okay this time I am going to post, I have begun to and keep deleting it. I have tried my whole life to have the relationship with god that I have now. I have gone through alot of things and always buried them throughout my life. My mom had left when I was born never to see her again....trying to find her now if it is gods will. My dad remarried soon after that and always thought my stepmom was my mom for about 10 years. My dad was an aloholic and during some summers would spend time at my grandpas.....where i was molested. As a child sometimes during the summer we would get to go for a week to a local church camp. being a child we thought we found god and tried being christians but when we came home my stepmom would point out our sins and call us hyprocrites (my spelling is wrong?) so I guess the long of the short I believe that you are a christian or your not there is no gray area. I have had a difficult adult life that I am not proud of I am married to my 4th wife and have 3 beautifull kids with her. (i have a older son from my first wife) we have been married for 8 years...during the 6th year i had an affair that lasted about 8 months....this just came out about 3 months ago. I am glad it came out because lying about it kept me from having the relationship with god I desired. since then I get it... I read the bible...I understand it... I see and feel god working daily. My wife and I are trying to work out things...we have our rough days that I get beat up on what I did.. I try not to get mad I did what I did but I did it when I was a sinner. this is not what mad me turn to god.. about a year ago when my wife and I was slipping apart she would go to church.. I would not.. one day after she had gone to church I found something pulling me there so I got dressed and met her there. I have a problem with giving into temptation am I wired wrong? I love jesus, I love having him walk beside me. I love reading the bible...even teach sunday school to adults once a month ( done it once so far I loved it I felt to close to him like he talked through me) I do not want to loose this..sorry if this is scattered brained I have ADD lol