What would you give up to gain a spouse?

[sister4mercy]

When you've been in those situations before though, one can honestly make either one a statement of what you would or wouldn't do, or two the chances of what one would do or not do.

I disagree. I'm not tryin to be rude..But. I'm just being honest. I don't believe you've met the 'one' yet. I believe you've 'thought' you met the one and it didn't work. I believe you'll sacrifice whatever necessary when it really happens. With that being said..she will do the same.

 

[EazyMack]

I don't believe that anyone should give up all they have. I think that if things are meant to be between two people, then both will find a way to make things work and will both be willing to give and compromise. One might compromise where they live, another might compromise their time, for example.

The only time God has asked us to forsake all is for Him. Even down to our children. VERY difficult to think of ever losing a child, or giving one up.

I would have trouble giving up a lot of things for a future spouse. Not because those things are more important than a spouse. Not one bit. In fact, I would hope that he would share in all those things with me, as my partner. I don't believe in "yours" and "mine" and all that is mine would be his. He can have my all, my 100%. All my love, my heart, my soul, my body, my possessions, etc. Everything I am and own is his and his alone.

And I would trust that he would be a wise and loving husband. My spiritual head.

There are reasons why I live where I do, and almost all of those reasons have nothing to do with me personally. They are for my children. That is why I couldn't give that up for a man, anymore than I would give up one of my children for a man. My children are the most valuable things I have in this world. Their welfare is above my own, their safety is above my own, their everything is above my own. If I married a man who had children, I would expect no less from him and his relationship with his own children.

But as the two of use joined as one, the overall dynamics would change, as now he would be the head, and I would be his support. Being that I would expect him to understand what it means to put the children above us, then I would expect that as a loving husband he takes their needs into consideration when he makes wise decisions. And if he had children of his own, I would expect ALL of our children to be treated fairly and like..... I would say equal, but equal is not always what is fair or best..... to me, there would be no distinction between mine and his and I would never think of ever asking him to put me above his children, nor would I ever think of treating his children any differently than my own. I would love them all the same.

Anyhow, I hope some of this makes sense. Sometimes I have difficulty explaining well what I mean.

Sometimes change is a good thing, and God may call us to make changes. It's happened to me, and I turned out happier than I imagined.

 

[Im_A]

Things can change though... people change, situations are different.. the people involved are different. Time sometimes causes people to re-evaluate things, as well. And again, love is unpredictable.

I didn't answer the question specifically for that specific reason that you mentioned about. Yet the chances for me, someone who moved across a continent for a pointless relationship and me planning and trying to work together a plan for a doomed engagement that would have required me to move kind of sets the chances for me to never see a woman worth moving and giving up my entire life for. Moving with is a different topic all
together. My life is more than dust in the wind in my opinion.

Like I said I'll have to wait to be the judge when I find a good relationship but the chances are looking for me to meet someone here in PA, no doubt either in the city or the surrounding cities I live in.

I have one, not met anyone on here that wants me and to be honest, not considering of starting some romance met on CF again. I'm a non-Christian so why on earth would I hope or think I could find someone on here? I have no intentions of EVER signing up to internet dating sites like eHarmony etc. I'm not on instant messengers like I used to be. I don't 'chat'. I haven't been in chat rooms in years. The only 'chatting' I do is on instant messenger to people I know somehow. One can easily guess this stuff if they know my history. There's no reason to think that anything is possible for someone who has had failure with these types of things too many times.

I'm not that much different than a monkey being tested to figure out how long it takes for him to realize that everytime time he pushes that button he gets shocked. Eventually, he stops touching the button.

So again while your right that people can change though and that the people involved are different and that time changes people to re-evaluate things and yes love is unpredictable and my own addition, I don't know what the future holds, I can say the chances are low that I would ever do what failed too many times before again.

 

[Miles]

Free time, and enough money to cover the dates.

 

[Im_A]

I disagree. I'm not tryin to be rude..But. I'm just being honest. I don't believe you've met the 'one' yet. I believe you've 'thought' you met the one and it didn't work. I believe you'll sacrifice whatever necessary when it really happens. With that being said..she will do the same.

Time will tell. I first have to look in the areas that would deem a major sacrifice and right now, I'm not even getting the fishing pole to start fishing yet in the areas that it would take me to set the bait to go deep to get the big catch.

BTW-I didn't take you or whitedove as being rude. Just us discussing differences of opinions possibly.

 

[K9_Trainer]

I think it depends on the person.

I do think some people are more prone to "fall head over heels in love" per say, and possibly do some things that they previously said they'd never do for the sake of a relationship, or for the sake of love.

 

[BarelyBreathing]

Sometimes change is a good thing, and God may call us to make changes. It's happened to me, and I turned out happier than I imagined.

I agree that change can be good. If not for change I would not be who I am today or where I am. If not for God, I would not be who I am or where I am today.

At this point, a major life change, such as a move, is the last thing I or my children need.

 

[Mrs. Luther073082]

What would you be willing to change about your life for marriage? Would you change jobs? Move across town...out of state... another country? Be willing to totally start over? Just how far would you go for "the one"?

Well, I'm giving up half of my bed.

Seriously, though, I don't know what exact things I'll be giving up at this point, but a few things that are likely to happen are:

-I may end up moving over 1000 miles away from my family and friends (or he may be doing that instead of me)
-I will be putting grad school off for a while because we want as little stress as possible when we first get married (and school stresses me out)

Then there are lot of things people don't think about that they give up when entering a marriage. As my Pastor said in premarital counseling, everyone starts out with a default of "selfish". Your world is about you, and when you get married, that default doesn't work any more. Everything must now be considered while thinking of your spouse, too. Everything from what you decide to eat at meals, to career plans, financial decisions, sex, sleeping, taking care of yourself, etc and how everything you do positively or negatively impacts the other person. It takes work not to go back to the default of "me me me".

 

[bluelime2]

What would you be willing to change about your life for marriage? Would you change jobs? Move across town...out of state... another country? Be willing to totally start over? Just how far would you go for "the one"?

Recently in a private conversation I mentioned to someone that my lifestyle would not currently accomodate a spouse. That what I do is too intensive and stressful - I would not wish this life or its burdons upon any lady. I was then if I thought I would slow down, or just wait for someone who could fall in line behind me.

That has been going through my mind since it was asked. My answer is this, when my time comes, I would leave all I own if it meant being together.

The reason simply being this, I have much, but it was all from God, and if He gave it to me once.. He could do it again. I would take that step in total faith.

Am I alone? How far would you go for your spouse?

Same. But to be honest, that ain't much at the moment

I'd be willing to leave my whole life as it stands. But only for something that I felt was Gods will.

 

[Riddik7]

i always felt if i truly loved someone i would give up anything, do anything for her... cause isn't that part of what love is?

i have a habit of being a little to loyal.... if thats even possible...

 

[overit]

Speaking from someone who has been in that situation-NO, I would not leave my current city or give up my job, or uproot my children for a man. I considered it once, briefly, and then realized it would be a horrendous mistake. But then he wasn't willing to leave his area either where it would have made 100pct more sense to come to my city. More job opportunities, more ease to travel to see his children or ease for his children to visit their mom if they lived with us, I had a huge support system here, he did not there....I had ties here, he didn't there. I could go on. But no, I will not consider a LDR for that reason. It's quite different when you have children though. They are the priority.

 

[latteda]

What would you be willing to change about your life for marriage? Would you change jobs? Move across town...out of state... another country? Be willing to totally start over? Just how far would you go for "the one"?

Recently in a private conversation I mentioned to someone that my lifestyle would not currently accomodate a spouse. That what I do is too intensive and stressful - I would not wish this life or its burdons upon any lady. I was then if I thought I would slow down, or just wait for someone who could fall in line behind me.

What do you do, if you don't mind my asking? What makes your life too stressful for a woman to be a part of it?

If I were engaged or already married, I would be willing to relocate, change jobs, whatever. Before engagement, I doubt I would relocate or switch jobs.

 

[Miles]

If I were engaged or already married, I would be willing to relocate, change jobs, whatever. Before engagement, I doubt I would relocate or switch jobs.

Same here. If she and I are just getting to know each other, then I'm not going to make substantial changes to my living arrangement. I already have commitments and responsibilities where I am. On the other hand, I would be willing to move mountains for my fiance or wife. Even moving to another continent wouldn't be out of the question. Of course, it wouldn't be done to gain her love. We would have gained each others love long before that.

 

[JoeBradley]

I don't think I'd have that much to give up, honestly. However there are a few relationship building techniques I have to work on before that times comes. As far as location goes; I'm already looking to get out of Michigan, so I'd welcome the opportunity. "Last one to leave Michigan, please turn off the light."

 

[PaulDavid]

What do you do, if you don't mind my asking? What makes your life too stressful for a woman to be a part of it?

If I were engaged or already married, I would be willing to relocate, change jobs, whatever. Before engagement, I doubt I would relocate or switch jobs.

27 rental properties, 1 Alternative Fuels comapny based off of Hydrogen, another based off of Alcohol (I am an ATF licensed distiller) and another based off of Biodiesel, a trucking company that buys/cleans/resells/relocates homes.

ohyeah, I teach sunday school in Houston Texas, and a youth ministry on wednesdays in Neelyville Missouri.

Thats not quite everything but thats a lot of it.

 

[mina]

If I were engaged or already married, I would be willing to relocate, change jobs, whatever. Before engagement, I doubt I would relocate or switch jobs.

yep , that ^

 

[NathanfromMichigan]

A note of warning to people who'd give up everything/almost everything for a spouse: A former friend of mine has basically done this and its done tremendous damage to his family, enough so that based on seeing his mother after the wedding I don't know that she'll ever get over the hurt.

So keep a thought about the damage that this "giving up" would do before doing it.

 

[Starcradle]

A note of warning to people who'd give up everything/almost everything for a spouse: A former friend of mine has basically done this and its done tremendous damage to his family, enough so that based on seeing his mother after the wedding I don't know that she'll ever get over the hurt.

So keep a thought about the damage that this "giving up" would do before doing it.

I believe that this is dependent upon the individuals and dynamics involved. My mother, for example, has relied heavily upon me for many years. Although she is saddened by my imminent departure, she is also happy for me. This is likewise the case with the remainder of my family. I have dedicated myself to them in various ways for many seasons, and they realize that I must forge my own pathway, as they have done. It is not a question of me deserting them or no longer sustaining a relationship with them, yet a matter of leaving and cleaving to my husband.

As an aside, I have known my future husband for 32 years (since we were a year old), and my mother has known and cared for him since that time.

 

[NathanfromMichigan]

I believe that this is dependent upon the individuals and dynamics involved. My mother, for example, has relied heavily upon me for many years. Although she is saddened by my imminent departure, she is also happy for me. This is likewise the case with the remainder of my family. I have dedicated myself to them in various ways for many seasons, and they realize that I must forge my own pathway, as they have done. It is not a question of me deserting them or no longer sustaining a relationship with them, yet a matter of leaving and cleaving to my husband.

As an aside, I have known my future husband for 32 years (since we were a year old), and my mother has known and cared for him since that time.

See this is a far healthier situation. This person cut off their relationships with all their family and friends (yes, I'm one of those friends, and I admit it, that still bothers me on a certain level, especially since I also knew his parents). I was saying this as a warning for people who'd "give up everything" as a reminder that people can get hurt doing that. Please note that I wasn't refering to your situation at all

 

[Starcradle]

See this is a far healthier situation. This person cut off their relationships with all their family and friends (yes, I'm one of those friends, and I admit it, that still bothers me on a certain level, especially since I also knew his parents). I was saying this as a warning for people who'd "give up everything" as a reminder that people can get hurt doing that. Please note that I wasn't refering to your situation at all

I am sorry that you were among those cut off by your friend. This is indeed unhealthy. Such a relationship is toxic.

Although I did not believe that you were referring specifically to my situation (this is impossible, as we do not know one another), you had mentioned individuals who were not only willing to give up "everything," yet "almost" everything. This can potentially encompass people who are leaving their country, their livelihood, their family, etc., even if they are not reaching the extremes your friend has. Hence the misunderstanding.

Thank you for the clarification!