Working with Non-Believers

[Miss Spaulding]

No, they had a thing going for a while. We're a company of nerds, so she was a nerd and he was a more experienced nerd and they appeared to be getting very close for an extended period of time. She then wanted to cut it off for good. Rumor is he persisted, and gave her a racy insult when she wouldn't join him like she used to. Either way, he was fired in short order.

There are levels of expertise of nerdiness?






Asking for a friend.

 

[Sketcher]

Oh yeah, that's more complicated then if they were together for a bit before things fell apart. Too bad he reacted the way he did. Men have to be suuuuper careful these days with this sort of thing. One little slip up and you're gone.

Yep.
I hope my earlier advice makes more sense now.

 

[Sketcher]

There are levels of expertise of nerdiness?






Asking for a friend.

Yes, but that's different from what I was talking about. She was a nerd who didn't know our system. He was a nerd who did.

 

[Isaiah 2:22]

Yep.
I hope my earlier advice makes more sense now.

Yeah. But it did make sense before. I just thought it was a mite too harsh. Because I think some of the things you listed are extremely unlikely, especially if two Christians are involved.

 

[Sketcher]

Yeah. But it did make sense before. I just thought it was a mite too harsh. Because I think some of the things you listed are extremely unlikely, especially if two Christians are involved.

Fun fact, I saw her at church once.
We're a big church, so we didn't have to talk.
That would have been an awkward conversation.

 

[ThisIsMe123]

Yeah same with me and a woman's age. If she's older I'm just going to feel awkward and less masculine.

I remember once meeting a cute woman who I thought was 10 years younger than what she really was. When I found out her real age, my feelings for her just died. One thing people might not realize is that men's concern for youthfulness is not strictly a "looks" thing.. the psychological side of it is very powerful too.

Interesting, if someone looks my age, the age becomes irrelevant. In the case of an older woman looking younger (or closer to my age). That's actually a bonus.

I recall at a singles group a woman that was a foreigner, so she had the tan skin, which made her look younger. When I found out her age, I was thinking "Nice!" ;-)

 

[ThisIsMe123]

Yup! And I even feel that way about a man's age. Like, if he's too much younger than me (say 2 years younger), I would feel weird about it.

Only 2 years? No offense, but now I'm figuring out why some people here are STILL single. lol Talk about petty deal breakers. I have been typically been keeping it within about 8-ish or so years (maybe even 10) between my own age.

2 years is silly, I mean, I know of high schoolers that dated with that kind of age difference. lol

 

[ThisIsMe123]

"Don't date co-workers"
"Don't date friends"
"Don't date friends sisters"
"Don't date girls from church."
etc. etc.
Is there anyone it's a good idea to date? I get sick of constantly hearing "it's a bad idea to date the girl you know from XXX"

I always hear this kind of stuff & honestly, it's pretty discouraging b/c it seems like that leaves pretty much no one.

I even hear how women don't like being approached in the gym, the grocery store, etc etc. It's like they make it sound like there's hardly ever an instance where you should be approaching them...you know, the way our elders had met. lol

My dad met my mom at the beach, they were just happened to be parked next to each other.

 

[Isaiah 2:22]

Only 2 years? No offense, but now I'm figuring out why some people here are STILL single. lol Talk about petty deal breakers. I have been typically been keeping it within about 8-ish or so years (maybe even 10) between my own age.

2 years is silly, I mean, I know of high schoolers that dated with that kind of age difference. lol

It's not really silly at all when you consider that I'm only 29y/o. A man who is 21, going by your guideline of 8 years younger, is at a completely different stage in life and has barely entered the adult world. I might consider even 3 years younger than me, but dating a man who is younger than my youngest brother is just out of the question for me. I know him and his friends and their maturity level and the thought of being with a man that immature squicks me out. If it helps you think my deal breakers are less petty, age gaps the other way round don't bother me at all. I would consider a man who was 20 years older than me. I think that's more than enough of a range.

 

[bèlla]

Don’t means in most cases leave me alone. But I’ll make an exception if you’re my type.

I didn’t consider prospects in church. That wasn’t my focus and I wasn’t attracted to anyone. Then I changed churches. The demographic was primarily my age and younger. There were a few who caught my eye. The likelihood of dating in that environment is strong.

 

[ThisIsMe123]

It's not really silly at all when you consider that I'm only 29y/o. A man who is 21, going by your guideline of 8 years younger, is at a completely different stage in life and has barely entered the adult world. I might consider even 3 years younger than me, but dating a man who is younger than my youngest brother is just out of the question for me. I know him and his friends and their maturity level and the thought of being with a man that immature squicks me out. If it helps you think my deal breakers are less petty, age gaps the other way round don't bother me at all. I would consider a man who was 20 years older than me. I think that's more than enough of a range.

Maybe I am biased. I have no siblings lol

 

[ThisIsMe123]

Don’t means in most cases leave me alone. But I’ll make an exception if you’re my type.

I didn’t consider prospects in church. That wasn’t my focus and I wasn’t attracted to anyone. Then I changed churches. The demographic was primarily my age and younger. There were a few who caught my eye. The likelihood of dating in that environment is strong.

Hm, I recall having attended a size-able church singles group. They'd do Bible study after services...I'd been doing this for the course of a year. One day this rather attractive woman. An attorney at that. Shows up.

Most of us in this group were rather average looking to not so attractive whatsoever. I recalled a couple of rather socially awkward men in the group. She actually left the Bible study early for a phone call and never returned. Later the following week, I'd seen her at the Sunday services, but never again appeared at the Bible study.

I dunno, but there is there something crappy about ditching a Bible study because the men or women there weren't cute enough?

Oh...I remember when YAHOO personals was a thing. I was chatting with this rather attractive woman. She was looking for a Christian man....and that's when I named the specific church that had that group that she could try out. SHe said she had done it before, but....the men weren't of her...type (tongue-in-cheek).

The thing I've noticed about singles groups in churches...they aren't littered with "beautiful people"...to put it lightly.

So this is why you don't see too many singles in churches much anymore. Mostly families and married people. They seek mates outside in the more secular environment or outside of church. Be it through friends at a party, local pub, Meetup groups, hiking groups, etc.

 

[NomNomPizza]

Hello All!

I mainly just come here whenever there is something heavy weighing on my heart. Yes, it’s odd to find it in “Singles,” but there are reasons for that too.

I live in a part of the nation that is heavily-Churched, and I have been a part of the faith for about three decades. However, my place of work often brings in people from different parts of the country. One of them is “Sarah,” who comes from a different area and has not been involved with the Church hardly any. Her family is traditionally Jewish, but even then she has largely been out of the practice for several years.

I really believe God has put her here for a reason. Not only that, but she and I have to work together quite a bit.... Which leads to another obstacle. As a result, I’ve started to develop feelings for her. As a believer, I’ve chosen not to go forward with it. She probably sees me just as a friend anyways, which is probably answer to prayer. I just can’t deny that the attraction exists.

She has even stated that she really doesn’t believe, but is respectful of other peoples’ faith, which she has been. There are also moments of inappropriate jokes at work, along with talks of drinking, and some colorful language. I’ve chosen not to compromise, and to keep my light shining. Hopefully, as she matures, she can find Christ.

I’m coming here for advice since I really don’t want to fight this battle alone.

For your information , Jews are spiritually Blinded on purpose by God only few that are choosen from that can convert to Christianity.
She might be the one but most likelly not on average.

Moreover believers should marry believers according to what Paul wrote.
But its up to you it's your life just saying what bible says

 

[DragonFox91]

Hm, I recall having attended a size-able church singles group. They'd do Bible study after services...I'd been doing this for the course of a year. One day this rather attractive woman. An attorney at that. Shows up.

Most of us in this group were rather average looking to not so attractive whatsoever. I recalled a couple of rather socially awkward men in the group. She actually left the Bible study early for a phone call and never returned. Later the following week, I'd seen her at the Sunday services, but never again appeared at the Bible study.

I dunno, but there is there something crappy about ditching a Bible study because the men or women there weren't cute enough?

Oh...I remember when YAHOO personals was a thing. I was chatting with this rather attractive woman. She was looking for a Christian man....and that's when I named the specific church that had that group that she could try out. SHe said she had done it before, but....the men weren't of her...type (tongue-in-cheek).

The thing I've noticed about singles groups in churches...they aren't littered with "beautiful people"...to put it lightly.

So this is why you don't see too many singles in churches much anymore. Mostly families and married people. They seek mates outside in the more secular environment or outside of church. Be it through friends at a party, local pub, Meetup groups, hiking groups, etc.

It don't matter about finding a partner!!! They should still be going to church.

One of the churches I go to, the men in the singles group, I think women would consider above average in the looks & personality & everything else department, which is why I'm amazed the man-woman ratio is still just 10-2.

Also, I think generally singles at churches aren't super attractive, but just average looking, & there's absolutely nothing wrong w/ that. IMO they certainly make up for it by being believers.

I even hear how women don't like being approached in the gym, the grocery store, etc etc. It's like they make it sound like there's hardly ever an instance where you should be approaching them...you know, the way our elders had met. lol

My dad met my mom at the beach, they were just happened to be parked next to each other.

I know. That's my whole point!!!

My mom was friends w/ my dad's sister so that's how my parents met.

 

[bèlla]

I dunno, but there is there something crappy about ditching a Bible study because the men or women there weren't cute enough?

No different from church hopping looking for prospects. They aren’t going for fellowship. The primary motive is finding a partner. Is it right? *shrugs*

I went for God. If I met someone while doing so that’s fine. But it wasn’t my reason for going. That’s too self-focused for me. Others feel differently.

So this is why you don't see too many singles in churches much anymore. Mostly families and married people. They seek mates outside in the more secular environment or outside of church. Be it through friends at a party, local pub, Meetup groups, hiking groups, etc.

People are marrying later. Giving them greater time to explore interests. They’ve developed a lifestyle and seek likeminded partners. Whereas the person in church shares your faith. But you may have little in common beyond that.

Social media influenced the culture. People want experiences now. The yearly vacation was cool until nomadic travel became the rage. Your hobby requires a room and your home looks like a magazine. Dinner is grand even when its simple. And your lifestyle has a name and following.

Ordinary is out. Extraordinary is in. It’s creating a divide of have’s and have nots. The feedback I’ve heard from dating sites confirms this.

 

[DragonFox91]

No different from church hopping looking for prospects. They aren’t going for fellowship. The primary motive is finding a partner. Is it right? *shrugs*

I admit I was doing that, but the church by me w/ the "singles" group I've stuck to meets other needs & that makes it worth it.

I went for God. If I met someone while doing so that’s fine. But it wasn’t my reason for going. That’s too self-focused for me. Others feel differently.



People are marrying later. Giving them greater time to explore interests. They’ve developed a lifestyle and seek likeminded partners. Whereas the person in church shares your faith. But you may have little in common beyond that.

Social media influenced the culture. People want experiences now. The yearly vacation was cool until nomadic travel became the rage. Your hobby requires a room and your home looks like a magazine. Dinner is grand even when its simple. And your lifestyle has a name and following.

Ordinary is out. Extraordinary is in. It’s creating a divide of have’s and have nots. The feedback I’ve heard from dating sites confirms this.

Yep, it makes it difficult for us traditional people. Although ordinary isn't boring (I know you didn't say it was, but it can be considered boring)

Also sounds like this woman didn't even try meeting them so that'd make her a poor judge of their interests. I get everyone has standards & it's good to try to meet them, but let's admit that their interests weren't why she rejected the group.

 

[bèlla]

Yep, it makes it difficult for us traditional people. Although ordinary isn't boring (I know you didn't say it was, but it can be considered boring)

I would never say that.

But I think the standard sets a bar that’s hard to reach. I touched on it in my DIY posts. That’s why I made cost saving suggestions. Because it usually costs more than they’re letting on. If they’re getting it free or at a discount it isn’t a concern. But the reader doesn’t know that.

Also sounds like this woman didn't even try meeting them so that'd make her a poor judge of their interests. I get everyone has standards & it's good to try to meet them, but let's admit that their interests weren't why she rejected the group.

Maybe she didn’t like the vibe. Who knows. He didn’t ask.

 

[MehGuy]

Interesting, if someone looks my age, the age becomes irrelevant. In the case of an older woman looking younger (or closer to my age). That's actually a bonus.

I recall at a singles group a woman that was a foreigner, so she had the tan skin, which made her look younger. When I found out her age, I was thinking "Nice!" ;-)

I can see some positive.. she's shown that she's aged well and will probably age well in the future. Still.. I'd rather have a woman like that and be several years younger. And have the psychological satisfaction of being the older one.

I think of the marriage of Phoebe Cates and Kevin Kline. They have about a 16 year gap from each other. He married her when she was in her mid 20s and he when he was in his early 40s. Even when Phoebe herself got to her 40s and 50s she still looked pretty great. As far as Hollywood marriages go, Kevin Kline seems to be a very lucky guy.