When to tell a guy you want to be a SAHW/SAHM

Niffer

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I always wanted to be a SAHM, and it's been my favorite job so far.
BUT! I would really, REALLY encourage you get secondary education, and work in something you KNOW you can provide for yourself, if you need to because:
a) Who knows when/if you'll get married
b) I think that if you don't have a little, you should be working and helping provide for yourself and your husband
c) Should something horrible happen to your husband and you're left without a breadwinner, you need to be able to support your family (and any children)

I was a SAHW for about 10 months after getting married and moving to a teensy town...and I tell you, it was awful.
You're not bringing in any money, your housework and meal prep only take so much time and the rest of it, you're bored.
I would really encourage working before you settle in with kids..plus getting that nest-egg is super helpful too, and its easier with duel incomes. ;)

~ Niff
 
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Avniel

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I always wanted to be a SAHM, and it's been my favorite job so far.
BUT! I would really, REALLY encourage you get secondary education, and work in something you KNOW you can provide for yourself, if you need to because:
a) Who knows when/if you'll get married
b) I think that if you don't have a little, you should be working and helping provide for yourself and your husband
c) Should something horrible happen to your husband and you're left without a breadwinner, you need to be able to support your family (and any children)

I was a SAHW for about 10 months after getting married and moving to a teensy town...and I tell you, it was awful.
You're not bringing in any money, your housework and meal prep only take so much time and the rest of it, you're bored.
I would really encourage working before you settle in with kids..plus getting that nest-egg is super helpful too, and its easier with duel incomes. ;)

~ Niff
I totally agree with you. Niffer I just wanted to add something from the males prospective, well a college educated male. I think most men that are in their profession or will be in the profession they have sacrificed for they typically look for women going in that same direction. Even if she wants to be a stay at home mom I think the fact that she is educated makes her more "marketable."

***sidebar***
I think that is a little different from women or at least the women I know. There are plenty of guys from college that are married and dating women all of them are college educated and all of their wives/girlfriends are typically at the same college. Out of 10 of us 6 are married to women we met freshmen year, 2 are have children with women they met freshmen year and one is on instagram complaining about women and how he's alone. On the flip side I know a good deal of women that went to college with me that are with or have dated men that you wouldn't consider "marketable" when considering the success these ladies of achieved.

My wife isn't currently working she was a professor at a community college for awhile. But since the baby she is more so laid back and working on making sure our daughter is learning and growing. I think it does add to my comfort that she is furthering her education and already has a masters. I know when I go out if something happens to me my children will be ok and my best friend will be as well. I don't worry about her in that way she has the tools and the paper work to give my children a good life if I wasn't here.
 
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~Anastasia~

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Some good points.

The other problem though is how do you stay "current" if you are a SAHM?

And I'm not arguing against, because it was always what I wanted to do. Although my situation just is not typical.

My child was born near the time I finished my education, and I stayed home with her. I did homeschool for some years, and her father also became disabled and I became his full-time caretaker. I wasn't bored. In fact, I wished for some time alone!

I served as a volunteer and leader for some mother's services groups and homeschooling groups, and taught in a co-op school.

But when her father later divorced me, all of my work, the recognition and awards I had received as a volunteer, etc. did not help me find a job. I ended up supporting myself and my daughter by doing piecework electrical assembly for a few years while I built up a couple of entrepreneurial businesses.

Now some years later, I am not among the younger workforce, no one care about the distinctions I received in earlier employment or as a volunteer, I have not worked in my field, and it is difficult to find a job as I am too well qualified for entry level or low-wage jobs, and not competitive for higher wage ones.

I'm smart enough that I get by, but it's a competitive world. Anyone who is planning to be a SAHM, I would advise them to find ways to keep themselves current and marketable in the workforce.

Being a SAHM was worth it, and I'd do it again even if it had the same outcome for myself. I didn't have children to let someone else raise them. But think of your long-term and "just in case" needs too, since we can never be sure what will happen in life. It's better to be prepared.
 
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Niffer

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I totally understand what you mean Kylissa.
While it's true my resume' would look "dated" now, I keep in touch and am good friends with those in the field.
There are a couple I know of, off the top of my head that would provide me work in my field, even if it was on contract until I could get something better.
(I've been asked if I wanted to 'come back' a few times too. ;) )
So in that way I'm fortunate, but as a Library Tech, the longer I'm out of the field, the more changes there are....

I don't know if it'd be that easy to get back in, say...10 years from now... *shrug*

~ Niff
 
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~Anastasia~

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I totally understand what you mean Kylissa.
While it's true my resume' would look "dated" now, I keep in touch and am good friends with those in the field.
There are a couple I know of, off the top of my head that would provide me work in my field, even if it was on contract until I could get something better.
(I've been asked if I wanted to 'come back' a few times too. ;) )
So in that way I'm fortunate, but as a Library Tech, the longer I'm out of the field, the more changes there are....

I don't know if it'd be that easy to get back in, say...10 years from now... *shrug*

~ Niff

Great point. Connections are gold!

It's not as though I'm totally out of the loop. As I said, I ran entrepreneurial businesses, though being based on the internet and it's marketing, it's been very fickle. But cold calls are not interested in what I say I did. At least I think that's the problem. (Lol and I just can NOT tell them I took three years to build a farm!)

I'm left with a life rich in varied experiences, but not much marketability. And years do matter. My daughter is 18 now ...
 
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Tom Sawyer

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I'm kind of an old fashioned girl, and I like the traditional family model where the husband works and the wife is a homemaker. I'm currently single, but I know that when I'm in a relationship, at some point in time the guy will need to know this information. I feel like if I bring it up too late I run the risk of possibly wasting my time and the guy's time because we're not compatible. But if I bring it up too early, it could be a little weird. When and how is the best way to address this? :confused:

That's a good question. This is not just the "traditional"role of the wife, but is the biblical role also. I was committed to having my wife in the biblical path before marriage, so I brought this up fairly early in our going out, as I did other subjects.

Since she is fairly traditional in her upbringing (her parents were not Christian until recently though) she had no major reservation with it. She has been an amazing homemaker and mother, and I cannot tell you how priceless that role is. No salary in the world can replace it.

So naturally, I would advice you to bring it up early, and point out its importance -- not just its practical importance, but its being the biblical role as well. I have met women who desired to be homemakers, but were arm-twisted by their husbands into working full time outside the home. It is best to be on the same page with him, and in a committed fashion.

I hope that helps. We badly need more full-time mothers and homemakers in the Church. It will help to restore our community. Bless you.
 
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Newtheran

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I'm kind of an old fashioned girl, and I like the traditional family model where the husband works and the wife is a homemaker. I'm currently single, but I know that when I'm in a relationship, at some point in time the guy will need to know this information. I feel like if I bring it up too late I run the risk of possibly wasting my time and the guy's time because we're not compatible. But if I bring it up too early, it could be a little weird. When and how is the best way to address this? :confused:

Bring it up early, probably in the context of what your career plans/5 year plan/whatever you want to call it is. Say you want to be a homemaker and a mom. It'll drive the wrong kind of guy away and get the right kind of guy to stay.
 
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Dave-W

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Bring it up early, probably in the context of what your career plans/5 year plan/whatever you want to call it is. Say you want to be a homemaker and a mom. It'll drive the wrong kind of guy away and get the right kind of guy to stay.
Absolutely. The sooner the better. Otherwise you may have some serious hurt feelings on both your part and his. And then you have to start over.
 
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