why did god dangle my prayer request?

[step1eosin]

I've been praying for almost 5 years now for a spouse. I found a man, who fit ALL of my prayer requests, and I mean not 1 one but ALL of them. I was shocked how to the T God answered my spousal prayers because I only asked for 3 things, but was flexible on everything else- of things i was flexible with- lets say i had a random 30 things i wanted/needed. i didn't really care about the 30 things, but thought that theres no harm in praying for my "ideal" man. So I found a guy on a christian marriage website that... kid you not, fit all the 30 things to a T and then some. like in my wildest dreams i didn't think that i would get EVERYTHING i was ever looking for and then some...so anyways i was super ecstatic, prayed/praised god-told everyone i knew that i found my future husband etc. i was always prayed in faith mind you, but I didn't think that god would give me ALL 30 things, maybe a few things and then give me someone i needed and i was completely fine with that.

me and that guy talked briefly, but even before talking to him- i knew it was him from the bottom of my heart, but just that the timing wasn't right. like i knew my prayers were answered and this was my future husband but i would marry him later when i was ready. I'm not ready due to a few career difficulties/family stress/and personal obstacles. we didn't talk again or keep in touch, but i always felt like we would reconnect later and because he was the answer to my prayers, he was the one. I mean he fit every prayer request to a T, and not even a slight deviation. e.g. if i asked for him to be older than me by 2 years, he was older than me by 2 years-not 3 or 4. if i asked for him to have a similar family background, his family is EXACTLY like mine and then some.

now (present day), I see that he is in a very serious committed relationship to another woman whom he started dating a few weeks ago. and i'm so so so confused because i thought that this was the man who i was meant to marry and that me and him were going to end up together. and now it looks like he's about to pop the question with this other woman

why would god give me everything i ever wanted/dreamed about/wished and hoped for 5+ years. including fasting prayers, faith and constant testifying that god will deliver... all to just take it away from me? i don't understand why i would meet this man and not have a future with him

it feels like god dangled my prayer request in front of me just to take it all away and i feel very betrayed and angry

 

[Pavel Mosko]

Your story reminds me of a Ken Hagin story/teaching about "putting out fleeces". Some people ask for signs, if such and such is God's will that he will grant them this request, kind of like the Gideon story in the Bible. The message of the story/teaching is that putting out a fleece can often get you "fleeced" where sometimes that sign is granted, most likely not by God and you learn that the thing you asked for was completely wrong for you the hard way....

Hagin's other point is that this is no longer how God operates.... We have the Holy Spirit inside us etc. rather than asking for signs, we should be listening to the small still voice inside us etc.

 

[Jonathan Walkerin]

I'm not ready due to a few career difficulties/family stress/and personal obstacles.

We’re you seeing other guys ? Often profiles on the dating sites bear very little resemblance to real life people.

 

[Michie]

You might be interested in this.
Will God Make My Dreams Come True? - MY CHIC OBSESSION

 

[Llewelyn Stevenson]

Perhaps it is time to pray, "Not my will, Lord, but yours be done," and allow him to lead you into that full purpose he intended for you.

The devil took Jesus to a high place and showed him everything a potential king could want, even showed him what God had promised and said, "Worship me and its all yours."

Ask yourself, was it God who showed me this on a dating site, or the devil?

Did God just protect you from a terrible mistake?

1Co 10:13 There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.

 

[bèlla]

I'm sorry you're hurting. I pray the Lord heals your heart and renews your faith.

If you're asking the Lord for a companion He isn't checking your list. He's checking His. The qualities you're seeking may not arrive in the guise you expect. His goal is holiness and He rarely begins in this area. You need a level of maturity and yieldedness to submit to His choice.

Not my will but thine be done. Remember? That still holds true. Oftentimes people conflate attraction with divine movement. It's never one-sided. If the Lord laid someone on your heart He's talking to the other person. He ministers to our spirits. But the timing is His. We can get ahead of Him or miss our blessing if we're too focused on personal wants.

Thirty qualities is a LOT. If you want a divine connection you need to revamp your approach. Examine yourself to determine your strengths and weaknesses, heart for service, and areas of ministry. You're complementing one another. What do you have that he lacks? You're the helpmeet. How are you helping him? And what is he giving you in return?

We must address companionship from a position of faith, hope, and prudence. Brief conversations rarely result in marriage. You need a period of engagement to gauge his faith, character, and suitability for marriage. Suspending acquaintance in deference to a hunch is unwise.

You begin by determining if you're called to marry. If yes, submit your desire to the Lord and leave it with Him. Devote your period of singleness to personal growth and spiritual maturity. Strengthen your prayer muscles. You'll need them. And get rid of the list. Its too long.

I'll share a snippet below on the subject. It should help you trim it down. I encourage you to read this post. It's written for singles called to marriage. If the answer is yes, you can believe Him. God doesn't play mind games. You should rest in the truth and stop fretting and second guessing Him. He's in the drivers seat. Not you.

...................

No relationship is perfect. Human connections have challenges. Some are made more difficult due to individual problems, an absence of unity, and unforgiveness. You're going to hurt and be hurt. How we handle ourselves plays a part in the outcome.

This is where the recommendation of working on yourself comes into play. There are things we need to work into our character and out of it to have healthy relationships. We all have stumbling blocks. The more intentional you are about addressing them during your singleness, the better your relationships will be in the long run.

I consider housekeeping foremost. I look at it holistically. The goal is achieving health on all levels. You have to confront the things that make you sick, imbalanced, etc. That means reviewing the past and the things you've endured. Look at the impact of your experiences and how they're affecting you today.

That's how you figure out triggers and weaknesses. You'll see cause and effect too. The discovery is important. You won't get rid of everything. Some problems fall away in our connections and others we struggle with much longer. You don't want to choose someone who exacerbates your problems or ignites your fears and triggers. That's counterproductive. You want a remedy.

This is a process of self-discovery. You can't choose the right companion until you know yourself. You'll change and grow but the core remains in place. The three things you consider in light of that are:

• Who am I?
• Where I am going?
• What do I lack?

That influences your selection. You've narrowed the field because you're looking for fit. It doesn't always arrive in the guise you expect. But if you're true to yourself and consider your needs you'll be able to find her.

Fit is bilateral. It isn't a one-sided affair. The satisfaction of mutual wants and needs is important. Marriages don't end over religion. The majority break over every day matters. The balance of strengths and weaknesses is necessary. That goes back to the questions you're answering.

Then you move to the No Zone. Its compromised of characteristics and behaviors you don't want to deal with and those that are toxic to your well-being. The latter are typically firm nos. The discomforts aren't set in stone. Although many say they are. That's where compromise comes in. There are qualities we'll tolerate in one person we won't accept in another. Because its subjective.

If they tick the right boxes you may overlook the ones they don't. That's how it works. Few get everything on their list. I don't use them when I'm working with someone. It becomes embedded in their mind and impacts their discernment. They're chasing the list instead of examining prospects. That's the wrong approach.

Yours in His Service,

~bella

 

[Citizen of the Kingdom]

I'm ....
This is where the recommendation of working on yourself comes into play. There are things we need to work into our character and out of it to have healthy relationships. We all have stumbling blocks. The more intentional you are about addressing them during your singleness, the better your relationships will be in the long run.

I consider housekeeping foremost. I look at it holistically. The goal is achieving health on all levels. You have to confront the things that make you sick, imbalanced, etc. That means reviewing the past and the things you've endured. Look at the impact of your experiences and how they're affecting you today.
Yours in His Service,

~bella

The other side of that pendulum of cleanliness is next to godliness 1 Peter 5:10 is the health measures of Ellen White who’s knowledge of university level knowledge of Natural Hygiene Movement | National Health Association before it was deemed not a science and the universities shut down during the 1800’s

Modern version Fit For Life, Marilyn and Harvey Diamond.

 

[step1eosin]

We’re you seeing other guys ? Often profiles on the dating sites bear very little resemblance to real life people.

No I wasn't ....i only talked to him and that too only because i was so sure he was the one

 

[step1eosin]

i get what all of you are saying...but that's also what annoys me- if i pray and ask in faith, that god will answer my prayers...i get ^^^ answer. and if i don't and ask that god do his will in my life, the response you need to ask god specifically what you want and in doing so grow closer to him and he will honor your faith

 

[step1eosin]

I'm sorry you're hurting. I pray the Lord heals your heart and renews your faith.

If you're asking the Lord for a companion He isn't checking your list. He's checking His. The qualities you're seeking may not arrive in the guise you expect. His goal is holiness and He rarely begins in this area. You need a level of maturity and yieldedness to submit to His choice.

Not my will but thine be done. Remember? That still holds true. Oftentimes people conflate attraction with divine movement. It's never one-sided. If the Lord laid someone on your heart He's talking to the other person. He ministers to our spirits. But the timing is His. We can get ahead of Him or miss our blessing if we're too focused on personal wants.

Thirty qualities is a LOT. If you want a divine connection you need to revamp your approach. Examine yourself to determine your strengths and weaknesses, heart for service, and areas of ministry. You're complementing one another. What do you have that he lacks? You're the helpmeet. How are you helping him? And what is he giving you in return?

We must address companionship from a position of faith, hope, and prudence. Brief conversations rarely result in marriage. You need a period of engagement to gauge his faith, character, and suitability for marriage. Suspending acquaintance in deference to a hunch is unwise.

You begin by determining if you're called to marry. If yes, submit your desire to the Lord and leave it with Him. Devote your period of singleness to personal growth and spiritual maturity. Strengthen your prayer muscles. You'll need them. And get rid of the list. Its too long.

I'll share a snippet below on the subject. It should help you trim it down. I encourage you to read this post. It's written for singles called to marriage. If the answer is yes, you can believe Him. God doesn't play mind games. You should rest in the truth and stop fretting and second guessing Him. He's in the drivers seat. Not you.

...................

No relationship is perfect. Human connections have challenges. Some are made more difficult due to individual problems, an absence of unity, and unforgiveness. You're going to hurt and be hurt. How we handle ourselves plays a part in the outcome.

This is where the recommendation of working on yourself comes into play. There are things we need to work into our character and out of it to have healthy relationships. We all have stumbling blocks. The more intentional you are about addressing them during your singleness, the better your relationships will be in the long run.

I consider housekeeping foremost. I look at it holistically. The goal is achieving health on all levels. You have to confront the things that make you sick, imbalanced, etc. That means reviewing the past and the things you've endured. Look at the impact of your experiences and how they're affecting you today.

That's how you figure out triggers and weaknesses. You'll see cause and effect too. The discovery is important. You won't get rid of everything. Some problems fall away in our connections and others we struggle with much longer. You don't want to choose someone who exacerbates your problems or ignites your fears and triggers. That's counterproductive. You want a remedy.

This is a process of self-discovery. You can't choose the right companion until you know yourself. You'll change and grow but the core remains in place. The three things you consider in light of that are:

• Who am I?
• Where I am going?
• What do I lack?

That influences your selection. You've narrowed the field because you're looking for fit. It doesn't always arrive in the guise you expect. But if you're true to yourself and consider your needs you'll be able to find her.

Fit is bilateral. It isn't a one-sided affair. The satisfaction of mutual wants and needs is important. Marriages don't end over religion. The majority break over every day matters. The balance of strengths and weaknesses is necessary. That goes back to the questions you're answering.

Then you move to the No Zone. Its compromised of characteristics and behaviors you don't want to deal with and those that are toxic to your well-being. The latter are typically firm nos. The discomforts aren't set in stone. Although many say they are. That's where compromise comes in. There are qualities we'll tolerate in one person we won't accept in another. Because its subjective.

If they tick the right boxes you may overlook the ones they don't. That's how it works. Few get everything on their list. I don't use them when I'm working with someone. It becomes embedded in their mind and impacts their discernment. They're chasing the list instead of examining prospects. That's the wrong approach.

Yours in His Service,

~bella

Thank you for your support. I think there's been a miscommunication- what I asked of God weren't superficial qualities, they were actually very mature attributes to a person who I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. Nothing was superficial... what i prayed for was someone who was equally yoked to me, who was at the same level spiritually so i wouldn't bring him down and him to me,- so that way we could grow together in god.
I also asked for "normal"things like- someone who would be kind, loyal, respectful,slow to anger, honest and caring.

See already that right there is 9 qualities out of the 30 i prayed about. I don't want to go into the whole thing because it was a bit intimate-but these are what i asked. not superficial things-more character/spiritual qualities.

I'm a very mature person, am ready for marriage, and definitely want God's will in my life and with that intent I prayed and waited for Him to bring me a man.

Also before I stumbled upon this guy's profile, I prayed the night before in tears (because of frustration that it was taking so long), and asked God to show me someone who could be for me even if it would be sometime in the distant future that we would get together. THAT'S why I'm more stuck on this, because I remember exactly what I prayed and thought about minutes before seeing his profile. It wasn't a coincidence.

I understand what most of you are saying, but it also felt like the holy spirit was telling me that this is the guy, just not right now.

 

[bèlla]

I didn’t think your list was superficial.

Does the person you spoke with strike you as the type to initiate a connection or allow a woman to do so?

Read God is a Matchmaker by Derek Prince. The Lord chose both his wives (he was widowed once) and his experiences may shine light on your circumstances.

Yours in His Service,

~bella

 

[Richard T]

God never overrides a person's will when it comes to marriage, though he certainly does nudge some couples together. So this guy might be Mr. Perfect to you, but that still may not be enough as it seems uncertain what he thinks of you. Though he appears to have your 30 qualities, if you have not known him long, you can't be sure. I would just put this guy on ice for the time being and continue to seek God and be open to another relationship or simply use the time to set the other things in order that you need. Later, perhaps the guy will circle back. In the meantime, know that God is not playing games with you. When your emotions are involved, it is very hard to hear the true voice of God, and as I have stated with another person's will involved the outcome may not be certain.

I might also say my favorite bible teacher does not like web dating sites. He suggests one should simply trust God, and that God does not need online dating to bring someone a mate. (he does not say they are wrong, but that they can lead some astray) In other words, your faith is far more important in finding a partner than how many profiles you can examine online.

 

[LoricaLady]

There are many people online, and in "real' life, who present fake images of themselves to suck you in. They are not sent by the Lord but by satan.

I pray you will be given wisdom and insight and healing.

 

[Elliewaves]

Why didn't you talk to him again or keep in touch? That's part of it too; God may bring someone into your life, but if you don't do anything about it in the most basic way then it can and will pass you by. If he is in a serious committed relationship; I would back off and move on. Maybe God was just showing you that the sort of guy you are looking for exists so don't lose heart. If it's the right relationship it will work out and things will fall into place.

 

[Citizen of the Kingdom]

The best I always got when asking for friends was a dog, and asking for that person to share a yoke with .... I’ve been struggling to walk a straight line with Him Whom I have to do. It’s a lonely life in boring, boring.

 

[Stephanie7]

Heavenly Father I pray that You will grant this woman wisdom to know in her heart whether to pursue this man or let him go and wait upon You to bring the right man into her path. May You bless her with a mate of her own with all the important things she is looking for and that she can marry in the future, In Jesus Name, Amen