Worn

[EbonNelumbo]

My name is Hallie. I've been around this place way too long (almost 5 years now...)

I've got some serious issues with change. I haven't really been around much since December...I'll give a synopsis of everything that is going on...

I left my husband for the sake of our son in December. There was a lot of abuse going on and it wasn't right to keep my baby seeing it, so I left. I have since gone through the motions and the divorce hearing and have sole-custody. Due to instabilities and neglect with my son visiting his father, I am now in the process of filing a motion for retraction of unsupervised visitation to state assisted (paying $70 a shot to see Luke for 6 hours) monitored visitation for my ex. So I have my son 24/7 now.

I've gone through two jobs since I left him, both nanny positions...the second ended on May 4th, which is the same day I got out of the hospital after 10 days for a day surgery gone very wrong. I returned 'home' to a lockout, was given a bag of stuff and told to leave, police would do nothing as it was a 'civil matter.' I now am renting an apartment with a friend but while I was in the hospital my car was impounded and could only be gotten out by the person with the title...since I didn't have the title as I was buying it from my 'boyfriend' over time, he came down last Friday to get it...he was supposed to drop off a release so I could pick it up Monday but never showed...Sunday, after ignoring my calls for two days, he mistakingly hit "answer" when he intended to ignore yet another call, and simply put the phone down...so I got to listen to his conversation with his mom and brother about how he ripped me off on the car (he had gone on Friday and actually gotten the car out of impound and taken it to his parents house about an hour south of here...without even letting me know.) So now I am out a car, the money I spent thus far on it, and the insurance for the stupid thing.

Sunday night right after I found this out, I went online with my roommate's computer to delete him off accounts when I checked my email...to find a close-friend had died suddenly. I'm still in shock over that.

So Monday and Tuesday go by, they both are pretty much similar and are not the greatest, but then Wednesday comes...lo and behold, Wednesday. It's bad enough I had to get my son his shots today, but I get a call from a very close friend who tells me, out of the blue, he's moving to Texas. Mind you, I talk to this person several times a week, about everything, they're the ONLY reason I am here right now, and they said they'd be here for me. I am currently off some meds because I got booted from my main counseling place for missing three appointments, two due to lack of childcare and the third because I was in the hospital...

I am broken beyond belief right now. I keep going to my room and just crying, and I am not a crier. I just sit on the edge of my bed with the teddy bear from friend gave me in the hospital, the friend that is leaving, and go into hysterics. I'm in financial turmoil at the moment and I simply don't know what to do. This person is a cornerstone in my life, and the reason I am returning to school, everything positive, and it seems like they are just walking away...but they said they'd be here. I don't understand anything anymore.

If I didn't have my son, I would act on my inclinations, but I have him to think about. He's my world and I will do anything, or refrain from some things, for him.

All I can do is cry. I find out I have lost a close friend and talk to the friend I now know I am losing...I live in Oregon, he's moving to TEXAS???? I am so lost Why do I keep losing those I love.

 

[Winter]

(((hugs)))

You've had such rough week, haven't you? Looks like you have lots on your plate. Remember this: none of these difficulties are forever. You are going through a temporary slump - but they don't last forever. Years from now you will look back on this and realize just what a true survivor you are.

As for your friend leaving - remember that when one door closes, another opens. God must have other ideas for you - and sometimes some things need to crumble in order for something else to grow. As cliche' as it sounds, its quite true when they say "the Lord works in mysterious ways." It could very well be there is someone else destined to pop into your life - maybe this friend of yours wouldn't have given you what you thought they could.

Never lose hope, Hallie. Do not fear - for you have survived thus far with all these difficulties. All will be well. Hold on to hope.

 

[loved33]

Hi Halle
apart from the counselling...are there any other supports?
a 12 step group perhaps or a church fellowship?

you clearly are juggling a lot, and you will need to talk and to be heard, to meet people who will see you and who will be part of your journey thru this.

i beleive its so true..if this friend is moving...God will provide.

It s scary when you feel pushed to the limit...it makes a person want to hold on to the familiar...cos its all so uncomfortable.

i think its really normal...pain does that to a person.

i remember a time...i was so desperate.

id wake in the mornning so early...id split up with someone and it was too unbearable.
i would literally run to the church up the hill. everyday at 9am they had a short service

i would be hoping for a tiny morsel of something to help me stand up in that day.

the pain i felt was actually physically emotional....agony

i was having to bear this guy s sudden streak of cruelty..which seemed to appear now..and id never seen it. before..

i remember most days, id get something at the church..and then they changed the guy doin the service...and one morning....what he was saying ...was draining me rather than giving me life...so i got out...

this was survival

i went home and sat on the bed..i cried..but not for long...cos these words came up out of me, that i meant with my whole heart

'God, if youre Almighty, like you say you are, then come and get me. I just dont know what to do now. Ive been to church and it hurt me to be there...show me '.

Within 1 day, a girl i had previously worked with...was heavy on my mind. i didnt know her very well..she wasnt a friend as such. i then started dreaming about her, nite after nite....it was like an unrest came over me...i knew i had to call her...but i was feeling so bad...and i didnt know her very well at all.
in the end the shame of ringing her in the state i was in and not knowing her so well...became the less uncomfortable idea... avoiding calling her was becoming too hard!!

so i called her

i asked her if she minded if i told her about something that had happened

she didnt mind

it turned out she was a christian..she had been thru a cruel break up 3 years previous...and guess what? since she met me on that job....she and two of her friends had been praying for me every wednesday for 3 MONTHS.!.asking God to bring me close to Him.

She didnt tell me all this of course..she just listened...she was there and wanted to be there..to my total surprise.

And it would appear that God was nudging me towards her....He let me know which way to go.dreams, thoughts when i woke up, when i prepared a snack

and when i followed .....His provision was there.

i went along to her church some time after and i received such healing there and made great friends, some ive known now for 14 years

Im sorry these thing s have happened..it does sound so very heavy the load you are carrying...im praying for you .

one day at a time, easy does it...you re not alone

im in your corner

L

 

[JoeJoe83]

I am so sorry you are going through all this, just have courage and trust in the LORD.

 

[Criada]

(((((((((Hallie))))))))))
I'm so sorry you are having such a hard time, sweetie.
If you need to vent, you know where I am,k?
Love you, and praying for you and Luke very much.

 

[Mr.Cheese]

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