Would a Christian man date an ex-prostitute.

[Luther073082]

Oh ok so it would be more of a am I the best she/he's had sort of thing. I guess weve heard that a couple times on here. I would think if a Christian had premaritial sex alot of times, then got saved then after a few years of not having sex at all, and really anticipating marrying the right person, that it wouldnt matter about anyone else because they were all just sinful, but this time its right in God's sight. I mean how much better then that can you get.

Realistically a person who doesn't want to date an ex-prostitute probably has one of two reasons. The first being is that they are afraid of what others would think. The second one is that upon the marriage date they are don't like the idea that they are the 102nd person there. (You know what I mean.) I mean when I marry I don't like the idea that I might even be the second person there. I want to obviously be the first an only person there. But I think a lot of that is ego.

And for the record I don't think you are more shallow for not wanting to date an ex-homosexual. Everyone is shallow, I admit that. I am shallow! If someone claims that they are in no way shallow I belive they are lying. The question is how much your shallowness rules over you. So don't be ashamed of your shallowness in that. I could date an ex-homosexual assuming she's been away from that for several years. I don't want her 5 years in the future taking my two kids and running off with another woman.

 

[SentinelNation]

I'm sorry folks. my computer has been on the blink lately with alot of double posts.

 

[SentinelNation]

Realistically a person who doesn't want to date an ex-prostitute probably has one of two reasons. The first being is that they are afraid of what others would think. The second one is that upon the marriage date they are don't like the idea that they are the 102nd person there. (You know what I mean.) I mean when I marry I don't like the idea that I might even be the second person there. I want to obviously be the first an only person there. But I think a lot of that is ego.

And for the record I don't think you are more shallow for not wanting to date an ex-homosexual. Everyone is shallow, I admit that. I am shallow! If someone claims that they are in no way shallow I belive they are lying. The question is how much your shallowness rules over you. So don't be ashamed of your shallowness in that. I could date an ex-homosexual assuming she's been away from that for several years. I don't want her 5 years in the future taking my two kids and running off with another woman.

I agree with you. The problem isn't so much the sin itself because we can be forgiven of that sin however, one must remember that while we may be forgiven of our sin that doesn't mean will we automatically escape the repercussions, penalties, or temptations of our sin.

In this case being any emotional baggage or carnal urges / cravings / or habits that may not be healthy physically or for the relationship. While some may believe that the marrage bed is sacred and what happens there is without penalty or sin, others may not necessarily agree. Because of her experiences, she may not find pleasure through normal sex (for lack of a better word without getting too graphic *lol*) that is if she can be pleased at all. Basically what I'm trying to say here is that you can not miss something that you have never had thus you are less likely to find yourself being tempted or dissappointed depending on the willingness of the husband and wife to meet one another needs.

I think I'll stay away from this topic for awhile. Shew.. *lol*

 

[jubilationtcornpone]

I would think if a Christian had premaritial sex alot of times, then got saved then after a few years of not having sex at all, and really anticipating marrying the right person, that it wouldnt matter about anyone else because they were all just sinful, but this time its right in God's sight. I mean how much better then that can you get.

I agree with that.

Are there concerns about marrying someone who's had sex before -- even multiple times? Certainly! And there are certainly concerns about marrying a former prostitute. However, love can wash over a great many things, especially when you both have Christ in your heart.

I think there are some valid reasons why someone might not choose to marry an ex-prostitute. "What would other people think?" is not one of them, though.

 

[Timyone]

its actually funny, but id say id have to think more about the homosexual thing, depending on the person, and beleifs on can poeople be born gay etc.

I know alot of gay girls, and quite a few bi, and i seem to meet alot of girls that have been married but are now into same sex relationships instead.

 

[Gardener101]

Jubilationtcornpone wrote:

I think there are some valid reasons why someone might not choose to marry an ex-prostitute. "What would other people think?" is not one of them, though.

I had a long think about this comment and came up with some ideas

1. It is quite common for men to worry about such things as what kind of 'sensations' they would feel in a virgin as opposed to a woman who has had several previous partners. I think a popular secular phrase involves something about throwing a sausage down the hallway....or 'as wide as a bucket' (sorry if that is graphic to some people). Basically, some men have this concern that should they marry such a woman, they might not have as fulfilling a sex life as they had imagined it to be. It would almost be like having sex with a woman who has just had a child :o Now I don't know if this is true or not, but it is rumoured that a popular porn star by the name Jenna Jameson had to have vaginal reconstructive surgery in order to 'tighten' it up so her current boyfriend (UFC fighter Tito) could experience more pleasure during intercourse. Who complained? Did the guy say she was not tight enough due to her extensive porn activities?
   
2. There could be an issue with trust. "Once a cheater, always a cheater" is a common saying pertaining to another popular saying: "a leopard never changes its spots". Some people, no matter how hard they try to forget the past, have an insecurity and deep concern at the back of their minds that the person who has been forgiven by God for certain sinful acts could very well 'backslide' and go back to such acts. Sadly...when this happens the partner with the trust issues can over-compensate by being very strict and 'monitoring' the person who they don't totally trust, no matter how much they love them. They could for instance always want to know where the ex-prositute is, when she is coming back home, who is she going out with, why did she wear a revealing outfit, why was her mobile phone switched off etc. basically giving her the third degree at the drop of a hat.
   
3. There could be an issue with jealousy, possibly leading to resentment. For example, if a Christian man has gone through GREAT difficulty, trials and temptations to avoid losing his virginity....despite his understanding of the ex-prostitutes situation he might still feel 'hard done by' (not necessarily by her, maybe by God e.g. "God you promised me an excellent wife and made me keep myself pure and this is what I get? A woman who is not a virgin and has slept with so many men? It's not fair!"). Outwardly of course he might grin and bear it, but it's still possible that his jealously could lead to resentment. I mean, he could be thinking (years down the line say during the seven year itch) "I wonder what I missed out on by not having sex with so many women...oh the variety...I'm bored now and yet I have no previous real thoughts about other partners to fantasise about. It's just not fair that she has experienced sex with so many different people yet I have to be stuck wtih just one person for the rest of my life. I wish I could go back in time and 'sow my wild oats' and date and sleep with lots of women, and then repent before I met her and married her......grrrr....."

That's what I can think of for now, some of which are based on some comments by men in other media outlets.

 

[Luther073082]

Jubilationtcornpone wrote:




I had a long think about this comment and came up with some ideas

1. It is quite common for men to worry about such things as what kind of 'sensations' they would feel in a virgin as opposed to a woman who has had several previous partners. I think a popular secular phrase involves something about throwing a sausage down the hallway....or 'as wide as a bucket' (sorry if that is graphic to some people). Basically, some men have this concern that should they marry such a woman, they might not have as fulfilling a sex life as they had imagined it to be. It would almost be like having sex with a woman who has just had a child :o Now I don't know if this is true or not, but it is rumoured that a popular porn star by the name Jenna Jameson had to have vaginal reconstructive surgery in order to 'tighten' it up so her current boyfriend (UFC fighter Tito) could experience more pleasure during intercourse. Who complained? Did the guy say she was not tight enough due to her extensive porn activities?
2. There could be an issue with trust. "Once a cheater, always a cheater" is a common saying pertaining to another popular saying: "a leopard never changes its spots". Some people, no matter how hard they try to forget the past, have an insecurity and deep concern at the back of their minds that the person who has been forgiven by God for certain sinful acts could very well 'backslide' and go back to such acts. Sadly...when this happens the partner with the trust issues can over-compensate by being very strict and 'monitoring' the person who they don't totally trust, no matter how much they love them. They could for instance always want to know where the ex-prositute is, when she is coming back home, who is she going out with, why did she wear a revealing outfit, why was her mobile phone switched off etc. basically giving her the third degree at the drop of a hat.
3. There could be an issue with jealousy, possibly leading to resentment. For example, if a Christian man has gone through GREAT difficulty, trials and temptations to avoid losing his virginity....despite his understanding of the ex-prostitutes situation he might still feel 'hard done by' (not necessarily by her, maybe by God e.g. "God you promised me an excellent wife and made me keep myself pure and this is what I get? A woman who is not a virgin and has slept with so many men? It's not fair!"). Outwardly of course he might grin and bear it, but it's still possible that his jealously could lead to resentment. I mean, he could be thinking (years down the line say during the seven year itch) "I wonder what I missed out on by not having sex with so many women...oh the variety...I'm bored now and yet I have no previous real thoughts about other partners to fantasise about. It's just not fair that she has experienced sex with so many different people yet I have to be stuck wtih just one person for the rest of my life. I wish I could go back in time and 'sow my wild oats' and date and sleep with lots of women, and then repent before I met her and married her......grrrr....."

That's what I can think of for now, some of which are based on some comments by men in other media outlets.

I think 3 could apply for me. I'm a virgin right now and half the time I wonder what I'm missing out on by waiting. How bad would it be if I married someone who's had a lot of previous partners?

I'm not sure about 1, I don't know enough about it to say. On 2 I doubt it, I wouldn't marry someone I didn't trust so I don't think I'd have to to worry about her backsliding anymore then I have to worry about me backslidding and becomming atheist again.

 

[JPPT1974]

Well again if they turned their life
Around over to the Lord and ask for
Complete forgiveness and healing then
Maybe I would consider it.

 

[LittleladyinChrist]

Man you guys talk like a person is still a prostitute. Like once a prostitute always a prostitute. I know one who is born again, and would never go back to it, AND is more modest then 80 % of Christian girls, lol. Gardner 101, it seems that you've put alot of thought into this, but I would think if someone hasnt been sexually active at all for around 2-3 years there going to get back in shape down there, IM NOT GOING TO GO INTO GRAPHIC DETAIL, wouldnt want this thread closed for foul language. Where is the faith in the saving power of Jesus Christ in comments such as Gardner's, it just sounds so fleshy.

 

[RefinedByFire]

No. Just being honest.

 

[SopranoCapo2006]

Man you guys talk like a person is still a prostitute. Like once a prostitute always a prostitute. I know one who is born again, and would never go back to it, AND is more modest then 80 % of Christian girls, lol. Gardner 101, it seems that you've put alot of thought into this, but I would think if someone hasnt been sexually active at all for around 2-3 years there going to get back in shape down there, IM NOT GOING TO GO INTO GRAPHIC DETAIL, wouldnt want this thread closed for foul language. Where is the faith in the saving power of Jesus Christ in comments such as Gardner's, it just sounds so fleshy.

Ya know I want to agree with you.

However, there is a reason Sexual Sin is the most warned against sin in the Bible.

God know the consequences we must pay for it.

God forgives our sin and takes away the ultimate consequence: Spiritual Death.

But, we still pay for our sins in the here and now.

I want to be able to overlook a womans past but sometimes we cant.

Remember the Spirit is willing, but the Flesh is Weak.

 

[Macrina]

However, there is a reason Sexual Sin is the most warned against sin in the Bible.

Actually, that would be economic injustice, after idolatry of course. Not discounting the consequences of sexual sin, especially in relationships, but the emphasis on it comes more from the church than from the Bible.




I do acknowledge the principle that sometimes the consequences of sin stick around after repentance, and sexual sin is one which tends to leave scars intimacy-wise... for this reason, I think good communication and trust-building is key, for both people. And it would be a good thing to process together in pre-marital counseling, to try to prevent issues before they arise.



One question: Do you folks think there is a difference in the "acceptability" of 1) a woman who had been a prostitute and repented, and 2) a man who had used the "services" of a prostitute, and has now repented? Just wondering if the two are weighted equally.



Oh, and I too am interested to note that far more guys answer affirmative to this than to dating/marrying a woman who is overweight, disabled, or whatever other things we've had threads on in the past. Do these various answers not reflect how men would react in real-life situations, or is extra weight really worse than prostitution? (rhetorical question, mostly)

 

[SandyLou]

Am I the only one who GETS that prostitution is a job? It's not a desire of the flesh - it's a way to provide money, people!

This person saw no other way to make fast cash. My question would be the reason why she chose this particular job - to survive? to pay for a drug habit? That question would be more appropriate to discern her sincerity in truly leaving the life/job behind. It's not my job - or any of ours - to judge her lifestyle or choices, past or present.

You CAN see the life she is living today, the walk she is walking today and if that life and walk can blend with your life and walk - then why would you not pursue a relationship with her?

I think a better question would be - would you have a relationship with someone who paid for services? And be careful how you understand THAT one, folks, because I didn't specify WHAT type services!

 

[Mrs. Luther073082]

In regards to the comment about the spirit being willing but the flesh being weak... I don't buy that. I know that is of course true in some cases but I do not think it is true in all cases, particularly when someone has made such dramatic and long-term changes in their life. When a person gives up their lifestyle and turns their life around we should commend them for that and not act like they are doomed to fall back into their old ways. Acting like we expect them to fail, to me, shows a lack of faith in the power of God to change a person's life.

I guess if a person has not experienced that power personally then they cannot be expected to understand or grasp it.

 

[TheHealer86]

I personally would be willing to date and even marry someone who had at one point been a prostitute. But it wouldn't be an easy thing to do.

I am still a virgin for two reasons. First of all, I Love my father in heaven and desire to follow his will for my life. Secondly, and this is the reason it would be hard to do, I am waiting to give myself to my future wife on our wedding night. I would hope that whoever I marry had done the same for me, and if I were to marry an ex-prostitute, this certainly would not be the case. The result is that I would feel hurt and cheated, to know that my Love had not done the same for me. However, I would be able to forgive her through the strength of my Father in Heaven who had also forgiven her.

 

[Divinah]

WHAT THE LORD HAS MADE CLEAN, LET NO MAN CALL DIRTY. Its the promise I stand on...believe and rejoice upon. I take anyone who has been MADE NEW IN CHRIST...becoming a living breathing testimony of his Glory any day over some...What some would consider a Clean, upstanding, "Christian type" who may still have so many issues within themselves because they haven't had the Good Cleansing that the Renewed Prostitute or Drug Addict, whatever may have. I absolutely, Love admire and appreciate anyone who has Rises above their Flesh to Find Victory in the Spirit... in the Lord. (All the More ... the more they have been through).

 

[Luther073082]

You have to remember that we are all human. Ego and jealousy are a major part of us.

And I'm sorry its not easy for a guy especially one who has been celibate til marriage to walk into a relationship with a woman who's slept with more men then she can count.

I have no doubt of someone truely leaving behind their past and comming to Christ. But I do have doubts about myself.

Ultimatly the problem is not her but it is me. Its my fears, my ego and my jealousy that make me not sure I could do it.

 

[Macrina]

Am I the only one who GETS that prostitution is a job? It's not a desire of the flesh - it's a way to provide money, people!

Although I can really only speak for myself, I think the reason why it gets referred to as a "sexual sin" is that it 1) involves sexual acts, and 2) may have emotional, psychological, and/or physical consequences for future sexual intimacy.


I do praise God for his redemptive work in the lives of ALL of us sinners, and for being able to take people out of painful and destructive lifestyles and adopt them as daughters and sons in his kingdom family!

I also acknowledge the real difficulty of overcoming that sort of gut-level reaction. I'm wondering how I would respond if a man I were dating told me he used to be a habitual client of prostitutes. I'm thinking that it wouldn't be a deal-breaker, that if he is redeemed he is redeemed, period... but at the same time, I confess that it would make me very uncomfortable and there would probably be some issues that would need to be resolved in the relationship before I could get involved any more seriously. I'd like to think it wouldn't bother me, but honestly I think things might be rather bumpy for awhile. I imagine the same might be said for a Christian man dating an ex-prostitute.

 

[Im_A]

no way that i could ever answer such a hypothetical question.

one thing my father told me kind of made sense. he told me once you don't want to be with woman has been with a lot of guys. you wouldn't like to run into a man and that guy say to you, "oh yea, i've had that before." then he basically said, it's good that a woman changed her life, it's good for HER, but you don't want to have that to put up with in your life. i agree with him on this.

but on that note, if i was in that position, i'd also have to remember the fact that she did change and she is living better now.

so in all reality, i have no answer for this hypothetical question. there is no way i could answer because of where i'm at in the area of relationships and two, i'm not in that position either.

God Bless!

 

[Gardener101]

Man you guys talk like a person is still a prostitute. Like once a prostitute always a prostitute. I know one who is born again, and would never go back to it, AND is more modest then 80 % of Christian girls, lol. Gardner 101, it seems that you've put alot of thought into this, but I would think if someone hasnt been sexually active at all for around 2-3 years there going to get back in shape down there, IM NOT GOING TO GO INTO GRAPHIC DETAIL, wouldnt want this thread closed for foul language. Where is the faith in the saving power of Jesus Christ in comments such as Gardner's, it just sounds so fleshy.

I am so sorry what I wrote upset you

I just happen to be honest and I posted what I had really come up with having read what Jubilant wrote and thought to myself "Hmmm...I wonder what he was referring to. Perhaps there are other issues that no one has addressed so far, maybe because we all try to be politically correct. I'll think about this and post what I come up with".

And that is what I did. Those 'issues' and 'concerns' are not necessarily my own and even if they are 'fleshy' it is not realistic to think these thoughts would never cross a man's mind or be of concern to him.

As for being a prostitute to procure finances, well it is possible (however slim the possibility) that if the person should backslide and be hit by severe financial hardship, the devil can suddenly whisper temptations to them to make them think "well...I can always go back into prostitution just for a short while to get the money I need desperately. If God really loved me he would not have let me get into such a desperate situation...."

Lets be honest. The devil has been around for far too long to not know how to hit someone when they are down and get them to stumble in their walk or faith. It is not uncommon to have even pastors falling into an old trap...like taking up smoking 20 years after they gave it up during a particularly stressful period in their life...or to resort to telling lies to get out of trouble...or any number of things.

For people to assume that because someone has given their life to God that He would PERSONALLY ensure they never sin or backslide again is to think in very unrealistic terms.

Hence, the reason why I mentioned that some men might worry that the ex-prostitute could backslide into that old way of life...if the conditions were such that they found it (as they once did before) to be the 'only way out'.

For some people the devil uses addictions to get them back into sin. The devil 'KNOWS' what sins a person is most likely to fall into and as such can ruin a persons life to such an extent to make them fall back into that 'old sin'.

Yes, the Holy Spirit helps us resist tempations, but it IS something WE have to be personally responsible for: actively seeking the Holy Spirit AND heeding the words of God. There is no shortcut.

Therefore, I humbly suggest, that the concern about a person backsliding is a legitimate one.

WIth regard to what Soprano said above:

God forgives our sin and takes away the ultimate consequence: Spiritual Death.

But, we still pay for our sins in the here and now.

That is very true and the most black and white example I can give is if a person commits murder, goes to prison then repents and totally turn their life around in prison. God has forgiven them, but they still have to do time for their crimes. Being forgiven for sin does not make ALL the 'fleshy' (as you put it) consequences go away.

My views were stated in an attempt to help shed more light into the psyche of a man who might resist the idea of marrying an ex-prostitute, NOT to upset you or hurt you. Again I apologise that my honest comments upset you.



==================================
PS:

I would love to use this opportunity to say that Luther has been very brave and honest in the way he has participated in this thread, and for that I have to say "well done", even though I might not necessarily agree with his views.