Based on my time here on CF. You don't get impressed easily and have very high standards. Since you have this man in such high esteem, I am curious what he looks like and what you walked away from?
In some respects we're a lot alike. We value substance and self-awareness. We're strong-willed, not easily influenced, and comfortable in our own skin. We're leaders and speak our minds. We have a talent for fixing broken things. Taking them from the depths to betterment. Because we're strong.
He's my equal in many ways. I don't have to carry him. He knows how to stand. He'll dig in his heels before he quits. He's not a coward or whiner. I respect that. I like a man who can suck it up and push through. Emotion has a place but flailing and pity pots aren't my forte.
I was attracted to his masculinity and mental prowess. He isn't weakened by a woman. He's bettered by her presence. But she doesn't define him. He knows how to walk alone and doesn't complain.
He's not a weak man. He has weaknesses. But he carries the ball. And he carries her too. And I like that. He had most of the qualities I desired in a companion. He was my ideal.
Engaging with men who lacked the same was difficult. They had the verses and bible studies. But that doesn't make you a CEO. When you're operating in a high level of vision and leadership its evident. You can't talk your way into it or believe it into existence. It's a lot of work and your life's a testimony.
I'm not the sort of person to put myself in someone's hands who doesn't know what he's doing. My self-preservation is too great. I have too much to lose. And while I love my partner he isn't my orbit or reason for being. My existence isn't dependent on him. Whether we rise or fall I'll survive. That's my DNA.
He wants to be first but God has that position. And he can't unseat Him. My calling put me on a different path. He knew a different bella. I changed. He had the white picket fence. The 1950s woman in the flesh. I wanted that with him.
But I can't build a house on a shoddy foundation. The cracks will show at some point. A kingdom divided can't stand. My faith would be a problem eventually. And that's not an option. He'll lose every time. I'll always choose Him.
I don't want a contest between my man and God. We must be united. If we aren't he isn't the one. Ever. My love for God exceeds my want for companionship. I'll forsake him if I must.
I questioned if He'd support my calling or try to change my mind. Would he walk with me or get in my way? I test that when I engage to determine if he's an asset or impediment to His will. Satan sends folks too. They look the part and have the words. But they're not the one I need.
I can understand why you didn't settle. If you recall our discourse. I didn't care if mystery woman was an atheist. But in the meantime since I wrote that, I have begun to understand the importance of having the same faith and having a holy bond.
Why would you accept less? What are you saying about yourself and your need for companionship by doing so? It reeks of desperation. If you're willing to punt God over a girl that's messed up. That's what you're doing. You can dress it up in pretty language. But the fact remains you chose her over Him. And you failed.
Flesh has nothing on Him. That's weakness. You have to crucify it. Bring the want under submission and don't allow it to dominate you. It cracks the whip and makes you jump. And you'll make a fool of yourself.
May I ask how marriage got rejected?
We didn't date. I turned him down several times. He persisted for years. Not obsessively. But the conversations always returned to that point. He told me he wanted forever until death. Children were an option too.
But I made a promise and its binding. I agreed to be His bondservant and I know what it means. Yielding isn't difficult. I enjoy it. That's what attracted him to me. I love to please and serve my man. I've invested years of study and training to refine it. To give him an exemplary experience in his home and person.
My singleness was a productive. I bring a lot to the table. That's why I don't struggle to meet men. I spent my time becoming a better person and helping others to do the same. I gave him someone he could be proud of. That's my standard. I desire the same from him.
I am asking this because I have prayed every day several times a day about me and mystery woman.
I don't understand your fixation with her. She's done nothing to earn the spot in your head. It shouldn't be granted haphazardly. She's done nothing to prove she's worthy of your focus. She's a shadow.
You dwell on her because you lack other options and believe they're impossible. That's beginning to change. It happened because you don't value yourself enough. You haven't come into possession of the real you. Your divine self beneath the layers. When you unearth it you'll come to your senses. You won't be ruled by it anymore.
I have asked God to either give me strenght to overcome this crush and downright prayed for God to rip these feelings out of me that I have towards mystery woman and to never let me think of her again if the crush I have does not please Him. I still have a crush on her, but she comes less around now than before. Now there is even less of a chance of me running into her. Should I consider this rejection or coincidense?
I want you to do something. When you rise and before you retire say these words. Thank you Lord. I'm enough. I'm getting better because of You. Do it every day.
Until you realize you're enough you'll put yourself in harms way. You'll attract the wrong people and make wrong alliances. You don't have to be perfect to be enough. You have to love yourself. Truly love yourself. That's the door.
You can't define yourself by your weaknesses or ailments. Stop claiming it. Stop dwelling on it. Get your mind off the lack. You've circled this mountain enough. You can't step into the promise if you're still in Egypt. Still in bondage. Let it go.
Don't allow anyone to bring you to this point. It weakens you. She's one of many. When you know who you are and walk in that spirit you'll understand there will be others. It's not the end of the world if she isn't it.
The game isn't over if you're alone. Silence that. Bear up. That's what it takes when you're at the helm. You take the hit. Right now your hit is being alone. Swallow the pill. Don't cry or moan. Take it and watch what happens. It won't break you. You'll be stronger.
You must learn to use adversity to your advantage. To become a boxer. Like Ali. Ducking and weaving. When the blow comes you get back up. Grinning and bloody. But standing.
A man
must stand.
And Happy International Women's Day to all the other ladies here!! 
