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Whats on your mind...?!

memoriesbymichelle

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Erase him and then it never existed. Isn't that the "normal" way? It stinks that the moderators don't give us the respect to understand that we can handle this and need to handle this. There was nothing bad in that post...except maybe that I actually told people how to find help or the truth of what happened was there. After talking to him daily for 10 days, I actually considered him a "friend" and miss talking to him.

I asked the Mod that closed his other thread if they closed the thank you thread and the reply I got back was " What was his name?"
I told them the name of the thread :confused:

I considered him a friend too blackribbon and I miss talking to him too. I only wish he would have written the letters to his sons that one day he said he couldn't. I cannot imagine how they must feel. My mom, when she had cancer, she talked to me one time about how she tried to get ahold of Dr. Kevorkian (she died in 1995) and how she thought about having someone shoot her but she didn't want them to go to jail. It was a very somber serious conversation. I felt so bad for her and I could not do a thing to change her situation. The only thing I could do was to listen
 
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blackribbon

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There is a chance they won't even know that their dad died. It depends on this family functions and how they deal with the death. He had no contact so their life might be continued like he exists. Pray for his ex-wife....she has a lot of healing to do.

The mod that closed his other thread is 26 years old so probably didn't even bother to even know what it was about. I turned down the offer to be mod at one point because I realize that it is a form of "playing god" over peoples lives. I don't think most people think that hard when putting on their *mod hat*...and definitely don't take the time to really read the threads in perspective. A few are good so I won't knock them all. And they are necessary..but on this forum, they pop up as some really strange times.
 
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I asked the Mod that closed his other thread if they closed the thank you thread and the reply I got back was " What was his name?"
I told them the name of the thread :confused:

I considered him a friend too blackribbon and I miss talking to him too. I only wish he would have written the letters to his sons that one day he said he couldn't. I cannot imagine how they must feel. My mom, when she had cancer, she talked to me one time about how she tried to get ahold of Dr. Kevorkian (she died in 1995) and how she thought about having someone shoot her but she didn't want them to go to jail. It was a very somber serious conversation. I felt so bad for her and I could not do a thing to change her situation. The only thing I could do was to listen

There is a chance they won't even know that their dad died. It depends on this family functions and how they deal with the death. He had no contact so their life might be continued like he exists. Pray for his ex-wife....she has a lot of healing to do.

The mod that closed his other thread is 26 years old so probably didn't even bother to even know what it was about. I turned down the offer to be mod at one point because I realize that it is a form of "playing god" over peoples lives. I don't think most people think that hard when putting on their *mod hat*...and definitely don't take the time to really read the threads in perspective. A few are good so I won't knock them all. And they are necessary..but on this forum, they pop up as some really strange times.

I did a little bit of thinking. Dan told us good-bye, a group of relative strangers. I suspect that he left a stack of love/apology letters to the people he cared about the most. I don't know when his boys will get these, but they most likely exist.


I feel the same way. I considered him a friend. When he posted the thread that was deleted, it was around 9:30pm, my time. I saw it at just after 10:30pm, and he had already gone offline. He had an fb account (the link was on his CF profile contact info, so I sent him a friend request almost two weeks ago), and we had spoken once on there. (He hardly ever went on there.) When I saw the thread, I went to the fb account and sent a message to him, basically encouraging him not to give up etc, and asking him to message me. I checked a few times over nite, and it hadnt been read, but later when I checked, his account had been deleted/deactivated.

I dont know what the family situation was either, but hopefully the Aunt and Uncle he lives with would contact his ex wife and kids. From what he said in the threads, they sounded like kind people.

I just wish that at least if they were going to delete the thread, they would have they would have told us, and explained why. I just dont understand.
 
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Hammster

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ADMIN HAT ON



I know some if you are wondering about the deleted thread from Dan. I cannot go into specifics, but there were things going on that you were not aware of. The Admins decided to close the thread due to that. It was not a decision made lightly. I'm sure if I was on your end, I'd be frustrated too. But this does not give you cause to flame the staff.

I do want to add that I'm sorry for the loss. And I'm glad that there are many here who remember him fondly.


ADMIN HAT OFF
 
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Doctor Strangelove

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I feel the same way. I considered him a friend. When he posted the thread that was deleted, it was around 9:30pm, my time. I saw it at just after 10:30pm, and he had already gone offline. He had an fb account (the link was on his CF profile contact info, so I sent him a friend request almost two weeks ago), and we had spoken once on there. (He hardly ever went on there.) When I saw the thread, I went to the fb account and sent a message to him, basically encouraging him not to give up etc, and asking him to message me. I checked a few times over nite, and it hadnt been read, but later when I checked, his account had been deleted/deactivated.

I dont know what the family situation was either, but hopefully the Aunt and Uncle he lives with would contact his ex wife and kids. From what he said in the threads, they sounded like kind people.

I just wish that at least if they were going to delete the thread, they would have they would have told us, and explained why. I just dont understand.

It is interesting that evidently hours after Dan died, his Face Book account was deleted. If you yourself deactivate your FB account, traces of it remain. So he must have asked to have his FB account deleted, which gets rid of everything. That says to me that Dan was methodical and he thought of everything, even down to a minor detail about what to do with his FB account. He must have been planning things for a while. He was systematic even while being in anguish and pain.

I'm sorry if I sound like Mr. Spock, dispassionately looking at an insignificant technical detail of a tragedy.
 
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It is interesting that evidently hours after Dan died, his Face Book account was deleted. If you yourself deactivate your FB account, traces of it remain. So he must have asked to have his FB account deleted, which gets rid of everything. That says to me that Dan was methodical and he thought of everything, even down to a minor detail about what to do with his FB account. He must have been planning things for a while. He was systematic even while being in anguish and pain.

I'm sorry if I sound like Mr. Spock, dispassionately looking at an insignificant technical detail of a tragedy.

I asked a friend if when someone "deletes" their account, does it show up on your actual friends list, appearance wise, as different to when someone "deactivates" it, and she said they look the same. When I click on his name in my "friends" list, it says something like "This account has been deactivated".

I wondered if he deleted/deactivated it himself, or if someone else did it afterwards. It was many hours after he posted the thread, before it was deleted/deactivated. It was within 24 hours tho.

I dont see it as being dispassionate. I think its a natural thing to go over the details etc in your mind. I'm not really a "details" kinda person, but Ive thought about the time frame of everything etc myself, as well as thinking about his family etc.
 
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blackribbon

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I did not mean to "flame" the moderators...but the role is one of "playing god" (with a little g). You do have all the power. It is frustrating to see threads just disappear without explanation...which is what happened versus just being "closed". Especially one as significant and important as this one.
 
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I bet it is like Dr. SL suggested...that he spent that last day closing up all his loose ends and I bet he deactivated it himself. No different than he closed his thread on this forum.

Yeah, he probably did. Like I think you said, in the the thread it pretty much sounded like he was tying up things and saying goodbye, so it makes sense if he most likely deactivated his FB account himself.

A few years ago, a friend committed suicide, but his fb was still up. I remember a few days after he passed away, I was on fb, and next thing his name popped up on fb chat. I just about had a heart attack, then realised one of his family or friends must have been sorting some stuff out of his. It was a really weird feeling seeing it tho.
 
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