Why do Christians get evasive, defensive or angry when faced with difficult questions

[kristina411]

It was meant in the context of what a "safe house" means in CF. If you go over to American Politics, you'll find a few safe houses in which only members of the safe house are allowed to post. So if you are a Democrat you cannot post in the Republican safe house and vice versa. That's what I meant in saying that turning this subforum into an atheist safe house would mean expelling the Christians from here. To be clear, I never suggested that this should be done.



What attacks are you referring to? I haven't attacked anyone. To be clear, again, criticism of your ideas is not a personal attack.

I did say you may have meant it another way but was pointing out how it came across. Perhaps now you may see that the "lines of questioning" also come across differently that you intended just as your current posting has.

 

[Messy]

Christians shouldn't get angry and defensive.

Walk in wisdom toward those who are outside, redeeming the time. 6 Let your speech always be with grace, seasoned with salt, that you may know how you ought to answer each one.

 

[thepromiseofgrace]

I don't but it does get annoying when people ask questions but do not really want them answered or they just want their version of the answer.

 

[Inkachu]

I'm sorry that you find it offensive, but it's true not just of Christians but of anyone. If you want your views to remain unchallenged, then the only way to do that is to avoid interacting with people who hold differing views.

That's absurd (to me). I work and go to school around tons of people of varying beliefs. We don't sit around all day challenging each other to debates. Challenging another persons' personal views is a very deliberate act, it doesn't "just happen".

You aren't automatically being criticised just for being a Christian. It's when you claim that others should believe as you do that people naturally ask: on what basis?

You said: So if someone isn't prepared to have their views challenged then they simply need to steer clear of forums where they are likely to encounter people with perspectives that differ to their own. Nothing about us "claiming that others should believe as we do". You said that all that is required for me to be challenged on my views is to be in the same area with those of other beliefs. It's one thing for me to interact with non-believers. It's another thing entirely for me to start telling them that they should believe what I believe; which, incidentally, I NEVER do, yet I am criticized and challenged, and even mocked and attacked, simply because of my little cross icon.

It's annoying and frustrating when people go through life with this "us vs. them" mentality, and they're all primed for a fight wherever they go and whatever they're doing. Sometimes I feel like I come in here (the non-Christian-only areas) and I'm feeling like "Hi! How's everybody? What's the topic of the day?" and I get "Oh em gee! Jesus alert!!! Quick! What's everyone's go-to question so we can make her feel stupid for her spaghetti-monster beliefs!!"

Sigh.

And yes, I realize that the nit picking and badgering can go both ways. I see some people here who say they're Christians, yet go after the atheists' throats in a really harsh, nasty manner. I shake my head at that sort of behavior. My frustrations are mostly at what I've experienced personally, what I've witnessed, and how I try to conduct myself.

 

[kristina411]

Christians shouldn't get angry and defensive.

Walk in wisdom toward those who are outside, redeeming the time. 6 Let your speech always be with grace, seasoned with salt, that you may know how you ought to answer each one.

You're right. Its my weakness that gives in. I have a lot of empty posts because I realize i have given in to frustration.

 

[Archaeopteryx]

I did say you may have meant it another way but was pointing out how it came across. Perhaps now you may see that the "lines of questioning" also come across differently that you intended just as your current posting has.

Yes, I'm aware that my questioning is often perceived as an attack, but sometimes there's little I can do about that. No matter how amiably or politely I ask a question, there is always someone who takes great offence that the question has even been asked. It's at that point that I have to conclude that there is simply no universally polite way of asking these sorts of questions. Despite my best efforts, some people will take the offence at even the most innocuous of things.

 

[Inkachu]

People with considerably different views on important issues to them, will indeed engage at critiquing the other persons view point if they disagree with them.

Only if one or both parties makes the conscious choice to engage in such a conversation.

The important thing to distinguish in legitimate disagreement, is whether the person with the other view point is personally criticized, or if their argument for believing what they do is criticized, which is a big difference. If you have ever visited the Christian only section of these boards, there are some fierce debates that go on amongst Christians of different denominations, that are debating theology and I have seen those get personal.

Problems occur, when one person decides to place a personally driven label on another person they disagree with and not address the argument. When these personal labels come flying, it tells you much more about the person attaching labels, than it does anyone else.

I'm not even talking about those who try to "make it personal". That's not something I'm even including in my comments right now.

I'm talking about people who don't seem to be able to interact or be around people of other views without starting an argument or debate. I'm perfectly able to sit next to an atheist without turning and saying "Hey, what's with your whole "there is no God" thing?" I work with some ladies who have some views that are extremely bothersome and offensive to me personally. I've never engaged them in a debate or critique or even a discussion.

 

[thepromiseofgrace]

Yes, I'm aware that my questioning is often perceived as an attack, but sometimes there's little I can do about that. No matter how amiably or politely I ask a question, there is always someone who takes great offence that the question has even been asked. It's at that point that I have to conclude that there is simply no universally polite way of asking these sorts of questions. Despite my best efforts, some people will take the offence at even the most innocuous of things.

If you remember that what people feel about God when they are believers is very deep and a huge part of their lives and for someone to say god is a waste of space and time and we don't have a choice, etc it is hardly likely to cause a good reaction any more than saying to a liverpool fan their team is rubbish and always has been.

For me the frustrating part is that often they don't want answers they just want to err their grievances with God and if you do happen to have a good counter argument to what they ask that is against God they dismiss it with well i don't believe the bibkle anyway or, you would say that wouldn't you.

 

[Archaeopteryx]

That's absurd (to me). I work and go to school around tons of people of varying beliefs. We don't sit around all day challenging each other to debates. Challenging another persons' personal views is a very deliberate act, it doesn't "just happen".

I never said that it "just happens." But you are aware that you have entered into a subforum of the Discussion and Debate forum? That's the purpose of this forum: to discuss and debate.

You said: So if someone isn't prepared to have their views challenged then they simply need to steer clear of forums where they are likely to encounter people with perspectives that differ to their own. Nothing about us "claiming that others should believe as we do". You said that all that is required for me to be challenged on my views is to be in the same area with those of other beliefs.

I had thought that the context was clear, given that this is part of the Discussion and Debate forum.

It's one thing for me to interact with non-believers. It's another thing entirely for me to start telling them that they should believe what I believe; which, incidentally, I NEVER do, yet I am criticized and challenged, and even mocked and attacked, simply because of my little cross icon.

It's annoying and frustrating when people go through life with this "us vs. them" mentality, and they're all primed for a fight wherever they go and whatever they're doing. Sometimes I feel like I come in here (the non-Christian-only areas) and I'm feeling like "Hi! How's everybody? What's the topic of the day?" and I get "Oh em gee! Jesus alert!!! Quick! What's everyone's go-to question so we can make her feel stupid for her spaghetti-monster beliefs!!"

Sigh.

And yes, I realize that the nit picking and badgering can go both ways. I see some people here who say they're Christians, yet go after the atheists' throats in a really harsh, nasty manner. I shake my head at that sort of behavior. My frustrations are mostly at what I've experienced personally, what I've witnessed, and how I try to conduct myself.

Being attacked simply because of your cross icon is not something I condone.

 

[Albion]

Just look at the title of this thread. By its very construction, it's a gratuitous attack.

So that's the most obvious answer--if one's attack is worded in the form of a question, yes, it's likely that the listener will respond in a more defensive manner than if it had been a normal question requesting information. But there's nothing about it that deals with Christians in particular.

 

[kristina411]

Instead of challenge, think questioning.

When you approach someone with the intent to challenge them you are already making up your mind to prove them wrong.
When you approach them questioningly, you are open for answers you dont already know.

A change in mindset is a must throughout both the Christians and the Atheists. Christians are only calling for it now so we can have hopes if having a legitimate philosophical discussion in here that does not always revert to the us against them mindset, the "Show me proof of your God!" Or the ever popular "You are afraid to answer questions!" Even though the answer is right there but the poster does not choose to accept it. It may not be your answer but it is mine and I am entitled to that without you forcing me to always prove every detail of it.

 

[Inkachu]

Yes, I'm aware that my questioning is often perceived as an attack, but sometimes there's little I can do about that. No matter how amiably or politely I ask a question, there is always someone who takes great offence that the question has even been asked. It's at that point that I have to conclude that there is simply no universally polite way of asking these sorts of questions. Despite my best efforts, some people will take the offence at even the most innocuous of things.

Sometimes, if you just say "I'm not trying to offend you" or something along those lines, it can defuse the situation For instance, I consider Self Inflikted to be my friend here on CF, and he's an atheist. We disagree openly about some things, but we're always civil and friendly to each other. Sometimes we'll include a little "no offense" caveat, just to make sure we don't forget that we can disagree and still respect each other.

 

[Inkachu]

Instead of challenge, think questioning.

When you approach someone with the intent to challenge them you are already making up your mind to prove them wrong.
When you approach them questioningly, you are open for answers you dont already know.

A change in mindset is a must throughout both the Christians and the Atheists. Christians are only calling for it now so we can have hopes if having a legitimate philosophical discussion in here that does not always revert to the us against them mindset, the "Show me proof of your God!" Or the ever popular "You are afraid to answer questions!" Even though the answer is right there but the poster does not choose to accept it. It may not be your answer but it is mine and I am entitled to that without you forcing me to always prove every detail of it.

You really need to stop making so much sense.

 

[thepromiseofgrace]

Instead of challenge, think questioning.

When you approach someone with the intent to challenge them you are already making up your mind to prove them wrong.
When you approach them questioningly, you are open for answers you dont already know.

A change in mindset is a must throughout both the Christians and the Atheists. Christians are only calling for it now so we can have hopes if having a legitimate philosophical discussion in here that does not always revert to the us against them mindset, the "Show me proof of your God!" Or the ever popular "You are afraid to answer questions!" Even though the answer is right there but the poster does not choose to accept it. It may not be your answer but it is mine and I am entitled to that without you forcing me to always prove every detail of it.

great post I agree entirely, you can tell some questions are aimed at causing a reaction and others are a real attempt to learn something.

 

[kristina411]

Attack does not mean debate.

Reevaluate the meanings of challenge and question. We are NOT just in the debate section but also in the discussion subforum. If you wish to challenge, perhaps you could take use of the debate and maybe things would be discussed more effectively in both areas

 

[Archaeopteryx]

Sometimes, if you just say "I'm not trying to offend you" or something along those lines, it can defuse the situation For instance, I consider Self Inflikted to be my friend here on CF, and he's an atheist. We disagree openly about some things, but we're always civil and friendly to each other. Sometimes we'll include a little "no offense" caveat, just to make sure we don't forget that we can disagree and still respect each other.

That's good advice. I'll keep that in mind.

 

[bhsmte]

Only if one or both parties makes the conscious choice to engage in such a conversation.



I'm not even talking about those who try to "make it personal". That's not something I'm even including in my comments right now.

I'm talking about people who don't seem to be able to interact or be around people of other views without starting an argument or debate. I'm perfectly able to sit next to an atheist without turning and saying "Hey, what's with your whole "there is no God" thing?" I work with some ladies who have some views that are extremely bothersome and offensive to me personally. I've never engaged them in a debate or critique or even a discussion.

I completely understand where you are coming from. Most people that I have interaction with are Christians and we rarely if ever, discuss religious beliefs, because we have no need to and we respect each other despite having differing beliefs.

Now on CF, this is a discussion and debate forum, so the purpose for many is a bit different and there will be some debate back and forth amongst people who disagree. Again, some of the hottest debates (that get personal) have been in the Christian only section, when Christians with different theology, are debating who is right.

 

[Inkachu]

Just look at the title of this thread. By its very construction, it's a gratuitous attack.

Exactly. The whole thread starts out with "Why y'all SO defensive?" It assumes that ALL Christians are defensive and evasive, which is absurd.

I am not evasive. I've proven that over and over again. I say "ask me anything" and "PM me with any questions" all the time. I may not have all your answers (hint: no human will EVER have all the answers!) but I'll tell you what I can.

 

[Inkachu]

I completely understand where you are coming from. Most people that I have interaction with are Christians and we rarely if ever, discuss religious beliefs, because we have no need to and we respect each other despite having differing beliefs.

Now on CF, this is a discussion and debate forum, so the purpose for many is a bit different and there will be some debate back and forth amongst people who disagree. Again, some of the hottest debates (that get personal) have been in the Christian only section, when Christians with different theology, are debating who is right.

Thanks for understanding

And you're right, in a forum like this, you're much more likely to find people already heated up and raring to go. I wish it were different. I wish this was the "discussion only" area, and they'd drop the whole "debate" term, because too many people treat it like the "debate and debate" forum. I find it difficult to find people here who are able to simply discuss things.

 

[Inkachu]

That's good advice. I'll keep that in mind.

Awww, you're welcome Take it from someone who used to fight with everyone, all the time, and now REALLY enjoys just plain getting to know people of all types of beliefs.