Hard to find a new church

[Faithfulandtrue]

Hello it's been a while since I've posted on this site. I left my home church back in 2020 due to feeling like I didn't matter to my church anymore. There were more specifics of course but I won't get into that now and it was something I've felt for years prior. Even visiting last Easter after being away, I was shunned like I did something wrong when all I did was leave after they ignored my prayer request twice. A bunch of other people left apparently so maybe they thought I was leaving for whatever reason they did, but non the less I am left confused and still hurting.
I've been attending another church most Sundays but it's almost impossible for me to get involved. The career age group for people my age( I'm now 30) is not
a thing this year??? Small groups on the website are stated (for members only??) How am I supposed to decide if I want to be a member if I don't know how people are here.) I try to look for other churches in southern California but they all have similar things. It's almost like post pandemic churches don't want new members. Crazy but idk it used to be so easy to go to church. People don't even invite me to church anymore.

 

[JohnC101]

All I can think of is just find a church, attend a church service, and stay afterwards to talk with church members to see how they're like. May God bless all of your endeavors!

 

[WolfGate]

It took us over a year after we moved in 2021. Visited many churches and just kept returning to some until we had a clear sense of God's direction for us. Ended up in a church I would have not expected prior to moving, but it is the right place for us.

 

[FutureAndAHope]

praying you find some where where you feel God's love.

 

[William J]

I pray that God would guide you to a church where they honor God and welcome everyone.

 

[LoricaLady]

Over the years on this forum, I have seen many people bemoaning the fact that they cannot find a church that makes them feel welcome, and/or that takes the Bible seriously enough.

Churches have done wonderful things for this nation in the world but there’s actually nothing in the Bible telling you to go to them.

Yes, we are told to have fellowship, but we are not told to have it in a church necessarily at all. The apostles met in peoples homes, or in synagogues on the sabbath.

So, if you can find good fellowship, great. but if you can’t at this time, don’t feel guilty about it.

Perhaps you could consider having a little Bible study home fellowship.

I pray that the Lord will lead you as to what to do.

 

[Robert1849]

When you "up-root" a plant you put it into shock (pain) It then takes around three seasons for a tree to be re-established. As a person who has moved many times, you must allow time for your roots to regrow. They are tender, sore, and bruised, asked the Lord for the RIGHT soil for you to grow in.

 

[Faithfulandtrue]

So this past Sunday I was crying after a sermon on community and asked for prayer and how I can get involved. The person who talked to me was a very nice guy and did take my information down and said he would have the staff get in touch with me on membership. Cause I guess it's the only way to get into a life group there. No one has contacted me by phone or email yet and I was having flashbacks of my old church experiences. Also about a month ago I ran into someone I knew at this church and similar situation they knew I was hurt by my old church and was trying to get involved in fellowship. He says there's another church that has a young adult group and that he would text me the info and never did. I don't know why this keeps happening especially when the people who say they will send me the info or whatever know exactly what I'm going through because I told them. I feel really shut out when I'm desperate to get into someone form of Christian fellowship. I haven't been in fellowship in the past three years

 

[Faithfulandtrue]

When you "up-root" a plant you put it into shock (pain) It then takes around three seasons for a tree to be re-established. As a person who has moved many times, you must allow time for your roots to regrow. They are tender, sore, and bruised, asked the Lord for the RIGHT soil for you to grow in.

Thank you for understanding

 

[Faithfulandtrue]

Over the years on this forum, I have seen many people bemoaning the fact that they cannot find a church that makes them feel welcome, and/or that takes the Bible seriously enough.

Churches have done wonderful things for this nation in the world but there’s actually nothing in the Bible telling you to go to them.

Yes, we are told to have fellowship, but we are not told to have it in a church necessarily at all. The apostles met in peoples homes, or in synagogues on the sabbath.

So, if you can find good fellowship, great. but if you can’t at this time, don’t feel guilty about it.

Perhaps you could consider having a little Bible study home fellowship.

I pray that the Lord will lead you as to what to do.

The problem is though that I want Christian fellowship. I want to be in a bible study. It's not a matter of guilt but of loneliness because there's just certain things I feel I can only take about with other Christians. But going to some person's home I don't know is potentially dangerous and awkward for someone like me who has anxiety. I ideally would like to find a bible study at a church building or at least get to know people before I go to their home. But it's a catch 22 because I feel like I can't get to know people. I go to a new church and everyone only talks to people they know. Let's be real

 

[Faithfulandtrue]

All I can think of is just find a church, attend a church service, and stay afterwards to talk with church members to see how they're like. May God bless all of your endeavors!

Thank you but it's hard to talk to people after service. I don't know if it's just a California thing but people don't make it easy to jump in randomly if everyone is in their group talking. One small calvary church I visited a year or so ago my plan was to do just that and literally after service everyone up and left for their cars. It was very weird and surreal. I feel like the lockdowns have made some people cold.

 

[JohnC101]

Thank you but it's hard to talk to people after service. I don't know if it's just a California thing but people don't make it easy to jump in randomly if everyone is in their group talking. One small calvary church I visited a year or so ago my plan was to do just that and literally after service everyone up and left for their cars. It was very weird and surreal. I feel like the lockdowns have made some people cold.

If that doesn't work, churches usually have Bible studies on Wednesdays and Sundays (before or after service), and other events done through a church. Those may be better for getting to know the church body.

 

[RickardoHolmes]

I stopped looking years ago. Now I have two congregations that allow me to participate and help out. While neither have approached me about "membership", both have accepted me as a regular and a contributing person. (I would politely decline formal membership if offered.)
My advice is to show up with lots of money to contribute to a project, and let the people involved know that you are generous and glad to help out. Second, be present and help out. Offer to help clean up after social hour, even better, just start cleaning up Help decorate the church for holidays. Help with food drives, food distribution to the homeless. Just get involved like you belong there. And if people do not like or accept you, then move on.
IF I see a program or need in the church in which I can help, I do. If I cannot help, then I cannot.
Also, do not keep your hopes up or your expectations high. Most churches I have attended are not worth going back to a second time. Keep moving around, don't be so focused on "Membership" (It is overrated and unnecessary)
Just find a place where you can get involved and let things happen on their own.

 

[Robert1849]

Quote ~"My advice is to show up with lots of money to contribute to a project" Hmm...

 

[RickardoHolmes]

Quote ~"My advice is to show up with lots of money to contribute to a project" Hmm...

Let me give an example. One of the two congregations which I absolutely love has a drive at CHristmas to provide gift cards for children in the church and community . THis is NOT a wealthy church, it is not in the best part of town, is traditionally not affluent. The lofty goal was $1000 worht of gift cards at $50 each. The pastor suggested that perhaps families or couples could pool their money and buy a gift card if that was too much for any one family or person to afford) .

SO, the next week, I showed up at the secretaries office with 10 $50 gift cards, $500 worth. Half of the goal right there (THey took in over $1300 total) I also presented the secretary with a box of chocolates, from me to her, with a Christmas Card attached.

SO she knows me and knows me well.

Last year, a tragedy struck a congregation in another town. One of the Ministers was rounding up goods to donate. I hav=neded hism $50 worth of gift cards, and asked if there was anything else he needed, He told me that I am more than generous and he has remembered me to this day.

People there know me now, and know I am able to help out and be supportive of their programs. They are always happy when I show up for Bible Study on Wednesday nights and an occasional SUnday morngin service.

Point is, you sometimes have to jump in and use your gifts to help others. I do not preach, sing, or perform, so those are out. I do not visit, go door to door or canvas the neighborhoood on Monday Morings with the pastor and deacons, although I understand that the residents around the church look forward to that. I do make enough extra money that I do not need, and I use it to help those who have little or none and in doing so, have become accepted as a part of the congregation. Perhaps as much as those who sing solos on Sunday morning, who are part of the choir, play instruments, read the gospel to start the service......I do what I can with what talent and gifts I have, and money is always needed to help keep the lights on and projects funded.