Had kids?
Since I am in the midst of raising my nephew (and have been since he was an infant) I couldn't really complain if the woman I was dating had kids of her own.
My honest, deep down preference would be to start a marriage without there being any children, which would mean dating women who didn't have any. The optimal way to get that initial cementing of a marriage is for a husband and wife to be entirely focused on and absorbed by one another for the first year or so. As any parent knows, when kids are part of the equation, it's almost impossible to have your attention focused anywhere but on them, the little rascals make sure of it.
Was divorced?
My preference would be for a woman to have waited for me (in both the areas of sex and marriage) as I have for her. At this point in life, though, the probability of me coming across a single woman in my age range who hasn't been married (or had sex, for that matter) is fairly slim, so it wouldn't be a deal-breaker.
Smokes?
She would have to be awfully special for me to put up with it. Tobacco smoke is an extreme irritant for me -- coughing, difficulty breathing, burning eyes, burning lungs, sick to my stomach. I would have some pretty significant ground rules concerning it -- she couldn't smoke inside a closed area with me (house, cars, building, etc.), she would have to be downwind from me anytime she smoked when we were outside together, she would have to be willing to take steps to cut down on the odor in her hair and clothes. I don't even know how kissing would be handled.
Drinks?
I despise liquor. I grew up with an alcoholic mother and her alcoholism pretty much tore up the family and made my time growing up a living hell. I have family members who are alcoholics and it has ruined their lives and the lives of those around them. I have never, willingly, drank liquor in my life and have no intentions of ever doing so. I would be unwilling to allow liquor in my home. So if she was an alcoholic it would be a dealbreaker. If she weren't addicted to it and it was just a casual thing, would she respect and care for me enough to give it up?
Uses drugs?
Dealbreaker. There again, I have family members who's lives have been completely destroyed by drugs. I'm not willing to put up with that insanity.
Was not from your denomination?
Denominations don't mean an awful lot to me. Either you love God with all of your heart and have given your life to him or not. Either you listen to and obey Him or not. Either you believe what the Bible says or you don't. Either you have a relationship with Him or you don't. Beyond that, personal beliefs could be explored and hashed out over time.
Was not a Christian?
Not very likely. I want someone who has a relationship with Christ. I want someone who can at least comprehend me when I talk about the greatest thing to ever happen to me.
Was overweight?
I've been attracted to all body types so, unless it's an extreme case, weight doesn't really matter. Besides, the past several years I've managed to pack on more pounds than I should be carrying around, myself.
Has body odor?
That's usually something that can be remedied fairly easily. I guess it would depend on the circumstances (is there a medical problem?) and her willingness to take steps to get things under control.
Dresses poorly?
Depends on the circumstances behind it (finances, comfort, health requirements), the particular situations in which she does it (just running to the store to get a couple of ingredients for dinner or goes out on dates to nice restaurants that way), and the type of poor dress ([bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse]/trashy, sweats, or just plain wore out threadbare clothes). If I'm just running to the store for a few minutes or hanging around the house I'm usually in sweats and a t-shirt myself. I've had a number of surgeries and operations around the beltline and anymore, loose-fitting sweats are really the only things that don't irritate me in that area.
Pajamas and night clothes I draw the line at. I have seen, on very rare occasions, people doing that. I can't stand that.
Bathes seldomly?
Another problem that could be easily remedied but, would she be willing to do so?
Was taller than you (for men) / shorter than you (for women)?
I'm 6 foot so she would have to be pretty dern tall for a woman. But no, it wouldn't bother me.
Was 5 years younger than you?
Five years isn't too big of an age gap. It would ultimately depend on her level of maturity, where she is at in life, her walk with God.
How about 10 years younger?
Ten years is sort of pushing it. Usually people in that age range just aren't on the same page in life that I am. But, I'm not going to give an absolute "no" ultimatum. It would depend on the same factors as above. I have seen women younger than that who had an impressive level of depth, maturity, and wisdom.
Was 5 years older than you?
There again, five years isn't too bad an age difference.
10 years older?
I suppose I would -- if it were the right person. As I stated above, ten years is pretty much the outer edge of the envelope. I'm not going to omit the possibility though because a person never knows what God has planned.
Has no car? Has no job? Has no money?
Call me old fashioned but it's a husband's place to provide money, cars, food, etc. for his wife. Since she wouldn't be married then I ultimately wouldn't hold her to the standard of having those things. It would be nice if she did but, it's certainly not a dealbreaker. Unless, of course, she was a gold digger, in which case she wouldn't be having anything to do with me anyway (at least not at this point in time).
On the reverse side, I would be loath, even unwilling, to date or pursue romance if I myself didn't have a car, a job, and some sort of financial infrastructure. I don't believe a man has any business pursuing romance unless he is in a position to keep a family afloat.
Has no ambition for the future?
Depends on the definition of ambition. If she isn't pondering or toying around with any notions that go beyond tomorrow's supper then I would be leery.
Is negative?
It depends on the level of negativity, the reasons for and the circumstances prompting it, and whether or not it's likely to be a a lifelong thing . I haven't exactly been a ball of sunshine myself for three or four years now.
Doesn't go to church?
There are lots of legitimate reasons people do not attend church. As long as she wasn't closed to the option of attending church regularly I would be willing to date her.
Was of a different race (ethnicity) than you?
In most instances it would not be a problem. If the cultural traditions and practices were too significant and made me uncomfortable then it would become a factor.
Your parents did not approve of?
All of my parents and grandparents are deceased so that's not really a factor.
Is Clingy?
It depends on what kind of clingy and how intense it is. It's wonderful to be wanted and have someone enjoy being around you, and not want to be apart from you. But, if I take a few days to get some peace and time to myself and she goes haywire over it, that's not cool.
Talks about marriage right away?
That depends. Is she a total goo-goo-eyed ding-bat that insists from day one that I'm her fiance and I just haven't realized it yet? Is she just stating that her purpose for dating is to find a husband. There are those rare couples that God simply puts together and sews it into their hearts from the first time they meet that they've found their future spouse.
Is awesome?
"Awesome" is subjective to the individual opinion holder. One person's idea of awesome might not be mine and the other way around.
Is a vegetarian / vegan? (Or a meat-eater if you are not?)
As long as she is not a cannibal or doesn't chow down on small puppy dogs or some twisted thing like that, I don't really care what she eats. We would be fine as long as she didn't try to keep me from eating meat.
