Working with Non-Believers

Cavalier83

Newbie
May 16, 2010
66
10
✟9,756.00
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Single
Hello All!

I mainly just come here whenever there is something heavy weighing on my heart. Yes, it’s odd to find it in “Singles,” but there are reasons for that too.

I live in a part of the nation that is heavily-Churched, and I have been a part of the faith for about three decades. However, my place of work often brings in people from different parts of the country. One of them is “Sarah,” who comes from a different area and has not been involved with the Church hardly any. Her family is traditionally Jewish, but even then she has largely been out of the practice for several years.

I really believe God has put her here for a reason. Not only that, but she and I have to work together quite a bit.... Which leads to another obstacle. As a result, I’ve started to develop feelings for her. As a believer, I’ve chosen not to go forward with it. She probably sees me just as a friend anyways, which is probably answer to prayer. I just can’t deny that the attraction exists.

She has even stated that she really doesn’t believe, but is respectful of other peoples’ faith, which she has been. There are also moments of inappropriate jokes at work, along with talks of drinking, and some colorful language. I’ve chosen not to compromise, and to keep my light shining. Hopefully, as she matures, she can find Christ.

I’m coming here for advice since I really don’t want to fight this battle alone.
 

Cavalier83

Newbie
May 16, 2010
66
10
✟9,756.00
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Single
May I ask if you know if she's even available? If she has someone already, that would give you immediate cause for staying guarded towards her.


She’s actually single, but will joke about using apps- only to discard the guys she meets. She’s very Covid-conscious, and to my knowledge, had taken time away from the dating scene.

On top of that, she could very well be moving elsewhere at the end of the year (nature of the job). I just really want her to change the course before she potentially moves.
 
Upvote 0

Cavalier83

Newbie
May 16, 2010
66
10
✟9,756.00
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Single
So what is your question?

Any advice? I feel the need to live as a witness to her. I just wish I could do more.

She does have attractive qualities (we work together well, we’re both driven, she’s beautiful as well). I just know at this phase I can’t act on it. However, I can’t deny the crush itself exists.
 
Upvote 0

DragonFox91

Well-Known Member
Dec 20, 2020
4,979
3,083
32
Michigan
✟212,396.00
Country
United States
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Single
Politics
US-Republican
Any advice? I feel the need to live as a witness to her. I just wish I could do more.
Just ask about her beliefs sometime & go from there. She'll share her experiences, you can share your's. It could just be sharing. Harder witnessing won't come till later. You're just kind of probing & being friendly the first conversation.

She does have attractive qualities (we work together well, we’re both driven, she’s beautiful as well). I just know at this phase I can’t act on it. However, I can’t deny the crush itself exists.
Good for you. Keep thinking that. I feel like every single time Christians think 'oh I can change them', they're led astray.
 
  • Agree
Reactions: bèlla
Upvote 0

Sketcher

Born Imperishable
Feb 23, 2004
38,978
9,399
✟377,931.00
Faith
Non-Denom
Marital Status
Single
Politics
US-Republican
Hello All!

I mainly just come here whenever there is something heavy weighing on my heart. Yes, it’s odd to find it in “Singles,” but there are reasons for that too.

I live in a part of the nation that is heavily-Churched, and I have been a part of the faith for about three decades. However, my place of work often brings in people from different parts of the country. One of them is “Sarah,” who comes from a different area and has not been involved with the Church hardly any. Her family is traditionally Jewish, but even then she has largely been out of the practice for several years.

I really believe God has put her here for a reason. Not only that, but she and I have to work together quite a bit.... Which leads to another obstacle. As a result, I’ve started to develop feelings for her. As a believer, I’ve chosen not to go forward with it. She probably sees me just as a friend anyways, which is probably answer to prayer. I just can’t deny that the attraction exists.

She has even stated that she really doesn’t believe, but is respectful of other peoples’ faith, which she has been. There are also moments of inappropriate jokes at work, along with talks of drinking, and some colorful language. I’ve chosen not to compromise, and to keep my light shining. Hopefully, as she matures, she can find Christ.

I’m coming here for advice since I really don’t want to fight this battle alone.
Even if she was Christian and a practicing Christian, it's a bad idea to date co-workers.
 
Upvote 0

.Mikha'el.

7x13=28
Christian Forums Staff
Supervisor
Supporter
May 22, 2004
33,059
6,418
39
British Columbia
✟997,551.00
Country
Canada
Faith
Messianic
Marital Status
Single
Any advice? I feel the need to live as a witness to her. I just wish I could do more.

She does have attractive qualities (we work together well, we’re both driven, she’s beautiful as well). I just know at this phase I can’t act on it. However, I can’t deny the crush itself exists.

I can't really advise because I don't allow myself to become romantically interested in anyone I work with.
 
  • Agree
Reactions: bèlla
Upvote 0
This site stays free and accessible to all because of donations from people like you.
Consider making a one-time or monthly donation. We appreciate your support!
- Dan Doughty and Team Christian Forums

bèlla

❤️
Supporter
Jan 16, 2019
20,480
17,638
USA
✟933,160.00
Country
United States
Faith
Non-Denom
Marital Status
In Relationship
Jews don’t evangelize. I would keep things on a friendly note and allow the topic to come up naturally.

She’s probably experienced some form of evangelism in the past. It can be unpleasant. I experienced the same when I went to the synagogue.

They surrounded us and were screaming and shoving candles in our hands around Hanukkah. It was Jews for Jesus. Neighbors complained and they haven’t returned.

I’m sure you wouldn’t do that! But just be aware it can happen. As for dating, that’s another can of worms. You could be in for a battle. It depends on where she leans and their philosophy on interfaith unions.

Only Reform Jews accept them. The others frown against them. Especially if you aren’t active at the synagogue or raising your children as Jews.
 
Upvote 0

ThisIsMe123

This And That
Mar 13, 2017
2,819
1,165
.
✟185,044.00
Country
United States
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Single
Hello All!

I mainly just come here whenever there is something heavy weighing on my heart. Yes, it’s odd to find it in “Singles,” but there are reasons for that too.

I live in a part of the nation that is heavily-Churched, and I have been a part of the faith for about three decades. However, my place of work often brings in people from different parts of the country. One of them is “Sarah,” who comes from a different area and has not been involved with the Church hardly any. Her family is traditionally Jewish, but even then she has largely been out of the practice for several years.

I really believe God has put her here for a reason. Not only that, but she and I have to work together quite a bit.... Which leads to another obstacle. As a result, I’ve started to develop feelings for her. As a believer, I’ve chosen not to go forward with it. She probably sees me just as a friend anyways, which is probably answer to prayer. I just can’t deny that the attraction exists.

She has even stated that she really doesn’t believe, but is respectful of other peoples’ faith, which she has been. There are also moments of inappropriate jokes at work, along with talks of drinking, and some colorful language. I’ve chosen not to compromise, and to keep my light shining. Hopefully, as she matures, she can find Christ.

I’m coming here for advice since I really don’t want to fight this battle alone.

I wouldn't say I am around non-believers, but more so the "Spiritual, but not religious" types....this is also an option that's in dating profiles and seems to be predominant.

Not entirely sure what they mean by that though. They would even admit not to being non-believers, but yet live a more around the Golden Rule and/ or live and let live kind of attitude.

These are typically good, moral people and had typically grew up in Christian families, so I've noticed...so I wouldn't be entirely opposed to dating them.
 
Upvote 0

DragonFox91

Well-Known Member
Dec 20, 2020
4,979
3,083
32
Michigan
✟212,396.00
Country
United States
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Single
Politics
US-Republican
Even if she was Christian and a practicing Christian, it's a bad idea to date co-workers.
"Don't date co-workers"
"Don't date friends"
"Don't date friends sisters"
"Don't date girls from church."
etc. etc.
Is there anyone it's a good idea to date? I get sick of constantly hearing "it's a bad idea to date the girl you know from XXX"

I always hear this kind of stuff & honestly, it's pretty discouraging b/c it seems like that leaves pretty much no one.
 
Upvote 0

DragonFox91

Well-Known Member
Dec 20, 2020
4,979
3,083
32
Michigan
✟212,396.00
Country
United States
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Single
Politics
US-Republican
I wouldn't say I am around non-believers, but more so the "Spiritual, but not religious" types....this is also an option that's in dating profiles and seems to be predominant.

Not entirely sure what they mean by that though. They would even admit not to being non-believers, but yet live a more around the Golden Rule and/ or live and let live kind of attitude.

These are typically good, moral people and had typically grew up in Christian families, so I've noticed...so I wouldn't be entirely opposed to dating them.
"Spiritual but not religious" might as well mean they're an atheist or agnostic, or at minimum, not a Christian.

It means they think of God only at funerals, or maybe they're dragged to church for Christmas & feel something there - even tho they don't actually like being there. As you said, it means 'I'm a good a person & isn't that what God wants - whoever he actually is -, so therefore I'm spiritual.'
 
Upvote 0
This site stays free and accessible to all because of donations from people like you.
Consider making a one-time or monthly donation. We appreciate your support!
- Dan Doughty and Team Christian Forums

bèlla

❤️
Supporter
Jan 16, 2019
20,480
17,638
USA
✟933,160.00
Country
United States
Faith
Non-Denom
Marital Status
In Relationship
"Don't date co-workers"
"Don't date friends"
"Don't date friends sisters"
"Don't date girls from church."
etc. etc.
Is there anyone it's a good idea to date? I get sick of constantly hearing "it's a bad idea to date the girl you know from XXX"

I always hear this kind of stuff & honestly, it's pretty discouraging b/c it seems like that leaves pretty much no one.

You don’t have to follow those guidelines. Most have dating boundaries for good reasons.

I didn’t date co-workers. Relationships don’t always end on the best terms. And in most instances you don’t know them well. Messing up a promising career or comfortable place for a maybe is silly. But if you don’t have a well-paying job or place you’ve put down roots you may differently.

I don’t date friends. Many are comfortable doing so. I’m not attracted to the men I befriend. However, if you’re 6 feet with a slender build, intelligent, charismatic and handsome; I’ll make an exception. For real! :p
 
  • Like
Reactions: DragonFox91
Upvote 0

DragonFox91

Well-Known Member
Dec 20, 2020
4,979
3,083
32
Michigan
✟212,396.00
Country
United States
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Single
Politics
US-Republican
You don’t have to follow those guidelines. Most have dating boundaries for good reasons.

I didn’t date co-workers. Relationships don’t always end on the best terms. And in most instances you don’t know them well. Messing up a promising career or comfortable place for a maybe is silly. But if you don’t have a well-paying job or place you’ve put down roots you may differently.

I don’t date friends. Many are comfortable doing so. I’m not attracted to the men I befriend. However, if you’re 6 feet with a slender build, intelligent, charismatic and handsome; I’ll make an exception. For real! :p
Good. If I did, there'd be absolutely zero options. I need to just start ignoring people when they say that kind of stuff. Those guidelines might be true for them, they're not true for everyone, no one would ever be able to get into relationships if they followed all of those guidelines. I feel like if you assemble those guidelines, you're limiting your options to the wall.
 
Upvote 0

ThisIsMe123

This And That
Mar 13, 2017
2,819
1,165
.
✟185,044.00
Country
United States
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Single
I don’t date friends. Many are comfortable doing so. I’m not attracted to the men I befriend. However, if you’re 6 feet with a slender build, intelligent, charismatic and handsome; I’ll make an exception. For real! :p

This is one of the reasons Christian dating is more difficult than secular dating.

Secular women: "He must be handsome, slim, and 6 feet tall" (I fall pretty short of the height requirement).
Christian women: "He must be handsome, slim, and 6 feet tall....and...be Christian"

In the latter, there's a mix of both secular and Christian standards.

Guess he can't be a shorter, Christian?

No offense, Bella, as long as we live on Earth, these superficial criteria will be prominent....even among the Christians.
 
Last edited:
Upvote 0
This site stays free and accessible to all because of donations from people like you.
Consider making a one-time or monthly donation. We appreciate your support!
- Dan Doughty and Team Christian Forums

bèlla

❤️
Supporter
Jan 16, 2019
20,480
17,638
USA
✟933,160.00
Country
United States
Faith
Non-Denom
Marital Status
In Relationship
Guess he can't be a shorter, Christian?

No offense, Bella, as long as we live on Earth, these superficial criteria will be prominent....even among the Christians.

None taken. :)

Do you feel my attraction to tall men is wrong? Should I pretend I don’t like them?
 
Upvote 0