What's the proper way for married men to compliment another woman on her looks?

[Key]

I think if you're married, and the person you are complimenting isn't - stick with an item. Compliment her hair/dress/shoes whatever - but to say: "Wow, you're beautiful!" to another woman that isn't your wife, is well.....a little mean to your wife.

That is what I was trying to say in a nut shell.

 

[Speculative]

I've made it a personal policy to never comment on the looks of another woman. I really don't see any reason to. Why in heck would I want to tell some woman other than my wife (or mother or daughter) that their haircut/sweater/whatever looks good?

Whenever my opinion is solicited, I flat out tell them, "I don't comment on the appearance of other women."

Then they look at me funny. I kind of like that.

 

[moonkitty]

Maybe I'm in the minority, but I'm not upset/offended/threatened when my husband compliments another woman.

 

[Conservativation]

I do it by mopping the drool off the front of my shirt

 

[dorig59]

I don't think a husband should be complimenting other women on their appearance. That is my opinion, but what's the point of a married man complimenting some other woman? I think it's totally not his place to do that.

 

[h_lektronika]

Erm. I would personally be bothered if my husband told another woman she was cute or beautiful. A "you look lovely/nice" is sufficient. For a multitude of reasons, one being that the recipient of the compliment and the wife may both get the wrong idea....women have a tendency to read too much into compliments like that.

I personally wouldn't call another man handsome or cute. I know it would hurt my beloved, because compliments about the male physique are reserved for him. I wouldn't want to imply that I found someone more attractive than he was. Of course I notice good-looking men, but I prefer to keep my mouth shut unless I was absolutely positive it wouldn't hurt my husband.

Making him feel confident and attractive is more important to me than complimenting someone else. I'd rather not risk hurting him, it's not worth it.

 

[dorig59]

Erm. I would personally be bothered if my husband told another woman she was cute or beautiful. A "you look lovely/nice" is sufficient. For a multitude of reasons, one being that the recipient of the compliment and the wife may both get the wrong idea....women have a tendency to read too much into compliments like that.

I personally wouldn't call another man handsome or cute. I know it would hurt my beloved, because compliments about the male physique are reserved for him. I wouldn't want to imply that I found someone more attractive than he was. Of course I notice good-looking men, but I prefer to keep my mouth shut unless I was absolutely positive it wouldn't hurt my husband.

Making him feel confident and attractive is more important to me than complimenting someone else. I'd rather not risk hurting him, it's not worth it.

Well stated, you said it better than I.

 

[Singermom]

^
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Ditto!

 

[Key]

Maybe it is just me, but my wife tells me when she thinks actors and other friends of hers "look good" and I as a man look at them and go "Dang he does look good"

It might be a security or insecurity issue on this one, in that regard, go with what your wife wants, if she can't handle you telling another girl they are cute, then don't do it.

 

[ChristianGirl1286]

My first question would be: why do you feel that you need to compliment another woman? [wash my mouth]Did she ask you if she looks good? [wash my mouth]Do you think she posted the picture specifically to get compliments? [wash my mouth]Do you think complimenting her is going to benefit either of you in any way?

I personally don't like getting compliments about my appearance. [wash my mouth]Beauty isn't a rare thing, and there certainly isn't anything I've done to make myself look this way. [wash my mouth]I'd rather hear something like "Wow, you have such good grammar", or "My, you're intelligent.", or "You're so hysterical, I always walk away in stitches!". I could hear "You're beautiful" all day long, and it would do nothing for me, and would not raise that person any higher in my opinion.

Coincidentally, even if I ever did find someone other than my husband attractive (which I can't imagine), I would never in a million years say so--especially not to that person. [wash my mouth]It just seems...disrespectful.
[wash my mouth][wash my mouth]

 

[ChristianGirl1286]

Off topic: does anyone else see the words "wash my mouth" in my post? I didn't use any inappropriate words, and it didn't actually replace anything I said, so I'm curious as to why I'm seeing this?

 

[Singermom]

Off topic: does anyone else see the words "wash my mouth" in my post? I didn't use any inappropriate words, and it didn't actually replace anything I said, so I'm curious as to why I'm seeing this?

Yeah, I saw that, too. I was thinking, "Wow! THIS person is cheesed to the nth level!" Glad to know I'm wrong.

I had forgotten that there is one thing my husband does. There are a few teenaged girls in our church. For some reason they all look up to my husband as a protective uncle. He will sometimes make encouraging comments to them in that same light. For instance, there is one 14-year-old girl who is an incredible artist, and he has complimented her talent. (What is hilarious is that the teen BOYS all look at my husband as a protective uncle to the girls, and tend to watch their steps around him!)

 

[Speculative]

Just to be clear, I didn't come up with this policy out of some misguided belief that complimenting other women is disrespectful to my wife. I do it out of self-preservation.

This is just another of those pitfalls our ultra-feminist, anti-male society has placed in front of men. If you compliment a woman on her sweater, she'll automatically think you're looking at her boobs. If you compliment her on her pants, or skirt--you're looking at her rear end. If you compliment her on pretty much anything, she there is a high chance she just thinks you want to have sex with her and you are sexually harassing her.

This could create a lot of problems in a social setting like church or work, or even amongst friends. It's best to just not get involved.

I'm not saying all women are like this, but there are enough of them around that it's not worth the risk. Even many women who claim to be Christian have bought into the feminist ideology. I even see it here on this forum.

 

[Singermom]

If you compliment a woman on her sweater, she'll automatically think you're looking at her boobs. If you compliment her on her pants, or skirt--you're looking at her rear end. If you compliment her on pretty much anything, she there is a high chance she just thinks you want to have sex with her and you are sexually harassing her.

This reminds me of something that happened to my husband once. He was standing by his motorcycle in a parking lot, when a woman walked by. She was wearing VERY brief clothing: very short skirt, very tight top, etc. My husband turned his head to look. He was NOT oogling and made no comment, either verbally or through body language. I guess just turning his head was enough: she walked up to him and slapped him!

Here's the punchline: he still had his helmet on!

He told me that he wanted to say to her, "if you don't want to be LOOKED at, maybe you shouldn't DRESS like you want to be looked at."

I'll admit that most of the things I mentioned earlier (how he prefers me with him when he comments & such) are HIS personal rules. He strongly believes in propriety and doesn't want things to be taken the wrong way, either by me or the other party. He's also kinda shy.

 

[blythe_ann]

LOL, I bet the poor girls hand hurt after that! Smacking a helmet is probably painful.

We used to live near a big motorcycle rally event that is known for it's innappropriate dress/behavior/everything. We were driving home during the event just a few weeks ago, and I noticed a girl ahead of us had a large tattoo on her back. "That's a crazy shirt," I commented, thinking it was lace or something in the design of a dragon all down her back. Unfortunately, we were almost past her, so when my husband looked to see what I was talking about we were right beside her.
"That's not a shirt, it's a tattoo." He said after looking very quickly at her, I noticed her flipping him off as he said, very embarrassed. "She isn't wearing a shirt... at all."

I couldn't believe she was mad that he looked in her direction. Wear a shirt on a public road lady!

 

[poohgirl]

I compliment women and men on a regular basis. I have no problem with my husband telling a woman she looks nice wearing a certain color or her new haircut looks nice on her etc.., but saying she looks pretty cute directly to her I don't think so. Alot of women on the receiving end of that comment could take it way wrong even. My husband might say she is a pretty woman though and I think it's okay.

I have told women I'm around that hey you look like a total knock out in that outfit with your hair done or you look or smell fantastic etc, but that's me a woman telling that to another woman. As far as complimenting men I usually say something about a color they are wearing, nice tie at church, nice haricut or you smell nice briefly. As far as men or women on facebook or on a forum posting a picture I may say you look really nice or hey you are an attractive man or woman, then move along.

I think short and sweet, keeping your spouse and the other person in mind as to what is respectful and what is not is a good policy.

 

[Autumnleaf]

Don't do it if it has to do with sexyness. If it has to do with a sense of style go for it.

 

[Conservativation]

Don't do it if it has to do with sexyness. If it has to do with a sense of style go for it.

You mean when I leer up and down, slowly, shake my head and say HOTT, and walk away thats no good?

 

[Romanseight2005]

Don't do it if it has to do with sexyness. If it has to do with a sense of style go for it.

I agree with this completely! If a man or a woman comments to the other sex about anything sexual, or sexually attractive, it could quite easily be taken as a come on. Frankly, I wouldn't find it appropriate if a man said you look hot, after eying me up and down. I don't want men thinking of me that way, and if they are, I don't want to hear about it. However, if they said they liked my haircut, or color of sweater,or even a general, you look nice today, that would be ok.

 

[dorig59]

You mean when I leer up and down, slowly, shake my head and say HOTT, and walk away thats no good?

LOL, Cons, you're such a riot!!