Would You Be Willing To Have A Long Distance Relationship?

[Vinter]

For arguments sake. Let's say I start talking with a woman on this forum, and there is a connection and we start to exchange pictures and start to skype and the next step was to meet each other and it feels natural. Then I would be up for it.

 

[ReesePiece23]

Honestly? The thought of it gives me an explosive headache. Assuming a steady relationship is the goal.

I'd meet up with any one of you though for drinks/etc if I'm near by (or if you just happen to be in London). If Shineyourlight (we'll use her as an example) is still single when I'm in New York next, then I'm sure beer and $1 pizza slices will happen.

But as far as daily communications that read like the Chronicles of Narnia, and intrusive Zoom calls with some girl who lives in a corn field 7000 miles away? Nah. Jog on bruv.

 

[Sketcher]

Would you be willing to have a long distance relationship with someone you want to marry? Why or why not? And would you be willing to relocate to be with them?

If I want to marry someone I have never met face to face, I'm doing it wrong.

If we're already an established couple and she needs to move before I can join her, maybe. Our directions would both need to converge on the same new place.

I'm not going to uproot myself just for a person I met online.

 

[Alistair_Wonderland]

Hello! Would you be willing to have a long distance relationship with someone you want to marry? Why or why not? And would you be willing to relocate to be with them?

I'm too desperate to say no, but honestly I feel like there's not much difference between a long-distance relationship and one of those Cleverbot AI things. I would start a relationship that way, sure, but I would never keep it that way.
And while I am thankful for God's provision, it would have to be a pretty trashy place for me to like it less than where I am now, so yes, I would move in a heartbeat.

 

[Alistair_Wonderland]

If I want to marry someone I have never met face to face, I'm doing it wrong.

If we're already an established couple and she needs to move before I can join her, maybe. Our directions would both need to converge on the same new place.

I'm not going to uproot myself just for a person I met online.

You act as if Discord and Skype don't exist, my dude. You can see people face to face even at long distance. I personally think it should only be a starting ground; talking in person is a million times better. But meeting online is sometimes the only option in this isolative society, especially when you get the short end of the stick in locations. Not a single single girl around here appeals to me either physically or mentally, and even the spiritually part is pretty flippin' weak, despite being surrounded by churchgoers. I admittedly hate internet dating, but I hate the idea of dying alone even more.

 

[Sketcher]

You act as if Discord and Skype don't exist, my dude. You can see people face to face even at long distance. I personally think it should only be a starting ground; talking in person is a million times better. But meeting online is sometimes the only option in this isolative society, especially when you get the short end of the stick in locations. Not a single single girl around here appeals to me either physically or mentally, and even the spiritually part is pretty flippin' weak, despite being surrounded by churchgoers. I admittedly hate internet dating, but I hate the idea of dying alone even more.

I use Discord and Google Meets all the time. Every one of those is a controlled interaction. It's a phone call with a webcam. The presence of a webcam is not going to fix all the challenges with LDRs. There have been enough relationships in the era of video chat to demonstrate this, some have been posted about on CF.

I won't say that LDRs never work, sometimes they do. I won't say that moving to be with someone and get married never works, I'm acquainted with people who did that, got married, and stayed married. But there is no formula I can follow which will guarantee success, or an equal success rate to in-person relationships. For myself, I know I need all the help I can get if I am going to have a successful relationship, and a relationship that starts online and has me moving later is a situation that does not provide that.

 

[Alistair_Wonderland]

I use Discord and Google Meets all the time. Every one of those is a controlled interaction. It's a phone call with a webcam. The presence of a webcam is not going to fix all the challenges with LDRs. There have been enough relationships in the era of video chat to demonstrate this, some have been posted about on CF.

I won't say that LDRs never work, sometimes they do. I won't say that moving to be with someone and get married never works, I'm acquainted with people who did that, got married, and stayed married. But there is no formula I can follow which will guarantee success, or an equal success rate to in-person relationships. For myself, I know I need all the help I can get if I am going to have a successful relationship, and a relationship that starts online and has me moving later is a situation that does not provide that.

I fully agree that it's best to meet in person, and would be great if that person was close by. But some of us are on social islands. I mean, I'm stuck in... ugh... Ohio.

 

[sampa]

.

 

[Sketcher]

I fully agree that it's best to meet in person, and would be great if that person was close by. But some of us are on social islands. I mean, I'm stuck in... ugh... Ohio.

View attachment 313005

I understand that can be a painful situation, particularly in certain counties of Ohio where most people are related (I know that's a thing). But I would advise moving for a job before I would advise moving for a woman.

 

[shineyourlight]

Honestly? The thought of it gives me an explosive headache. Assuming a steady relationship is the goal.

I'd meet up with any one of you though for drinks/etc if I'm near by (or if you just happen to be in London). If Shineyourlight (we'll use her as an example) is still single when I'm in New York next, then I'm sure beer and $1 pizza slices will happen.

But as far as daily communications that read like the Chronicles of Narnia, and intrusive Zoom calls with some girl who lives in a corn field 7000 miles away? Nah. Jog on bruv.

You're on! Beer and pizza sound delightful.

 

[shineyourlight]

I've done long-distance. We were together for a year and a half.

 

[ReesePiece23]

You're on! Beer and pizza sound delightful.

It'll be this year.

Possibly in the summer?

 

[shineyourlight]

It'll be this year.

Possibly in the summer?

Sounds fantastic!

 

[ReesePiece23]

Sounds fantastic!

It will be.

We'll head to the Lower East Side for pizza in the early evening, then off to Smith-9th for a messy IPA session that night, before heading to Coney Island for rollercoasters and 'spacey' conversations with the crazy homeless folk.

Breakfast can be a strong Irish coffee, two ibuprofen, and a Toro-sized cigar on the boardwalk.

#romantic

 

[mojoboy31]

Seven years ago, my answer would have been absolutely yes, of course. Five years ago after being burned, absolutely not, no interest in ever trying the online thing again.
Now, having had time to reflect, and having more life experiences: it would suck to not be able to "go on a date", see a movie, grab a coffee, go to a bookstore, hit the state fair, ride a ferris wheel, have them over, and cook dinner, go on road trips, hit the beach, go to a museum, go to concerts, lost twenty bucks at Black Jack in the new casino that just opened up, etc. That's an obvious downside, but for the right girl, it could be worth having to work around that, and only "going on dates" when traveling to visit. It would be hard, but it's doable.

However, knowing the mistakes I made last time, I understand now that there would have to be conditions like they have to be willing to travel/relocate also.
Last time, the girl had decided that she was "where God placed her", and she wouldn't leave for anything, so I had to be the one to travel/relocate, which I decided it was worth relocating for, her so I was willing. That was a mistake. They have to be willing to travel/relocate, and so do you. If you aren't both committed and willing to put forth the effort, walk away, sooner than later.

 

[ReesePiece23]

Seven years ago, my answer would have been absolutely yes, of course. Five years ago after being burned, absolutely not, no interest in ever trying the online thing again.
Now, having had time to reflect, and having more life experiences: it would suck to not be able to "go on a date", see a movie, grab a coffee, go to a bookstore, hit the state fair, ride a ferris wheel, have them over, and cook dinner, go on road trips, hit the beach, go to a museum, go to concerts, lost twenty bucks at Black Jack in the new casino that just opened up, etc. That's an obvious downside, but for the right girl, it could be worth having to work around that, and only "going on dates" when traveling to visit. It would be hard, but it's doable.

However, knowing the mistakes I made last time, I understand now that there would have to be conditions like they have to be willing to travel/relocate also.
Last time, the girl had decided that she was "where God placed her", and she wouldn't leave for anything, so I had to be the one to travel/relocate, which I decided it was worth relocating for, her so I was willing. That was a mistake. They have to be willing to travel/relocate, and so do you. If you aren't both committed and willing to put forth the effort, walk away, sooner than later.

I think it suits those who are avid travellers, who would go out of their way anyway *just because* "life is more fun when you move around the globe." You have to be outgoing and easily adaptable. If you're an introverted homebody, then you might struggle.

In a sense, it probably would suit me - and to an extent, I should revise part of my initial post, on the proviso that the girl sees it like I do and enjoys building a free-flowing story with me, rather than tumbling into an instant relationship that we must have NOW.

You're right in that every intention needs to be reciprocal. And of course, the intention should always be "what's best for us?" - That might mean that one location is better than another for your circumstance. And both of you have to want that.

 

[dayhiker]

I've been in more than one long distance relationship for almost 9 years.

 

[DragonFox91]

It's impossible for me to get into a relationship so does it really matter what I'd be willing or not willing to do in regards to relationships??

 

[Juan777]

Absolutely. I'm on the internet most of the time so that would make sense.

Had a penpal in the distant past (she ended up marrying someone else and she may ruined my image on facebook further as I was divorced the year before and it was beyond retarded posting pictures of her and me together and she was uglier than my ex-wife). I did give me an excuse to drive to NYC and ended up taking her home at 2 am in the morning (as Christians - nothing happened).

With VR headsets (ie if the other person has a VR headset too) the possibilities are limitless. You can watch the same programs together or do things together in VR, check in on her and vice-versa in virtually real-time so it's probably better today.

When I had a penpal in the past, she was like a virtual girlfriend and made me feel happier in general that I had someone to talk with and share photos and videos with that was giving me some attention. You also feel it when it ends because you don't feel that stimulation anymore.

It's something I'd think about again if I had some breathing space.

 

[Strider1002]

I would say yes, but I would probably limit it to the eastern side of North America... I want to be able to travel to her semi-regularly at least. And there are plenty of good candidates within that range.