Whoa ..... Never mind. They require a
Bachelor's in chemistry at minimum (I only have a minor), AND 5+ years of experience in
repair of lab instrumentation as well as calibration and reading. Oh, I can do the latter two no problem, but precious few are the moments in which my genius and experience has enabled me to bring back a spectrophotometer or titrator from the brink of death.

Even as a former employer who had to leave on good terms, I sincerely doubt they will accept my falling just below the mark on both of these requirements.