I've pretty much had it with Christianity. What is "forgiveness" suppose to be anyway? Something to make me feel guilty because I can't do it. I will never forgive my brother for being inappropriate with me. It did mess up my life. I will never forgive myself for leaving this stupid town and then coming back. I feel weak and stupid. I would love a "personal" relationship with Christ but everyone keeps making me feel like I am the wrong one, that I should forgive and let go. Oh, so simple as that is it? God probably didn't choose me. And if he did how come I can't stand charismatic churches with people falling on the ground and speaking all wierd and I can't stand my sister's beliefs. I don't see it in the bible these things. It doesn't work for me!! I can hardly stand people and being around them because they always dissapoint me. So how can I stand being in a church. Does God have a place for someone like me? A quiet church, where I won't be scrutinized. I'm rambling, but, I just needed to get this off my chest. I feel completely lost and I've been a Christian for over 20 years.