First let me thank you for the well written and obviously heartfelt post. There is a lot in there that I won't comment on lest we risk getting too far off topic or beginning to debate which is not the purpose of this forum. That said, towards the end you said that you now look to the bible to discern truth. Do you think that genuine Christians can read the same text, say the KJV as you use, and disagree about what it means?I used to think that EVERY real truth would be manifested by all men agreeing to the same premise and the same result and all of them would arrive at same conclusion in the same way. Like a math equation - real truth was absolute so if men could find a crack in the premise to argue about, it must be a lie.
If we are letting outside circumstances determine our faith then we can be swayed by the changing direction of the wind? If you break up with this lovely woman are you going to throw away all you learned and embrace your atheism again? IF so, I dare say you will always be struggling with this search because you are looking for the wrong thing. So, again, is it the success of others in agreeing with each other that will make or break your trust in Jesus? If so, what is the difference between a million atheists and a million devout Jews and a million devout Islamist? Are any of them seeking the truth, or all of them certain they have found it?
We know that Jesus existed. That is not in dispute. That he was in mans flesh? That is not arguable. That goodness is desirable, in my heart that is not a question either. No, their argument is that He was the Son of God, that He is the Messiah, that HE is the truth, the light, and the way and that no man comes to the Father (God) except through Him (Jesus). So, if you don't believe wholeheartedly and entirely and with unshakeable certainty that your search is for Jesus and His Truth, then you are on a path to nowhere. You are wasting your time. You may as well find satisfaction with being an atheist because that is all you will ever be.
The core of my belief in God finally became the Bible. Looking around there are literally hundreds of bibles and biblical versions and a million interpretations. I choose the KJV because I understand it. I would not presume to tell you which to use, but I would look to the Bible as your source of understanding. Not what others think. And I would recommend that you not use others as an excuse to believe or deny. Your relationship with Jesus is personal. It has to be. It is about YOUR salvation and how Jesus plays a part in that.
Why did He do what he did? It was as simple as Love. Why do you believe? If it is not based on Love of Christ, then I say again, you are wasting your time. Love of the truth, Love of God, Love of your fellow man, Love of all that is Holy..., man, without these desires in your heart there is no finding truth. That is why men argue all the time. They argue about trivialities, not about the depth and breadth of the Love of Christ. And don't let their arguments determine the depth and breadth of your desire to find the truth. Seek it for the sake of finding the one and only Son of God and through him, you will find the truth.
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