What's on your mind?

[bèlla]

Yes, I think your right. I was awoken with thoughts/vision at 2 am that were not my own and I'd never seen before. I think I know what I need to do, its a matter of either deleting or letting him fade. I think my response about what makes me tick or that I don't answer every message right away probably repels the guy that has "a soft spot for those in need".

What was the vision like?

Maybe he likes the attention. They'll turn to him for comfort and reassurance. I don't believe in entering relationships in that state. It's a good way to be exploited. If I'm hurting I need to heal.

Yes, and I hope to find someone like the guy that I went on a date with in September that said he saw my condition as a ministry. But I'm not sure if they are just words.

Look at Joni Eareckson Tada. They exist. Your condition doesn't have you bed bound. You're active and doing the things you enjoy. It isn't full-time care.

Yes, and interestingly the guy I dated in the spring said the same thing happened with his step-mom, she squandered millions after his fathers death and that's one of the reasons he inherited a time-share that he goes once a year. I've never heard stories like this till this year.

The worst situation I heard involved a widow. After her husband died she met someone. I can't recall if she met him online. But she allowed him to manage her assets; including the children's inheritance. He made bad investments and lost their inheritance. Every penny.

 

[sampa]

What was the vision like?

I'd rather not say.

Maybe he likes the attention. They'll turn to him for comfort and reassurance. I don't believe in entering relationships in that state. It's a good way to be exploited. If I'm hurting I need to heal.

Not sure, but as hard as it was (3x tried) I deleted and blocked him. Immediately I found the info I had been trying to find before of his full name and background info. It sounds like he has some records (most likely financial) and he's accomplished. After I deleted him, I heard the words "that was a test". Both him and the other guy from the day before. I feel great relief.

You need to see his payment history, spending habits, and income to debt ratio. Is he living above his means? Does he pay his bills on time? How's his credit? Any bankruptcies? If you're stable that's a jackpot for someone who isn't.

Very true. The date in September I had done a background check before our first conversation by phone and what he said lined up with what I found. Such a conversation between the dates in the Spring and Fall. So much more character from the September date and gives me a good example to see going forward.

Test the bling too. What are his tastes? Thrifty, moderate, luxury? Ask his favorite brands (clothing, shoes, etc.) and ideal hobbies if money wasn't an option. Many people have expensive tastes but they can't afford it. But when they can they'll buy it.

Yes, for sure.

That's the kind of initiative and honesty you want in a spouse. I'm not into cloak and dagger practices. I let the person reveal what they want to. I make judgment calls based on their behavior and disclosures. I'm not looking up anything. If he wants me to know him he'll share it on his own.

I'm pretty much the same, where I let them reveal, but I do at least some base line checks before talking.

 

[bèlla]

So glad that you have the support, that's awesome!

Thank you.

I can understand. I'll be praying.

Thank you. Hopefully, I settle soon. And so do you.

Very good questions. I'm sure you've established all of your own. I'm not sure if you wanted me to list it here, but I did as a motivation to do it.

I was thinking out loud. That's for the fellas.

I think we'll see more people gathering at home. I have a similar desire to minister to the lost. Mentorship is good. Maybe the Lord is preparing you now for the things you've mentioned. He'll provide the resources and setting. Keep the faith.

I like your approach to goals. I use a bucket list as a catchall. I break them into themes and ladder them. I work backwards from the longest to the least. Each year I tackle short, mid, and long-term goals.

Its like my wILL is so strong that the Lord keeps me in lower positions to create humility in me.

We have similar experiences. I would have been happy as a stay-at-home wife. I believe the Lord knew I'd choose it over school if I married first. He established my purpose and work beforehand.

I've found ways around what I couldn't do, like having a tea party and having someone I knew that did missions in the UK be the speaker. I'll have another one virtually for my birthday next year with a speaker. And during the pandemic, I planned out trips to many locations and foods I'd not tried before while accomplishing my running training plan.

I love tea parties!! That's really creative. I like the way you've made the most of things. This is a difficult time but there's a lot we can do if we're willing to think outside the box.

The biggest is getting through everything, out of snowplowing so I can sort through my photos/albums and revisit the videos I used to take and do some editing. Maybe produce videos that translate my stories into teachings/short films.

You're on your way. You'll get your story out there.

I have not desire to build anything, but my biological father always dreamed of building a HOUSE OF JOSEPH. I think the idea was for those in need. Given the money and the question asked of me, I would start with that and continue his legacy with the help of my sister being involved.

That's a wonderful way to honor his memory. That's the kind of mission I'm referencing. Leaving the world a little better.

Of coarse I want others to remember for the spirit of Christ and impacting others for eternal glory. That quality of life is more important than quantity. And many times that investment is not in material things. That my prayers impact and uplift those in need. And if anything living a life that was outside the norm, one that inspiring life changing movies are made of.

Yep. I agree. I want people to know that God is real and its never too late to step into your destiny. My life is a testament of the passage all things are possible. There's a lot I've done I shouldn't have. You'd expect a different ending. But the Lord rewrote the story for His glory.

 

[bèlla]

After I deleted him, I heard the words "that was a test". Both him and the other guy from the day before. I feel great relief.

What do you think you were being tested about?

The date in September I had done a background check before our first conversation by phone and what he said lined up with what I found.

I would only do a background check on someone I planned to settle down with and they’d know about. I wouldn’t do it on a prospect.

I believe everyone is entitled to their privacy. Talking to me doesn’t mean that’s fair game. You can plant information online and scrub it too. You need to hire a professional. Anything I request I’m willing to undergo. It isn’t one-sided.

 

[sampa]

What do you think you were being tested about?

Time will tell. I need to be spending time in the word for discernment. Some of it looks very similar to what I experienced back in May, seeing red flags but sort of brushing It off. I put my feelings aside, and basically went with my past painful experience and not wanting to go through something like that again.

would only do a background check on someone I planned to settle down with and they’d know about. I wouldn’t do it on a prospect.

I will respect your opinion. But I'd rather go into something informed. I just found out some bad information about someone, but I will give them a chance if they wish to tell me about it. It's not a perspective suitor but someone who can't relocate but may come in my area to go running with me.I will be praying and using discernment and wisdom on this one.

 

[bèlla]

Time will tell. I need to be spending time in the word for discernment. Some of it looks very similar to what I experienced back in May, seeing red flags but sort of brushing It off. I put my feelings aside, and basically went with my past painful experience and not wanting to go through something like that again.

Was ignoring it the right thing to do?

But I'd rather go into something informed. I just found out some bad information about someone, but I will give them a chance if they wish to tell me about it. It's not a perspective suitor but someone who can't relocate but may come in my area to go running with me.I will be praying and using discernment and wisdom on this one.

Maybe you should meet people in your vicinity. Meetup and fitness apps have gatherings in public places. I wouldn’t meet a stranger from the Internet and go running. The people I’ve met in person I’ve spoken to a long time. Save two and they were local.

The only way I’d do something along those lines is at a conference. They arrange events and I’d go with a group. I give greater latitude in business circles because getting feedback is easy. We’re connected and run in similar circles.

Be careful. Don’t be surprised if they don’t come clean. They don’t expect you to look.

 

[sampa]

Was ignoring it the right thing to do?

No, back in the spiritual warfare thread you advised me that I need to possibly repent and heed the Holy Spirit. That advice has stuck with me, and I think I'm getting a repeat experience with dreams and visions like I had back in May. So I'm trying to build off of that and make the right decisions.

I wouldn’t meet a stranger from the Internet and go running. T

I understand. I've probably been meeting strangers from the internet, even a couple through this forum since the late 90s. I've usually had pretty good intuition about people and they turned out exactly as I had predicted after a time of getting to know them. Of course there's some surprises, but for safety sake it has worked out.

Be careful. Don’t be surprised if they don’t come clean. They don’t expect you to look

Yes, you're right. Right after I found out that information and also related to another brother in Christ, A local friend was brought to mind. He's a brother in Christ I had met through singles ministry. We had car pooled sometimes to the study and ministry. A 30 MI one-way trip. some years later he asked me to be a reference for his landlord, he had recently moved. I told him he was great and she was very nervous because she had an aggressive prior tenant. The landlord liked me from the phone conversation and said she wanted to meet me for dinner. A few days later A friend told me of something he had done in anger that got him kicked out of his apartment. We met up, and she told me that he had spilled out everything to him. We remain friends at a distance and he has used me as a reference to get a job where I work, but he didn't last but a month. I think he has mental issues. Anyways I think the heart is the important thing of the issue. He knows he has a problem and is willing to admit it.

And this new friend and brother in Christ that I have been talking to, he advised me that sometimes when a marriage is ending you'll do crazy things and he relayed his own experience.

And that is very true. The guy that I was dating last spring, he came out and told me right away about his first wife charging him with domestic abuse but that it was a false charge and she admitted it and never showed up in court. And he also let me know about his temper that he needed to have medication for.

It has been kind of a reality check that we all probably have some crazy in our past. But I also need to use wisdom and discernment going forward.

I don't know if I ever will go running with this guy, it was just an invitation I made a few months ago if he was back in his university area. And the little that I have gleaned from him it sounds like he has a repentant heart. He said he was in tears because the teacher of his kids said that he had a good heart and that she knows he's trying to be a good father.

I like what I read in the one guy's profile that said about checking our baggage at the curb. That we all come with some kind of baggage, but we need to leave it behind and move forward. Anyways that was a long thought. But I really need to get myself centered in the word to be sure that I'm making the right decisions.

 

[bèlla]

No, back in the spiritual warfare thread you advised me that I need to possibly repent and heed the Holy Spirit. That advice has stuck with me, and I think I'm getting a repeat experience with dreams and visions like I had back in May. So I'm trying to build off of that and make the right decisions.

Okay, now I understand.

I understand. I've probably been meeting strangers from the internet even through this forum since the late 90s.

So have I. But we don’t live in that world anymore. The technology that exists today wasn’t available then.

It has been kind of a reality check that we all probably have some crazy in our past. But I also need to use wisdom and discernment going forward.

We’ve all made mistakes. Consequences is the difference. Some people don’t mind them.

I like what I read in the one guy's profile that said about checking our baggage at the curb That we all come with some kind of baggage, but we need to leave it behind and move forward. Anyways that was a long thought. But I really need to get myself centered in the word to be sure that I'm making the right decisions.

Just because a person believes in God doesn’t make them moral. Behavior is a choice. Change the circumstances and the outcome alters. Every one knows how far to go.

Character is my litmus. Not how much you quote the bible or profess a love for God. I look at your actions. Do they validate the things you’ve said or oppose them. I don’t believe everything I hear. No matter who’s talking. Christian or not.

 

[Tone]

We're already One.

John 17:21

*Looks at you*

 

[MehGuy]

Another Covid outbreak at my work.. this one sounds somewhat more serious. Although we've take on a lot more safety precautions since then. Besides needing to wear a mask we all have face shields now and all the doors are touchless. Still.. I might need to take a vacation from the place if things get worse.

 

[bèlla]

Another Covid outbreak at my work.. this one sounds somewhat more serious. Although we've take on a lot more safety precautions since then. Besides needing to wear a mask we all have face shields now and all the doors are touchless. Still.. I might need to take a vacation from the place if things get worse.

Can the job be performed remotely?

 

[MehGuy]

Can the job be performed remotely?

No.

 

[bèlla]

I wonder if there is a word for the opposite of idealizing. I was thinking, that to see someone as clear as possible, you have to neither idealize them as in having a positive bias, or do the opposite, exaggerate negatives. Probably more people have extreme biases toward groups than individuals because it's more likely for someone to attach a group to their identity either as an ally or an enemy.

Sober-minded comes close. What you’re referencing is fairness.

 

[bèlla]

Phew .... Two nights down. One more to go, and as I was leaving this morning it is already set up to be the most difficult one yet.

I hope you have vacation time coming up soon. And you’re resting.

 

[bèlla]

No.

It can’t hurt to make inquiries about remote positions while you’re there. Just in case things worsen.

 

[MehGuy]

It can’t hurt to make inquiries about remote positions while you’re there. Just in case things worsen.

Sadly this is my in-between job searching for an IT job. There are no remote positions for me there.

 

[bèlla]

Sadly this is my in-between job searching for an IT job. There are no remote positions for me there.

Maybe you should put out feelers for other opportunities. Even if they’re temporary.

 

[SarahsKnight]

I hope you have vacation time coming up soon. And you’re resting.

It looks like it will be continuing when I get back tomorrow night, too. It will be likely be weeks before the workload is caught up on, if they continue at this rate for another week or so. And I have to really save up vacation time until next August. Got, like, only 40 hours' worth.

What I am more worried about is the manager Nel griping us out anyway for not being able to magically keep up 100% despite it being too much work for two people per shift in my area right now, let alone one. God willing there will be no complaining emails from him or anyone else waiting for me when I get back tomorrow. Because not being appreciated - acting like I could somehow do better - despite working my tail off for 12 hours straight and for multiple days at a time, is what would really be my personal pet peeve at a time like this. But the Lord says not to worry. So I will try not to.

Thankfully an extra three hours' or so worth of work got done my last night there, on Monday, because a coworker named Haley did her best to step in and help from another lab when she had the lightest bit of downtime going on there. I took a few minutes before clocking out that morning to send my praise of her in an email to our two direct supervisors. I hope she feels appreciated for it, because I doubt very many others in the lab, were they in her position, would lift a finger to put in the extra effort to help another tech who is swamped, so long as they were not directly obligated to (which she wasn't), much less three hours' or so worth.

But for now, sangria on ice, and some gaming. ^-^

 

[bèlla]

Today’s Insight

• There are many things I’ve done that God didn’t tell me to do.
• Places I’ve gone He didn’t tell me to go.
• Connections I’ve forged He didn’t tell me to make.
• Actions I’ve taken (based on His insight) He didn’t tell me to begin.

Sometimes assumptions get the best of us. We move before we should. It’s best to ask.

 

[bèlla]

It looks like it will be continuing when I get back tomorrow night, too. It will be likely be weeks before the workload is caught up on, if they continue at this rate for another week or so. And I have to really save up vacation time until next August. Got, like, only 40 hours' worth.

That’s a hard pace to maintain. It sounds like you’re understaffed. Griping only dampens morale. It doesn’t inspire your best.

He’s a bad leader. He makes the unbearable worse and seems to delight in causing angst. If the Lord reassured you that’s more than enough.

I’m glad Haley pitched in. It was kind of her to do so.

Sangria and gaming sounds good. Enjoy your evening.