husband and I are a unit, and we'd both love to be part of your life, but I will not see you without him" ?

There will be difficulties from outside your family, too. A white friend told me once how disappointed she was in some of the people at our church... how they accepted her as a white woman, and her husband as a black man, but not the two of them as an interracial couple. My friend kept her focus on the Lord and on what a great man she'd married, and she said she tried always to be "acting in love, rather than reacting in fear or anger."

 

[Maeyken]

To be honest, when I meet a person, and then meet their s/o who is of a different race, I am surprised, because it is not "the norm". However, it really doesn't matter to me- it is just not what I was expecting. I think part of that comes from growing up in a rural area where pretty much everyone was white- so to have someone of a different race was odd (not in a bad way... it was not the ordinary)

I think it's sad when people can't accept an interracial couple. I don't see why it matters what race people are... they're people and that's all that matters. God created us ALL in His image.... why can't we all just love each other and get along?!

 

[poobah]

I am in an interracial relationship. I am Chinese/British and my boyf is British (White). We had problems with family and friends. But we will NEVER start changing people's ignorance re: interracial realtionships if we don't make a stand. If you and your boyf really love each other and are helping each other to grow in the Lord's love then that's all that matters. It won't be easy putting up with some people's reactions but they just have to get used to it. Your boyf is no less of a good person just because he's black.

I support you and wish you both all the best. We are all one in Christ; black, yellow, white, purple, aquamarine.....

 

[97trsgl]

Destiny and I are interracial but that has no bearing on our love for one another. We are after all both part of the Human Race!

 

[GarethS]

My S/O is a black woman, me a white guy. I love her so very much and skin colour so doesn't matter. People sometimes look at us funny but I've never been one to care in the least what other people think. Remember, interracial kids end up being physically very beautiful, so if you love this man then let no one stand in your way.

Best of luck.