What's YOUR opinion?

[Gardener101]

I just got a PM from a member here on the singles forum requesting that I change my avatar picture to something "less mushy."


So I've decided to ask the general population here on CF, what your opinion is about my avatar.

YOU got a PM? How is that possible? Since when did you have PMs enabled? Cus I tried to send you a PM two days ago and it said you had it switched off and was not accepting PMs from anyone.

Or is your PM set to only receiving PMs from people you have on your buddy list?

 

[Gardener101]

Oh sorry, forgot to answer the OP: I think your picture is cute. You two sort of lookalike. Don't change it, is my vote

 

[Flashlight]

There is absolutely nothing wrong with it. Nothing. Nothing at all. Some people look for any reason to be offended. That is what I absolutely cannot stand about this board. Tell someone to have a nice day and prepare to bombarded by people that are offended because they think you are trying to pick that person up. Keep the picture.

 

[Spicy McHaggis]

Tell someone to have a nice day...

DId you just say have a nice day?!

WHat do you think you are? SOme kind of weathermun?!

YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW WHERE I LIVE. HOW COULD YOU KNOW WHAT KIND OF DAY I'M GOING TO HAVE?!


I'm offended and I'm reporting you to the mods you Philistine.

 

[PeculiarTreasure]

No, you shouldn't change it.

 

[Gardener101]

Yes, this really happened. No, it wasn't Kirk and surprisingly it was a man. Here's the PM.

"Hi Keri.

I feel awful about saying this because you and Luther have been cool about most things, but do you think it might be possible to change your avatar to something less mushy? It's one of the most glaring "offenses" that I've seen... over and over again... in just about every thread. If I come across as a jerk for saying this, I apologize. At least I tried.

Thanks!"

Glaring offenses?

I'm glad I'm not the only one that thinks it's perfectly appropriate as an avatar.

I'm gonna put my foot in my mouth and risk guessing that the PM is from one of your exs on CF.

There. I said it.


Cus I can't see how anyone ELSE would mind such a cute avatar.

 

[ido]

I agree with eirene about not sharing PM's publicly - even with the exclusion of the author's name, I'm sure now they've seen it on here for everyone to read....and after making a private attempt to address an issue, I know I would be very unhappy if my PM was posted publicly to be scrutinized. Just tell the person that you're sorry if it bothers them but you're not going to change it - if you don't want to change it. I don't think public consensus should be requested unless several people address the issue.

JMHO

 

[futuredoc]

I say its fine...it represents something that's important in your life right now. Do what you want.

 

[Balugon]

i dont see anything wrong with it. i think u guys look cute together.

 

[Luther073082]

Hey guys I want to make it very clear that if we are doing anything such as her avatar or my picture or even in speech anything that bothers you a bit or makes you envious then please let us know ASAP so we can change it no matter how silly you may think it is.

I'm not sure Keri knows this feeling but given all the years I was single for I can definatly relate to how easy it is to be hurt and feeling like you are the only single left in the entire world.

I consider this your forum and us to be quite simpily guests in it that you allow us to be here because we are your friends. But as guests I want to make sure we arn't doing anything that bothers you.

 

[Auncy]

Were they serious when they asked you to change it? I think it is very cute. Don't change a thing.

 

[YIV43]

Don't change it!!

 

[Gardener101]

I agree with eirene about not sharing PM's publicly - even with the exclusion of the author's name, I'm sure now they've seen it on here for everyone to read....and after making a private attempt to address an issue, I know I would be very unhappy if my PM was posted publicly to be scrutinized. Just tell the person that you're sorry if it bothers them but you're not going to change it - if you don't want to change it. I don't think public consensus should be requested unless several people address the issue.

JMHO

Excellent points

 

[Gardener101]

Hey guys I want to make it very clear that if we are doing anything such as her avatar or my picture or even in speech anything that bothers you a bit or makes you envious then please let us know ASAP so we can change it no matter how silly you may think it is.

I'm not sure Keri knows this feeling but given all the years I was single for I can definatly relate to how easy it is to be hurt and feeling like you are the only single left in the entire world.

I consider this your forum and us to be quite simpily guests in it that you allow us to be here because we are your friends. But as guests I want to make sure we arn't doing anything that bothers you.

Luther, I think you are going a little bit over the edge there. You are not a guest here. We don't 'allow you' here any more than you 'allow' us here. It is not 'our' forum any more than it is 'your' forum.

Unless CF changes the definition for 'single', you are technically a single gentleman. Please, please, please do not view yourself to be an 'outsider' due to the other thread.

The jury is still out on whether we'll get a sub forum for those not exclusively dating, and even if we do....this one would still exist!

 

[Luther073082]

Luther, I think you are going a little bit over the edge there. You are not a guest here. We don't 'allow you' here any more than you 'allow' us here. It is not 'our' forum any more than it is 'your' forum.

Unless CF changes the definition for 'single', you are technically a single gentleman. Please, please, please do not view yourself to be an 'outsider' due to the other thread.

The jury is still out on whether we'll get a sub forum for those not exclusively dating, and even if we do....this one would still exist!

Ok but I want to be curtious to all those people who arn't with someone.

 

[Keri]

Mass response... G101, yes I did have PM's turned off.. they are back on now. Flashlight, I agree. Ian you are still random. Sing, thank you, you are sweet. G101, no it wasn't from an ex. It was from someone that I hardly know on here and have never talked to in PM or IM before. flnativegirl, I'm not going to apologize for something I didn't do. futuredoc and Balugon, thanks. . Kirk, I already talked to you in IM about that post. Auncy and YIV43, thanks! And G101, I agree. We're both still technically "single".

 

[Laurie919]

People are too PETTY!!!!!! If they are that jealous God is never going to bless them with someone to take mushy pics with and it isn't mushy. Mushy would be if you took it while tounge wrestling or something.

If that is the case I should take mine down for people who desire kids and don't have them.

People with blonde hair should not put theirs up because people that want blonde hair might be bothered by them....

I could go on and on. Doesn't the world we live in have real problems we should be concerned or at least in prayer about.

 

[puffca]

Consider this:
This is a fantastic picture. When I first saw it, I was like- “wow!”.
I saw Luther’s picture before, and saw your picture before. Honestly, they were just normal. But, in the thread that you posted this picture, the shining smile on your face, both of you, tells the joy and happiness that you share with each other and makes both of you beautiful. It was a very spiritually uplifting thread especially for people who know more or less about how you were before you met each other.

Now, this is the exact reason why I think it is not considerate to make it your avatar. When people just want to review the thread, this picture stands out by itself, over and over again. I know it’s not your intention to be annoying, but the result is each time I have to draw my eye balls back from the picture. Luther is much wiser to put it behind the little camera. Real gentlemen!

Honestly, this is probably not your fault. My background plays a role too. I was born and raised in a very conservative culture where physical contacts are very rare, sometimes considered imprudent, even among the families who share strong emotional ties. My dad has never touched my mom publicly, not even hands or shoulder, as I can remember.

I now understand (or at least willing to) the western culture, but my subconscious keeps telling me “hey, look at the right side of the page, these two are so intimate with each other in a single’s forum!”

Come back to the topic. It is your picture, it is your avatar. You have all the right to set the picture as avatar. However, I wouldn’t do that myself because I see the reason why it may annoy some people. It does not offend anybody. In my opinion, it just attracts too much attention.

By the way, I’m not sure if the person PMed you shares the same view with me. I just let you know my own opinion as you are asking. And, thanks for asking, I voted yes, although strictly speaking my answer is no, you don’t have to because you have all the right to do whatever you want to your avatar.

I love you guys, and am "jealous" of your relationship. God bless!
(Good luck with Luther's job searching if he is still doing so.)

 

[Gardener101]

I am always bowled over when I see people being so incredibly honest and open about their feelings on such sensitive issues. Puffca, I commend you for this. It had never crossed my mind that we have people on CF from non-Western cultures who struggle with the resulting cultural differences.

God bless you.

Consider this:
This is a fantastic picture. When I first saw it, I was like- “wow!”.
I saw Luther’s picture before, and saw your picture before. Honestly, they were just normal. But, in the thread that you posted this picture, the shining smile on your face, both of you, tells the joy and happiness that you share with each other and makes both of you beautiful. It was a very spiritually uplifting thread especially for people who know more or less about how you were before you met each other.

Now, this is the exact reason why I think it is not considerate to make it your avatar. When people just want to review the thread, this picture stands out by itself, over and over again. I know it’s not your intention to be annoying, but the result is each time I have to draw my eye balls back from the picture. Luther is much wiser to put it behind the little camera. Real gentlemen!

Honestly, this is probably not your fault. My background plays a role too. I was born and raised in a very conservative culture where physical contacts are very rare, sometimes considered imprudent, even among the families who share strong emotional ties. My dad has never touched my mom publicly, not even hands or shoulder, as I can remember.

I now understand (or at least willing to) the western culture, but my subconscious keeps telling me “hey, look at the right side of the page, these two are so intimate with each other in a single’s forum!”

Come back to the topic. It is your picture, it is your avatar. You have all the right to set the picture as avatar. However, I wouldn’t do that myself because I see the reason why it may annoy some people. It does not offend anybody. In my opinion, it just attracts too much attention.

By the way, I’m not sure if the person PMed you shares the same view with me. I just let you know my own opinion as you are asking. And, thanks for asking, I voted yes, although strictly speaking my answer is no, you don’t have to because you have all the right to do whatever you want to your avatar.

I love you guys, and am "jealous" of your relationship. God bless!
(Good luck with Luther's job searching if he is still doing so.)

 

[NotHardcore]

I just want to kind of show a little support to the person who PMed Keri...or something...

Now, by some miracle, I ended up getting into a relationship the same week that Kirk and Keri got together. Had I still been single, I would have been EXTREMELY depressed by news of their relationship. The presence of non-singles on the Singles Forum greatly bothered me. I wasn't jealous, I just wanted the Singles Forum to be more of a safe haven. When you're unhappy about being single, it's hard enough seeing people hold hands in real life, and to see people sort of virtually holding hands online in a forum designed for single people really irked me.

***
This is what I would have felt about the avatar when I was still single:

Seeing your avatar does bother me and I wish you wouldn't use that picture for your avatar. It reminds me of all the mushy threads you made when you and Luther first got together (even seeing the titles of those threads (not just reading them) greatly bothered me). The avatar, especially when paired with the little love smiley and the "In love with ____!!!!" that is usually under you and Kirk's screen names makes me feel very sad and wish that the Singles Forum still felt safe.
***


I dunno, it's just something to think about. Personally, I'm not too fond of people having mushy things in their signatures, avatars, or the space under their name if they're going to be posting in the Singles Forum often.