I have a situation and I hope someone can provide me with some advice on how I should react. Basically my wife earns double of what I make and I've never had a problem with it, I knew when I was dating her. However, recently I feel down and angry everytime someone makes little general comments as though whatever I have is from her money. They're not intentionally saying it to make me feel that way so I know I'm a little oversensitive I guess.
Like the place we're renting, her family would refer to it as my wife's place but not me. I know it's not a big deal but everytime someone not refer to something as "US", there's something inside me that gets angry.
It's not like I don't have a job, If I don't have a job then okay. It's her money.
She was asking me if she can get her hair cut and one of her nephew said "you're actually asking him to use your own money" That just makes me feel like ****. Am I wrong for feeling like that?
Why was she asking you if she could get her hair cut? What I mean is, was it her asking what your preference was or was it her asking for permission?
Because, I'd have to join the nephew in wondering why she needs your permission to spend your (collective) money.
Personally, I'd say that whenever anyone says something like that about it being her money or her things, just interject a correction. When they say "her", you say "our". Perhaps you could also tell your wife that it bothers you because it makes you feel like they are diminishing your contribution and ask her if she will make those corrections, too. I don't think that would be unreasonable.
It would probably only take a few times correcting to clue people into the fact that they're saying something that bothers you.
Also.... you may be being a little over-sensitive. Her family might naturally be referring to your house as "hers" more because she is theirs than because they think of the house as being paid for by her. I know that I refer to my brothers' and sister's things as theirs and don't always include their spouses. For example, referring to the apartment where my brother and sister-in-law live as "Jonny's apartment" sometimes. When I do that, I don't have in my mind any idea of who is making more money in the relationship. It's just easier to say "Jonny's apartment" than it is to say "Jonny and Heather's apartment" and since Jonny is the one I have a deeper connection with, I use his name.
What I'm trying to say, perhaps poorly, is that they might not be thinking in terms of who is making more money at all. You may be reading that into their words because of your sensitivity to the subject.
It's not always easy for men who make less than their wives in our culture. With the traditional expectation that the husband be the main bread-winner, people can react strangely and unthinkingly look down on men in those instances. But, IMHO, it's just silly. It doesn't make a man less of a man if his wife out-earns him. Don't let it get you down.