Wife makes more than me...

[LinkH]

Even if your wife asks you about the budget, that's not a bad thing. It's none of your nephew's business how you manage the finances in your marriage.

 

[JaneFW]

If his wife earns "double" what he earns - and that is the OP's word, which I have no reason to doubt - then the position that she has at work probably makes it evident that she makes a lot more money. He hasn't specified what she does and what he does, but in most circumstances, if you know people's job titles, you can make a pretty good guess that the one who is a, for instance, marketing director, is earning a heck of a lot more than someone who is a postal worker. I have NO idea what the OP and his wife do, so that is just an example.

 

[Sailor_A]

As a student any earnings I make are really insignificant so my husband earns all the money. Her relatives may not be doing this on purpose to offend you as you know but maybe your wife could have a private word with them. Whenever they mention something as hers she could remind them that you two are married and and it belongs to the both of you.

 

[WolfGate]

That just sounds childish and like a challenge, and evidently they do know somehow, so it leaves them open to say "yeah, we do. You make $xxx" and that would probably make him feel even worse. Better to figure out with his wife - bearing in mind this is her family of birth - how best to tackle this issue. Or to let her handle it, because her handling it shows them that she is one with her husband, and that she will not let them be offensive to him.

This sounds wise to me.

 

[mkgal1]

Thanks guys. Not every man can come home to a beautiful wife and dinner already cooked every single day. I need to let little stuff like this go. You're right, it's hard sometime especially when you're stressed out about something but I'll learn to pray and let go.

I will speak up next time and put them in their spot(in a nice way of course)

I was very angry at her nephew but felt it was out of my place to yell at him.

She was jokingly asking if she can get a haircut because we both understand that we have to communicate when it comes to our budget so she had no intention of hurting me.

FYI. We've been married 8 months.

Congratulations on your marriage. If that were me, it would mean the world to me if it were my husband that corrected his nephew (or anyone) that was making comments about income being his. What was your wife's reaction, BTW?

Why do all these people know how much you earn? My family (and my husband's) don't know how much we earn. They know our earning potential, but not the actual figure. It may be a cultural thing, but it's considered rude where I live to ask how much someone earns. I know you can't erase their memories, but for the future, I just think not talking about it with everyone might help stop the comments.

That's what I'm wondering as well.....what the two of you make is your own business. Questions about spending money should be kept private, if possible, too (IMO).

ETA: I missed this post of Janes:

Better to figure out with his wife - bearing in mind this is her family of birth - how best to tackle this issue. Or to let her handle it, because her handling it shows them that she is one with her husband, and that she will not let them be offensive to him.

What she said.

 

[JaneFW]

Well whether is the OP or his wife that makes the response, it's just important, imo, that they are on the same page and in agreement. I didn't see where the OP said that he had talked to his wife about his feelings, and I hope that he has, because it's better to share that than get into a situation were one spouse is building up hurt feelings and resentment. One thing that is important in my marriage - but which took a while to establish - is that it has to be safe for both my spouse and I to vent about each other's families to each other (and about our own families to each other too.) That's part of the two becoming one, strictly imho of course.

 

[dallasapple]

You know what? It didn't even occur to me that his wife asking if she could get a haircut would be about anything other than spending money.

Me either LOL!! I forgot where I was!!!Yikes!

Dallas

 

[SearchingStudent]

Tell 'em to stuff it! My husband gets a lot of rubbish b/c he's on disability and I earn a very good living. He told one of his siblings to shut up and go away. He doesn't care, I don't care and that's all that counts!

 

[aaron3719]

Thanks guys.

I told her how I felt later that day and she understands. She works at Lockheed so everybody assumes she makes more than me but I'm not arguing.

I will write her a letter about how I feel, I'm better at writing than speaking it out.

She thinks I feel that way because of the fact that she makes more but it's not at all. It's the people's comments that gets to me because I'm not perfect.

 

[JaneFW]

So, do you think she didn't understand what you were saying? I'm a bit confused because you said that she understands, and then that she thinks you feel that way becasue she makes more than you. If so, then she doesn't really understand what you are saying, does she? It's the rudeness that she isn't seeing.

Did she say that she would respond to her relatives, or that she agreed that you should?

 

[aaron3719]

She understood some parts of it because I didn't really go into details and showed the whole picture about how I feel like I've been sharing with you guys that's the thing.

 

[JaneFW]

She understood some parts of it because I didn't really go into details and showed the whole picture about how I feel like I've been sharing with you guys that's the thing.

Then you need to share the full picture. I know it is still early in your marriage, and that's why I think it is important to establish good communication and openness. If writing her a letter helps, then go for it, but really commit to explaining your full feelings.

 

[aaron3719]

Yes, communication is one of my other weakness sometimes.

 

[JaneFW]

Yes, communication is one of my other weakness sometimes.

One to work on then. But work on these things together. You are a team!!