Three weeks ago today, I was
involved in a traumatic, life-or- death car crash on the freeway. I was lost in thought, on my way to a doctor's appointment for an eating disorder that had, up until the crash, consumed my life. While was ruminating in my mind, I didn't notice that was too close to the car ahead of me. I was not speeding or anything. I braked fast, and when I did, I lost control of the car. The car started to spin out of control. I panicked and started to cry out, then I lost consciousness.
I fainted. And when fainted, my car spun and spun and spun out of control, on the busy interstate highway at 3ish pm. As I was spinning, I was T-boned by a truck, and then hit the side rail of the freeway. I broke my hip, my sacrum, and a small bone in my pelvis. have no recollection of the crash itself. When the EMTS and firefighters came to get me, I had no idea why I was in the road. I didn't remember anything. I looked at myself in the mirror and had blood on my face, a chipped tooth, and a headache from the whiplash. My leg hurt as if I had sat on it for hours. EMS picked me up and took me to the hospital, where had surgery.
I was discharged a few days later, and thena deep darkness hurt me. All the mental health struggles I had struggled with before came alive to hurt me. The OCD, guilt and shame, grief, depression, and everything else. cried day in and day out. I never got to somatically process the trauma had faced while was in the hospital, but when was at home and felt safe, could release it. I had nightmares and panic. But I've been leaning on God each day, and know He's my only lifeline. God has worked miracles in my life, both in my body but also in my heart and soul. Each day I'm getting better. Before the accident, I hated my body, ate a very little amount of calories, and wanted to die a lot. Now, I treat my body with kindness, respect, and honor. I've been through so much, both through this accident but all the trauma from abuse and violence. I'm a survivor. God has forgiven me, and is restoring me day by day. For the first time in so many years, I eat an appropriate amount of food. I eat a healthy diet that will strengthen my bones and my soul. I eat when I'm hungry and stop when I'm full. leat what I want, when I want and need to. I'm committed to practicing love for my body. When have anxious or distressing thoughts, I give them to God.
In about eight weeks, be able to put weight down on my leg, but for now use a walker/wheelchair to help me get around.
I still exercise (for health) on my chair as best as l can, and l'm so grateful because found a fun and engaging YouTube channel that helps me with chair exercises. He's even a fellow Christian, too! I found a good therapist online, and started an online eating disorder treatment program, called Equip.
I feel like my bones will heal in no time, and my soul is healing day by day. come out of this with a whole new love and appreciation for myself, plus a total healing of the mental illnesses that I've struggled with for most of my life. It's not always easy: I still get crying spells and anxiety, and nightmares, and sometimes fight my body and feel deeply insecure. But each day I'm trying my best. That's all we can do, right?
involved in a traumatic, life-or- death car crash on the freeway. I was lost in thought, on my way to a doctor's appointment for an eating disorder that had, up until the crash, consumed my life. While was ruminating in my mind, I didn't notice that was too close to the car ahead of me. I was not speeding or anything. I braked fast, and when I did, I lost control of the car. The car started to spin out of control. I panicked and started to cry out, then I lost consciousness.
I fainted. And when fainted, my car spun and spun and spun out of control, on the busy interstate highway at 3ish pm. As I was spinning, I was T-boned by a truck, and then hit the side rail of the freeway. I broke my hip, my sacrum, and a small bone in my pelvis. have no recollection of the crash itself. When the EMTS and firefighters came to get me, I had no idea why I was in the road. I didn't remember anything. I looked at myself in the mirror and had blood on my face, a chipped tooth, and a headache from the whiplash. My leg hurt as if I had sat on it for hours. EMS picked me up and took me to the hospital, where had surgery.
I was discharged a few days later, and thena deep darkness hurt me. All the mental health struggles I had struggled with before came alive to hurt me. The OCD, guilt and shame, grief, depression, and everything else. cried day in and day out. I never got to somatically process the trauma had faced while was in the hospital, but when was at home and felt safe, could release it. I had nightmares and panic. But I've been leaning on God each day, and know He's my only lifeline. God has worked miracles in my life, both in my body but also in my heart and soul. Each day I'm getting better. Before the accident, I hated my body, ate a very little amount of calories, and wanted to die a lot. Now, I treat my body with kindness, respect, and honor. I've been through so much, both through this accident but all the trauma from abuse and violence. I'm a survivor. God has forgiven me, and is restoring me day by day. For the first time in so many years, I eat an appropriate amount of food. I eat a healthy diet that will strengthen my bones and my soul. I eat when I'm hungry and stop when I'm full. leat what I want, when I want and need to. I'm committed to practicing love for my body. When have anxious or distressing thoughts, I give them to God.
In about eight weeks, be able to put weight down on my leg, but for now use a walker/wheelchair to help me get around.
I still exercise (for health) on my chair as best as l can, and l'm so grateful because found a fun and engaging YouTube channel that helps me with chair exercises. He's even a fellow Christian, too! I found a good therapist online, and started an online eating disorder treatment program, called Equip.
I feel like my bones will heal in no time, and my soul is healing day by day. come out of this with a whole new love and appreciation for myself, plus a total healing of the mental illnesses that I've struggled with for most of my life. It's not always easy: I still get crying spells and anxiety, and nightmares, and sometimes fight my body and feel deeply insecure. But each day I'm trying my best. That's all we can do, right?
