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Working with Non-Believers

Discussion in 'Singles (Only*)' started by Cavalier83, Feb 21, 2021.

  1. Cavalier83

    Cavalier83 Newbie

    65
    +7
    Christian
    Single
    Hello All!

    I mainly just come here whenever there is something heavy weighing on my heart. Yes, it’s odd to find it in “Singles,” but there are reasons for that too.

    I live in a part of the nation that is heavily-Churched, and I have been a part of the faith for about three decades. However, my place of work often brings in people from different parts of the country. One of them is “Sarah,” who comes from a different area and has not been involved with the Church hardly any. Her family is traditionally Jewish, but even then she has largely been out of the practice for several years.

    I really believe God has put her here for a reason. Not only that, but she and I have to work together quite a bit.... Which leads to another obstacle. As a result, I’ve started to develop feelings for her. As a believer, I’ve chosen not to go forward with it. She probably sees me just as a friend anyways, which is probably answer to prayer. I just can’t deny that the attraction exists.

    She has even stated that she really doesn’t believe, but is respectful of other peoples’ faith, which she has been. There are also moments of inappropriate jokes at work, along with talks of drinking, and some colorful language. I’ve chosen not to compromise, and to keep my light shining. Hopefully, as she matures, she can find Christ.

    I’m coming here for advice since I really don’t want to fight this battle alone.
     
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  2. .Mikha'el.

    .Mikha'el. Young Fogie Staff Member Supervisor Supporter

    +4,023
    Canada
    Messianic
    Single
    May I ask if you know if she's even available? If she has someone already, that would give you immediate cause for staying guarded towards her.
     
  3. Cavalier83

    Cavalier83 Newbie

    65
    +7
    Christian
    Single

    She’s actually single, but will joke about using apps- only to discard the guys she meets. She’s very Covid-conscious, and to my knowledge, had taken time away from the dating scene.

    On top of that, she could very well be moving elsewhere at the end of the year (nature of the job). I just really want her to change the course before she potentially moves.
     
  4. TenthAveN

    TenthAveN Puppies are an acceptable form of currency.

    545
    +438
    United States
    Baptist
    Single
    I was shocked when I entered the secular work force. So vulgar.
     
  5. DragonFox91

    DragonFox91 Well-Known Member

    873
    +323
    United States
    Christian
    Single
    US-Republican
    So what is your question?
     
  6. Cavalier83

    Cavalier83 Newbie

    65
    +7
    Christian
    Single
    Any advice? I feel the need to live as a witness to her. I just wish I could do more.

    She does have attractive qualities (we work together well, we’re both driven, she’s beautiful as well). I just know at this phase I can’t act on it. However, I can’t deny the crush itself exists.
     
  7. DragonFox91

    DragonFox91 Well-Known Member

    873
    +323
    United States
    Christian
    Single
    US-Republican
    Just ask about her beliefs sometime & go from there. She'll share her experiences, you can share your's. It could just be sharing. Harder witnessing won't come till later. You're just kind of probing & being friendly the first conversation.

    Good for you. Keep thinking that. I feel like every single time Christians think 'oh I can change them', they're led astray.
     
  8. Sketcher

    Sketcher Born Imperishable

    +7,066
    Non-Denom
    Single
    US-Republican
    Even if she was Christian and a practicing Christian, it's a bad idea to date co-workers.
     
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  9. .Mikha'el.

    .Mikha'el. Young Fogie Staff Member Supervisor Supporter

    +4,023
    Canada
    Messianic
    Single
    I can't really advise because I don't allow myself to become romantically interested in anyone I work with.
     
  10. Cavalier83

    Cavalier83 Newbie

    65
    +7
    Christian
    Single
    Attractions and feelings aside, any other input on how to be the best witness I can possibly be??
     
  11. bèlla

    bèlla ❤️ Supporter

    +12,005
    United States
    Non-Denom
    Single
    Jews don’t evangelize. I would keep things on a friendly note and allow the topic to come up naturally.

    She’s probably experienced some form of evangelism in the past. It can be unpleasant. I experienced the same when I went to the synagogue.

    They surrounded us and were screaming and shoving candles in our hands around Hanukkah. It was Jews for Jesus. Neighbors complained and they haven’t returned.

    I’m sure you wouldn’t do that! But just be aware it can happen. As for dating, that’s another can of worms. You could be in for a battle. It depends on where she leans and their philosophy on interfaith unions.

    Only Reform Jews accept them. The others frown against them. Especially if you aren’t active at the synagogue or raising your children as Jews.
     
  12. Cavalier83

    Cavalier83 Newbie

    65
    +7
    Christian
    Single
    Thanks guys. Through largely my own doing, I feel the impetus of the post may be lost. It’s not so much dating advice. I just want her to find Christ, and am more appreciative of input with that aspect.
     
  13. ThisIsMe123

    ThisIsMe123 This And That

    +497
    United States
    Christian
    Single
    I wouldn't say I am around non-believers, but more so the "Spiritual, but not religious" types....this is also an option that's in dating profiles and seems to be predominant.

    Not entirely sure what they mean by that though. They would even admit not to being non-believers, but yet live a more around the Golden Rule and/ or live and let live kind of attitude.

    These are typically good, moral people and had typically grew up in Christian families, so I've noticed...so I wouldn't be entirely opposed to dating them.
     
  14. DragonFox91

    DragonFox91 Well-Known Member

    873
    +323
    United States
    Christian
    Single
    US-Republican
    "Don't date co-workers"
    "Don't date friends"
    "Don't date friends sisters"
    "Don't date girls from church."
    etc. etc.
    Is there anyone it's a good idea to date? I get sick of constantly hearing "it's a bad idea to date the girl you know from XXX"

    I always hear this kind of stuff & honestly, it's pretty discouraging b/c it seems like that leaves pretty much no one.
     
  15. DragonFox91

    DragonFox91 Well-Known Member

    873
    +323
    United States
    Christian
    Single
    US-Republican
    "Spiritual but not religious" might as well mean they're an atheist or agnostic, or at minimum, not a Christian.

    It means they think of God only at funerals, or maybe they're dragged to church for Christmas & feel something there - even tho they don't actually like being there. As you said, it means 'I'm a good a person & isn't that what God wants - whoever he actually is -, so therefore I'm spiritual.'
     
  16. bèlla

    bèlla ❤️ Supporter

    +12,005
    United States
    Non-Denom
    Single
    You don’t have to follow those guidelines. Most have dating boundaries for good reasons.

    I didn’t date co-workers. Relationships don’t always end on the best terms. And in most instances you don’t know them well. Messing up a promising career or comfortable place for a maybe is silly. But if you don’t have a well-paying job or place you’ve put down roots you may differently.

    I don’t date friends. Many are comfortable doing so. I’m not attracted to the men I befriend. However, if you’re 6 feet with a slender build, intelligent, charismatic and handsome; I’ll make an exception. For real! :p
     
  17. DragonFox91

    DragonFox91 Well-Known Member

    873
    +323
    United States
    Christian
    Single
    US-Republican
    .
     
  18. DragonFox91

    DragonFox91 Well-Known Member

    873
    +323
    United States
    Christian
    Single
    US-Republican
    Good. If I did, there'd be absolutely zero options. I need to just start ignoring people when they say that kind of stuff. Those guidelines might be true for them, they're not true for everyone, no one would ever be able to get into relationships if they followed all of those guidelines. I feel like if you assemble those guidelines, you're limiting your options to the wall.
     
  19. ThisIsMe123

    ThisIsMe123 This And That

    +497
    United States
    Christian
    Single
    This is one of the reasons Christian dating is more difficult than secular dating.

    Secular women: "He must be handsome, slim, and 6 feet tall" (I fall pretty short of the height requirement).
    Christian women: "He must be handsome, slim, and 6 feet tall....and...be Christian"

    In the latter, there's a mix of both secular and Christian standards.

    Guess he can't be a shorter, Christian?

    No offense, Bella, as long as we live on Earth, these superficial criteria will be prominent....even among the Christians.
     
    Last edited: Feb 23, 2021
  20. bèlla

    bèlla ❤️ Supporter

    +12,005
    United States
    Non-Denom
    Single
    None taken. :)

    Do you feel my attraction to tall men is wrong? Should I pretend I don’t like them?
     
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