What's on your mind?

[public hermit]

I agree and I’ve never met a man who thinks that way or says the same. If the longing for physical intimacy wasn't real you wouldn’t have a porn problem.

Right, it is God intended. I don't know how Christians got so far off track. Waiting until marriage doesn't make it sinful. It just means God created it to function well within certain conditions. But it has been treated as something that is sinful, but unavoidable. Traditionally, that is (like, Augustine).

 

[bèlla]

But it's sad they're not focusing on emotion!! What the heck? No spirituality I can understand, but not emotion?!?!?!? The whole dumb thing should be emotional.

Several years ago I conducted a test with random men on the street and coffee shops. I wanted to demonstrate an importance difference about the sexes to my daughter. I queried men of various ages and ethnicities and asked them one question: Do you have Oprah moments?

I didn’t need to explain what I meant. They understood. I was referencing over emotionalism and “girlfriend moments” many craved from their partner.

But most men aren’t wired that way. They don’t emote all the time or have long winded discussions about their feelings. That’s how women act.

An emotional approach to intimacy denies the physical. Both are important. It creates a balance you wouldn’t have without it. God created men with a regard for physical sensations and activities. There’s nothing wrong with that. Downplaying and dismissing it denies their makeup. His divine artistry.

 

[bèlla]

Right, it is God intended. I don't know how Christians got so far off track. Waiting until marriage doesn't make it sinful. It just means God created it to function well within certain conditions. But it has been treated as something that is sinful, but unavoidable. Traditionally, that is (like, Augustine).

There’s a lot of shame and reproach around the subject. They emphasize procreation and holiness to minimize the power physical connections foster.

You see similar behavior about romance. You’ll hear marriage is a ministry and the like. It downplays the reasons people pledge themselves to one another.

The denial of self is commonplace. Few marry for altruism and the want to minister to someone. They don’t put up with you because they’re good. They’re getting something out of it.

 

[DragonFox91]

Several years ago I conducted a test with random men on the street and coffee shops. I wanted to demonstrate an importance difference about the sexes to my daughter. I queried men of various ages and ethnicities and asked them one question: Do you have Oprah moments?

I didn’t need to explain what I meant. They understood. I was referencing over emotionalism and “girlfriend moments” many craved from their partner.

But most men aren’t wired that way. They don’t emote all the time or have long winded discussions about their feelings. That’s how women act.

I have no idea what you're talking about w/ 'Oprah moments' & 'girlfriend moments'.

You're absolutely right men tend not to emote all the time or have long winded discussions about their feelings. I think that's one of the reasons I desire a female partner or don't mind getting 'friend-zoned.' I am emotional. Men I know tend to have the emotional transparency of a rock. It's definitely not always easy for me to express emotions tho. I think that maybe what you're getting at? IDK, I just know I tend to be more emotional-based.

An emotional approach to intimacy denies the physical. Both are important. It creates a balance you wouldn’t have without it. God created men with a regard for physical sensations and activities. There’s nothing wrong with that. Downplaying and dismissing it denies their makeup. His divine artistry.

I don't see how, but I wouldn't know. I think it would strengthen it.

Yes, but there's just times & places for the desire.

 

[public hermit]

Men I know tend to have the emotional transparency of a rock

See, now if I had feelings that would have hurt them.

I know I have emotions (who doesn't?). I can talk about how I'm feeling. But I have learned not to operate based on what I feel. The heart has reasons that reason doesn't know. And if reason doesn't know it, it's probably not a good reason. I have learned that my emotions don't always track reality, and it has gotten me in trouble. So, grain of salt when it comes to feelings, imo.

 

[DragonFox91]

I know I have emotions (who doesn't?). I can talk about how I'm feeling. But I have learned not to operate based on what I feel. The heart has reasons that reason doesn't know. And if reason doesn't know it, it's probably not a good reason. I have learned that my emotions don't always track reality, and it has gotten me in trouble. So, grain of salt when it comes to feelings, imo.

I'm just saying since men don't really emote as much, my emotional desire goes unfilled. That's good you don't let emotions drive you & you can make rational decisions.

Plus I said their emotional transparency is like a rock, not that they don't have emotions.
You're doing great expressing your emotions on here. I like that.

 

[public hermit]

They emphasize procreation and holiness to minimize the power physical connections foster.

That's probably right, which to me is foolish. It only makes the itch more intense. Deny the pull of the physical, or treat it as taboo, and it only gains strength.

The denial of self is commonplace. Few marry for altruism and the want to minister to someone. They don’t put up with you because they’re good. They’re getting something out of it.

I agree, absolutely. It confuses Christian love, which is given whether or not it's reciprocated, and the mutual giving and receiving intended for marriage. Category error! Fail!

 

[public hermit]

I'm just saying since men don't really emote as much, my emotional desire goes unfilled. That's good you don't let emotions drive you & you can make rational decisions.

Plus I said their emotional transparency is like a rock, not that they don't have emotions.
You're doing great expressing your emotions on here. I like that.

Well, I'm really old, so...

No, I hear you. You're right. I was trying to be witty.

 

[bèlla]

See, now if I had feelings that would have hurt them.

You’re a hoot. You deserve some Scotch!

I have learned that my emotions don't always track reality, and it has gotten me in trouble. So, grain of salt when it comes to feelings, imo.

Exactly. That’s the primary reason I went back to the drawing board on dating. What I feel and what I can live with aren’t one in the same. What I’m willing to do for you or set aside on your behalf is more telling than emotions. That’s my litmus now.

 

[public hermit]

You deserve some Scotch!

Okay, twist my arm...that's enough.

 

[DragonFox91]

Man, all this talk of drinking today & last night makes me want to drink. I have some cheap, low- alcohol content beer, but want something a little stronger, just to relax.

 

[bèlla]

That's probably right, which to me is foolish. It only makes the itch more intense. Deny the pull of the physical, or treat it as taboo, and it only gains strength.

Women receive the brunt of it. Few deny male urges but we’re expected to be asexual. I suspect there’s a correlation to goddess cults and matriarchy in the church’s stance.

I agree, absolutely. It confuses Christian love, which is given whether or not it's reciprocated, and the mutual giving and receiving intended for marriage. Category error! Fail!

God influences our behavior but He isn’t the only reason we act. Personal investment is the tipping point. But that touches on free will which is problematic for some. We’re not automatons.

 

[public hermit]

Man, all this talk of drinking today & last night makes me want to drink. I have some cheap, low- alcohol content beer, but want something a little stronger, just to relax.

When I was your age I bought cheap because I had a goal, and it wasn't taste.

These days I buy good stuff and moderate. Well, I say moderate. I'm just too old for hangovers so I just outgrew it, lol. Seriously, good stuff tastes better and is usually better for you.

*jumps off his unearned soap box*

 

[public hermit]

Women receive the brunt of it. Few deny male urges but we’re expected to be asexual

Ain't that the truth.

influences our behavior but He isn’t the only reason we act. Personal investment is the tipping point

God wants us to be fulfilled, in every way. That includes self, haha. And, that's the promise. It's just the messed up way of folks that keeps it from happening. I don't think God is stingy. Self-fulfillment glorifies God. But, I get what you're saying.

 

[DragonFox91]

When I was your age I bought cheap because I had a goal, and it wasn't taste.

One of the reasons I'm saving it. As I was saying yesterday, I don't think it's a problem as long as it's done only on the occasion.

 

[bèlla]

These days I buy good stuff and moderate. Well, I say moderate. I'm just too old for hangovers so I just outgrew it, lol. Seriously, good stuff tastes better and is usually better for you.

Seriously. Especially with spirits. You’ll be in a world of hurt buying cheap.

I worked with an avid vodka drinker in college. She advised me on stocking my bar. She mentioned the importance of quality and noted the likelihood of young friends lacking an appreciation for the same.

She told me to get less expensive items for company (my age). She said they’d run through the good stuff like water.

 

[public hermit]

She told me to get less expensive items for company (my age). She said they’d run through the good stuff like water

Lol, that makes a lot of sense.

 

[bèlla]

Lol, that makes a lot of sense.

That was during my foodie days. I participated in several communities online and had a list for the ultimate bar. I was young and giddy and happy to fill it. But she gave me a reality check and recommended restraint.

Eventually, I got into wine and stemware. I asked for a wine refrigerator for Christmas and two sets of Riedel. There were four glasses in the set. I got into cheese and charcuterie. It was a wonderful time of discovery.

What do you like about scotch?

 

[public hermit]

What do you like about scotch?

When I was running the roads, an old man told me I should settle down and sip Scotch. When I got tired of being tired, I took his advice.

I just acquired the taste. I will say that I bought a bottle of Laphroaig a bit back. It's like sucking on peat moss, lol. No kidding. I still have a full bottle, haha.

 

[bèlla]

When I was running the roads, an old man told me I should settle down and sip Scotch. When I got tired of being tired, I took his advice.

Scotch is meant to be savored. You don’t need much. And at this point you deserve something good.

I just acquired the taste. I will say that I bought a bottle of Laphroaig a bit back. It's like sucking on peat moss, lol. No kidding. I still have a full bottle, haha.

LOL I remember the first time I had a mint julep. I made a Derby spread and watched the race. I took a sip and said whoa! Now I understand the glassy-eyed looks you see as the day wears on.

Which brands do you like the most? I must be prepared.