What's the proper way for married men to compliment another woman on her looks?

[shinbits]

Or maybe married men shouldn't compliment other women on how they look at all? Ladies, what do you think?

On Facebook, I have a lot of female friends who post absolutely gorgeous pics of themselves, but I feel ashamed if I compliment them, like maybe they'll think "oh, what a jerk, the dude's married"....

Ladies, how could another married man compliment your looks in a way that you wouldn't be offended, and how could your husband compliment another woman in a way that wouldn't bother you?

 

[Singermom]

If it is something on-line, my husband and I will talk about it and usually I will say it on both of our behalf (my husband has a wonderful "eye" anyway...nothing disrespectful; just that he can tell what cut/color/etc. looks good on people).

If it is live, either he will say it with me right there (after aforementioned talk), or ask me to say it.

It will usually be something very specific, like, "You look very nice in that picture," or "that color looks good on you".

I'm the more outgoing, impulsive one, so odds are I've already said something anyway.

 

[moonkitty]

As long as your compliment is polite and is said politely then I don't see how it could be offensive. Think about how you would compliment your mom or how you would like to have your mom/wife sister complimented by others.

"That blouse is lovely" is ok. "That blouse makes your breast look huge" is not ok. LOL.

 

[Conservativation]

I always wondered about the guy who used to compliment women on their posts, not pics

Hey, that post makes you hot

whats up with that?

 

[Key]

Ok first off.

"Wow you look good" is not offensive, as long as you both understand that it is just flattery and the man is showing proper consideration for a woman who takes care of herself.

For a man to complement another woman on her looks does not mean his own wife looks less lovely, or that he is some freak.

Remember, being married does not mean you died. A man still knows what a good looking woman looks like, and while the hope for most wives it to be counted in that group, that does not mean she is the ONLY woman in that group, or that he cannot look at another woman and appreciate her for being lovely.

Now, if you as a married man posted comments like "I'd do you" or "Dang woman I want some of that booty", Then Yah, that is really messed up.

Normally I complement things like hair, lips, eyes, the quality of the picture, pose, and the like.

IE: "The golden Highlights in your hair really shine well in this picture, and the blouse you are wearing brings out your eyes, I never noticed you had such lovely blue eyes"

Women put up pictures to be complemented, in FB, I view it as being a friend to tell them something nice, same as I would in person.

 

[Key]

I always wondered about the guy who used to compliment women on their posts, not pics

Hey, that post makes you hot

whats up with that?

They need help... Much Help...

 

[shinbits]

I once messaged a co-worker of mine on FB, and said the she was "pretty cute". She had all of a sudden stopped working there for some reason never made clear, and it was something I threw in there, along with saying that she had a great personality. My wife read it, and said she was "hurt" by it. I didn't think it was a big deal, but she took it to heart.

Now, this was in a private message (my wife logs on my FB all the time, and reads everything), so it wasn't like I was swooning over her in front of others on FB which could cause her embarrassment. But she was still upset.

So, what do you think? Can I say another woman is "pretty cute"? Would any of you ladies be offended? (Obviously, regardless of the answer, I can't say another woman is "pretty cute", because my wife has already expressed that it bothers her. But I'm just asking.)

 

[Key]

I once messaged a co-worker of mine on FB, and said the she was "pretty cute". She had all of a sudden stopped working there for some reason never made clear, and it was something I threw in there, along with saying that she had a great personality. My wife read it, and said she was "hurt" by it. I didn't think it was a big deal, but she took it to heart.

Now, this was in a private message (my wife logs on my FB all the time, and reads everything), so it wasn't like I was swooning over her in front of others on FB which could cause her embarrassment. But she was still upset.

So, what do you think? Can I say another woman is "pretty cute"? Would any of you ladies be offended? (Obviously, regardless of the answer, I can't say another woman is "pretty cute", because my wife has already expressed that it bothers her. But I'm just asking.)

Your wife needs to take a breather, if my wife got offended by my saying a girl was "pretty cute" well, I never would have married her. Sorry girls, but guys are not blind, just a fact of life and you will have to deal with it.

Tell your wife I said that too. Men do not Die the day they get married, and trying to reign them in like that just puts stress on the relationship and makes them want to cut you out of their life, because you are too controlling.

Now, as for the pretty cute comment. Ok, I don't see the problem, but I would have done a bit more then that.

Like for example, explain why she is pretty cute? Is it the hair? the Smile? The skin tone, the outfit? What is it that makes her "pretty cute"

Allow me to explain.

"Bow Wow Momma! You smoking!" Is not really a good comment from a married man.

"You look like you have been working out and that dress does a wonderful job to accent your thigh development!" shows that you are looking at her as more then a HPOA.

Just saying.

 

[blythe_ann]

I think the best compliment I ever received was from a gentleman from church. He came up to my husband and said "my, you have such a lovely wife". I didn't feel uncomfortable at all, and my husband felt complimented more than I did! I always think of his words when I get dressed almost every morning, because I always want people to think my husband was a "lovely wife".

I think tasteful compliments are really great ways of blessing a woman's life. A simple "you look very nice today" can do wonders to a persons outlook and isn't going to anger a spouse, unless that spouse hasn't heard something like that or nicer recently .

 

[ImperialPhantom]

I once messaged a co-worker of mine on FB, and said the she was "pretty cute". She had all of a sudden stopped working there for some reason never made clear, and it was something I threw in there, along with saying that she had a great personality. My wife read it, and said she was "hurt" by it. I didn't think it was a big deal, but she took it to heart.

Now, this was in a private message (my wife logs on my FB all the time, and reads everything), so it wasn't like I was swooning over her in front of others on FB which could cause her embarrassment. But she was still upset.

So, what do you think? Can I say another woman is "pretty cute"? Would any of you ladies be offended? (Obviously, regardless of the answer, I can't say another woman is "pretty cute", because my wife has already expressed that it bothers her. But I'm just asking.)

Oh dude! you do NOT go behind your wife's back and message another girl saying she's cute, I don't care what the reason is. I don't care if it was just a throw in, that's something that will hurt or offend about 98% of wives out there, and really, it's better just to not do it. You're not one of her girlfriends, so you can't get away with it. There is almost zero chance of making that ok, and honestly, I wouldn't try to be one of the tiny tiny tiny tiny minority. Don't do it dude.

 

[shinbits]

Oh dude! you do NOT go behind your wife's back and message another girl saying she's cute, I don't care what the reason is. I don't care if it was just a throw in, that's something that will hurt or offend about 98% of wives out there, and really, it's better just to not do it. You're not one of her girlfriends, so you can't get away with it. There is almost zero chance of making that ok, and honestly, I wouldn't try to be one of the tiny tiny tiny tiny minority. Don't do it dude.

In the very post you quoted, I said that my wife checks my FB all the time. I know this. It's not "going behind her back" if she constantly checks all my messages, posts, etc. I made that compliment KNOWING that she'd eventually run into it. I just didn't think it was a big deal at the time I typed it.

 

[Niffer]

Bizarrely, this has never come up.
My husband has never really...well complimented another woman, in a way that I have noticed.
I just asked him and he remembers one time when a married, mutual friend of ours (female) came to church with a new haircut and Remi said something along the lines of "that looks cute!" ....I have no problem with that -I was actually impressed he even noticed!

That being said though, if he was posting on FB on single women's pictures.."That picture of you is GORGEOUS!" ....I'd be a little weirded out.
I certainly wouldn't be posting all over my male friends pics about how "handsome/hot/gorgeous" they are.
It send the wrong message.

However, if I notice one of my guy friend actually does look good in a pic, I pick an item like: "That is a great suit!" "I love your hat!" "Pretty fancy getup! Quite the shoes!" ....all totally acceptable, nice compliments imho.

So, my 2 cents.

- Niff

 

[ImperialPhantom]

In the very post you quoted, I said that my wife checks my FB all the time. I know this. It's not "going behind her back" if she constantly checks all my messages, posts, etc. I made that compliment KNOWING that she'd eventually run into it. I just didn't think it was a big deal at the time I typed it.

Well then, replace "going behind her back" with "completely not thinking things through on your part". It's common sense that calling another girl "cute" is completely inappropriate for a married man to do. How do you not realize this? You still to this very day seem like you defend yourself. And obviously I don't know everything, but to me this just seems like one of those really, really obvious things. How would you think your wife would see that and think that's okay? I'm really curious.

 

[dallasapple]

I agree..I have mixed feelings..I think the "your pretty cute" on FB is a 50 /50 LOL!!

I guess I wouldnt care I would just go put on a red dress and high heels and tell my husband Im "going out" talk to your "prety cute" friend on face book..LOL!!!

Bye bye..see ya later.....

love

Dallas

 

[shinbits]

It's common sense that calling another girl "cute" is comletely inappropriate for a married man to do. How do you not realize this?.

Ahem:

one time when a married, mutual friend of ours (female) came to church with a new haircut and Remi said something along the lines of "that looks cute!" ....I have no problem with that -I was actually impressed he even noticed!

You were saying, phantom?

 

[ImperialPhantom]

Ahem:


You were saying, phantom?

Easy. He said "that looks cute" (that being the haircut). He didn't tell a girl that "she was pretty cute". Night and day difference.

 

[Niffer]

I can understand what Shinbits is saying, and I don't think its wrong to compliment another woman if you're married.
I do think it totally depends on how/why/where.

I think if you're married, and the person you are complimenting isn't - stick with an item. Compliment her hair/dress/shoes whatever - but to say: "Wow, you're beautiful!" to another woman that isn't your wife, is well.....a little mean to your wife.
Those are compliments that really belong to her, don't they?

But if you said: "I think your new haircut is really cute on you!" Then you're being kind and observant.

There is a way to say things. I'm sure if your wife came up to one of your good-looking single guy friends and said: "Wow, you're so handsome." I bet it'd bug you a little.....

Phantom - while I can agree and understand exactly what you're saying, there IS a way to compliment the opposite sex thats totally fine.
And I can see you know that by your last post!
But sarcasm never wins a debate and you catch more flies with honey than vinegar, my friend!

Okay, so here's another question:
Is it too much of a risk to compliment a single person? Male or female?
Can it be seen as inappropriate?

- Niff

 

[Aimiel]

You mean there are other women on this planet besides my wife?

 

[Niffer]

You mean there are other women on this planet besides my wife?

*snerk* ftw.

 

[shinbits]

I can understand what Shinbits is saying, and I don't think its wrong to compliment another woman if you're married.
I do think it totally depends on how/why/where.

I think if you're married, and the person you are complimenting isn't - stick with an item. Compliment her hair/dress/shoes whatever - but to say: "Wow, you're beautiful!" to another woman that isn't your wife, is well.....a little mean to your wife.
Those are compliments that really belong to her, don't they?

But if you said: "I think your new haircut is really cute on you!" Then you're being kind and observant.

There is a way to say things. I'm sure if your wife came up to one of your good-looking single guy friends and said: "Wow, you're so handsome." I bet it'd bug you a little.....

Phantom - while I can agree and understand exactly what you're saying, there IS a way to compliment the opposite sex thats totally fine.
And I can see you know that by your last post!
But sarcasm never wins a debate and you catch more flies with honey than vinegar, my friend!

Okay, so here's another question:
Is it too much of a risk to compliment a single person? Male or female?
Can it be seen as inappropriate?

- Niff

Good points here.

I guess I'll do that in the future. I'll compliment items (clothes, hair, etc.) instead of the actual person.

And to answer your question, it should be okay to compliment a single person, if the above rule is followed.

Thanx for your input.