- Jun 9, 2016
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Ultimately every situation we are in has been allowed by God. So whether it was some kind of evil that brought you to the place you're at now, or whether it is something directly from God, in both circumstances God is still at the top allowing it to come to pass. He's always there. God never stops shepherding us, once you're his child he is always there. He's the good shepherd who does not abandon his sheep.Well I mean, it's not just the frustrations with that. It's that despite the money i have saved (I can easily make it a year living here in this house even if I am not 100% penny-pinching, maybe as much as 18 months), quitting this particular job regardless of how I feel it will help me be better off mentally is still a big step, especially when I think all men are pretty much hard-wired to want to work, or at least a small part of them. Even if that job objectively sucks. And it makes me doubtful about the future, especially in terms of the Spirit's guidance. Like, there's always that nagging feeling: what if it isn't Him? What if He has abandoned me to evil spirits and is leading me to a life of desolation and ruin, instead? But then I feel guilty over daring to think things like that, even in the emotion of the moment, because, honestly, how much more physical proof can He give me to show me it is Him? It's almost like I am already living by sight (so to speak) instead of faith! And here I am still having doubts about whether He loves me and is the One guiding me on this path? Even if for just a small time, likely because of stress and the problems with living with a mother who rolls her eyes at you when you declare that it is God guiding you down a path she doesn't personally like? Oh yeah, I saw her eyes roll when she turned her head. And I said no way I am putting up with that kind of disrespect. ... Honestly, I think half of me is hoping that she kicks me out of the house. Then I won't feel guilty about looking for a place of my own to live in the meantime while finishing the immigration process. It just means I will have a smaller time constraint before running out of money. But God helped me to weather times like this before, and I must have faith that He will again. Because ... when it comes down to it, we believers have nothing left if He isn't here taking care of us. Nothing.
I'd be hesitant however to have the belief that God must do x or must do y for us otherwise we have nothing. I know you didn't mean it in that way, so I'm in no way judging you or anything, just something I think is worth noting. God promises to take care of us, yes, but how he take cares of us is not written in stone. Paul was shipwrecked, Paul went hungry, Paul was beat, stoned. Believers have been homeless before, this is not something that does not happen. God does work by a case by case basis however, and He knows what some people can handle and what others can't. He knows what we need, what we want, what would cause us great pain, what would comfort us, etc. And so I think the more important thing is to just trust the character of God and not look to our situation to build on who God is, or who we are even. We don't want to think less of ourselves and less of who we are in God because of our circumstances, nor do we want to paint an image of God as wrathful or lacking compassion. We must establish who God is in our hearts and minds and then work out our situations and troubles from that angle.
I'm in no way suggesting you're about to be ship-wrecked, and I don't want to discourage you. I'm just trying to say to trust God and to trust your relationship with him no matter your circumstances. He will comfort you and he will guide you, scripture guarantees us that.
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