Would you date a Christian that doesn't go to church?

Nonbelievers are more likely to influence Christians than the reverse. Strobel addressed this in Spiritual Mismatch. It takes far longer for them to come to faith (if ever) than believers expect. The wait is laborious and miserable.

Ticking the box is fine until you realize you’re the odd man out. The couples around you are on the same page and you’re struggling. Attending church while dating isn’t a guarantee they’ll continue when married. The majority don’t. Now you’re alone in a sea of pairs. Is it worth it?

~bella

I would not. I like going to church. If she doesn’t want to, there’ll probably be issues.

ThisIsMe123 said:

You may want to be carefulthere. I think there's a term for this...I think it's called conversion dating...or something.

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Please don't get me wrong..It was a thought on a question.

But we just never know what the Lord wants us to do.

Personally, their relationship with God is all I care about. I don't personally care if they attend a social club on Sunday mornings. Am I jaded? Yep, you bet I am.

In my span trying to find a "healthy church", I have seen 3 youth pastors go down for "affairs" with 14 year old students, which is rape. One head pastor got caught in a brothel in Mexico on a drug bender, and come to find out, he'd been using the Mexico Mission trips as a front to not only visit the brothels, but also to help the drug cartels smuggle drugs back into the U.S. I saw the "Church Elders" refuse to punish a head pastor for taking a teenage girl to a hotel, so he could coerce her into sex, but she ran and locked herself in a gas station bathroom and called her mom. Her parents took it to the Church Elders as the Bible says.

But they didn't care about what the Bible said. Their Pastor was their bible, he was their god, they worshiped him. And he could do no wrong.

I've been to countless churches, and they all have "requirements" to be a "member". "Attend the 101 class, and sign the contract that's legally binding and promises you'll tithe your ten percent no matter what...." and then you can be a member.

My mom was working 30 hours a week in the church office, my brothers and I were working probably about that at the pastor's property, building a barn "for the church to meet in sometimes..." My dad helped him preach, and he kept telling him they were going to make him an elder.

Then I got injured hammering a nail into a piece of wood, missed the nail, and the wood exploded in my face. I got shards of wood in my corneas, had to go to the ER to have someone flip my eyelids inside out, and dig the shards out with tweezers.
The pastor said he would pay for my visit. He didn't.

A week later, as my mom was still working for him in the church office, he told her we weren't really "members", because we never attended the 101 class, nor signed the legal binding contract for membership....

I forgot about the scripture in the Bible that says we have to go to a 101 class to learn the importance of "giving", and sign a contract, promising to give x amount of money and also time, before God considers you a member of His church. I missed that one somehow.

I wouldn't mind finding a nice church to attend once in a while, but I'm not interested in a social club where I have to place membership, where everyone gossips behind peoples backs, where people nose into your business, and think they can control your life, and judge you behind a mask of piety, and self-righteousness. I'm not interested in associating with people who twist God's word, ignore God's word, or slander God's word. I'm not interested in going to church to listen to a "pastor" read from some self-help book instead of the bible, and everything is for show. Unfortunately, those are the only kinds of churches I've found here, and I'd rather we have bible study and communion as a family every Sunday, as we've done for the last ten years.

mojoboy31 said:

In my span trying to find a "healthy church", I have seen 3 youth pastors go down for "affairs"

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I have seen this also but I was spared from seeing it the first 7 years after getting saved. I heard from others of these things happening in their churches at a distance, and seeing others Fall away because of what a church did. That's what I made sure that I did not put my faith in the people in the church and the pastor, and made sure that my relationship was with the Lord. I remember early as a Christian a church at home that I became part of for summer visits that the leader was very charismatic and when he left there was a hole in the church. As someone in my early twenties, I did not let it deter me even though everyone there was in their 50s and 60s. The strong faith element and the members was what made that church, it was a loss to see the pastor go, but over time I have seen many pastors go from churches but the body remains the same.

I've also found that if sin within the church is not parade over and dealt with it follows that church decades later no matter how many pastors come through. At the age of 32 I went through something like that not understanding how the young adult group was making choices as they were and trying to pull me into sin. It wasn't until I left and met a guy that told me some of the history that I understood the first sin that a pastor had done 30 years before remained in that church. It was terrible how big it had become and dwindled down to five members with everyone going in different directions with many emotional scars. I've run into some of the people that were part of that church and elders that have gone to other churches, I can see the same Spirit remains in them. Clickishness and lust are probably the biggest things that I noticed.

The building on emptied out in a new church came in that is quite huge, but when I visited the same Spirit was over that church with a couple in front of me. Ironically I actually knew the couple when the lights came on and was surprised but not surprised. Because of past interactions I had with the husband before he got married and he was engaged to her when we were in the same church together.

mojoboy31 said:

But they didn't care about what the Bible said. Their Pastor was their bible, he was their god, they worshiped him. And he could do no wrong

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All of this sounds terrible

mojoboy31 said:

I've been to countless churches, and they all have "requirements" to be a "member".

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I'm sorry that you have experienced this. When I have moved around I have been in quite a few churches that have no member requirement. But I do get sort of frowned on because I'm not as involved.

mojoboy31 said:

I forgot about the scripture in the Bible that says we have to go to a 101 class to learn the importance of "giving", and sign a contract,

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Yes it's true. It's not in the Bible but I think it's a structure that churches use so that they make sure that their sheep are on the same page.

mojoboy31 said:

I wouldn't mind finding a nice church to attend once in a while, but I'm not interested in a social club where I have to place membership, where everyone gossips behind peoples backs

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I will be praying for you. But it does not sound like you are so jaded as I have seen some others that turn to drinking and cursing at the name of Jesus at any opportunity.

mojoboy31 said:

I wouldn't mind finding a nice church to attend once in a while, but I'm not interested in a social club where I have to place membership, where everyone gossips behind peoples backs, where people nose into your business, and think they can control your life, and judge you behind a mask of piety, and self-righteousness. I'm not interested in associating with people who twist God's word, ignore God's word, or slander God's word. I'm not interested in going to church to listen to a "pastor" read from some self-help book instead of the bible, and everything is for show.

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I’m sorry to hear you’ve had painful experiences. But I doubt they’re the lone disappointments you’ve encountered. You’ve yet to marry but haven’t thrown in the towel. Did every opportunity go as you hoped? Probably not. But you’re still trying.

We determine the level of importance for everything in our lives. Not our circumstances. That’s why we’re willing to endure in some things and less so in others. Adversity is a truth serum. We learn where we stand and what matters most when things go awry. And we shouldn’t ignore it.

You’ve drawn a line in the sand. While your experiences played a part expectation is probably a bigger factor. You’re communing with strangers. Even if its kum-bi-yah you still don’t know them. I expect the unexpected. It takes a long time to know somebody’s bones. Especially when engagement is limited to specific settings and events.

You never know anyone until you experience them behind closed doors. Everyone has their best foot forward in church. That’s why wisdom is necessary. Just because they enter the building doesn’t mean they’re better than the ones on the street. Sometimes they’re worse.

It’s impossible to thrive in that environment without checking your expectations and guarding your heart. Churches attract sick people. It’s a hospital and you’re sitting in an emergency room. Much like those places there’s different levels of sickness. Some are more broken than others. When you see it for what it is you can adjust accordingly.

It isn’t a country club. Though some present it in that guise. They don’t take everyone. You have to qualify for membership and be recommended too. But churches aren’t like that. They take every one. Including the people you wouldn’t associate with otherwise. No one’s turned away.

In light of that I expect some chaos. You’re surrounded by wolves and sheep. That’s why we need to be wise as serpents. Truth be told, the freeness I observed in those settings always disturbed me. They were too trusting. Especially with their children. Whether it’s the pastor, staff or attendees they’re still flesh. Many make allowances in that environment they wouldn’t make elsewhere.

We have to be more discerning. I hope you find a place that’s welcoming and genuine for you and your future family.

God bless.

~bella

Older widows skews the ‘women are more likely to be faithful’ numbers. I bet that number plummets as you get to younger generations to the point where faithful men surpasses faithful women.

DragonFox91 said:

Older widows skews the ‘women are more likely to be faithful’ numbers. I bet that number plummets as you get to younger generations to the point where faithful men surpasses faithful women.

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Statistics say otherwise.

In one striking statistic, 96% of all young men (ages 27-45) reported that they are at least two years removed from their religious peak, with almost 70% saying they are 10 or more years removed. —New Insights on Young Men Leaving the Church

Churches are increasingly becoming a very unpopular place to meet a future wife or husband since the 1940s. The truth is, Christian Culture is dying. —Crisis in the Christian Church: A Lack of Young Single Men

Self-identified Christians aged 18–29, 10% are “resilient” disciples, 30% are “nomads” who don’t regularly attend church, and 38% are “habitual churchgoers” who have “a minimal relationship with God.” It seems likely that as these young people fall out of the regular habit of attending church in person, they will eventually disconnect from their church entirely. —The Pandemic Will Accelerate Young People Leaving Church

When we examine the reasons Millennials and Generation Z are leaving the Christian faith, there are contributing factors and then there is the root cause. Media, friends, schools, corporations and governments, and parents. —Why Are Young People Leaving the Church

On all the standard measures of religious commitment examined in the study, Christian women are more religious than Christian men. —The Gender Gap in Religion Around the World

Women comprise more than 60% of the adults in the typical worship service in America. Some overseas congregations report ten women for every man in attendance. Volunteer ranks are heavily female. No other religion suffers the enormous gender gaps that plague Christianity.

It’s not just attendance where men trail women. Men are less likely to lead, volunteer, and give in the church. They pray less, share their faith less, and read the Bible less. The men who do go to church seem passive and bored. It’s often impossible to get churchgoing men to do anything other than attend services.

Leon Podles put it best: “The modern church is an army of women led by a few male generals.” —Men and Church

Gender Composition Among Christians




~bella

During the 2000s (I came to a saving Faith in 2000 - I was 23 then), the whole "Purity Culture" thing was pervasive in my assembly. The general dating advice was "wait on the Lord", which seemed to be code for "don't date and don't do nothing". Dating in general is very difficult in circles where the whole "purity culture" nonsense is rampant.

My divorce will soon be final, and I'm preparing for the dating world. I will probably date outside the Church so I don't have to put up with the extrabiblical doctrines surrounding dating that are prevalent in many church assemblies these days.

I am much more spiritually and emotionally healthy now than when I was in my 20s. Abiding in the Holy Spirit for the past 22 years probably has at least something to do with that. I will take this train wherever it leads, but I will continue to stay away from sin. I know what sin is and what it does - I want nothing to do with it.

ZephBonkerer said:

During the 2000s (I came to a saving Faith in 2000 - I was 23 then), the whole "Purity Culture" thing was pervasive in my assembly. The general dating advice was "wait on the Lord", which seemed to be code for "don't date and don't do nothing".

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Most purity adherents attended Christian colleges and universities. It’s easier to sit on your hands when you’re surrounded by others who share your beliefs. While they aren’t marriage mills per se its a big priority. When you’re in a different setting that approach has to be modified. God should be part of the process but the likelihood of someone falling in your lap is slim.

Lack of preparation is the greater issue. Young believers weren’t readied for today’s market. They assumed it would be a cakewalk and discover they’re wrong. The Internet changed everything.

The teachings on divorce are fairly pervasive throughout the church. Dating outside that setting won’t remove you from its reach. They’re embedded. Be mindful of that in your interactions. Good luck.

~bella

bèlla said:

Statistics say otherwise.

In one striking statistic, 96% of all young men (ages 27-45) reported that they are at least two years removed from their religious peak, with almost 70% saying they are 10 or more years removed. —New Insights on Young Men Leaving the Church

Churches are increasingly becoming a very unpopular place to meet a future wife or husband since the 1940s. The truth is, Christian Culture is dying. —Crisis in the Christian Church: A Lack of Young Single Men

Self-identified Christians aged 18–29, 10% are “resilient” disciples, 30% are “nomads” who don’t regularly attend church, and 38% are “habitual churchgoers” who have “a minimal relationship with God.” It seems likely that as these young people fall out of the regular habit of attending church in person, they will eventually disconnect from their church entirely. —The Pandemic Will Accelerate Young People Leaving Church

When we examine the reasons Millennials and Generation Z are leaving the Christian faith, there are contributing factors and then there is the root cause. Media, friends, schools, corporations and governments, and parents. —Why Are Young People Leaving the Church

On all the standard measures of religious commitment examined in the study, Christian women are more religious than Christian men. —The Gender Gap in Religion Around the World

Women comprise more than 60% of the adults in the typical worship service in America. Some overseas congregations report ten women for every man in attendance. Volunteer ranks are heavily female. No other religion suffers the enormous gender gaps that plague Christianity.

It’s not just attendance where men trail women. Men are less likely to lead, volunteer, and give in the church. They pray less, share their faith less, and read the Bible less. The men who do go to church seem passive and bored. It’s often impossible to get churchgoing men to do anything other than attend services.

Leon Podles put it best: “The modern church is an army of women led by a few male generals.” —Men and Church

Gender Composition Among Christians

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~bella

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So among millennials it's a statistical tie? Is that what I'm looking at?

bèlla said:

Statistics say otherwise.

In one striking statistic, 96% of all young men (ages 27-45) reported that they are at least two years removed from their religious peak, with almost 70% saying they are 10 or more years removed. —New Insights on Young Men Leaving the Church

Churches are increasingly becoming a very unpopular place to meet a future wife or husband since the 1940s. The truth is, Christian Culture is dying. —Crisis in the Christian Church: A Lack of Young Single Men

Self-identified Christians aged 18–29, 10% are “resilient” disciples, 30% are “nomads” who don’t regularly attend church, and 38% are “habitual churchgoers” who have “a minimal relationship with God.” It seems likely that as these young people fall out of the regular habit of attending church in person, they will eventually disconnect from their church entirely. —The Pandemic Will Accelerate Young People Leaving Church

When we examine the reasons Millennials and Generation Z are leaving the Christian faith, there are contributing factors and then there is the root cause. Media, friends, schools, corporations and governments, and parents. —Why Are Young People Leaving the Church

On all the standard measures of religious commitment examined in the study, Christian women are more religious than Christian men. —The Gender Gap in Religion Around the World

Women comprise more than 60% of the adults in the typical worship service in America. Some overseas congregations report ten women for every man in attendance. Volunteer ranks are heavily female. No other religion suffers the enormous gender gaps that plague Christianity.

It’s not just attendance where men trail women. Men are less likely to lead, volunteer, and give in the church. They pray less, share their faith less, and read the Bible less. The men who do go to church seem passive and bored. It’s often impossible to get churchgoing men to do anything other than attend services.

Leon Podles put it best: “The modern church is an army of women led by a few male generals.” —Men and Church

Gender Composition Among Christians

View attachment 323379
View attachment 323380

~bella

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Facts don't matter around here. Too many people devoted to feelings so they can feel sorry for themselves and blame everyone else for being single.

DragonFox91 said:

So among millennials it's a statistical tie? Is that what I'm looking at?

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I don’t think there’s much difference. It’s pretty close.

Saucy said:

Facts don't matter around here. Too many people devoted to feelings so they can feel sorry for themselves and blame everyone else for being single.

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It takes a lot of self-awareness to admit you’re part of the problem. The longer you deny it the longer the wait.

So what about Mrs. Saucy. We need to work on that!

my wedding wont be in a church and my fiancé refuses (ATM) to believe in god and convert . But he said theres a slight possibility he will convert once he meets me in person. we are LDR

Saucy said:

Facts don't matter around here. Too many people devoted to feelings so they can feel sorry for themselves and blame everyone else for being single.

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Hey! It's not my fault women refuse to see my epic, amazing, wonderful, powerful, awesome, magnetic, electrifying, fantastic, and in all other ways, full of greatness personality. It's clearly their fault that I'm single! My singleness is everyone else's fault!

No, you know what!? It's because I never shared those chain posts on Facebook back in 2011. They warned me I'd never find a girlfriend if I didn't share it, but I just never believed them....

bèlla said:

It takes a lot of self-awareness to admit you’re part of the problem. The longer you deny it the longer the wait.

So what about Mrs. Saucy. We need to work on that!

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An imaginary Mrs. Saucy or an actual real one?