Wife wants divorce over money

[Luke Derk]

Hi forum,
My wife asked me to pay a $15 wifi bill on my way to work this morning. I was already running late and didn't have time to stop, so I asked her to pay it or to wait until I returned so I could pay it. She's upset to the point of telling her whole family that I'm charging her and forcing her to pay things. She's a house wife but occasionally makes money selling clothes, so she had $15. She cursed me all day and slept in a different room when I returned from work. This is the first time I've ever asked her for anything. I work 2 jobs to support our home. I'm I in the wrong for asking her to pay a one time $15?

 

[Dave L]

Hi forum,
My wife asked me to pay a $15 wifi bill on my way to work this morning. I was already running late and didn't have time to stop, so I asked her to pay it or to wait until I returned so I could pay it. She's upset to the point of telling her whole family that I'm charging her and forcing her to pay things. She's a house wife but occasionally makes money selling clothes, so she had $15. She cursed me all day and slept in a different room when I returned from work. This is the first time I've ever asked her for anything. I work 2 jobs to support our home. I'm I in the wrong for asking her to pay a one time $15?

My wife handles all the money and she is a genius at it from years of experience. You need to see how your wife does at it.

 

[Andrewn]

Welcome to the CF. I hope the issue you mentioned can be solved peacefully.

 

[A_Thinker]

Hi forum,
My wife asked me to pay a $15 wifi bill on my way to work this morning. I was already running late and didn't have time to stop, so I asked her to pay it or to wait until I returned so I could pay it. She's upset to the point of telling her whole family that I'm charging her and forcing her to pay things. She's a house wife but occasionally makes money selling clothes, so she had $15. She cursed me all day and slept in a different room when I returned from work. This is the first time I've ever asked her for anything. I work 2 jobs to support our home. I'm I in the wrong for asking her to pay a one time $15?

I might suggest christian counseling on oneness in marriage ...

Ephesians 5:31 For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.

Even most non-christians understand that a marriage is a "coming together" in all things ...

 

[Luke Derk]

I might suggest christian counseling on oneness in marriage ...

Ephesians 5:31 For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.

Even most non-christians understand that a marriage is a "coming together" in all things ...

She'll say I'm a hypocrite for asking a house wife to pay for anything. She was already gossiping and saying that. I appreciate all that she does as a house wife and this is the first time I've ever asked for anything. She thought paying the bill was an emergency and couldn't wait for me to get home, it would've interrupted her Netflix series. I thought getting to work on time was more important so I gave her the option to pay it if she couldn't wait.

 

[tturt]

Joining others in welcoming you to CF

Disagreements can be tough. The title said divorce. Is she a believer? Because that doesn't fall under the guidelines for getting a divorce according to Scripture.

Praying for you both.

 

[Luke Derk]

Joining others in welcoming you to CF

Disagreements can be tough. The title said divorce. Is she a believer? Because that doesn't fall under the guidelines for getting a divorce according to Scripture.

Praying for you both.

She's only a believer with the passages that support her way of thinking.

 

[A_Thinker]

She'll say I'm a hypocrite for asking a house wife to pay for anything. She was already gossiping and saying that. I appreciate all that she does as a house wife and this is the first time I've ever asked for anything. She thought paying the bill was an emergency and couldn't wait for me to get home, it would've interrupted her Netflix series. I thought getting to work on time was more important so I gave her the option to pay it if she couldn't wait.

You need to make it a goal ... for her to understand the mutualness (i.e. oneness) of marriage. That is the only hope for resolving what you are describing ... which is selfishness (which is the ultimate root of sin).

A facilitating step ... would be to subtly encourage her spirituality. Lead her ... to be more spiritual (i.e. to desire to more fulfill the will of God). And pray that God will change her heart.

I had a stepchild who held out for years ... that he should only receive ... and not contribute to the household.

The breakthrough came as a result of spiritual leading (which seemed to be ineffective for years) ... and prayer ... which is ongoing ...

 

[trophy33]

...she's only a believer with the passages that support her way of thinking...
...tellling all her family...
...She cursed me all day...
...she was gossiping....
...because of Netflix series....

So why did you marry her? It seems she is an awful woman.

 

[Albion]

It sounds like there's more going on than just a one-time $15 bill. Has there been friction for some time, perhaps involving other matters as well?

 

[GOD Shines Forth!]

A $15 WiFi bill? In what conceivable universe? (Mine is close to $90!)

 

[bèlla]

Have you provided access to a shared account that allows her to cover household expenses? Or is she required to direct them to you instead?

If you hold the purse strings and they aren’t accessible that’s a problem. It sets the stage for what you’re experiencing now.

Your wife shouldn’t have to ask for $15 dollars if you’ve agreed she’ll stay at home. It sounds more parental than relational.

~bella

 

[tturt]

Also, an apology can go a long way. Not for your opinion but perhaps your tone, not really understanding her perspective, etc.

Encourage you to watch "Marriage Today." Their website marriagetoday.com/category/tv-episodes/ has probably 60 free episodes including "What a man really needs" and 'What a woman really needs" by Jimmy Evan's ministries. All teachings are Biblically based. Plus there's books, videos, etc. He was interviewed on Joni: Table Table for 4 eqisodes about his book "The Four Laws of Love." Think those can still be viewed. Additionally, there's hundreds of "Marriage Today" episodes on youtube.

 

[Luke Derk]

Have you provided access to a shared account that allows her to cover household expenses? Or is she required to direct them to you instead?

If you hold the purse strings and they aren’t accessible that’s a problem. It sets the stage for what you’re experiencing now.

Your wife shouldn’t have to ask for $15 dollars if you’ve agreed she’ll stay at home. It sounds more parental than relational.

~bella

I live in Mexico (she's Mexican) and I work in the US. There are plenty of dollars in the house but only pesos when we exchange our dollars. She didn't feel like exchanging anything. She always carries more than enough pesos for clothes, food, her nails, etc. When I suggested using the pesos to pay the internet, she got upset. She could've easily exchanged the dollars we both have access to but didn't feel the need to use pesos because she's a house wife and therefore it's all my responsibility, even if taking care of it made me late for work.

 

[Luke Derk]

So why did you marry her? It seems she is an awful woman.

Because I fell in love with the positive things about her and was blind to the negative. Because I followed the one thing deceitful above all things, my heart.

 

[Luke Derk]

It sounds like there's more going on than just a one-time $15 bill. Has there been friction for some time, perhaps involving other matters as well?

I recently switched jobs and make a little less. That's been the issue. She's spoiled.

 

[Albion]

Hmm. I was thinking that some big-time counseling could be in order, mainly because you've made me think that things are coming to some sort of a breaking point. But on second thought, it might be that ordinary non-religious counseling concerning family finances and how to handle daily issues fairly, etc. might be the first order of business.

 

[A_Thinker]

Have you provided access to a shared account that allows her to cover household expenses? Or is she required to direct them to you instead?

If you hold the purse strings and they aren’t accessible that’s a problem. It sets the stage for what you’re experiencing now.

Your wife shouldn’t have to ask for $15 dollars if you’ve agreed she’ll stay at home. It sounds more parental than relational.

~bella

Sounds like she had money ...

 

[A_Thinker]

I live in Mexico (she's Mexican) and I work in the US. There are plenty of dollars in the house but only pesos when we exchange our dollars. She didn't feel like exchanging anything. She always carries more than enough pesos for clothes, food, her nails, etc. When I suggested using the pesos to pay the internet, she got upset. She could've easily exchanged the dollars we both have access to but didn't feel the need to use pesos because she's a house wife and therefore it's all my responsibility, even if taking care of it made me late for work.

So ... part of it is cultural.

That said, some family-life counseling is, likely, in order.

Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to, slowly and gradually, make her a little less spoiled.

I've had to do the same with my wife in some areas. There should always be "some" spoiling, but not "too much".

I suspect you've heard the claim ... "But you knew I was that way when you married me ... " ...

 

[Luke Derk]

So ... part of it is cultural.

That said, some family-life counseling is, likely, in order ...

I see it as a lack of respect. She has access to everything but because I suggested dipping into her pesos instead of risking my job with being late for something that could've waited a few hours. She gets to spend every dime on herself because she's a house wife, so how could I ever dare suggest she help one time so her Netflix won't interrupt? I hope that's not the culture.